Chapter 12

Reminding You How I Feel

Ray whistled to himself as he made his way down the hall towards the front desk. After an intense hour the patient he had been working on stabilized and now he was on his way to write up his report. He was looking forward to running into Neela while doing this task.

As he got closer to the desk he saw her smiling into the phone. He waved to her but she turned her back on him. Ray stopped, confused by what had just happened. Maybe she didn't see him. That was it, she didn't see him. He started walking again, this time at a faster pace. He reached the desk and dropped his file, his sights set on Neela. He saw her hang up the phone and quietly snuck up behind her.

"Howdy Doctor," he smiled placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Ray, um, do you think you can give me a minute?" Ray heard Neela's muffled voice. Was she crying?

Ray quickly slipped in front of her. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, worried as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Neela looked up at Ray and shook her head. She didn't know what to feel. She was so torn. She pulled away from Ray's grip. "Ray, can you just leave me alone please. I need sometime to think."

She watched Ray step back a bit shakily. He plastered a weak smile on his face although it still looked confused. "Think about what? Us?"

Neela started crying again. She didn't want to do this too him. "I'm sorry Ray."

All the colour from Ray's face drained. "Um, I have this report I need to get done. I'll meet you outside by the van after the shift is done?"

Neela nodded tearfully. She grabbed a clipboard off the desk and quickly left. Ray picked up a pen and started filling out the report but he couldn't stop thinking about Neela and finally, too frustrated his threw the pen down.

Pratt, who was walking by, stopped and looked at Ray. "Hey man, you seen Neela?"

Ray shook his head. "She was here but she left. I think she went to check on a patient."

"Damn," Pratt looked at his watch. "I heard Michael called. He's coming back and I missed the call so I was wondering if he left a message for me or something."

Ray scratched his head. "Michael Gallant?"

"That's the one," Pratt eyes Ray suspiciously.

"That's it," Ray smiled. "Pratt have you seen Neela?"

Pratt looked exasperated. "I just asked you that."

"Well, if you do see her can you tell her I'm looking for her?" Ray said before running off.

Pratt rolled his eyes. "Sure," he said to no one.

Neela stood out in the ambulance bay looking up at the clouds in the sky. How was it that in a second everything in her life could become so complicated? He was coming back. Not forever but he was coming back.

"Neela," someone called out and she turned to see Ray running towards her. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed.

"Ray…" she started but he silenced her.

"I know what this is about. Gallant's coming back. I know this is probably really hard for you but I need you to know that I don't want to lose you," Ray gasped. He was out of breath from running madly through the hospital.

"Ray," Neela frowned as she placed a hand on his cheek.

"I'm willing to give you your space," Ray started again. "But I'm not letting you go without a fight. You're too important to me."

Neela struggled to keep herself under control and willed herself not to cry. "Why does this have to be so hard?" Neela lost her fight and began to cry again. Ray stepped towards her and caught her in his arms. He stroked her hair and just held her tight. After a couple of minutes Neela's breathing became steady and Ray pulled away.

"Why don't we just get back in there and we can figure this out later?" Ray asked her gently.

Neela nodded. As the pair walked toward the entrance Neela paused. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't mention it," Ray shot her a lopsided grin. "Let's just get through the rest of this shift."

The rest of the shift couldn't have gone by slower. Every time Ray looked up at the clock only 5 minutes seemed to have passed. Neela was avoiding him. A couple serious things came in and kept Ray's mind off everything but only for a while.

"You all right Neela?" Lewis asked as she watched Neela pull her coat of her locker.

"Sure," Neela answered, sounding distant.

"What's up?" Lewis sighed, knowing things weren't alright.

"Michael's coming back," Neela answered gloomily. She knew she should have been happy and part of her was but part of her was feeling dreadful.

"I know," Lewis smiled. "Pratt told me. That's great, right?" she finished, sensing Neela's dread.

"It should be shouldn't it?" Neela looked up at the other doctor. "And I am really excited but it's just this whole thing with Ray."

"And you're torn. You liked Michael but he left and now you like Ray but Michael's coming back."

"Ya," Neela answered sadly.

Lewis shot Neela a sympathetic look. "You'll figure things out. In the meantime, it looks like someone's waiting for you," Lewis jerked her head behind her. Neela looked past Lewis to see Ray. He was ready and standing by the front entrance, waiting for her.

"Thanks," Neela smiled slightly as she walked to the door.

"Anytime," Lewis grinned.

"Ready?" Ray asked as Neela walked up to him.

Neela drew in a deep breath. "Let's go home."

The ride home was quiet. Neela gazed out the window, running all her thoughts through her head. She cast a glance at Ray. He was bobbing his head to his music, which he had blaring through the speakers. Ray caught sight of Neela watching him.

"Sorry," he turned the music down right away.

"You don't have to turn it down," Neela turned back to the window. "It was kind of relaxing."

"Relaxing?" Ray laughed. "Rock music relaxing? Wow."

Neela laughed a bit too. "I don't know." She shrugged. Ray just smiled and turned the music back up.

They finally reached home and Ray hopped out the van. "Hey," he called to Neela as she hurried towards the building. She stopped and spun around. It started snowing.

Ray didn't say anything. He walked up to her and without a word brought his lips to hers and kissed her. She didn't pull away which Ray took as a good sign. Pulling away from each other Ray brushed her hair out of her face. Neela's lower lip trembled with cold and taking her hand Ray pulled her into the building and upstairs to their apartment. Neela just followed, neither saying a word.

Once they were up in the apartment Ray shed his coat and shoes and Neela followed his lead. Neela raised her arms in question and looked into Ray's eyes. "What are you doing Ray?"

"I'm showing you how I feel," he answered.

"I know how you feel," Neela hung her coat on the hanger.

"I'm reminding you," and before Neela could say anything else Ray swept her up in his arms and carried her to his room. Neela was so stunned that she couldn't find her voice to object.

Ray carried her over to his bed and lay her down. He slid down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. His hear pounded in anticipation. She didn't yell. She didn't fight with him. She didn't pull away or get up. She buried her head into his shoulder and he closed his eyes.

After a while Ray slipped away from her. She lay still, sleeping peacefully. Getting up he grabbed an extra blanket and headed for the door. He stopped and looked at her for a moment. She had so quickly become the center of his world. Shaking his head he headed to the living room to sleep on the couch.