James never left Lily's side for a single second of the days that followed. He brushed her hair before bed and made sure she never ran into anything. They became closer than ever before. They sat around the house and talked for hours. James would tell her stories, going into detail about scenery and character appearances.
The only time that James ever left Lily's side was to go to Quidditch practice. He offered to quit playing so he could spend more time with her, but Lily wouldn't hear of it. So on the evenings that James was gone Sirius came to keep Lily company.
Sirius was the only one who knew that Lily was blind. He was their secret keeper and Lily and James agreed that it was a good idea to keep the fact that Lily was blind a secret. They hadn't failed to notice how big of a target they had become and James couldn't bear to think what would happen if word got out and Lily was home alone for a night.
Sure, Sirius wasn't the most responsible person in the world, but James knew that he would die to save any of his friends, just like any of his friends would die to save him. Loyalty was a word taken very seriously amongst the Marauders, a word that each of them understood quite well. To them the word stood on a totally different level, just like the relationship they shared surpassed friendship.
Sometimes the word drove them all insane, especially now. Lily and James weren't the only people that Sirius had been spending time with. Remus had fallen into a severe state of depression over his loss of Amy and was currently not speaking to James, accusing him of not coming to visit him as much of Sirius. James was forced to sigh and apologize to Remus as he could not tell him why he and Lily couldn't visit. He knew that Remus wouldn't tell anyone about Lily, but he didn't want to chance it. Remus would come around sooner or later, James knew.
As for the present moment, he was glad that Lily was still alive and he was able to hold her. He knew that it could have been worse. The nurses had told him that if Lily had been hit any lower she would have died. James remembered how nervous he was before she had woken up. He jumped at the sound of any noise and practically peed in his pants when Lily's eyes had snapped open. Due to pure luck she was alive, blind, but still alive. 'The blindness might not even be permanent,' James reminded himself as he stroked Lily's soft red hair.
"So what do you want to do today, Lily love?" James whispered softly as they sat snuggled under the covers of their bed.
Lily sighed. "Will you take me for a walk?" she asked.
James smiled. He was surprised at her answer. Usually she said something along the lines of, "Stay in your arms as time slowly passes us by,", but he wasn't going to say no to her. "Of course I will. Where would you like to walk to?" he asked her.
"To the park right here in Godric's Hollow," she replied as she squeezed his hand.
They stepped outside into the late February air and James heard Lily take in a deep breath. He had forgotten how long it had been since she had been outside. 'Too long,' James thought to himself. He held onto her hand as they walked down the street at a slow pace. "James?" Lily asked after a minute.
"What?"
"Could you finish telling me that story about the princess that ran away?" she asked.
"Where did I leave off?" James asked as they turned the corner.
"The princess was just about to knock on the boy's door," Lily replied.
"I thought we got past that part. Didn't we leave off where the guards had come to take the princess away?" James asked.
"I know, but I like how they fall in love and how much the princess' attitude changes," Lily sighed.
James drew in a deep breath and started his story. He had no idea where he had come up with the idea or what prompted him to tell a story like it in the first place. In all of the stories he had ever heard the princess falls in love with her prince and they live happily ever after. James supposed it was because he now knew that it was impossible to live happily ever after. But Lily had liked it and had stayed awake many nights to tell her the tale of a run away princess and the poor boy that lived in the forest.
"...why isn't he going after her?" Lily asked.
"He was mad that she didn't tell him that she was the princess," said James.
"But he loves her!" protested Lily.
"Are you going to let my finish the story or not?" asked James.
"Yes, but not right now. We should be nearing the park now shouldn't we?" asked Lily.
"Yeah, it's coming up on your left," said James.
They sat down on one of the benches and James began to tell Lily about the new addition to the park that had been put in recently. "I hate not being able to see," Lily said as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"The world looks almost exactly the same," sighed James as he looked at her.
"That's not what I meant," said Lily. "I don't care about not being able to see the world," she continued as more tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Then what is it you miss?" asked James, wiping her tears.
Lily drew in a long shaky breath. "I miss seeing you," she sobbed into his shoulder.
James was deeply touched by her comment. He wanted to kiss her and give her his vision. "I haven't really changed," James said, having no idea what he was supposed to say.
"But it is slipping away James! I can't see your smile in my mind or your hazel eyes that I love so much!" she cried.
Suddenly James found himself crying. He couldn't imagine not being able to see Lily. He couldn't imagine what it would feel like to love someone you couldn't see or not remember what they looked like. He pulled her into a hug and let his tears fall onto her head. As if to reflect perfectly on their present mood the clouds rolled in and rain fell to the earth. They were both drenched with rain with in a few minutes and neither of them could tell the difference between their own tears and the falling rain. He heard Lily laugh slightly as the rain hit her face. "Come on, we should fit under the jungle gym steps," James said as he grasped Lily's hands and pulled her over to the playground.
Lily was still laughing when they got under the shelter of the steps. James pulled her onto his lap and kissed her forehead. Lily brought her hands up to his face and ran her fingers around it, trying to remember him. James saw her smile as her fingers found his lips. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. James held onto her tightly around her waist as her hands ran up and down his arms and chest.
James deepened the kiss as one of Lily's hands wound itself in his hair. He kept one of his hands on the small of her back while the other hand moved up and down her spine. He felt her shiver slightly as she grasped him closer to her. Their lips moved in unison getting faster, then slower, then faster again.
"I'll never leave you," James whispered as Lily kissed him. "I'll make you see again," he added with determination.
"I love you James," Lily sighed.
"And I love you more," said James as he gently kissed her neck and grasped her wandering hand in his.
Lily smiled as James kissed her pulse point. She knew that he was the reason she was still here. For the most people losing your only child, best friend, and precious eye sight would be too much to handle. Unlike most people, she had something to hold onto. James was always there to comfort her and hold her at night. He had become her window to the world.
She needed some way to thank him. She knew that he could have left her in the hospital for the nurses to deal with, but he hadn't. He had taken it on his responsibility to take care of her. He loved her the same way he had before, if not more. There was no way that Lily could ever repay him.
"Lily?" James asked softly as he kissed her soft pale hand.
"Yes?" she asked as she leaned back into him.
"You wouldn't leave me either, would you?" he asked slowly.
"Without you I'd be lost forever," said Lily as she kissed his chin, she had been aiming for his cheek.
James held her tighter in his arms, wishing that this moment would last forever. He grabbed her hand as he saw it near his face and kissed her fingertips lightly. He saw her smile softly as she traced the outline of his lips and at that moment he realized that he was the luckiest person in the whole world. He had found someone who he loved more than life itself and she in turn loved him even more than he loved her, if it was humanly possible to love someone that much.
'No,' he thought, 'it definitely isn't possible.'
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel alone.
I feel empty.
My soul is dark.
My heart is cold.
My thoughts are only of one person.
I never talk.
I never listen.
I only cared about one thing.
Amy.
Her funeral had been that day, but I couldn't bring myself to go. I didn't want to say good bye to her. Somehow I felt that if he didn't go and watch her be placed in the ground she wouldn't really leave me.
I miss her so much. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and tell myself that it never happened and I would see her later on in the day. Then I sigh and try to go back to sleep when I realize I am lying to myself.
I hate being alone. Sirius comes by almost everyday to talk to me and bring me the news of the outside world that I shut myself away from. He says that Dumbledore is heightening security measures to fight Voldemort. I shake in anger at his name. I have grown to hate it.
Peter comes by every once and a while and says nothing. He almost seems afraid to talk to me, like he is going to tell me something I'm not supposed to know. He has become extremely odd lately. I think it is because of the attacks. His visits always last the longest and are always the most torturous.
The person I really want to see is said to be very ill at home, at least so I'm told. Lily was the only witness to the attack and hasn't been able to talk to anyone about it. According to James she is in critical condition from a curse that the attacker hit her in attempt to kill her. She was lucky enough to live and James said that her 'condition' might pass after a while. I offered to go and visit her once while James was over. He quickly said 'no' and I got really mad at him. It's like he is hiding something from me about Lily. That was the last time he came to visit and we are no longer speaking to each other.
So I am stuck alone for most of the time. The full moon is approaching. I am dreading it more than I have ever dreaded it before. It is sure to be one ugly transformation. The only thing I am dreading more than the full moon is April 14th, the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. A tear always leaves my eye whenever I think about it. Amy and I always talked about it at night before we went to sleep. She always said that she couldn't wait to see my face when she walked up the isle. According to her she had picked out the most amazing wedding dress in the world.
I only have one thing planned to do now on April 14th, look in the back of her closet at exactly 2 pm and look at the dress. I promised myself that I wouldn't look at it until the exact moment that I would have seen it on our wedding day. I also plan on putting on my wedding band to wear forever so the whole world knows that I have already given my heart away.
It left with Amy, the exact moment that she did. I could feel something die inside of me the exact moment that she died. Something left me and made me cold. I swore that I would never love again. It would be impossible for me to love anyone more than I loved Amy.
She is gone, but that doesn't stop me from loving her. I can feel her presence sometimes at night when I can't sleep. It makes me smile and feel warm inside. I dug out some of our old pictures yesterday and found that she was still smiling in all of them, still moving. This is one way that I am assured that she will never really leave me. I wear a look of sorrow in all of the pictures and am holding onto her with all my might.
I am just so glad that it didn't end like some books you read where the husband and wife get into a huge fight and then BAM those are their last words to each other. I don't quite remember what my last words to Amy were, but I just remember how much I regretted not telling her that I loved her as soon as she walked into Sirius' house. I will regret it for the rest of my life.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"James, I think the Daily Prophet owl is here," Lily whispered
James groaned as he rolled out of bed. He walked sleepily down the stairs, tripping over the last step. He grumbled as he grabbed some money to put in the delivery owl's bag and took the paper from its beak. He trudged back up the stairs and collapsed on the bed. "How the hell did you know that that owl was here?" James asked.
Lily smiled to herself. "I could hear it tapping on the window."
"You have some freakishly good ears," said James as he kissed Lily and pulled her into his arms.
"It's amazing what you can hear if you listen," she sighed.
James laughed as he flicked on his lamp. "Anything interesting in the news?" Lily asked as she laid her head on his lap.
"I was just about to check," he said as he unrolled the paper.
Lily moved slightly on James' lap and put her arms over her head to wrap then around his waist. "Oh no," James sighed.
Lily could hear the pages of the paper rustling as James frantically tried to find the page he was looking for. "What happened? Not another attack?" she asked.
"No, but the way this looks there might be one soon," James said angrily. "Listen to this:
Potter Presents Vital Information
At a meeting of an unidentified organization Mr. James Potter revealed that he had found out who was behind the attacks. The master planner refers to himself as 'Voldemort'. We aren't sure whether or not it is his real name, but we are sure of a few other names of people who are said to follow him. Mr. Potter informed us that Belltrix Lestrang and Regulus Black were both followers of 'Voldemort'. Regulus was murdered a month ago, supposedly at the wand of 'Voldemort' himself, but we are still on the look out for Lestrang. Thank you Mr. Potter."
Lily gasped. "But Peter was the one who really found out!" she said.
"I only said something about it because Peter wasn't at the meeting!" James said. "Now people will think that I found out!"
"You don't think that Voldemort will come after you, do you?" Lily asked softly.
"Well I did just blow his cover," James laughed slightly.
Lily started to cry. "James I can't live like this! I just can't! I don't want to be afraid to fall asleep at night.
James thought for a moment. "He never went for us directly though. He got my parents, Rose, and Amy, but never tried to kill us," he whispered, almost to himself.
"James what are we going to do?" Lily asked fearfully.
James didn't hear her. "They would come after my family...but I don't have any family members left. So that means they'll come after my friends," he said again to himself.
Lily gasped. "James, you might not have family members left, but I do!" she shrieked.
James shook his head. "They won't go after them, they would go after the ones that I am close to or do something to upset me terribly," he said.
Lily started crying into his shoulder. "Why can't he just leave us alone?" she yelled.
James held her tight. "Don't cry Lily love. Seeing you cry makes me want to die inside," said James softly.
He paused after he said this and listened as his words echoed back in his head.
"Don't cry Lily love. Seeing you cry makes me want to die inside..."
"Seeing you cry makes me want to die inside..."
"You...cry...me...die...inside..."
A/N-Well i can't really type a really long note today. I just got back from my trip and my mother says i should be going to bed. She also said that i can't type a word until i finish my summer reading. Only one book left!!! Well hopefully i will finish within a few days, but i still have to write chapter 41. It is going to be a long wait. Sorry!!! Oh, Yeah, for those of you who don't read my profile, i have an account on as well under the same pen name. all i really have up are poems and stuff, only one story so far. Hopefully you will check it out during the long wait for chapter 41. Lol. Well i'll try to hurry, but you can't hurry good writing....unless you don't want good writing....till next post.....