Part Thirteen
When Karen had parted from the others who were clearly set on finding the nearest pub, she walked back up the marble staircase, passed the door to the public gallery, and along the well-remembered route to John's chambers. It hadn't been unknown over the last year for either her to come here or him to visit her at Larkhall, both feeling very much at ease in each other's workspace. The rain was still pounding at the window panes and she caught glimpses of cars fighting to get out of the carpark. She was surprised to find herself thinking that this building and Larkhall really did have something in common. No matter how bad the weather, or how terrible the things might be that were discussed inside them, they were as sturdy and reliable as a rock. The people who worked in them might not be, but the buildings themselves could stand up to any storm. She glanced at herself briefly in a mirror just to make sure she still looked presentable and knocked on the door of John's chambers. His call of "Come in," sounded as reassuringly calm and confident as ever. When she pushed open the door, he was seated behind his desk, drinking a cup of tea and reading the paper. "Have I come at a bad time?" Karen asked as she walked in to the room. "No, not at all," He said, getting up and coming towards her. "I was waiting for you." "Am I that predictable?" She asked, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. "No," He said, closing the door behind her. "You nearly always manage to surprise me." "But not today it seems," She said dully. "Not by your visit, no," He said, pouring them both a scotch and sitting down next to her on the sofa. "I thought I might be seeing you before the end of the day. Though I had expected you to be cross with me." Karen took a grateful sip of her scotch. "What would be the point?" She said. "It's not your fault you have to abide by rules of case confidentiality. The same goes for Jo. The irony is that the reason George was asked to be in the public gallery wasn't what made me walk out of court." "Ah, now that did surprise me," He said. "I had no idea seeing a photograph of Michelle Dockley's handiwork would have made you react like that." "No one could have known. There's no way even I would have known that would happen." "So, why did that photograph make you leave the public gallery quicker than anyone I've ever seen?" "I've explained that one already today," she said mildly. "And once in one day is quite enough." "If I hadn't managed to blackmail the case away from Legover, I'd have been up there with you." "That would have caused a stir," She said with a smile. "But the thought is appreciated. I really came to see you because I've been told that the way I feel about this case is pointless, and I know that from you I'll get an honest, unvarnished opinion." John laughed. "Well, I hope I can be a little more tactful than that." "That's the point," She said with a smile. "I don't want you to be. I know that if I am barking up the wrong tree, you'll tell me, and that if I'm absolutely right, you won't try to soften the blow." "Okay, but please remember that there's only so much about this case I am allowed to discuss." "Everything, about why Lauren did what she did, about why Ritchie asked her to do it, comes back to me." John got to his feet and began walking slowly round the room, his brows knitted in concentration. He took a tangerine from the bowl of fruit on Coope's desk, dropping the peel in the waste paper basket and giving a piece of the fruit to a drooling Mimi. Karen simply watched him, knowing that this was his way of buying himself some time to marshal his thoughts. "I can see why you've arrived at that conclusion," He said eventually. "But I don't agree with it. Yes, Ritchie Atkins might have initially asked his sister to remove Fenner from the picture because of what Fenner did to you, and he might have done this as a way of making up for the way he'd used you, but that's really only part of it." Finishing the tangerine, he sat back down and put an arm round her. "It is not your fault that Lauren Atkins is up on a charge of murder," He said slowly and deliberately. "And it is not your fault that Yvonne might be about to watch her daughter receive a life sentence." "You know me too well," Karen said, a little self-conscious at how clearly he could read her mind. "Only after a lot of practice," He said gently. The smell of the orange reminded Karen that her stomach was now far too empty. "Seeing as I can no longer smoke in here," She said with a slight glower. "Do you think Coope will mind if I steal one of her oranges?" "I'm always doing it," John said with a smile. "So I doubt she'll notice." Karen ended up sharing half her tangerine with Mimi, the big brown eyes making her feel unutterably guilty. "She'll have you wrapped round her little finger," John commented. "Well, if she can succeed with you, I suppose she can with anyone." "I do hope George was nice to you," John said with a slightly worried expression. "Of course," Karen said in amusement. "She is perfectly capable of being tactful and sensitive when she wants to be, you know." "Yes," He said dryly. "I still have to remind myself of that sometimes." "We started talking about self-recrimination of all things, and she said something quite odd. She said that blaming myself was pointless and that she would know because it was something she'd done since before Charlie was born." John's eyes widened in surprise. "That's progress," He said in complete astonishment. "George never talks about that except under duress. It's one of the forbidden topics of conversation that only ever gets discussed when absolutely necessary. Jo and I must at last be having some effect." "What was she talking about?" John became serious. "Get to know her a lot better, and she might just tell you," He replied, thinking that a friendship between George and Karen wouldn't do either of them any harm. They sat and talked for a while longer, John having an arm round her and Karen with her head on his shoulder. Perhaps because of their one night together all those months ago, they could be close like this, taking simple, friendly comfort from each other's presence. Karen made an effort not to talk any more about the case, knowing that John had to remain as impartial as possible. But after about half an hour of this, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. On John's instruction to enter, the extremely unwelcome forms of Sir Ian Rochester and Lawrence James were revealed in the doorway. John had made absolutely no effort to withdraw his arm from Karen, and Sir Ian's initial view was of John, sitting on his couch extremely close to a tall, blonde, very attractive woman who looked vaguely familiar. "Ah, John," Sir Ian said rather curtly. "Do you have a moment?" "Not right this minute, Ian, no," John said, knowing exactly what this was about. "It's all right," Said Karen, detaching herself from John and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'd better go." "I'll no doubt see you tomorrow," John said as they got to their feet. "I expect so," Karen replied as she walked towards the door which Lawrence James held open for her. Giving John a smile, Karen left him to the far less pleasurable duty of being nice to the executive.
When she walked down in to the foyer, she could see Jo sitting on one of the padded benches in one of the alcoves, clearly waiting for her. "If you were planning to go and see John," Karen said as she sat down next to Jo. "You might want to give him time to get rid of the terrible twins from the LCD." "They didn't hang about," commented Jo, thinking that Karen's description was perfect. "And I'm sorry I walked out this afternoon," She said quietly. "That's all right," Jo said gently. "I'm just sorry I couldn't put you in the picture beforehand." "Jo, like I've just said to John, case or client confidentiality overrules what you might have preferred to do. If what did make me walk out of court hadn't, then what came later would have been a shock. But when George filled in the gaps, I don't think I had any element of surprise left in me. When I saw that picture of Fenner, I wouldn't have expected to remember what I did in a million years. But George's presence was appreciated so thank you for asking her to be there." "Over the last year, I've tried and tried to get Yvonne to tell you what Lauren did." "I know, but I also know why she couldn't. One of the worst things a parent may ever have to do is to admit what their child may be capable of." "I just hated keeping something like that from you," Jo said, and Karen could see what a strain this had put Jo under. "Keeping to the rules of client confidentiality is one thing, but keeping something like that from someone I would like to think of as a close friend is quite another." "Think of it this way," Said Karen gently, incredibly touched by what Jo had said. "You kept your client's confidence, and you made it possible for me to find out the details of Fenner's death in the gentlest way possible." "That's the first time I've heard anyone describe George as gentle," Jo said with something approaching a smile. Karen grinned. "Well, believe it or not, she was. But then I suppose anything less than how she was the last time I saw her could be classified as gentle." "How do you feel?" Jo asked, remembering the last time she'd asked Karen this, on the day when she'd first heard of Karen's experience of Fenner's persistent torment of too many women. "Part of me feels shocked and disturbed and guilty of all things, and the rest of me feels stupid for feeling like that. It isn't a nice thing having to admit that I once loved that pathetic excuse for a human being, but I did. I loved him, I lived with him, I even agreed to marry him. But it was him who ruined it, not me. I will never be able to say that he deserved everything he got, but I know that once all this is over, even if that takes years, my life will be easier without him."
When Karen had parted from the others who were clearly set on finding the nearest pub, she walked back up the marble staircase, passed the door to the public gallery, and along the well-remembered route to John's chambers. It hadn't been unknown over the last year for either her to come here or him to visit her at Larkhall, both feeling very much at ease in each other's workspace. The rain was still pounding at the window panes and she caught glimpses of cars fighting to get out of the carpark. She was surprised to find herself thinking that this building and Larkhall really did have something in common. No matter how bad the weather, or how terrible the things might be that were discussed inside them, they were as sturdy and reliable as a rock. The people who worked in them might not be, but the buildings themselves could stand up to any storm. She glanced at herself briefly in a mirror just to make sure she still looked presentable and knocked on the door of John's chambers. His call of "Come in," sounded as reassuringly calm and confident as ever. When she pushed open the door, he was seated behind his desk, drinking a cup of tea and reading the paper. "Have I come at a bad time?" Karen asked as she walked in to the room. "No, not at all," He said, getting up and coming towards her. "I was waiting for you." "Am I that predictable?" She asked, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. "No," He said, closing the door behind her. "You nearly always manage to surprise me." "But not today it seems," She said dully. "Not by your visit, no," He said, pouring them both a scotch and sitting down next to her on the sofa. "I thought I might be seeing you before the end of the day. Though I had expected you to be cross with me." Karen took a grateful sip of her scotch. "What would be the point?" She said. "It's not your fault you have to abide by rules of case confidentiality. The same goes for Jo. The irony is that the reason George was asked to be in the public gallery wasn't what made me walk out of court." "Ah, now that did surprise me," He said. "I had no idea seeing a photograph of Michelle Dockley's handiwork would have made you react like that." "No one could have known. There's no way even I would have known that would happen." "So, why did that photograph make you leave the public gallery quicker than anyone I've ever seen?" "I've explained that one already today," she said mildly. "And once in one day is quite enough." "If I hadn't managed to blackmail the case away from Legover, I'd have been up there with you." "That would have caused a stir," She said with a smile. "But the thought is appreciated. I really came to see you because I've been told that the way I feel about this case is pointless, and I know that from you I'll get an honest, unvarnished opinion." John laughed. "Well, I hope I can be a little more tactful than that." "That's the point," She said with a smile. "I don't want you to be. I know that if I am barking up the wrong tree, you'll tell me, and that if I'm absolutely right, you won't try to soften the blow." "Okay, but please remember that there's only so much about this case I am allowed to discuss." "Everything, about why Lauren did what she did, about why Ritchie asked her to do it, comes back to me." John got to his feet and began walking slowly round the room, his brows knitted in concentration. He took a tangerine from the bowl of fruit on Coope's desk, dropping the peel in the waste paper basket and giving a piece of the fruit to a drooling Mimi. Karen simply watched him, knowing that this was his way of buying himself some time to marshal his thoughts. "I can see why you've arrived at that conclusion," He said eventually. "But I don't agree with it. Yes, Ritchie Atkins might have initially asked his sister to remove Fenner from the picture because of what Fenner did to you, and he might have done this as a way of making up for the way he'd used you, but that's really only part of it." Finishing the tangerine, he sat back down and put an arm round her. "It is not your fault that Lauren Atkins is up on a charge of murder," He said slowly and deliberately. "And it is not your fault that Yvonne might be about to watch her daughter receive a life sentence." "You know me too well," Karen said, a little self-conscious at how clearly he could read her mind. "Only after a lot of practice," He said gently. The smell of the orange reminded Karen that her stomach was now far too empty. "Seeing as I can no longer smoke in here," She said with a slight glower. "Do you think Coope will mind if I steal one of her oranges?" "I'm always doing it," John said with a smile. "So I doubt she'll notice." Karen ended up sharing half her tangerine with Mimi, the big brown eyes making her feel unutterably guilty. "She'll have you wrapped round her little finger," John commented. "Well, if she can succeed with you, I suppose she can with anyone." "I do hope George was nice to you," John said with a slightly worried expression. "Of course," Karen said in amusement. "She is perfectly capable of being tactful and sensitive when she wants to be, you know." "Yes," He said dryly. "I still have to remind myself of that sometimes." "We started talking about self-recrimination of all things, and she said something quite odd. She said that blaming myself was pointless and that she would know because it was something she'd done since before Charlie was born." John's eyes widened in surprise. "That's progress," He said in complete astonishment. "George never talks about that except under duress. It's one of the forbidden topics of conversation that only ever gets discussed when absolutely necessary. Jo and I must at last be having some effect." "What was she talking about?" John became serious. "Get to know her a lot better, and she might just tell you," He replied, thinking that a friendship between George and Karen wouldn't do either of them any harm. They sat and talked for a while longer, John having an arm round her and Karen with her head on his shoulder. Perhaps because of their one night together all those months ago, they could be close like this, taking simple, friendly comfort from each other's presence. Karen made an effort not to talk any more about the case, knowing that John had to remain as impartial as possible. But after about half an hour of this, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. On John's instruction to enter, the extremely unwelcome forms of Sir Ian Rochester and Lawrence James were revealed in the doorway. John had made absolutely no effort to withdraw his arm from Karen, and Sir Ian's initial view was of John, sitting on his couch extremely close to a tall, blonde, very attractive woman who looked vaguely familiar. "Ah, John," Sir Ian said rather curtly. "Do you have a moment?" "Not right this minute, Ian, no," John said, knowing exactly what this was about. "It's all right," Said Karen, detaching herself from John and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'd better go." "I'll no doubt see you tomorrow," John said as they got to their feet. "I expect so," Karen replied as she walked towards the door which Lawrence James held open for her. Giving John a smile, Karen left him to the far less pleasurable duty of being nice to the executive.
When she walked down in to the foyer, she could see Jo sitting on one of the padded benches in one of the alcoves, clearly waiting for her. "If you were planning to go and see John," Karen said as she sat down next to Jo. "You might want to give him time to get rid of the terrible twins from the LCD." "They didn't hang about," commented Jo, thinking that Karen's description was perfect. "And I'm sorry I walked out this afternoon," She said quietly. "That's all right," Jo said gently. "I'm just sorry I couldn't put you in the picture beforehand." "Jo, like I've just said to John, case or client confidentiality overrules what you might have preferred to do. If what did make me walk out of court hadn't, then what came later would have been a shock. But when George filled in the gaps, I don't think I had any element of surprise left in me. When I saw that picture of Fenner, I wouldn't have expected to remember what I did in a million years. But George's presence was appreciated so thank you for asking her to be there." "Over the last year, I've tried and tried to get Yvonne to tell you what Lauren did." "I know, but I also know why she couldn't. One of the worst things a parent may ever have to do is to admit what their child may be capable of." "I just hated keeping something like that from you," Jo said, and Karen could see what a strain this had put Jo under. "Keeping to the rules of client confidentiality is one thing, but keeping something like that from someone I would like to think of as a close friend is quite another." "Think of it this way," Said Karen gently, incredibly touched by what Jo had said. "You kept your client's confidence, and you made it possible for me to find out the details of Fenner's death in the gentlest way possible." "That's the first time I've heard anyone describe George as gentle," Jo said with something approaching a smile. Karen grinned. "Well, believe it or not, she was. But then I suppose anything less than how she was the last time I saw her could be classified as gentle." "How do you feel?" Jo asked, remembering the last time she'd asked Karen this, on the day when she'd first heard of Karen's experience of Fenner's persistent torment of too many women. "Part of me feels shocked and disturbed and guilty of all things, and the rest of me feels stupid for feeling like that. It isn't a nice thing having to admit that I once loved that pathetic excuse for a human being, but I did. I loved him, I lived with him, I even agreed to marry him. But it was him who ruined it, not me. I will never be able to say that he deserved everything he got, but I know that once all this is over, even if that takes years, my life will be easier without him."