Sorry it's been so long. One of my stories got taken down and I couldn't upload for a while.

Flt. Sk.: "You deserved it. Your story was terrible. It made Floating Skull want to cry. And Floating Skull never cries."

Ivan: I agree with DRX9, the 3rd person talking kinda ticks me off.

Thanks Ivan, glad that someone's finally on my side. I don't own Earthbound or Spiderman.

-

Chapter 4: The Skelpion, part 1

After the incident at the arcade, The Chosen went on a trip to discover the true identity of Spider-Jeff. Little did they know, he walked among them. They're really stupid. Their search brought them to The Big Banana, otherwise known as Fourside.

"Man," said Ness. "Them buildings be real tall."

Paula smacked Ness in the back of the head. "Talk right, you stupid hat lover."

Ness yanked the hat off his head and held it to his heart. "WHO TOLD YOU???!!!!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs.

Jeff sighed, "Man, you're stupid."

"Ness isn't stupid," said Poo. "He's just really absent minded."

"Yeah," Jeff smirked. "He's so absent minded that he forgot to wear clothes."

Ness looked down, then screamed like a banshee.

Poo looked disappointed. "Aw, Jeff, why'd you ruin it? I was wondering how long it would take him to notice."

Paula grinned. "Yeah, that would've been fun to keep up."

Ness stopped screaming and noticed that no one else was freaking out. He got very confused. Which is interesting because he's rarely not confused.

"Hey guys, how come no one's freaking out?" inquired Ness.

Jeff was the first to answer. "Well, besides the fact that we had since Twoson to get used to it, I look at everything in a scientific way. I've been taking this time to study the human body structure."

Ness gave him an odd look. He then turned to Poo. "How 'bout you Poo? You're foreign, you must not be used to things like this."

Poo smiled. "First of all, with you, I'm used to anything. Remember when your thoughts appeared in Lumine Hall?" Ness grinned sheepishly. "And second, I am not bothered because I am a Master of Nothing!"

"Well, I could've told you that." Muttered Ness under his breath. Out loud, he said, "Well, Paula, that leaves you. You're a girl, why aren't you freaking out?"

"Meh," said Paula. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Hold on!" exclaimed Jeff. "You two used to date. Does that mean that you and he...?"

"NO WAY!!!!!" screamed Paula. "There's no way I'd ever do something like that with him. Just look at him, he's not good looking."

Poo cocked an eyebrow. "In what way?"

"Does it matter?" Paula said blankly.

Poo glanced at Ness, then turned back to Paula. "No, I guess not."

Jeff sighed. "And people wonder why this fic got raised to PG-13."

"Anyway," continued Paula. "What I meant was that there's nothing on Ness that I didn't see when my dad boycotted pants." She looks at Ness again. "Except for that!!!!"

"What is that!?" inquired Jeff.

"It is like nothing I have ever seen before," said Poo.

"Oh, this?" said Ness, pointing to the thing in question. "There's a long story attached to that. It all started..."

WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

An unusual looking man looks at the screen. "Are we on? Oh!" (clears throat) "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT, PRINCE OF ALL DOUGHNUTS! YOU PUNY MORTALS THOUGHT I DIED BACK IN CHAPTER 2, BUT YOU WERE WRONG! I HAVE RETURNED TO EXACT MY VENG...HEY LOOK, A NICKEL! (Dives to the floor) OUCHIES!!!!!! I HIT MY HEAD ON THE NICKEL! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!" and he proceeds to keep crying.

Thank you, we now return to the previously scheduled program, already in progress.

"...and that's the story," finished Ness. His friends stood in shock.

"Wow..."

"Amazing..."

"I think I'm gonna barf..."

"Anyway," said Jeff, having recovered from the story. "What happened to your clothes?"

Ness grinned. "I sold them to some loser for $7500."

Paula shook her head. "What kind of whacked out psycho would pay that much for your clothes?"

-Meanwhile-

In a small house in Happy Happy Village, a man sat stroking a blue and yellow striped shirt and a pair of blue shorts, along with some underwear.

"It's all right, my precioussssssssss," said Mr. Carpainter. "We'll never be separated again."

-Back in Fourside-

"Who cares?" said Ness, shrugging. "At least I made back all the money I spent on the broken house in Onett."

"Yeah," said Poo. "Well we're about to invest some of that money towards some new clothes."

"Wait," said Paula. "I want to finish up what I was saying by stating that I never looked at Ness in that way."

Ness smirked. "Of course, I looked at her in that way."

"Why you little...!" Paula brought her foot up...hard.

Ness: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!! MY GROIN!!!!!!!!!!!"

"That'll teach you, you pervert!" said Paula, breathing heavily.

Poo performs PSI Lifeup Delta on Ness...Ness's hit points are maxed out. He stands up looking relieved.

"Well, anyway, back to the clothes," said Jeff.

"TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE!!!" yelled Ness, jumping up and down. Several passersby either faint, vomit, or both.

Meanwhile, in a room high atop the Monotoli Building. A secret, evil meeting was taking place.

"Well," said Mr. Monotoli. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," replied a mysterious figure. "I will exact my revenge against Spider-Jeff. Or should I say, Jeff Andonuts."

"Holy cow!" exclaimed Mr. Monotoli. "Jeff is Spider-Jeff? I never would've guessed."

"Right..."

"Anyway, take the suit. With it, you will be able to destroy Spider-Jeff," and with that, both of them start cackling evilly.

We rejoin our heroes exiting the Fourside Dept. Store. This time, no one got kidnapped, and Ness was fully dressed.

"Man, it feels good to be dressed," said Ness.

"To be honest," said Poo. "Your naked body was starting to disturb me."

Suddenly, Jeff got a weird feeling. "My Spider Sense is tingling," he thought. He runs off, screaming that he has too use the bathroom.

The others just stared after him until they heard a crash behind them. They turned around to see on odd person dressed in a skeletal scorpion costume.

"I...am...THE SKELPION!!!!" he says with much evil laughter.

Poo looked confused. "The skelpion?"

"No, The Skelpion, with a capital 'S',"

"Oh," said Ness. "I get it. There was a Spiderman villain named The Scorpion. And in Earthbound, there's a monster that's the skeleton of a scorpion called a Skelpion. This nut case is a guy dressed in a Skelpion outfit."

"YES!" yelled The Skelpion. "I am The Skelpion."

"Yeah, we know..." said Paula.

"SILENCE!!" shouted The Skelpion. He throws a machine at the trio.

"Ahhhhhh!!"

"My PSI powers I can't use them!!"

"Ouchies...!!!"

"Muwahahahahahahahaha!!! Now you don't stand a chance against The Skelpion!!!" yelled The Skelpion.

"Hmm..." mused Poo. "He always speaks in 3rd person. Could it be Floating Skull again?"

(A/N Nah, Floating Skull's been here the whole time.

Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!

See?)

"Oh," said Ness. "I guess it's not him."

"Hahaha!!" laughed The Skelpion. "It's time to die!"

"Wait!" exclaimed Poo. "What's that in the sky?"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's a frog!"

"A frog?!!"

"Not bird nor plane nor even frog," said Spider-Jeff. "It's just little old me..." (crashes into a building) "Owww...Underdog."

"Hey, wait a minute," said Paula. "You're not Underdog. You're Spider-Jeff."

"Oh, yeah..." Spider-Jeff clears his throat. "Now, evil doer. Prepare to meet your defeat at the hands of Spider-Jeff!"

"Oh, I'm soooooooooooooo scared," mocked The Skelpion. "Don't you know that scorpions are the natural predators of spiders?"

"Aw, crap."

The Skelpion charges at Spider-Jeff. Spider-Jeff dodges and clings to a wall. From there, he shoots a web that binds The Skelpion's arms to his body. The Skelpion breaks the webbing and fires a burst of acid from his tail. Spider-Jeff was hit and he fell to the ground.

"Hahaha! I've got you now!" cries The Skelpion. He tries to skewer Spider-Jeff with his tail. But Spider-Jeff rolls out of the way.

"Not today, Zurg!!!" yells Spider-Jeff.

The Skelpion stops. "I'm not Zurg, I'm The Skelpion."

"Sorry," apologized Spider-Jeff. "I've been watching too many episodes of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command."

"Oh..."

Spider-Jeff jumps and attempts a flying kick at The Skelpion. But before he lands, The Skelpion shoots a strange liquid from his tail. It hits Spider-Jeff, and he falls to the ground once more.

"Ugh!" struggles Spider-Jeff. "I can't move my leg. What was that stuff?"

"Heehee!" giggles The Skelpion. "That was my Stun Juice, patent pending. It makes any part of the body it touches completely numb."

"So that explains why I can't feel my crotch."

"Ew...I didn't need to know that," said The Skelpion. "Just for that, I'll make your death slow and painful."

Ness, Paula, and Poo watch in horror as The Skelpion moves closer to Spider-Jeff, brandishing his tail. Spider-Jeff raises his arms in defense, but knowing that nothing he does will help him now.

Is this the end of Spider-Jeff? Will his friends ever figure out who he his? And how long will it be before Ness walks around naked again? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Spider-Jeff!

-

Sorry for the fight scene, I'm not good at them yet.

Ivan: "I'll say, it sucked worse than me trying to reach high places."

Flt. Sk.: "For once, Floating Skull agrees with the tiny one."

Ivan: "TINY?!! I'll show you tiny. DESTRUCT RAY!!!"

Flt. Sk.: "Ouchies..."

Ivan, quit blasting Floating Skull.

Ivan: "Sorry..."

Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!