Sorry about the last chapter, I'm not sure what I was on.
Ivan: I could tell you, but I think you'd hurt me.
Got that right, shorty.
Ivan: SHORTY?! I KEEL YOU NOW!!!!!! TEMPEST!!!!!
(DRX9 remains unaffected)
Ivan: Ghwaa?! But how?!
Special shield, anyway, I'm tired of you and Floating Skull blasting each other, and ME! Now face the wrath of my own special attack. STARDON STRIKER!!
(Crap load of damage dealt to Ivan)
Ivan: Ouchies...
Flt. Sk. Hahahahaha!
Shut up! DRACONIS BLADE!
(Crap load of damage dealt to Floating Skull)
Flt. Sk.: skuuull...
Whew! I feel better. Anyway, since I only got one review on my last chapter, I'll tone down the disturbing factor. And I still don't own Earthbound or Spiderman.
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Chapter 5: The Skelpion, part 2Last time, on Spider-Jeff...wait, just read the last chapter. The Skelpion is closing in on Spider-Jeff. It seems as if no one can save him. But, at the last moment, a barrage of star shaped energy hit The Skelpion.
"Argghh!," cried The Skelpion. "What was that?!"
"It was my PSI Starstorm Omega!" said Poo, confidently.
"B-but how...?" stammered The Skelpion. "My device shut down your PSI powers."
"Yes," agreed Poo. "But having trained in Mu, the art of nothingness, I recovered much faster than your average psychic." Having said that, Poo used PSI Teleport Beta to transport the four of them to Ness's room. Apparently, they can do that.
"Man," said Ness. "I can't believe that the great Spider-Jeff is in my room!"
"I know, isn't it amazing!" agreed Poo. Paula, however, takes off Jeff's glasses. Everyone gasped.
"Oh my gosh!" cried Paula. "Spider-Jeff is really Jeff!"
"You'd think we would've spotted that," said Ness.
"Hold on," said Jeff. "How do you recognize me? You've never seen me without my glasses before."
Everyone looked around at each other, than at me, the author, who promptly replied, "Uhhh...random plothole?" Ness and his friends all agreed to this.
"Well, moving on," said Poo, who was using PSI Healing Omega to heal his friends' paralysis. "We have to come up with a way to defeat The Skelpion."
"We?" asked Jeff. "No, I'll do this alone, you guys can help me fight the main bad guy of this story."
"Huh?" said a surprised Ness. "You mean this isn't just a collection of random stories, it actually has a plot? And a real ending? Well, I'll be danged."
(A/N Yes, Ness, it does have a plot, NOW SHUDDAP!!!)
Jeff continued, "The only way to end this is with a battle scene, like the one between Dr. Andonuts and Lord Voldemort back in Chapter 2."
"Awww," said Ness's mom adoringly, having apparently entered the room. "That's such a smart plan, have a cookie." She stuffs a cookie into Jeff's mouth and doesn't stop staring at him until he eats it. She then leaves.
"Wait," said Poo. "The fight scene in Chapter 2. Do you mean Chapter 2 as labeled by the author, or Chapter 2 as labeled by FFNet?"
"As labeled by the author," replied Jeff.
"Well, we're not gonna get anything done sitting here," said Paula. She goes to a door and opens it, only to have a large pile of red baseball caps fall down on her. "Holy crap, Ness! You weren't kidding about the caps back in Chapter 3!"
"Which Chapter 3...?" started Ness, but Jeff cut him off.
"We've already been over this. Look, from now on, any chapter referred to will be as labeled by the author," said Jeff irritably.
Jeff and his friends, after sharing pointless conversation involving Fobbys, returned to Fourside to hunt down The Skelpion. After a while, however, they tire, and thus they journey to Jackie's Café for refreshments.
"What'll it be kids?" asked Jackie.
"Excuse me!" said Jeff. "I am no ordinary boy, I am SPIDER-JEFF!!! Only usually I don't spell it in all caps."
"Man", thought Ness. "That gag about words being in all caps or letters needing to be capitalized is getting old fast."
"Ok, Spider-Jeff," said Jackie. "What'll it be?"
"Four root beers, please," said Jeff coolly.
"Excuse me, but I would like a cup of chocolate milk, please," requested Poo.
"NO, I ORDERED ROOT BEER, AND THAT'S WHAT YOUR GONNA GET, DANGIT!!!!" screamed Jeff.
"Having people speak in a all caps and with multiple exclamation points is getting old, too."(A/N You are aware, of course, that I can read your thoughts, right Ness?)
"Aw, crap."The four sit down at a table and drink their drinks.
"So, Paula," said Ness. "Any chance you and I could get..."
"No," interrupted Paula without a trace of regret.
"Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying."
"Jeff," said Poo. "How is it that you acquired such amazing powers?"
"Oh, that," replied Jeff. "I got bitten on the butt by a radioactive spider who clung to my butt while my dad beat up the creepy Voldemort guy."
"I see...fascinating."
Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the building. The Chosen rushed outside to find The Skelpion waiting for them.
"Hahaha! Well, Spider-Jeff, come back for more, eh?" sneered The Skelpion.
"Yes, I have. But I think you'll find that I have powers that Spiderman does not," answered Jeff.
"Like what?"
"Like this!" Jeff used his mystical webbing power to create a sword.
"Behold," cried Jeff. "The almighty Spider Sword!"
The Skelpion sighed. "Let's just get this over with."
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You engage The Skelpion!
Jeff
HP 500
PP 0
Jeff attacks...87 HP of damage to The Skelpion.
The Skelpion shot liquid from his tail...Jeff's body is feeling numb.
Jeff
HP 500
PP 0
The Skelpion drives his tail into you...Jeff takes 113 HP of damage.
Jeff can move freely.
Jeff
HP 387
PP 0
Jeff fires the Big Bottle Rocket...257 HP of damage to The Skelpion
The Skelpion shoots acid from his tail...
SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!...Jeff takes 332 HP of damage.
Jeff
HP 55
PP 0
Jeff takes a Kraken Soup from his pack and eats it...Jeff's Hit Points are maxed out.
The Skelpion charges forward...Jeff takes 392 HP of damage.
Jeff
HP 108
PP 0
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"That's it!" yelled Jeff. "No more fooling around!"
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Jeff fires the Multi Bottle Rocket...4538 HP of damage to The Skelpion
The Skelpion became tame.
YOU WON!
Jeff gained 38293 exp.
Jeff went to level 87
Guts went up by 7
IQ went up by 5
Oh baby!Speed went up by 10
That rocks!HP went up by 35
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"And now," said Jeff, while panting heavily. "To unmask the villain!" Jeff removes The Skelpion's mask to reveal his true identity. Everyone gasped. "Tony?!!"
"Yes!" cried Tony. "It was me. You've always been everyone's favorite: Dr. Maxwell, The Chess Club, The Science Club, The Tessie-Watchers Club, that cute girl from Block C..."
"Actually, she just wanted me to do her homework."
"That's not the point! The point is, everyone wanted you. And why? Because you're the son of the famous Dr. Andonuts. But I stood by your side the whole way, because I thought you were my friend. But I discovered your dark side the night you escaped because you heard some girl calling to you in your dreams to come to Threed. After you jumped the fence, I went upstairs and went to sleep. The next day, at my birthday party, which you missed, by the way, I was told that you, Jeff Andonuts, stole all my Cookies! You know that I love Cookies!"
Jeff was taken aback. "I had no idea it meant so much to you. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. It's not much, but please accept this as my token of apology." Jeff gives a large sack of cookies to Tony.
Tony stares at the cookies, then at Jeff. "I suppose I did go a little overboard. I hope that after I'm released from prison, we can be friends again." And with that, Tony was arrested.
"Wait," said Poo. "I thought only Onett had a police station."
"It does," said Paula. "But this town has a policeman. He stands to the left of the Monotoli building."
"Oh."
Jeff and his friends all return to their respective homes. But a new evil force is heading towards them at incredible speed.
(A/N Yes, this is the main bad guy)
Will Spider-Jeff and his friends be able to stop this new menace? What flavor were the cookies that Jeff had? Will any other town ever get a police station? Find out on the next exciting chapter of Spider-Jeff!!!
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Well, another chapter well done.
Ivan: Well done my foot.
Flt. Sk.: Agreed. This chapter, though lacking the disturbingness of last chapter, still made Floating Skull want to vomit.
First of all, disturbingness isn't a word, and secondly, how can you vomit? You're a skull. A giant, floating, flaming skull, yes; but a skull nonetheless.
Flt. Sk.: Uhhhhh...Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!
Right...