Chapter Thirty One

Back at school, everyone was thrown back into their usual routine of classes and practices. One day, after dinner, the girls were chatting in their room about stuff and as Lainie was a compulsive cleaner, she went through Lily's stuff and tidying, which was the sole reason James's room wasn't a public health hazard.

She found a card from Lily to James and read it, while Lily and Livvy discussed the end of year ball, which they were planning.

"Hey," Lainie called, flapping the card in their faces. "You said, like, love Lily. You don't love him, do you?"

"Yes, well, I haven't told him but I do. Do you have a problem?" Lily answered, confused.

"But you can't be in love, you're too young."

"What's wrong, you can fall in love. We did, and Sirius did." Livvy said, coyly.

"What with me?"

"Yes, stupid. Why do you have a problem with us being in love." Lily said.

"Because you can't know that your going to love that person for ever and how do you even know that it isn't just lust. Or confusion." Lainie said, almost shouting.

"What's your problem? Sirius might love you, doesn't that excite you, in the least."

"NO,"

"Lainie, what's your problem?"

"Why, can't you just slow down. Wait for me, instead of just,.... going ahead!" Lainie shouted, walking out of the door.

"Lainie, wait." Livvy called out, but she realized that it was futile.

"Liv, what if we've like screwed it up." Lily said, looking really worried.

"If she'll let it screw it up for her, she must be more stupid than we thought." Livvy said, sternly.

The rest of the week passed and all seemed all right. Lainie seemed slightly on edge but that wasn't that concerning as Livvy and Lily thought that she would completely reject poor Sirius. Luckily she hadn't they could finally breathe normally. Lainie was a very strange girl they thought.

That afternoon, all were sitting in the common room, studying. Lily and James were just being all cute and flirty, looking at each other while studying. James, at this moment was whispering to Lily and Lily was smiling and flicking her hair. Lainie rolled her eyes and went back to studying. She suddenly felt someone's breath next to her and she turned around to find Sirius leaning over her shoulder. She smiled at him and then back went to her work.

"Hey, lets go for a walk." He whispered.

She nodded and put her book down and as she grabbed her scarf and coat, she followed him out the door. She ran to catch up with him and they walked along for sometime in silence. Lainie felt nervous, and she didn't know why. They walked out over the grass, still in complete silence. Then they stopped and just stood there, looking out to the horizon that was a pleasant mixture of greys and blues.

"So," Lainie said,

"So," he replied.

"How's your exam studying going?" Lainie asked.

"What, you think I got you all the way out here to talk about exams." Sirius said, chuckling.

"Oh," Lainie said.

"Yes, oh."

"So, um, what did you want to talk about?"

"Um, well, you, actually."

"Really, and what about me?"

"Come on, Lainie, what do you think I want to talk about. I'll give you a hint, it involves me and you."

"Oh, right, um, that."

"So, do you think you should do something about it."

"Like what?"

"Maybe we could make it official."

"Make what official?"

"Us."

"Right,"

"So what do you say?"

"Um, well," Oh God, Lainie thought, I'm going to have to have to say it. And now. "Sirius, I'm sorry. I can't." She said, looking down at her hands.

"What." He said, his eyes flashing at her.

"I think, that, um, you might want something, else. From me." Lainie said, her heart heavy. I can't do this, she thought. Sex, love, the whole thing, was completely and utterly beyond her.

"I don't get it. Were you leading me on or something?" He said, his voice shaking with disbelief.

"No, I wasn't." Lainie pleaded.

"Then what is it. Why can't you?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't." Lainie said, her voice shaking. She got up and started to walk away, wiping her eyes on her scarf. She took a long, breath and let it out, shaking. It was best, she said, for both of them. If she didn't love him right now and he might love her, then she couldn't do it, she couldn't commit. He would want something from her that she couldn't give. It wasn't her fault. It would be better in the long run. Well it better be, cause this felt bloody awful. She thought as she ran across the courtyard, up the stairs and past everyone in the common room, who looked at her with shocked eyes. She flopped onto her bed and pulled her curtain round it. Then she got into bed and curled up in a ball. She was trying really hard not to cry but in the end, when her throat started to ache, she let herself. She cried into her pillow, hopelessly, not even trying to hide it. It was for the best, she tried to convince herself. But it really wasn't working.

Lainie wasn't there for dinner that night and neither was Sirius. No one was talking at their usual pace as they had all worked out what had happened. James was sitting there, his brow furrowed and toying with his food. He had hardly said anything at all this afternoon.

"So" Remus said, trying to break the silence.

"So" Lily said, looking at James with a worried expression.

Suddenly James got up and left the table, abruptly. Lily got up to follow him when Livvy stopped her.

"Don't follow him. He needs to see them. You can see he tearing himself up over it. They're his best friends." She said, pulling Lily back down to the table.

"Yeah, I suppose. I don't understand though. What went wrong?" she said, as she went back to toying with her food. Their usually noisy end of the table was plunged into silence again.

Lainie was curled up in her bed, only just having stopped sobbing and feeling absolutely miserable, when there was a tap on her window. She got up and went to open. Outside she saw James on his broom, hovering outside her window. She opened her window and he flew in and stood in front of her. For once in her life, she actually felt afraid of him. And with good reason, as she was about to find out.

"Do you think it's funny or something." He said, very nastily.

"Does it look like I find it funny" she said, her eyes very red.

"Why did you do that, Lainie. I thought you cared." James shouted at her.

"I do." She shouted back.

"Then why is my friend in his room, completely heartbroken because of you." James shouted at her.

"Because...." Lainie said, not wanting to tell James. "Because I don't want to hurt him."

"And why would you hurt him, huh."

"Because, because, I don't love him." Lainie shouted, defiantly.

"What." James roared. "I didn't think you could be that stupid. Of course you love him. Everyone can see that, why not you. "

"What, so you have the right to tell me who I love."

"Well, maybe you don't love him now, but you will soon. And then it'll be too late. Because I don't think he will hang around for you." James shouted back at her.

"Then maybe it's a good thing. Cause obviously I'm not worth waiting around for to him." Lainie yelled at him.

"He's waited for long enough for you. He doesn't have to wait for you anymore. You don't deserve it. I thought you cared more." James said, angrily.

"Some friend you are. Thanks a lot, James." Lainie screamed at him.

"I don't want to be friends with someone who breaks my other friends heart. How could you, Lainie, how could you." James shouted.

At this point, Lainie could feel tears creep out of her eyes, so she turned and walked away. "Leave me alone James. I don't need you being horrible to me." She said, getting back into bed, and curling up under her blankets.

"Fine." James said, walking out and slamming the door.

Lainie began to cry once more, tears poured till they ran dry, but even then, she still couldn't stop. And that was how she remained till she eventually drifted off to sleep, a deep sleep which wasn't invaded by the nightmare that her waking life was at the moment.

THE END.

well well well. tell me what you think. thanks to my fabulous beta reader, cause she is awesome. review guys. it would be great. and myabe ill update sooner, sorry about the wait.