Part Forty-Five
When Karen drew up in the car park of the Old Bailey, it was almost five o'clock and most of the cars had gone. Fervently hoping that none of their little clan was still there, Karen walked in through the heavy front doors. There were a few people in the foyer, but none that she knew. After having blatantly held the court in contempt by walking out, Karen was feeling extremely self-conscious and just prayed that she wouldn't see anyone she recognised. As she climbed the familiar marble stairs, it struck her that this building was becoming almost as well known to her as Larkhall was. She walked along the seemingly endless, silent corridor, all the time hoping that John wasn't about to be cross with her.
After bawling out Neumann Mason-Alan, John had retreated to his chambers, to hopefully, simmer down slightly with the cup of tea provided by the ever thoughtful Coope. But that wasn't to be. His anger had been further tested by the arrival of those two imbecilic dolts from the LCD, Sir Ian Rochester and Lawrence James, and when Sir Ian had attempted to question his authority, John had again let his anger fly. But they'd all gone home now, even Coope, after first saying that she was worried about him. He'd dropped the packet of pictures in the top drawer of his desk, and once all and sundry had stopped knocking on his door demanding answers, he'd taken them out again and examined them. After all, he did want to know exactly what he had in his possession. They were all incredible, as he'd first suspected. But he was relieved that Mason-Alan hadn't got as far as revealing some of the later ones, because they were clearly of Karen in the pursuit of her own pleasure. She had been touching herself in a manner so wickedly sinful, that he had been forced to exert an enormous amount of willpower, not to become aroused by them. He could remember the feel of her body as though it was yesterday, its different textures and tastes all rolling into one height of passion that he would never forget. He'd thrown the pictures back into the top drawer of his desk before he could be tempted into making a copy of them.
A good while later, when he'd calmed down, both from the anger and from the near sexual arousal, there came a knock on his door. Thinking it must be Jo or George, or someone else on a mission to irritate him, he bade the person to enter. When Karen appeared looking almost shy, he rose hurriedly from his chair and walked towards her. "Hello," He said as she came in and closed the door. "I was worried about you." "I thought you'd be cross with me," Karen said a little sheepishly. "For turning your back on that mouthpiece of the justice system? Not in the slightest. Are you all right?" "No, not really, but I will be. I just came back to apologise for walking out of your court." "Well, there's no need," He said gently but firmly. "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you. I feel unstable enough already. What happened after I left?" "Ah," John said, half in triumph, half in embarrassment. "Suffice it to say I lost my temper with Neumann Mason-Alan, and I don't think the way I roared at him will be forgotten in a hurry." "Oh, John," Karen said in a mixture of amusement and concern. "I do hope you haven't got yourself into trouble on my account." "It'll blow over," He said nonchalantly. "But he had it coming." "What happened to the pictures?" "I confiscated them." He reached in to his desk drawer and retrieved them. "Had a good look, did you?" Karen couldn't help demanding as he handed them to her. "Only briefly," He said mildly, knowing that she would probably feel highly sensitive to the contents of that envelope. "I'm sorry," Karen said, knowing he wouldn't have meant her any harm. "Everything's finally catching up with me, that's all." "Would discussing it help?" He asked gently. Karen shuddered. "Thank you for the offer, but no. Talking is the last thing I want to do today." Walking over to where the paper shredder stood in the corner, Karen began systematically removing each photograph from the envelope, taking a brief, last look at it, and then feeding it into the shredder's waiting jaws. John watched her as she did this, seeing in an instant that this was part of the grieving process, the removing Fenner once and for all from her life, and the inevitable moving on that she must do. Karen couldn't help but grin at a couple of them. God, what a treat the court would have had if they'd seen some of the later ones. She was saying goodbye to a tiny portion of her past, but everyone had to start somewhere. When she reached the last photograph, she also made fast work of shredding the negatives. After dropping the empty envelope in the bin, she turned to John and said, "Any copies lying around I should know about?" "Well, I did consider making a copy of them, but I didn't think Jo would be too amused." He said all this with such a straight face that Karen gave him a small smile. "I doubt she'd have been all that surprised," Karen said dryly. "But I'm glad you didn't." "I took some pictures like that of George once," He said, trying to put her at her ease. "Well, just be careful they don't ever fall into the wrong hands," Karen said with a small smile. "Where did you go when you left court this afternoon?" "I did something I should have done a long time ago. Strange as it seems, I think the re-emergence of those pictures gave me the push I needed. I paid a visit to the house where I lived with Fenner, and to the house where he raped me." Even now, even after all that had happened, she still loathed and detested the word rape, and hated every time she had to say it. "Was that wise?" John asked carefully. "Yes, it was. The last time I saw that B and B where Fenner had been staying, it was very unexpected, and just seeing it made me have the one and only waking flashback I've ever had of that night. I probably scared the life out of Yvonne because I was behind the wheel at the time. Quite how she managed to get me to pull over is anyone's guess." "So you thought you'd visit it on your own terms?" "Yes. It was something I needed to do. Like those pictures, I needed to consign it to the past. Whether I've achieved what I wanted to achieve, I suppose I'll find out in due course." "What did you want to achieve?" "I'm sick and tired of dreaming about everything to do with him. Not just what he did to me, but things he did to other people, things I did and said when I was living with him." John pondered this for a moment. "You probably won't ever entirely get away from that." "I know, but I had to do something." John walked over to her, suddenly catching a glimpse of the vulnerable Karen, the Karen who hadn't quite been able to regain her outer composure. Slowly putting his arms round her, he could feel her tense, taut body, eventually begin to relax in his hold. "I was extremely proud of you today," He said, his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume mixed with cigarette smoke. "I thought you were going to charge me with contempt of court," Karen said with a small smile. "You hadn't actually been issued with a formal summons, so I couldn't." "I wish I'd seen your explosion," She said fondly, an embrace from this man always making her feel safe. "I've heard it was a sight to behold. But when you were still there, giving him more hell than either Jo or George ever would have done, I kept thinking that, no matter how wonderful you are at your present job, I wished with all my heart that you'd trained as a barrister." "Please don't be nice to me," She said, unable to suppress the tears that rose to her eyes. "It's what I thought," He said quietly. "And it's what I'll go on thinking, every time I see an imbecile like that on the bench." "I wish Fenner had come under your cosh, just once," She said in to his shoulder. "I know," He said, gently running his fingers through her hair, feeling the shudder that ran through her body as she tried to regain control. "I'm sorry," She said, loathing herself for falling apart like this. "I should go." "Sh," He said, as she moved to disengage herself from him. "It's really quite all right to do this." "No," She said more firmly, as she finally freed herself. "I am this close to cracking up completely," She continued, holding her thumb and finger about an inch apart. "And I don't want you to see that." Making purposefully for the door, she wrenched it open and almost fled from the room. He didn't attempt to follow her, realising that this would only make things worse. If Karen didn't want him to witness her undoing, then he wouldn't force his company on her. But that didn't prevent him from being incredibly worried about her. Karen was a live wire at the moment, liable to spark in any direction at the least provocation. As he slowly walked round his chambers, he breathed in a deep sigh of concern. His musings were cut short when, with the action of breathing in through his nose, he caught the waft of Karen's perfume tinged with cigarette smoke that had not entirely departed with her. That reminded him of something, but what. Standing perfectly still to allow his thoughts to sort themselves out, he opened his eyes wide when the pieces finally fitted together. That smell, that wonderfully familiar, and at times erotic mixture of Karen's perfume and cigarette smoke, that was what had struck him when he'd entered George's house a week last Wednesday, the night he'd caught her fantasising in the shower. When he'd let himself into the hall, that was the aroma he'd detected. As it further occurred to him what this must mean, he stared at the place where Karen had been standing. Karen had been in George's house that evening, Karen had left only perhaps half an hour before he'd arrived. Karen, therefore, was the person, no woman, whom George had bottled out of sleeping with. Karen, was George's new lover.
A little after eight that evening, Jo was sitting at her home computer, hammering out the bones of her closing speech, to be performed on the Friday morning. She'd been so angry with Neumann for pulling such a despicable stunt, but in provoking John so far, he had provided her with an answer to a question that had been nagging at her for some time. There was no doubt in her mind that John wouldn't have put up with that kind of behaviour from anyone, but it was the fact that Karen was the victim of Neumann's barrage which had really pushed John over the edge. John hadn't just been professionally defending Karen, but personally standing up for her as well. When had it happened, she wondered. When had he slept with her, because only that kind of intimacy would have made John act the way he had? Whenever it had been, it was definitely quite a long time ago. The friendship that existed between John and Karen was incredibly strong, perhaps even stronger than hers had been with John in the early days and possibly because they had got the inevitable sexual attraction out of the way at the beginning. But Jo couldn't help wondering just what Karen's now being George's lover would do to that friendship. When John was made aware of that fact, he would almost certainly require a good deal more love and affection than he usually got from her. A slow, sleepy smile crossed Jo's face as she remembered what had taken place between them the evening before. She could never get quite enough of making love with John, a fact that she realised would probably one day be her undoing. She'd said to him on the Tuesday that she wanted to become more sexually precocious, though that was really the wrong word. But it was all well and good saying a thing, she had to somehow start actually putting it in to practice.
As if conjured up by her thoughts, the doorbell rang. At this time on a Thursday evening, it could only be John. When she opened the door and saw him standing there, she could see immediately that something was wrong. "What's happened?" She said as he came into the hall. "I've just had my eyes opened," He said, his tone made up of slight bewilderment, a lot of hurt and a little anger. "Well, I say just, it was more like three hours ago, and I've been mulling it over ever since." "John, stop talking in riddles and tell me what's happened," Jo cajoled, walking in to the kitchen and pouring them both a glass of wine. John followed her and stood in the doorway. "Well, I don't need to tell you, do I," He said almost sulkily. "Because you already know, don't you." "What do I already know?" Jo asked, handing him the glass of wine and walking in to the sitting room, and getting a horrible feeling that she knew exactly what was coming. "George and Karen is what you already know," John retorted, pacing round the room as Jo sat on the sofa. "Why, Jo, why couldn't you tell me?" "How did you find out?" Jo asked quietly. "When I went to see George last week, I knew I could smell a different perfume in the house. But I didn't think any more of it at the time, because other considerations got in the way." "Clearly," Jo said dryly, receiving a stony glare from John. "Then, Karen came back to court to see me later this afternoon, to apologise for walking out. After she'd gone, it dawned on me where I'd smelt that mixture of perfume and cigarette smoke before, in George's house, on the night she'd said she'd been out with a new lover who, funnily enough, she'd bottled out of sleeping with. Not something I think George has ever done in her life." "Typical," Jo said with a wry smile. "What is?" John asked, taking a sip of his wine. "Trust you to find something like that out, just by the aroma of a woman's perfume." "This isn't funny, Jo. Why, why could neither of them tell me, or you for that matter?" "Have you stopped to think for one moment why I didn't tell you?" Jo asked carefully. "I haven't got a clue," He said, clearly having not thought about it at all. "I didn't tell you, John, because George asked me not too. She wanted to tell you in her own time, when she was ready to tell you, and not before." "So why did she tell you then?" "She didn't, and wouldn't have done if I hadn't found them kissing." "Did you really?" John said with a little smirk. "Yes," Jo said firmly. "And I've never seen George look as uncomfortable as she did then. Probably for the first time since I've known her, she really didn't know what to say. That's why you've got to accept that she will only tell you when she is good and ready. George is still trying to get used to the idea." John walked over to the computer, and began reading what was on the screen. After altering a word here and there, he said, "Why are you so calm about it?" "Because I've got no reason not to be," She said gently, seeing that this had thrown him more than he liked to admit. "It, surprised me," She hovered over the word surprised, "That George was kissing a woman, not that the woman was Karen." Once he'd moved away from the computer, Jo walked over and removed his alterations, perhaps preferring what he had put, but not willing to let him see it. "That doesn't make an ounce of sense, Jo," John said, watching her with a slight smile. "Yes, it does," She replied, sitting down again and taking a swig of her wine. "Didn't you once ask yourself why George has stayed for this much of the trial? She would have been there even without my asking her to be on the first day." "I still don't see why you didn't tell me," He said petulantly. Jo looked slightly exasperated with him. "This relationship isn't just about you, you know, John." The slight edge to her tone brought him up short and he just stared at her. "Oh, it might have been at first," Jo continued. "But not any more." "Why, are you going to tell me you're sleeping with George as well?" "No, I'm not," Jo said, trying to hide a smile. "Last time I checked, women weren't my cup of tea. What I meant about this relationship not revolving entirely around you, is that you're not the only one whose feelings have to be considered. By extension of the fact that we both sleep with you, yes, George and I have grown closer. It's not something I envisaged happening, but this whole set up has been a learning curve for both of us. It seemed far more important to allow George to deal with this in her own time, than to satisfy your curiosity." John looked very uncomfortable. "I don't think I thought that your loyalty to me would ever be tested." "Loyalty is something that does occasionally have to be earned, John." "That was said very ominously," He observed. "Well, you're not the only one who's had a question answered today," Jo said, her slightly clipped tone making him wary. "How long ago did you sleep with Karen?" "What?" He asked, taken completely off guard. "When did you sleep with Karen? Was it a few weeks ago, a few months ago, or even further back than that, because after this afternoon's performance, you're surely not going to tell me you never have." "It was a little while before we embarked on this three-way thing," John admitted. "It can't have been that long before because you didn't know her." "It was the week before George fainted in court, a few days after we put her through the third degree." "So, George really was right about that," Jo said in amazement. "She knew right from the start that you had something like that in mind." "Jo," John said wearily. "It was a very long time ago, and it's never happened since, I promise. But yes, you're right, what happened today probably did get to me more because of that." "I know," Jo said quietly. "And I'm sorry. I just hate finding out things like that when I'm not expecting them. With you, it's often a case of wondering just who's name is going to crop up next." "I have remained completely and utterly faithful to this relationship," He said, sitting down beside her. "And nothing, absolutely nothing would make me go back on that." "I do hope so, John." As they moved together, arms going round each other and mouths seeking out familiar territory, Jo just prayed that he really meant what he'd said. "Am I so frightening that she didn't feel able to tell me?" He asked after a while. "Just try asking yourself two things, John," Jo said in slight annoyance. "How long did it take you to tell George about me, and how long did it take you to tell me about what had happened with your therapist." John stared at her, realising in an instant that she was absolutely right. He hated it when Jo was right, especially over something like this. "Okay, point taken," He said grudgingly. "That isn't what's really bothering you about all this, is it," She said quietly, laying her head back on his shoulder. "Would I be right in thinking that this has made you feel just a little insecure?" "I loathe that word," He said by way of an answer. After a short silence, he added, "I don't want to lose her." Jo had suspected something like this. "As far as I'm aware," She said to reassure him. "You're not about to lose anyone. As far as you're concerned, George isn't going anywhere. The only difference is that she will be dividing her time between the two of you, very much as you do now," She finished firmly to make the point. "This is going to get complicated," He said ruefully. "I thought that about you, me and George, but it wasn't too bad. You'll just have to learn the art of communication, as George and I have had to." "Am I being stupid?" He asked, knowing he was, but hoping she wouldn't think so. "Only slightly," Jo said with a smile. "You'll get used to it because there's no other way forward. If you want George to remain a part of your life, then you'll have to accept Karen as part of the package. For quite a long time, George and I did have some difficulty accepting each other as part of you, so maybe now you'll understand how that felt." "I owe you and George a hell of a lot, don't I," He said in dawning comprehension. "Don't think of it like that," Jo said gently. "Just try and accept that George is spreading her wings in a direction that you didn't expect her to. It doesn't mean she's going away from you, it doesn't mean that either of us will ever go away from you." "I don't deserve you," He said between kisses. "No, you don't," Jo said with a soft smile, taking his hand and pulling him up from the couch. When he raised an eyebrow at her, she said, "I'd quite like you to finish what you started in chambers yesterday." Grinning to himself, John said, "And your wish, is as always, my command," Entirely ignoring the fact that they had finished what they'd started last night. After all, who was he to complain?
When they reached her bedroom, John decided that something was different about tonight. Jo was actively taking the lead, reaching to undo his belt and the buttons of his shirt before he could get his hands on her. But, if Jo wanted to be in control, he wasn't about to stop her. When they were at last under her soft, feather duvet, her hands were all over him, teasing erogenous zones he'd forgotten he had, all the time keeping her full, pliable lips dancing with his. "There's something different about you tonight," John murmured as her hand crept downwards. "Not really," Jo replied. "I'm just following some advice I was given a few days ago." "By whom?" John asked suspiciously, now thoroughly intrigued. "That's absolutely none of your business," Jo said with a cheeky little smile. As she began kissing her way down his torso, he realised what her intended goal must be. "I thought you didn't like doing that," He said, not wanting her to do this unless she was absolutely sure it was what she wanted. "And the last time I tried it was a very long time ago, and not with you," She replied, eventually resting her cheek on his hip, taking in the sight of his clearly aroused length right before her eyes. She placed delicate, butterfly kisses all the way from the base to the tip, taking in the smooth, firm, heavy texture of this perhaps most active of John's organs, which she had only previously explored with her hands. When she gently took him into her hand, and guided the head between her parted lips, he sucked in a breath through his teeth, making her wonder if she'd hurt him in some way. As her mouth was otherwise occupied, Jo simply raised an eyebrow at him. "That feels incredible," He said, thinking that her enthusiasm definitely made up for her inexperience. John had never tried to persuade Jo to do this for him, accepting without question her dislike for it. She'd made her dislike of it plain when he'd begun sleeping with her all those years ago. He could remember the very sweet way in which she'd assumed that if she wouldn't do that for him, he wouldn't want to do the same for her. But having always loved performing that particular speciality for most women, John would never have not done so just because Jo didn't like doing the same for him. Never taking more than the head into her mouth, Jo moved her hand luxuriously along his length, occasionally flicking out her tongue to tease the underside. She wasn't naive enough to think she was very good at it, but everyone had to start somewhere. It wasn't Jo's level of expertise at this little delicacy that was inflaming John's passion, but the fact that she was doing it because she wanted him to think she was becoming his equal. This thought made John feel extremely humble, telling him in no uncertain terms that she loved him and that it was about time he appreciated that fact. She continued with her ministrations for a while, until he gently detached her from him, and persuaded her back to lie beside him. It took an enormous amount of willpower not to immediately take what she was clearly offering him. He refused to be one of those men who made love to a woman without even considering her pleasure. "What brought that on?" He asked with a smile as he turned his attention to her beautiful body, gently massaging her breasts and bringing her nipples to a diamond-tipped hardness. She smiled secretively. "I wanted to," She said simply, not able to explain that it was something she felt she needed to do, to bring her a little closer to George's and perhaps even Karen's level of sexual experience. As he slipped a hand between her legs, she really began to relax. What was it George had said to her on Monday? That half John's pleasure was in how much enjoyment he could give. "Who knows," She said lightly, as John inched two fingers inside her. "I might take you all the way like that one of these days." John had been kissing his way across her chest from one nipple to the other, but he moved back up to look her in the eye. "Don't be too eager for that," He said gently, admiring her courage, but not wanting her to do anything she wasn't entirely comfortable with. "Does George do it?" Jo couldn't help asking, though she thought she already knew the answer. Withdrawing his hand, John put his arms round her. "Is that why you did this?" He asked gently, feeling terrible that Jo needed to compare herself to George like that. "Hey, don't stop," She said, taking his hand and leading it back to its former occupation which made him smile. "I'll answer your question if you answer mine," She said mischievously. "Yes, she does, occasionally, and though she likes doing it because she says it makes her feel slightly bad, she can't stand the taste, and always has a glass of something to knock back afterwards." Jo smiled broadly, and then remember her side of the bargain. "Whether or not either George or others have done that for you wasn't entirely why I did it, but it probably had something to do with it." "Jo, I love you," He said firmly, kissing her long and hard as his hand increased in speed. "And I love you for exactly who you are now, so don't ever think you have to change just for me." A little while later when he slid inside her, she clung to him, just for an instant revealing her fear that his insecurity over George and Karen might push him back into his old ways. She couldn't bear having to go back to that level of uncertainty again. Being able to feel secure that John was definitely sleeping with her and George and no one else, had allowed her to relax, so that for once in her life she could feel really settled. The way she saw it, the more she could do to prevent John from taking up his old pursuits the better it would be for all concerned.
When Karen drew up in the car park of the Old Bailey, it was almost five o'clock and most of the cars had gone. Fervently hoping that none of their little clan was still there, Karen walked in through the heavy front doors. There were a few people in the foyer, but none that she knew. After having blatantly held the court in contempt by walking out, Karen was feeling extremely self-conscious and just prayed that she wouldn't see anyone she recognised. As she climbed the familiar marble stairs, it struck her that this building was becoming almost as well known to her as Larkhall was. She walked along the seemingly endless, silent corridor, all the time hoping that John wasn't about to be cross with her.
After bawling out Neumann Mason-Alan, John had retreated to his chambers, to hopefully, simmer down slightly with the cup of tea provided by the ever thoughtful Coope. But that wasn't to be. His anger had been further tested by the arrival of those two imbecilic dolts from the LCD, Sir Ian Rochester and Lawrence James, and when Sir Ian had attempted to question his authority, John had again let his anger fly. But they'd all gone home now, even Coope, after first saying that she was worried about him. He'd dropped the packet of pictures in the top drawer of his desk, and once all and sundry had stopped knocking on his door demanding answers, he'd taken them out again and examined them. After all, he did want to know exactly what he had in his possession. They were all incredible, as he'd first suspected. But he was relieved that Mason-Alan hadn't got as far as revealing some of the later ones, because they were clearly of Karen in the pursuit of her own pleasure. She had been touching herself in a manner so wickedly sinful, that he had been forced to exert an enormous amount of willpower, not to become aroused by them. He could remember the feel of her body as though it was yesterday, its different textures and tastes all rolling into one height of passion that he would never forget. He'd thrown the pictures back into the top drawer of his desk before he could be tempted into making a copy of them.
A good while later, when he'd calmed down, both from the anger and from the near sexual arousal, there came a knock on his door. Thinking it must be Jo or George, or someone else on a mission to irritate him, he bade the person to enter. When Karen appeared looking almost shy, he rose hurriedly from his chair and walked towards her. "Hello," He said as she came in and closed the door. "I was worried about you." "I thought you'd be cross with me," Karen said a little sheepishly. "For turning your back on that mouthpiece of the justice system? Not in the slightest. Are you all right?" "No, not really, but I will be. I just came back to apologise for walking out of your court." "Well, there's no need," He said gently but firmly. "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you. I feel unstable enough already. What happened after I left?" "Ah," John said, half in triumph, half in embarrassment. "Suffice it to say I lost my temper with Neumann Mason-Alan, and I don't think the way I roared at him will be forgotten in a hurry." "Oh, John," Karen said in a mixture of amusement and concern. "I do hope you haven't got yourself into trouble on my account." "It'll blow over," He said nonchalantly. "But he had it coming." "What happened to the pictures?" "I confiscated them." He reached in to his desk drawer and retrieved them. "Had a good look, did you?" Karen couldn't help demanding as he handed them to her. "Only briefly," He said mildly, knowing that she would probably feel highly sensitive to the contents of that envelope. "I'm sorry," Karen said, knowing he wouldn't have meant her any harm. "Everything's finally catching up with me, that's all." "Would discussing it help?" He asked gently. Karen shuddered. "Thank you for the offer, but no. Talking is the last thing I want to do today." Walking over to where the paper shredder stood in the corner, Karen began systematically removing each photograph from the envelope, taking a brief, last look at it, and then feeding it into the shredder's waiting jaws. John watched her as she did this, seeing in an instant that this was part of the grieving process, the removing Fenner once and for all from her life, and the inevitable moving on that she must do. Karen couldn't help but grin at a couple of them. God, what a treat the court would have had if they'd seen some of the later ones. She was saying goodbye to a tiny portion of her past, but everyone had to start somewhere. When she reached the last photograph, she also made fast work of shredding the negatives. After dropping the empty envelope in the bin, she turned to John and said, "Any copies lying around I should know about?" "Well, I did consider making a copy of them, but I didn't think Jo would be too amused." He said all this with such a straight face that Karen gave him a small smile. "I doubt she'd have been all that surprised," Karen said dryly. "But I'm glad you didn't." "I took some pictures like that of George once," He said, trying to put her at her ease. "Well, just be careful they don't ever fall into the wrong hands," Karen said with a small smile. "Where did you go when you left court this afternoon?" "I did something I should have done a long time ago. Strange as it seems, I think the re-emergence of those pictures gave me the push I needed. I paid a visit to the house where I lived with Fenner, and to the house where he raped me." Even now, even after all that had happened, she still loathed and detested the word rape, and hated every time she had to say it. "Was that wise?" John asked carefully. "Yes, it was. The last time I saw that B and B where Fenner had been staying, it was very unexpected, and just seeing it made me have the one and only waking flashback I've ever had of that night. I probably scared the life out of Yvonne because I was behind the wheel at the time. Quite how she managed to get me to pull over is anyone's guess." "So you thought you'd visit it on your own terms?" "Yes. It was something I needed to do. Like those pictures, I needed to consign it to the past. Whether I've achieved what I wanted to achieve, I suppose I'll find out in due course." "What did you want to achieve?" "I'm sick and tired of dreaming about everything to do with him. Not just what he did to me, but things he did to other people, things I did and said when I was living with him." John pondered this for a moment. "You probably won't ever entirely get away from that." "I know, but I had to do something." John walked over to her, suddenly catching a glimpse of the vulnerable Karen, the Karen who hadn't quite been able to regain her outer composure. Slowly putting his arms round her, he could feel her tense, taut body, eventually begin to relax in his hold. "I was extremely proud of you today," He said, his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume mixed with cigarette smoke. "I thought you were going to charge me with contempt of court," Karen said with a small smile. "You hadn't actually been issued with a formal summons, so I couldn't." "I wish I'd seen your explosion," She said fondly, an embrace from this man always making her feel safe. "I've heard it was a sight to behold. But when you were still there, giving him more hell than either Jo or George ever would have done, I kept thinking that, no matter how wonderful you are at your present job, I wished with all my heart that you'd trained as a barrister." "Please don't be nice to me," She said, unable to suppress the tears that rose to her eyes. "It's what I thought," He said quietly. "And it's what I'll go on thinking, every time I see an imbecile like that on the bench." "I wish Fenner had come under your cosh, just once," She said in to his shoulder. "I know," He said, gently running his fingers through her hair, feeling the shudder that ran through her body as she tried to regain control. "I'm sorry," She said, loathing herself for falling apart like this. "I should go." "Sh," He said, as she moved to disengage herself from him. "It's really quite all right to do this." "No," She said more firmly, as she finally freed herself. "I am this close to cracking up completely," She continued, holding her thumb and finger about an inch apart. "And I don't want you to see that." Making purposefully for the door, she wrenched it open and almost fled from the room. He didn't attempt to follow her, realising that this would only make things worse. If Karen didn't want him to witness her undoing, then he wouldn't force his company on her. But that didn't prevent him from being incredibly worried about her. Karen was a live wire at the moment, liable to spark in any direction at the least provocation. As he slowly walked round his chambers, he breathed in a deep sigh of concern. His musings were cut short when, with the action of breathing in through his nose, he caught the waft of Karen's perfume tinged with cigarette smoke that had not entirely departed with her. That reminded him of something, but what. Standing perfectly still to allow his thoughts to sort themselves out, he opened his eyes wide when the pieces finally fitted together. That smell, that wonderfully familiar, and at times erotic mixture of Karen's perfume and cigarette smoke, that was what had struck him when he'd entered George's house a week last Wednesday, the night he'd caught her fantasising in the shower. When he'd let himself into the hall, that was the aroma he'd detected. As it further occurred to him what this must mean, he stared at the place where Karen had been standing. Karen had been in George's house that evening, Karen had left only perhaps half an hour before he'd arrived. Karen, therefore, was the person, no woman, whom George had bottled out of sleeping with. Karen, was George's new lover.
A little after eight that evening, Jo was sitting at her home computer, hammering out the bones of her closing speech, to be performed on the Friday morning. She'd been so angry with Neumann for pulling such a despicable stunt, but in provoking John so far, he had provided her with an answer to a question that had been nagging at her for some time. There was no doubt in her mind that John wouldn't have put up with that kind of behaviour from anyone, but it was the fact that Karen was the victim of Neumann's barrage which had really pushed John over the edge. John hadn't just been professionally defending Karen, but personally standing up for her as well. When had it happened, she wondered. When had he slept with her, because only that kind of intimacy would have made John act the way he had? Whenever it had been, it was definitely quite a long time ago. The friendship that existed between John and Karen was incredibly strong, perhaps even stronger than hers had been with John in the early days and possibly because they had got the inevitable sexual attraction out of the way at the beginning. But Jo couldn't help wondering just what Karen's now being George's lover would do to that friendship. When John was made aware of that fact, he would almost certainly require a good deal more love and affection than he usually got from her. A slow, sleepy smile crossed Jo's face as she remembered what had taken place between them the evening before. She could never get quite enough of making love with John, a fact that she realised would probably one day be her undoing. She'd said to him on the Tuesday that she wanted to become more sexually precocious, though that was really the wrong word. But it was all well and good saying a thing, she had to somehow start actually putting it in to practice.
As if conjured up by her thoughts, the doorbell rang. At this time on a Thursday evening, it could only be John. When she opened the door and saw him standing there, she could see immediately that something was wrong. "What's happened?" She said as he came into the hall. "I've just had my eyes opened," He said, his tone made up of slight bewilderment, a lot of hurt and a little anger. "Well, I say just, it was more like three hours ago, and I've been mulling it over ever since." "John, stop talking in riddles and tell me what's happened," Jo cajoled, walking in to the kitchen and pouring them both a glass of wine. John followed her and stood in the doorway. "Well, I don't need to tell you, do I," He said almost sulkily. "Because you already know, don't you." "What do I already know?" Jo asked, handing him the glass of wine and walking in to the sitting room, and getting a horrible feeling that she knew exactly what was coming. "George and Karen is what you already know," John retorted, pacing round the room as Jo sat on the sofa. "Why, Jo, why couldn't you tell me?" "How did you find out?" Jo asked quietly. "When I went to see George last week, I knew I could smell a different perfume in the house. But I didn't think any more of it at the time, because other considerations got in the way." "Clearly," Jo said dryly, receiving a stony glare from John. "Then, Karen came back to court to see me later this afternoon, to apologise for walking out. After she'd gone, it dawned on me where I'd smelt that mixture of perfume and cigarette smoke before, in George's house, on the night she'd said she'd been out with a new lover who, funnily enough, she'd bottled out of sleeping with. Not something I think George has ever done in her life." "Typical," Jo said with a wry smile. "What is?" John asked, taking a sip of his wine. "Trust you to find something like that out, just by the aroma of a woman's perfume." "This isn't funny, Jo. Why, why could neither of them tell me, or you for that matter?" "Have you stopped to think for one moment why I didn't tell you?" Jo asked carefully. "I haven't got a clue," He said, clearly having not thought about it at all. "I didn't tell you, John, because George asked me not too. She wanted to tell you in her own time, when she was ready to tell you, and not before." "So why did she tell you then?" "She didn't, and wouldn't have done if I hadn't found them kissing." "Did you really?" John said with a little smirk. "Yes," Jo said firmly. "And I've never seen George look as uncomfortable as she did then. Probably for the first time since I've known her, she really didn't know what to say. That's why you've got to accept that she will only tell you when she is good and ready. George is still trying to get used to the idea." John walked over to the computer, and began reading what was on the screen. After altering a word here and there, he said, "Why are you so calm about it?" "Because I've got no reason not to be," She said gently, seeing that this had thrown him more than he liked to admit. "It, surprised me," She hovered over the word surprised, "That George was kissing a woman, not that the woman was Karen." Once he'd moved away from the computer, Jo walked over and removed his alterations, perhaps preferring what he had put, but not willing to let him see it. "That doesn't make an ounce of sense, Jo," John said, watching her with a slight smile. "Yes, it does," She replied, sitting down again and taking a swig of her wine. "Didn't you once ask yourself why George has stayed for this much of the trial? She would have been there even without my asking her to be on the first day." "I still don't see why you didn't tell me," He said petulantly. Jo looked slightly exasperated with him. "This relationship isn't just about you, you know, John." The slight edge to her tone brought him up short and he just stared at her. "Oh, it might have been at first," Jo continued. "But not any more." "Why, are you going to tell me you're sleeping with George as well?" "No, I'm not," Jo said, trying to hide a smile. "Last time I checked, women weren't my cup of tea. What I meant about this relationship not revolving entirely around you, is that you're not the only one whose feelings have to be considered. By extension of the fact that we both sleep with you, yes, George and I have grown closer. It's not something I envisaged happening, but this whole set up has been a learning curve for both of us. It seemed far more important to allow George to deal with this in her own time, than to satisfy your curiosity." John looked very uncomfortable. "I don't think I thought that your loyalty to me would ever be tested." "Loyalty is something that does occasionally have to be earned, John." "That was said very ominously," He observed. "Well, you're not the only one who's had a question answered today," Jo said, her slightly clipped tone making him wary. "How long ago did you sleep with Karen?" "What?" He asked, taken completely off guard. "When did you sleep with Karen? Was it a few weeks ago, a few months ago, or even further back than that, because after this afternoon's performance, you're surely not going to tell me you never have." "It was a little while before we embarked on this three-way thing," John admitted. "It can't have been that long before because you didn't know her." "It was the week before George fainted in court, a few days after we put her through the third degree." "So, George really was right about that," Jo said in amazement. "She knew right from the start that you had something like that in mind." "Jo," John said wearily. "It was a very long time ago, and it's never happened since, I promise. But yes, you're right, what happened today probably did get to me more because of that." "I know," Jo said quietly. "And I'm sorry. I just hate finding out things like that when I'm not expecting them. With you, it's often a case of wondering just who's name is going to crop up next." "I have remained completely and utterly faithful to this relationship," He said, sitting down beside her. "And nothing, absolutely nothing would make me go back on that." "I do hope so, John." As they moved together, arms going round each other and mouths seeking out familiar territory, Jo just prayed that he really meant what he'd said. "Am I so frightening that she didn't feel able to tell me?" He asked after a while. "Just try asking yourself two things, John," Jo said in slight annoyance. "How long did it take you to tell George about me, and how long did it take you to tell me about what had happened with your therapist." John stared at her, realising in an instant that she was absolutely right. He hated it when Jo was right, especially over something like this. "Okay, point taken," He said grudgingly. "That isn't what's really bothering you about all this, is it," She said quietly, laying her head back on his shoulder. "Would I be right in thinking that this has made you feel just a little insecure?" "I loathe that word," He said by way of an answer. After a short silence, he added, "I don't want to lose her." Jo had suspected something like this. "As far as I'm aware," She said to reassure him. "You're not about to lose anyone. As far as you're concerned, George isn't going anywhere. The only difference is that she will be dividing her time between the two of you, very much as you do now," She finished firmly to make the point. "This is going to get complicated," He said ruefully. "I thought that about you, me and George, but it wasn't too bad. You'll just have to learn the art of communication, as George and I have had to." "Am I being stupid?" He asked, knowing he was, but hoping she wouldn't think so. "Only slightly," Jo said with a smile. "You'll get used to it because there's no other way forward. If you want George to remain a part of your life, then you'll have to accept Karen as part of the package. For quite a long time, George and I did have some difficulty accepting each other as part of you, so maybe now you'll understand how that felt." "I owe you and George a hell of a lot, don't I," He said in dawning comprehension. "Don't think of it like that," Jo said gently. "Just try and accept that George is spreading her wings in a direction that you didn't expect her to. It doesn't mean she's going away from you, it doesn't mean that either of us will ever go away from you." "I don't deserve you," He said between kisses. "No, you don't," Jo said with a soft smile, taking his hand and pulling him up from the couch. When he raised an eyebrow at her, she said, "I'd quite like you to finish what you started in chambers yesterday." Grinning to himself, John said, "And your wish, is as always, my command," Entirely ignoring the fact that they had finished what they'd started last night. After all, who was he to complain?
When they reached her bedroom, John decided that something was different about tonight. Jo was actively taking the lead, reaching to undo his belt and the buttons of his shirt before he could get his hands on her. But, if Jo wanted to be in control, he wasn't about to stop her. When they were at last under her soft, feather duvet, her hands were all over him, teasing erogenous zones he'd forgotten he had, all the time keeping her full, pliable lips dancing with his. "There's something different about you tonight," John murmured as her hand crept downwards. "Not really," Jo replied. "I'm just following some advice I was given a few days ago." "By whom?" John asked suspiciously, now thoroughly intrigued. "That's absolutely none of your business," Jo said with a cheeky little smile. As she began kissing her way down his torso, he realised what her intended goal must be. "I thought you didn't like doing that," He said, not wanting her to do this unless she was absolutely sure it was what she wanted. "And the last time I tried it was a very long time ago, and not with you," She replied, eventually resting her cheek on his hip, taking in the sight of his clearly aroused length right before her eyes. She placed delicate, butterfly kisses all the way from the base to the tip, taking in the smooth, firm, heavy texture of this perhaps most active of John's organs, which she had only previously explored with her hands. When she gently took him into her hand, and guided the head between her parted lips, he sucked in a breath through his teeth, making her wonder if she'd hurt him in some way. As her mouth was otherwise occupied, Jo simply raised an eyebrow at him. "That feels incredible," He said, thinking that her enthusiasm definitely made up for her inexperience. John had never tried to persuade Jo to do this for him, accepting without question her dislike for it. She'd made her dislike of it plain when he'd begun sleeping with her all those years ago. He could remember the very sweet way in which she'd assumed that if she wouldn't do that for him, he wouldn't want to do the same for her. But having always loved performing that particular speciality for most women, John would never have not done so just because Jo didn't like doing the same for him. Never taking more than the head into her mouth, Jo moved her hand luxuriously along his length, occasionally flicking out her tongue to tease the underside. She wasn't naive enough to think she was very good at it, but everyone had to start somewhere. It wasn't Jo's level of expertise at this little delicacy that was inflaming John's passion, but the fact that she was doing it because she wanted him to think she was becoming his equal. This thought made John feel extremely humble, telling him in no uncertain terms that she loved him and that it was about time he appreciated that fact. She continued with her ministrations for a while, until he gently detached her from him, and persuaded her back to lie beside him. It took an enormous amount of willpower not to immediately take what she was clearly offering him. He refused to be one of those men who made love to a woman without even considering her pleasure. "What brought that on?" He asked with a smile as he turned his attention to her beautiful body, gently massaging her breasts and bringing her nipples to a diamond-tipped hardness. She smiled secretively. "I wanted to," She said simply, not able to explain that it was something she felt she needed to do, to bring her a little closer to George's and perhaps even Karen's level of sexual experience. As he slipped a hand between her legs, she really began to relax. What was it George had said to her on Monday? That half John's pleasure was in how much enjoyment he could give. "Who knows," She said lightly, as John inched two fingers inside her. "I might take you all the way like that one of these days." John had been kissing his way across her chest from one nipple to the other, but he moved back up to look her in the eye. "Don't be too eager for that," He said gently, admiring her courage, but not wanting her to do anything she wasn't entirely comfortable with. "Does George do it?" Jo couldn't help asking, though she thought she already knew the answer. Withdrawing his hand, John put his arms round her. "Is that why you did this?" He asked gently, feeling terrible that Jo needed to compare herself to George like that. "Hey, don't stop," She said, taking his hand and leading it back to its former occupation which made him smile. "I'll answer your question if you answer mine," She said mischievously. "Yes, she does, occasionally, and though she likes doing it because she says it makes her feel slightly bad, she can't stand the taste, and always has a glass of something to knock back afterwards." Jo smiled broadly, and then remember her side of the bargain. "Whether or not either George or others have done that for you wasn't entirely why I did it, but it probably had something to do with it." "Jo, I love you," He said firmly, kissing her long and hard as his hand increased in speed. "And I love you for exactly who you are now, so don't ever think you have to change just for me." A little while later when he slid inside her, she clung to him, just for an instant revealing her fear that his insecurity over George and Karen might push him back into his old ways. She couldn't bear having to go back to that level of uncertainty again. Being able to feel secure that John was definitely sleeping with her and George and no one else, had allowed her to relax, so that for once in her life she could feel really settled. The way she saw it, the more she could do to prevent John from taking up his old pursuits the better it would be for all concerned.