Part Fifty
When Karen and Yvonne rejoined the group, the wind suddenly blew chill as Yvonne sensed the imminent parting of the ways. It was not just because the week was coming to an end, but the trial also. She had always been social and outgoing and even in the days before Larkhall, even Charlie's dickhead friends gave him some sense of satisfaction in just being there. Larkhall introduced her to en entirely new circle of female friends and those dearest to her were around her, day by day. That both Helen and Karen had once locked her up for a living wasn't real to her anymore. "Anyone want to come back to my place. I like a good party, girls." It took a lot that second to prop up that feeling of self-confidence with that broad smile stretched across her face but it worked at least for others.
"I'd love to but I have got to work at the club tonight. For the last day or so, I've had that sneaking feeling at the back of me that if I'm away for too long, Trisha will get ideas. She'll think that she can just take over and run the place the way she wants to and not me. It isn't easy at the best of times." With a look of real regret, Nikki kissed Yvonne on the cheek and gave her a quick hug until her face suddenly brightened.
"What about you, Helen?" "I'm up for it. There's a first time for everything." Babs and Karen graciously declined and Yvonne's face fell.
"Why doesn't everyone come back to my place. It means us more time and the kids don't see enough of you." Cassie's remark touched Yvonne and gave her flagging spirits the boost they needed while Helen smiled her agreement at the change in plan. She felt fresh and alert and the day hadn't finished for her.
"OK you guys, you follow our car while we pick up the kids," Cassie yelled out before ostentatiously revving up the car and zooming off.
Helen and Yvonne stepped through the great divide into the warm cosy domesticity from the cold air outside and flopped into the welcoming armchairs. At the same time, the noisy innocence of the two little beings who burst in on them made Helen feel strangely distanced to begin with. That didn't matter as they homed in on Auntie Yvonne whose red Ferrari they had immediately spotted when they came out of school. Her big smile and welcoming arms greeted them and entertained them with the latest jokes which none of their schoolfriends had heard. She was, of course, a grown up but she wasn't like those starchy strangers they came across from time to time who held themselves stiff and upright and talked a foreign language, they didn't understand. They glanced carefully at the lady and, as she had a nice smile, they thought they would give her a chance. Besides, she was a friend of Mum and Cassie.
Cassie and Roisin took themselves into the kitchen to knock up a dinner, pleasantly surprised that that ministering to the needs of their children had been taken off their hands.
"Did you used to be a prisoner with mum and Cassie?" Michael asked after Helen had introduced herself. There was no trace of the Helen that had once asked Nikki to call her 'ma'am' when she was made Acting Governing Governor. This woman knew that she had nothing to offer but herself.
"She was on the other side, Michael, but she's apologised enough times for being very bossy and locking us up at nights that we've forgiven her. She lives with an old friend of mine called Nikki Wade." "Like Mum and Cassie are?" Niamh piped up.
"That's good then," Michael responded.
Helen blinked with astonishment that in two seconds flat these children had more wisdom in their accepting eyes than decades of living by Sylvia's curled lip of disapproval and that bastard Fenner's evil sneer. That moment of revelation washed over her.
"We sure are," Helen said with a flourish. "Have you got any children?" "Sorry, Niamh, Nikki and I haven't got round to that." Helen blushed slightly, not being used to the directness of children after her hours of work sifting through the labyrinthine defences and distortions of her patients. She was the one who was used to asking questions and not being asked. The week or so of Larkhall honesty had only got her used so far to conversation with children. Real feelings of affection spread through her and the thought that this was Cassie and Roisin's upbringing, bearing fruit.
Yvonne smiled and sat back as Helen started a conversation, initially uncertain as she felt her way but the important thing was that they liked Helen. It was curious to remember that forceful and decisive woman, dressed in a two piece blue suit, being so shy and bashful.
"Do you play draughts?" Helen asked after the conversation started to run dry. "But only two can play?" "Nonsense. Why don't you both make up a team, take it in turns to play and that way you'll be sure to beat me." Helen's challenging grin surprised herself and the way she had pulled the idea out of her hat. Yvonne gave Helen full marks for resourcefulness. "It'll do you good to play together instead of arguing," Sang out Cassie from the other side of the wall to the kitchen.
Helen picked up the round, patterned counters and a strange feeling ran through her fingers as it brought back many memories to her mind and the long buried game techniques. Michael and Niamh's combative instincts were roused and they knew that they felt comfortable to play with this lady. She was nice and that was what mattered.
Helen let the children move their first piece and the battle for mastery of the board commenced.
"Can I take that go again. I didn't mean it. It was Michael putting me off. Please, Helen, please." A real feeling of tenderness and affection ran through Helen. This innocent joy in playing with these adorable children was all the more as this was totally outside her past experience. She generously let them take the move again so that Helen did not leapfrog her piece across three of theirs and take them. Yvonne grinned in memory of the stern way that Helen used to enforce rules and regulations at Larkhall.
The evening felt complete as they settled down to dinner round the table, Michael and Niamh crowing to all and sundry that they had beaten Helen six games to five. It really brought the sort of family feeling to Helen that she had never known since her mother was alive. It made more sense to her as a felt experience of what mothers at Larkhall lost when they became separated from their children. She was glad that she had done right by them even if she had never felt what they had felt.
"Come on, kids. Time for bed," Called Cassie while Yvonne topped up Helen's glass and they lay back in piece and contentment.
"Will you come round another time, Helen. We like you." Niamh's tired childlike voice called out to her as she grabbed her favourite fluffy toy to hug.
"I can't say when but I promise I'll come again soon. I'll try to bring Nikki as well." The children spun their bedtime with a series of 'night nights' to Yvonne and Helen and Helen and Yvonne.
There was a warm smile on Yvonne's face and they exchanged smalltalk with Helen while Cassie and Roisin were upstairs. Instinct told her to keep it light and avoid anything heavy. Take life a bit at a time over this weekend and she might get lucky at the other end unscarred.
"Helen's getting broody," joked Cassie to Roisin as they walked downstairs after settling two happy but tired children to bed. They had watched Helen's transformation in total fascination.
"What were you going to tell us at lunchtime, Cassie, before Yvonne frog-marched you out of the way?" "Subtlety ain't my strong point as you know, Helen, if someone's about to plonk their big foot in it as Cassie was. She was about to spill the beans on something which Jo and Karen wouldn't want to know about. Cassie will explain." "I worked out how to scam the computer programme that worked out our weekly spends." Roisin smiled at the deceptively casual way that Cassie spoke while Helen wondered if she was hearing things right. Even Larkhall couldn't let that sort of thing happen. Mind you, when she looked back on her time at Larkhall, it refused to drag itself into the modern age. 'We've always done it this way,' was Sylvia's favourite obstructive tactic that used to drive her to distraction.
"I had to audit the accounts before they had computers and grind my way through all the bloody figurework." "All totally fiddled, I'm sure. I can see her getting a real kick out of straining her brain adding up ten and ten and take away four if she didn't like the look of your face. I've often wondered how much we got robbed," interjected Yvonne sarcastically.
"Surely that sort of thing couldn't have happened?" questioned Helen. "Are you telling me that some of them wouldn't have cooked the books?" "All your figures would only be as good as what some bent screw put down on the books, if you don't mind me putting it that way." Helen nodded. Now she came to think of it, it might have happened that way. She remembered Nikki's sarcastic description of the 'personal incentive scheme which meant if that screw liked your face.' What Cassie and Yvonne were suggesting was only a small logical step forward. She remembered with fury the hours she had spent at home trying to get the books to balance.
"Anyway how in hell did they ever get computers at Larkhall?" "That was Grayling's doing. From what Karen told me once, it was Grayling's bright idea and he soft-soaped Bodybag into it. It was her pet personal project." Helen's face was twisted in total shock and incredulity.
"He must have taken leave of his senses." "But it made it so much easier for us." "Ah. I can see what's coming." "You don't mind us talking about something ever so slightly not quite legal to Miss Helen Stewart of all people." "That was a long time ago. I'm Helen Wade now, don't forget. It happened after my time any, anyway, I don't owe the Prison Service any loyalty except to those I've got to make friends with." "It could never have happened if Bodybag knew one end of a computer from another even down to how you switch it on," Cassie said scornfully. "Anyway, Babs unpacked the computer and set it up so that someone like Miss Barker and Bodybag could work it if they followed the idiot sheets that she wrote out for them. It was easy for Babs to reprogramme it and switch the plusses and minuses as it adjusted the weekly spends that were available from week to week." "So the more you spent, the more you had left to spend on from the prison shop. It would only take a few weeks and you would really clean up. Didn't anyone notice how fast the stock was disappearing?" Two broad smiles answered Helen who shook her head.
"Anyway, enough talking about Larkhall. I really meant it when I said that I'd come again and bring Nikki. Your kids are adorable." "They're not usually as angelic as tonight. It isn't that easy bringing up children." Helen's soulful smile remained on her face for the rest of the evening as they sipped their drinks and chatted. Tonight was a new experience to her and it helped to soothe away the cares of the week. It brought back the memories of that day in the art room at Larkhall when she had first dared to think what a life with Nikki might be like and told Nikki that she wanted kids one day. Of course, it might be just a romantic dream when both women were working at opposite sides of the day and their time spent together was far less than they wanted.
When Karen and Yvonne rejoined the group, the wind suddenly blew chill as Yvonne sensed the imminent parting of the ways. It was not just because the week was coming to an end, but the trial also. She had always been social and outgoing and even in the days before Larkhall, even Charlie's dickhead friends gave him some sense of satisfaction in just being there. Larkhall introduced her to en entirely new circle of female friends and those dearest to her were around her, day by day. That both Helen and Karen had once locked her up for a living wasn't real to her anymore. "Anyone want to come back to my place. I like a good party, girls." It took a lot that second to prop up that feeling of self-confidence with that broad smile stretched across her face but it worked at least for others.
"I'd love to but I have got to work at the club tonight. For the last day or so, I've had that sneaking feeling at the back of me that if I'm away for too long, Trisha will get ideas. She'll think that she can just take over and run the place the way she wants to and not me. It isn't easy at the best of times." With a look of real regret, Nikki kissed Yvonne on the cheek and gave her a quick hug until her face suddenly brightened.
"What about you, Helen?" "I'm up for it. There's a first time for everything." Babs and Karen graciously declined and Yvonne's face fell.
"Why doesn't everyone come back to my place. It means us more time and the kids don't see enough of you." Cassie's remark touched Yvonne and gave her flagging spirits the boost they needed while Helen smiled her agreement at the change in plan. She felt fresh and alert and the day hadn't finished for her.
"OK you guys, you follow our car while we pick up the kids," Cassie yelled out before ostentatiously revving up the car and zooming off.
Helen and Yvonne stepped through the great divide into the warm cosy domesticity from the cold air outside and flopped into the welcoming armchairs. At the same time, the noisy innocence of the two little beings who burst in on them made Helen feel strangely distanced to begin with. That didn't matter as they homed in on Auntie Yvonne whose red Ferrari they had immediately spotted when they came out of school. Her big smile and welcoming arms greeted them and entertained them with the latest jokes which none of their schoolfriends had heard. She was, of course, a grown up but she wasn't like those starchy strangers they came across from time to time who held themselves stiff and upright and talked a foreign language, they didn't understand. They glanced carefully at the lady and, as she had a nice smile, they thought they would give her a chance. Besides, she was a friend of Mum and Cassie.
Cassie and Roisin took themselves into the kitchen to knock up a dinner, pleasantly surprised that that ministering to the needs of their children had been taken off their hands.
"Did you used to be a prisoner with mum and Cassie?" Michael asked after Helen had introduced herself. There was no trace of the Helen that had once asked Nikki to call her 'ma'am' when she was made Acting Governing Governor. This woman knew that she had nothing to offer but herself.
"She was on the other side, Michael, but she's apologised enough times for being very bossy and locking us up at nights that we've forgiven her. She lives with an old friend of mine called Nikki Wade." "Like Mum and Cassie are?" Niamh piped up.
"That's good then," Michael responded.
Helen blinked with astonishment that in two seconds flat these children had more wisdom in their accepting eyes than decades of living by Sylvia's curled lip of disapproval and that bastard Fenner's evil sneer. That moment of revelation washed over her.
"We sure are," Helen said with a flourish. "Have you got any children?" "Sorry, Niamh, Nikki and I haven't got round to that." Helen blushed slightly, not being used to the directness of children after her hours of work sifting through the labyrinthine defences and distortions of her patients. She was the one who was used to asking questions and not being asked. The week or so of Larkhall honesty had only got her used so far to conversation with children. Real feelings of affection spread through her and the thought that this was Cassie and Roisin's upbringing, bearing fruit.
Yvonne smiled and sat back as Helen started a conversation, initially uncertain as she felt her way but the important thing was that they liked Helen. It was curious to remember that forceful and decisive woman, dressed in a two piece blue suit, being so shy and bashful.
"Do you play draughts?" Helen asked after the conversation started to run dry. "But only two can play?" "Nonsense. Why don't you both make up a team, take it in turns to play and that way you'll be sure to beat me." Helen's challenging grin surprised herself and the way she had pulled the idea out of her hat. Yvonne gave Helen full marks for resourcefulness. "It'll do you good to play together instead of arguing," Sang out Cassie from the other side of the wall to the kitchen.
Helen picked up the round, patterned counters and a strange feeling ran through her fingers as it brought back many memories to her mind and the long buried game techniques. Michael and Niamh's combative instincts were roused and they knew that they felt comfortable to play with this lady. She was nice and that was what mattered.
Helen let the children move their first piece and the battle for mastery of the board commenced.
"Can I take that go again. I didn't mean it. It was Michael putting me off. Please, Helen, please." A real feeling of tenderness and affection ran through Helen. This innocent joy in playing with these adorable children was all the more as this was totally outside her past experience. She generously let them take the move again so that Helen did not leapfrog her piece across three of theirs and take them. Yvonne grinned in memory of the stern way that Helen used to enforce rules and regulations at Larkhall.
The evening felt complete as they settled down to dinner round the table, Michael and Niamh crowing to all and sundry that they had beaten Helen six games to five. It really brought the sort of family feeling to Helen that she had never known since her mother was alive. It made more sense to her as a felt experience of what mothers at Larkhall lost when they became separated from their children. She was glad that she had done right by them even if she had never felt what they had felt.
"Come on, kids. Time for bed," Called Cassie while Yvonne topped up Helen's glass and they lay back in piece and contentment.
"Will you come round another time, Helen. We like you." Niamh's tired childlike voice called out to her as she grabbed her favourite fluffy toy to hug.
"I can't say when but I promise I'll come again soon. I'll try to bring Nikki as well." The children spun their bedtime with a series of 'night nights' to Yvonne and Helen and Helen and Yvonne.
There was a warm smile on Yvonne's face and they exchanged smalltalk with Helen while Cassie and Roisin were upstairs. Instinct told her to keep it light and avoid anything heavy. Take life a bit at a time over this weekend and she might get lucky at the other end unscarred.
"Helen's getting broody," joked Cassie to Roisin as they walked downstairs after settling two happy but tired children to bed. They had watched Helen's transformation in total fascination.
"What were you going to tell us at lunchtime, Cassie, before Yvonne frog-marched you out of the way?" "Subtlety ain't my strong point as you know, Helen, if someone's about to plonk their big foot in it as Cassie was. She was about to spill the beans on something which Jo and Karen wouldn't want to know about. Cassie will explain." "I worked out how to scam the computer programme that worked out our weekly spends." Roisin smiled at the deceptively casual way that Cassie spoke while Helen wondered if she was hearing things right. Even Larkhall couldn't let that sort of thing happen. Mind you, when she looked back on her time at Larkhall, it refused to drag itself into the modern age. 'We've always done it this way,' was Sylvia's favourite obstructive tactic that used to drive her to distraction.
"I had to audit the accounts before they had computers and grind my way through all the bloody figurework." "All totally fiddled, I'm sure. I can see her getting a real kick out of straining her brain adding up ten and ten and take away four if she didn't like the look of your face. I've often wondered how much we got robbed," interjected Yvonne sarcastically.
"Surely that sort of thing couldn't have happened?" questioned Helen. "Are you telling me that some of them wouldn't have cooked the books?" "All your figures would only be as good as what some bent screw put down on the books, if you don't mind me putting it that way." Helen nodded. Now she came to think of it, it might have happened that way. She remembered Nikki's sarcastic description of the 'personal incentive scheme which meant if that screw liked your face.' What Cassie and Yvonne were suggesting was only a small logical step forward. She remembered with fury the hours she had spent at home trying to get the books to balance.
"Anyway how in hell did they ever get computers at Larkhall?" "That was Grayling's doing. From what Karen told me once, it was Grayling's bright idea and he soft-soaped Bodybag into it. It was her pet personal project." Helen's face was twisted in total shock and incredulity.
"He must have taken leave of his senses." "But it made it so much easier for us." "Ah. I can see what's coming." "You don't mind us talking about something ever so slightly not quite legal to Miss Helen Stewart of all people." "That was a long time ago. I'm Helen Wade now, don't forget. It happened after my time any, anyway, I don't owe the Prison Service any loyalty except to those I've got to make friends with." "It could never have happened if Bodybag knew one end of a computer from another even down to how you switch it on," Cassie said scornfully. "Anyway, Babs unpacked the computer and set it up so that someone like Miss Barker and Bodybag could work it if they followed the idiot sheets that she wrote out for them. It was easy for Babs to reprogramme it and switch the plusses and minuses as it adjusted the weekly spends that were available from week to week." "So the more you spent, the more you had left to spend on from the prison shop. It would only take a few weeks and you would really clean up. Didn't anyone notice how fast the stock was disappearing?" Two broad smiles answered Helen who shook her head.
"Anyway, enough talking about Larkhall. I really meant it when I said that I'd come again and bring Nikki. Your kids are adorable." "They're not usually as angelic as tonight. It isn't that easy bringing up children." Helen's soulful smile remained on her face for the rest of the evening as they sipped their drinks and chatted. Tonight was a new experience to her and it helped to soothe away the cares of the week. It brought back the memories of that day in the art room at Larkhall when she had first dared to think what a life with Nikki might be like and told Nikki that she wanted kids one day. Of course, it might be just a romantic dream when both women were working at opposite sides of the day and their time spent together was far less than they wanted.