Snapshots of a Love Affair
by Olivia Sutton
part 6
Two years later, Jeff and Marty are 24
Marty walked into the flat he shared with his mate, the man who'd been his lover for eight years, and smiled. "Jeff? Jeff!"
Jeff walked into the lounge from the kitchen, wearing an old pair of sweats, and no shirt. "Oh, there you are, Marty. I was beginning to wonder... I left the office ages ago."
Marty nodded, "I know, I needed to stop and buy something. Something for tonight, Jeff." Marty gestured towards the black carrier bag in his hand.
Jeff walked over to Marty and kissed him, lightly on the lips. "Marty, are you all right? I mean, I know what day it is today, and..."
"Jeff, don't," said Marty.
"Marty - you went into our office today, you haven't said anything, and you're too quiet. Today, of all days, Marty."
"It was ten years ago, Jeff. I was raped ten years ago," Marty said quietly, then he gently kissed Jeff.
Jeff pulled back slightly, "But you've never been like this, Marty! I'm worried about you. I love you so much, and if..."
Marty kissed him, again, "Jeff, I'm okay, I have some plans for us tonight, but I'm okay," Marty flooded Jeff's mind with reassurances.
"What plans, Marty?" Jeff looked intently at his lover.
Marty returned Jeff's intense look, then said, "I don't want to say yet, Jeff."
"You sure?" Jeff put his hands on Marty's shoulders, looking at Marty, "Marty, come on, you're not acting like yourself. You haven't touched me all day, Marty. Until just now that is. And you've been so quiet. Barely a word, all day long. What's wrong? You say you have plans, but you won't tell me about them. And your plans include me, don't they?"
Marty looked down, and answered, "Yah, Jeff, they do..."
"And you won't tell me?" Jeff gently pulled Marty's chin up, so they were eye-to-eye, then added, "Which means you don't think I'll like it."
Marty nodded, his chin still cupped in Jeff's hand, "Um-hum. But Jeff... I want, I need... We've talked about this... about my needs, Jeff."
"Ah," answered Jeff, letting go, "Now, I know what your planning, what you want. You want me to hurt you... again. God, Marty, does it have to be like this all the time?"
"Not all the time, but tonight it does. Jeff, I'm not going to fight with you. Not today, I can't fight with you, today of all days, Jeff. Let's have dinner, then we can talk before bed."
Jeff nodded, "We will talk before bed." But he sent feelings of love and tenderness to Marty, caressing his shoulder with his hand.
Jeff stumbled as he walked up the stairs towards the bedroom he and Marty shared.
Marty was in front of Jeff, but turned when he heard him stumble, "You alright, Jeff?" he asked as he turned back towards Jeff.
"Yah, I'm fine, Marty," Jeff answered, as he steadied himself by placing his hand on the rail along the side of the staircase, "I think I had a bit too much wine with dinner, that's all."
Marty nodded, moved closer, and touched Jeff 's face lightly, You're not going to have any problems, tonight, are you Jeff? Tonight of all nights, I really need to be with you.
I know, Marty, I'll be fine. I know it. I'm a little tipsy that's all. Don't worry.
All right, Jeff. Marty responded, letting go, and then leading the way up the stairs and to their bedroom, "Come on, Jeff, I need you."
Jeff followed Marty, "I know, Marty."
Marty went to their dresser and opened the bottom drawer, the one that stuck that they never used, and took out the black plastic carrier bag, he put there that afternoon.
"What's that, Marty?"
"What I've thought about all day, what I've been planning all day, Jeff. Something I've desired for a long time. Get in to bed."
Jeff got in the bed, Marty took something out of the bag, then got into the bed next to Jeff, he lightly touched Jeff's shoulder, Jeff?
Yah, Marty?
Jeff, you know I sometimes like it rough. I... I bought us something to help with that.
Oh, no, Marty... no.
Please, Jeff. I need it. I need you to hurt me. And I need you to hit me, Jeff.
NO!
YES! Look, it's... Marty took a rubber bar out of the bag, No marks, Jeff. It won't leave marks. But it will hurt, and I want that. Please Jeff. Hurt me! He dropped the bar on the bed.
Jeff moved away from Marty, and sat on the edge of the bed facing away from him, "I can't! I can't do it, I can't hurt you, Marty, even if you want me to."
Marty moved behind Jeff, and touched his shoulder, "Jeff, I need it. I've been dreaming about this for a while now. I need the pain, Jeff."
Jeff turned towards Marty, tears in his eyes. "Have you ever thought about why?"
Marty shook his head, "No, but it's something I desire, Jeff. It drives the memories away when you're rough with me, and this..." Marty indicated the bar on the bed that neither had touched, "I've dreamed about you hitting me, Jeff, hurting me so I feel passion."
Jeff nodded again, "I don't want to do this. I really... don't want to do this," then he reached out, taking Marty's hand, and closing his eyes, Marty, are you sure this is what you want? What you really want?
It's what I want. Jeff, I... I don't think I can explain it. But I have dreamed about you... Jeff, I have actually dreamed about you hitting me, giving me passion and pain. Today, more than any other day, I need the pain. I need to be hurt by you. I want the pain, badly, Jeff. I know you can bring me... to a state of passion... like we've never experienced before.
Jeff opened his eyes and nodded, "Once, then, Marty... I agree to do what you want. Once." With a resigned look, he turned back to kiss Marty, flicking his own tongue into Marty's mouth.
Marty nodded, kissing Jeff back, and collapsing on his back on the bed.
But only because I love you, Jeff sent to Marty. He took a deep breath, and straddled over him.
"Wait! Rules, first, Jeff," insisted Marty, from his position on the bed, beneath Jeff.
Jeff nodded.
"I'm the submissive, that means I'm in control. When I say "hit", you hit me, Jeff, no arguments."
Jeff nodded.
"When I say "Enough, Stop!" you stop, Jeff. Not one more blow."
Jeff nodded, "I agree, Marty. I understand. Marty, I wish there was another way. I hate hurting you like this!"
"The pain brings me pleasure, Jeff. Now slap my face."
Jeff tapped Marty's face.
"Harder, Jeff - make it hurt."
Jeff slapped Marty's face again, hard, wincing at the sound.
Good, Jeff, that's good. Turn me over, and be rough, Jeff.
Jeff grabbed Marty's shoulders and pushed him over. Marty bounced as he turned onto his stomach on the bed. Jeff pushed him down, hard, straddling him. Marty groaned, then clutched the mattress.
Take the bar, Jeff, and hit me. Hit my shoulders, Jeff, hard.
Jeff nodded, tears in his eyes, then took the rubber bar and hit Marty's right shoulder.
Marty groaned, digging his fingers into the mattress below them. "Hit me, Jeff."
Jeff hit Marty again.
"Hit me!"
Jeff did so. Marty groaned, calling out in pain, clutching the mattress. "Hurt me! Jeff, Make it hurt! Damn it, Jeff, hit me!"
Jeff did it, tears flooding his eyes.
Passion and desire flooded Marty's soul, "Again, Jeff!"
Jeff did it, crying as he felt Marty's passion.
"Hit me!"
Jeff did it. Marty groaned again in pain, then desire overwhelmed him. He reflected his feelings to Jeff.
Jeff, stroke me. Take your hand and stroke my penis. Then hit me. Marty turned on his side.
Jeff put his hand on Marty's penis, and began to stroke him, making Marty hard, then he hit Marty's shoulder with the bar.
More, Jeff. Hit me!
Jeff did it, and so they continued, Jeff stroking Marty's penis, and hitting his lover with the rubber bar. Marty felt burning passion, as he was hit, and made sure that Jeff felt his passion and his pleasure.
"Enough, Jeff, Enough! Stop!"
Jeff dropped the bar, throwing it on the floor.
"Make me come, Jeff!
Jeff nodded, then moved in front of Marty, he moved to Marty's penis, and took it in his mouth. Jeff licked and sucked, and gently played with his mate's penis. He own tears dried, and passion flooded his soul. He sent waves of his own passion to Marty, and continued, whilst Marty thrust into his mouth, until Marty came and slid out of his mouth. Jeff turned to the side and spit.
Marty lay back on the bed, sated. Jeff cautiously moved closer to Marty, then put his head on Marty's chest, crying.
Marty encompassed Jeff with his arms. "That was good, Jeff. That was really good. Thank you." Marty kissed the top of Jeff's head.
Jeff lifted his head from Marty's chest, and looked at him, with tears in his eyes. "How could you enjoy that, Marty? It's hell!"
"It's passion!"
"I hurt you!"
"You made me feel good, Jeff. I felt... I felt so much desire, Jeff. I felt so much... pleasure. It felt so good. Every blow felt so good, made me want more..."
"I'll never do it again, Marty."
"Yes, you will, Jeff! If you love me!"
"It's because I love you that I won't! Damn it, Marty, can't you see? Don't you realise?"
"See what? Realise what? We just had the best sex we've ever had, and you're telling me 'never again'?"
"Best sex we've ever had? Marty, for good sex, both partners have to enjoy it, and I did not enjoy THAT at all!"
"Damn it, Jeff, think about me for once, not yourself!"
"I AM thinking about you! That's ALL I'm thinking about is you!"
Marty glared at Jeff in the darkness, then his face softened, he reached out, gently touching Jeff's shoulder, moving closer, "Come on, Jeff, it's all right, you know I want it, and..."
"No," Jeff pushed Marty away, "No, I won't. I won't re-live your rape with you, Marty. I won't!"
Marty reached out with his hand, and slapped Jeff.
Jeff stared at Marty, shocked and hurt.
Marty moved away from Jeff on the bed, sitting on the edge, staring away from Jeff, "Oh, god, Jeff, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... God, Jeff, no..."
Jeff stared at Marty in shock, there was dead silence in the bedroom, then Jeff murmured, "How could you?"
Marty turned to Jeff, "How could you think... That is what you think, innit, Jeff? It's what you think it is all about? My needs... Isn't it?"
"It must be, Marty! Somehow you equate pain with pleasure! Being raped is probably what did that to you, and I... I can't do it, Marty! I can't hurt you like that! Never again."
Marty got out of the bed, and glared at Jeff. "Then maybe I should find someone who will, Jeff!"
Jeff rolled on the bed, looking at Marty standing there, "Marty, come on, I'm sorry."
"Will you hurt me, the next time I ask you to?"
Jeff glared back at Marty. "No, I won't! I don't think I will, Marty. It takes too much out of my soul to do it!"
"Fine," Marty went to their wardrobe, and grabbed some clothes, then got dressed. "I'm leaving, Jeff."
"Marty! Come on, don't! I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry too. I still love you, but I need time to think. I need to sort out a few things, Jeff."
"Marty, please don't go! Please!"
Marty shook his head, "Jeff, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get my own head straight." Marty went to Jeff and lightly kissed his forehead, "I'm sorry."
Jeff stared at Marty, his world falling apart, "Don't do this."
Murmuring, "I'm sorry," over and over, he looked at Jeff on the bed, and slowly backed out of their bedroom.
Jeff turned away from Marty before he was even out of the room, threw himself down on the bed, and sobbed.
Marty left the flat, Jeff's sobs echoing in his ears.
Several hours later, Marty returned to their flat, throwing open the door, "Jeff?"
Jeff wasn't in the lounge.
Marty checked the kitchen, but no Jeff.
Then he entered the bathroom. The medicine cabinet was open, and the normally neat tablet bottles within had fallen over, some had fallen onto the sink. OH, no! Marty thought, then he raced to the bedroom.
Jeff lay on the bed, a glass tipped over next to his hand. A tablet bottle was next to the glass, near Jeff's hand, and another sat on the bedside table, besides an half-empty bottle of Marty's brand of whiskey. Marty looked from the alcohol and tablet bottles to Jeff and back, and then swore.
"Oh, god!" said Marty, then he went to Jeff, checking his neck for a pulse.
A faint pulse met Marty's fingers. Next, he picked up the prescription bottle. When he picked it up, Marty realised it was empty. He checked the label, but he knew what he'd probably find. His worse fears were realised when he saw the bottle held his own sedative prescription. He had taken sedatives for years, to help him sleep.
"God, Jeff!"
Marty reached for the phone, calling for an ambulance. He spoke to the operator, answering her questions, then hung up the phone.
Marty went to the bed, placed a hand on Jeff's temple, and another on his shoulders, closed his eyes, concentrated, then opened his eyes and sent to his lover, JEFF! Can you hear me? Can you hear me at all? Don't die, Jeff. Please don't die! I'll do anything you want - counseling, anything, Jeff, but please, please don't die on me!
Jeff opened his eyes, "Marty? Marty is that you?"
"It's me, Jeff. Now, how much? How much did you take, Jeff?" Marty asked, as he stroked Jeff's hair, his other hand firmly on Jeff's shoulder.
Jeff looked at Marty hazily, thinking, then answered, his thoughts confused and quiet, I don't know, I... one of the bottles was almost empty, so I... I remember opening the second one. Marty, I think I took both bottles, and a fair amount of whiskey. I couldn't stand the idea of going on without you. Then I realised that I didn't want to survive, at'all. If you're going to leave me, I still don't.
Marty nodded, "Jeff, we need to get everything out of your system. Do you understand?" Marty held Jeff's shoulders, "Throw it up, Jeff!"
Are you going to leave me?
NO! I won't. We'll work it out, Jeff, "Now, throw it up, Jeff, I mean it. Come on, Can you make it to the loo, or do you need to do it here?"
Jeff struggled in Marty's arms, trying to get off the bed. Marty held him, helping him off the bed, towards the loo, Jeff stumbled and fell in Marty's arms, "I don't think I can, I..." I'm sorry, Marty.
"Oh, god, come on then, Jeff! Get rid of it, now!"
Jeff stuck his finger down his throat and retched, throwing up onto the bed, then slid to the floor next to the bed.
Marty sat next to Jeff, waiting for the ambulance, holding Jeff upright in his arms.
The ambulance came, and Jeff was taken to hospital. His stomach was pumped and he was given dialysis to remove the drugs from his system. Marty was there through all of it, refusing to let the doctors separate him from his lover. Jeff was assigned a counsellor, and as they had ten years ago, both went to the sessions. The sessions started with Jeff's reasons for attempting suicide, but quickly progressed to working through Marty's rape and it's lingering affects of Marty's masochistic tendencies. Jeff learned to understand and accept Marty's needs, and Marty learned to experience passion without needing pain. Over the next year, the two rebuilt their trust, and continued to be mates and lovers.