A day in the life of Cecil 'Nobby' Wormsborough St. John Nobbs

Hello fellow aspiring Authors!

This is my first Fanfic, so please R&R, be truthful but not so truthful that I have toslit my wrists.

A note on grammar;

This Fic is written through the eyes of Nobby Nobbs, whom I believe speaks with a squeaky London accent. The poor grammar and spelling is deliberate! Honest! It's just what I think he would sound like…

I attempt no infringement on Terry Pratchett's great works. This is just for fun.

Enjoy!

'Allo.

My name is Cecil Wormsborough St. John Nobbs, or Nobby to me friends.

An' I'm gonna' tell ya' about my day.

At the Moment, I gets up at about two o'clock in the afternoon, 'cuz now, wiv' the new times of shifts, Me an' Fred Colon Patrol late afternoon ta early evenin'. S'all these new Watchmen what does it. Mister Vimes 'as ordered the re-openin' of all the ole Watch 'ouses what was closed down 'cuz no one was joinin' the Watch. Now we got too many Members, says Fred.

Anyways, what I did last Tuesday, after getting' out of my new room in the Watch 'ouse (you can see the floor in places, it's great!) I went downstairs fer breakfast. I says breakfast, what I means is, the mush what passes fer food, what they serves in the canteen. I 'ave ta eat from the canteen at the moment, 'cuz the uvver Watchmen 'ave bin hidin' the Tea-Money Tin again.

I went over to the notice board after Breakfast, an' I met Fred Colon havin' a look as well. We says good Mornin', as per usual, but Fred don't look too 'appy. So I says;

"What is it, Fred?"

"Well, Nobby, It's beginning to get to me…"

I knows what that means. It means Fred's 'bout to launch into his 'It's not my watch any more' speech. So I Buggered off when he started lookin' at the sky in a whimsical manner.

After that, I had a look around the watch 'ouse, an' made sure nobody had left anyfing around on desks 'n that. An' you won't believe it, there was this watch, one of the ones without imps, y'know, just lyin' around in this guy's drawer! Just lyin' there! So I took it. But, it took me so long to get the drawer open that Captain Carrot nearly seed me as 'ee came in after patrol wiv Sarge Angua. Not that I was doin' anyfing wrong or anyfing. Um.

But, just as I was sneakin' out, as you do in that situation, Carrot calls out after me;

"Ah, Corporal! Just the man I've been looking for!"

"Wot? Me?"

When I recovers, I manages to ask im' what for.

"Lord Vetinari has ordered that we allocate two… veteran watchmen to guard the new Lancrastrian embassy in Morpork. It's an essential job and you and Sergeant Colon are the best men for the job, he said!"

"Best… yeah, alroight, why not. Um… wot'll I 'ave to do?"

"Well, you'll have to… guard the ambassador, monitor who goes in and out, and, erm… defend the embassy if attacked!" Says Carrot. I just knowed e'd read it somewhere.

I did make my way to the embassy in the end. It wasn't very impressive. Anyone with an embassy of one floor, one above a tannery, can't be very rich. Or powerful. Fred Colon was there.

"'Allo Fred" I says. "Big job 'ere. Guarding an embassy 'an all."

"Oh yes, Nobby. Well, you can see why they asked us to do the duty, heh, us bein'… actually the most senior members in the watch. Well, me, anyway." Said Fred.

"I'm surprised you ain't a higher rank, Fred, with your seniority."

"Well, seniority is a two-edged sword, Nobby." I was amazed. This was a clever day for Fred. "When you're at the level I am, you're kept in the lower ranks. To show the youngsters the ropes, and make way for better men"

I started worryin'. I knowed what this kind of talk meant.

"Fred… what was it you was sayin' this mornin'… 'bout it getting' to you…"

"Wha' Nobby? I don't remember."

I sighed wiv relief. He'd only had a good lunch. That explained it.

It was a long evenin'. Nuffin much 'appened, no one entered the embassy, no one attacked. It was bloody hot.

A really thin dog wandered past. Poor bugger was collapsing in the heat. I made sure I remembered wot 'ee looked like. I never waste a free breakfast if the only uvver option is the stuff they serve up in the canteen.

As already said, the embassy was one floor, above a tannery. Maybe I neglected to mention that we was wearin' noseplugs. Somehow, on an evenin' like this, it didn't feel right. An' I got finkin'.

"Fred, you know…"

"What is it, Nobby?"

"This last couple 'a years. Anyfin strike ya about 'em?"

"Not really… what do you mean?"

"Well, if someone 'ad said to you a couple 'a years ago, Fred, whaddaya think of standin' on a roof an' shootin' at a dragon, what'd you 'ave said to 'em?"

"I'd say they was thick, Nobby!"

"Well, 'ow about marchin' straight inta a criminal's den an' escapin' with a gnome, or acceptin' an earldom?"

"Again, thick!"

"Or goin' into a big metal fish an adventurin' in a foreign country?"

"Need I say it?" sighed Fred.

"Notice anyfin' about it?"

"Erm… not really…"

I gave up.

Much later, I went ta my Folk Dancin' group. We're learnin a new step, somefin' called the "Streamjig"

All in all, a pretty average day. Nuffin' special. P'raps somfin'll 'appen t'morrow.

It usually does.

Well, that was it.

This is a one-shotter, (I didn't want to risk anything big) so there won't be any additional chapters, but my first tour de force is going to be a 3rd person fic about Fred Colon.

I'll start writing it as soon as we stop these damn revolutionaries.

I bid you goodnight!