Part Seventy-Eight
It all started the Thursday night before lockup when the Julies, Lauren and Denny were sat on the bunks in the Julies' cell and hatching plans.
"So we're agreed who are to be on the hit list," Summarised Lauren.
"Eh?" Julie Johnson queried. "We're not risking doing any more time than we're already doing." "You ain't got to worry, mate. We'll keep it light, no problems except for Bodybag, the evil old cow," Julie Saunders reassured her, muttering venomously about the only pain in the neck on G wing these days.
They discussed various options and finally settled on what was going to happen. They all grinned at the thought and were sure everything would go off like clockwork if they handled it right.
The Julies were up, bright and early, and got cracking on their kitchen duties straightaway. Dominic thanked their fortunes that G wing was lucky in having redbans who were hardworking and wouldn't abuse their position of trust as Shell Dockley used to do.
"Morning Mr. McAllister," They smiled brightly and respectfully at him.
Julie Saunders spotted what she was looking for at the back of the pantry, the large bag of plain flour and the other magic ingredient that she needed.
"Sausages it will have to be," Julie Johnson muttered to herself. "There ain't much in the pantry and they always go down well at breakfast. Everyone's off pancakes right now." "Will you be OK while I prepare the specials, Ju. I'll be a little while till I can give you a hand." "Yeah, no probs, Ju." A strong odour of frying fat and cooking sausages announced that the mass production of sausages was well in hand and wafted out from the servery into the canteen area. The Julies blinked their eyes as. Even for them, the cooking fumes were strong. "And now, Ju's special ingredient. This is a step up from Noreen Biggs cheese straws recipe. home made cookies." She popped them on a metal tray and into the oven. She kept a special lookout for them to make sure they didn't get burnt and, sure enough, when they were laid out to cool on a mesh tray.
In the meantime, those first out of the cells and the hungriest, were starting to form an orderly queue, Denny near the front.
"For you, Denny mate, a couple of extra sausages and your eggs, sunny side up as you like them." "Wicked," Grinned Denny. She was always ready to tuck into a hearty breakfast first thing in the morning. "And the other?" "Sorted," Grinned Julie Saunders.
At that moment, Karen and Gina took the opportunity to stroll down to the wing. On a day like this, all the women were friendly and good-natured without the periodic atmosphere between a few of them that could cut like a knife. Karen deliberately held back behind Gina as, after all, it was her wing at least temporarily. That way, the day to day queries from the women went to Gina and not her. She was glad to get a breath of fresh air from the solid grind of paperwork and could understand now why Grayling used to come onto the wing from time to time. Today, the air was not as fresh as it might be. With a bright smile, Julie Saunders came up to her from behind the servery, flourishing a plate with a handful of home made cookies.
"A special present to our favourite governors. Here's to Miss Betts and Miss Rossi, what deserve this little treat." "These look lovely," Karen smiled appreciatively. "I haven't had home made biscuits for years." "Don't mind if I do. A little of what you fancy does you good, eh." "That's exactly what I say to myself," Julie Johnson answered with a grin on her face.
They both bit into the cookies which positively melted in their mouths. They had a nice texture about them.
"Here, take another," She offered generously.
"Why, thank you, Julies," Karen replied warmly and Gina followed suit in taking another tempting morsel.
Lauren had taken her place in the queue and her sharp eyes noted that, while Karen delicately nibbled her cookie, Gina took several large bites into hers and devoured it with relish. "Morning, Miss Betts," She said, drawing Karen into a little polite and friendly conversation and, in true Atkins style, made suitable replies while taking in the Julies broad wink. So far, so good.
Karen and Gina eventually drifted off to what was now Gina's office. She was glad to get away from the flood of paperwork emanating from Area adding to the wearisome list of 'must be dones' which could get her down. She nibbled at the cookie as she walked and savoured the taste as she finished it off.
Meanwhile, the Julies smiled winningly at Dominic and drifted over to him with an unconvincing air of nonchalance.
"Mr. McAllister, Sir. We was wondering about a little scheme to brighten up the day, so to speak." "Go on Julies," Dominic answered with a half smile.
"It's kind of a totally harmless April fool thing that would cheer up the girls no end, but we was wondering if it might get us into trouble, like," Julie Saunders started the delicate negotiations.
"You're our favourite screw and we've known you for simply ages, ever since you first started here. We've never done nothing to harm you all these years," Joined in Julie Johnson, laying her hand on his arm and turning on the charm.
"Tell me the worst." "It's Mrs. Hollamby. We was thinking of changing the notes in her purse for monopoly money, only we didn't want to be accused of robbing her, that would be bang out of order. In any case, you might send us down the block," Julie Saunders protested stoutly and hedging her bets.
"The block." "But seeing as it's April fool's day, we was wondering if you would look after her money for us and we pop the kiddies money in her purse instead to spend at the bar. You'd keep an eye on us while we do the business. Please." "Please." To their wonder, Dominic put his hand over his mouth and leant back against the wall, his shoulders shaking. They thought he might have had a funny turn or was going to get funny with them. Men could get that way in their experience.
"It's a great idea, Julies," Dominic spoke at length in a voice half smothered with laughter and a big grin all over his face. "Tell you what, you two come up to the PO's room at 12 and we'll work it between us. I'll arrange afterwards for some of the prison officers to take her for a drink at the social club." "It's a shame we couldn't come and watch the fun but I don't suppose it could be done." "I'm sorry, Julies but you said it." "But you've got to tell us all the details afterwards, blow by blow. We know what men are like, they miss out on the details." "I promise, Julies," Dominic said hastily, bowing to the inevitable and nervous whether or not his idea of detail matched theirs.
Once in Gina's office, Karen and Gina felt the formal chairs unusually irksome and uncomfortable and longed to sprawl back in comfort. They talked lightly of trivial matters and soon finished off the second cookie. All of a sudden, Gina spoke out of nowhere.
"You do know what day it is today, Karen?" "Friday isn't it." "I mean what month and day of the month?" Gina pursued in answer to Karen's vague reply.
"April the first. Yes, I'm quite sure of that." "And what happens on that special day?" After a distinct pause, Karen's reply was a little sharper.
"Oh no, Gina. G Wing has its share of practical jokers. Goodness knows what some of them might be cooking up." "I think it's already happened, Karen. Why do you sound more relaxed than you normally do?" Gina was right, Karen thought a few distinct seconds later. She ought to go into full adrenaline mode, clicking straight into action, working out several lines of action but she chose not to. It didn't worry her for some reason.
"I don't know. Perhaps I'm in a good mood. Everyone has their ups and downs. Perhaps it's because it's a nice sunny spring day outside." "Or perhaps," countered Gina in a more forceful manner. "It's because we've just eaten Julie's special cannabis cookies, and not the chocolate chip cookies you buy at Tesco's. I've smoked the stuff years ago and it's the same bloody feeling." There was a pause of precisely ten seconds while they reflected deeply upon the situation.
"Sylvia!" Both of them chorussed with better timing than the two Julies.
"She's a natural target for a spectacular April fool stunt." "Should we worry, Karen?" "Well," Karen continued thoughtfully, "if it's the Julies, Denny and last but not least, the chief mastermind, Lauren Atkins at work, they know just how far they can go - I think." "Should we warn her?" "It may never happen," came Karen's very nonchalant reply. "I mean, we can't be everywhere and turn over G Wing on a mere hunch. What are we to ask the prison officers to look out for and to tell the prisoners? After all, they're all peaceful if those cookies are doing the rounds. It would be a shame to spoil the good mood." The sun shining through the window was bright and friendly and the world was at peace with itself. At length, Gina regretfully informed Karen that she ought to keep her eyes open on the wing.
"Have a nice day." "Don't worry, I will," Gina grinned at Karen's vague wave as she disappeared out of the door. Life right now was intensely peaceful as time passed. Presently, she could think of nothing else to do but phone George. Perhaps she could cast a light on the situation.
"George, I'm stoned." "Well, well, well. A bit early in the morning for me, darling. Personally, I'm an evening drinker," George drawled in her best royal tones at a Mad Hatter's Tea Party.
"Not drunk, I mean stoned. As in the non liquid narcotic type of stoned." George laughed heartily at Karen's slight discomfiture at having to be more explicit than she liked.
"Well, you Governing Governors certainly know how to live it up." Karen sighed with exasperation. How could she persuade anyone that she was a perfectly innocent victim of circumstance if her lover concluded that she was indulging in illicit pleasures?
"I assure you that this situation is not of my making. I was offered a hash cookie….." "……Sounds interesting. I haven't had one of those since I was a student…." "Without me knowing what on earth it was," protested Karen. Why couldn't George of all people understand? "You surely don't think I did it deliberately?" "I'm sorry, darling. If you want to be perfectly serious, is there anything in your present situation that you should be worrying about? I mean, do you want me to give you a lift home to be on the safe side?" "I'll be fine later." "Are you going to take disciplinary action against those concerned? I mean it is April Fool's day. Is there any real harm done?" George's cajoling tone of voice and her own secret amusement at the situation dissolved away her official sense of unease. It would be my luck, falling in love with a gorgeous high-powered barrister who is becoming a born again liberal with a ready appreciation for the mischievous? What could she say to her never mind the prisoners? She finally managed to get her reluctant brain to resolve that she would have a quiet word with the jokers concerned only after she was sure that no other practical jokes had come to light, which did overstep the mark. She wanted to be careful if and how to declare any amnesties.
"If nothing goes seriously wrong, George, perhaps I'll go gentle with them. After all, I'm only a brand new Governing Governor with a reputation to establish," Sighed Karen eventually.
"Yes, but what type of reputation?" came the very amused voice down the phone.
Karen stuck her tongue out at the mouthpiece of the phone even if it was a fruitless token gesture.
"Let's all go down to the club for a quick drink, Sylvia," Dominic spoke heartily.
Surprisingly Colin and Selena agreed to accompany them having been let into the secret. Paula and a few of the newer prison officers offered to cover for them with surprising readiness as they trooped off to the Social Club. Bodybag preened herself as she fancied herself leader of the crowd, forgetting that the others were not exactly known to be her friends. The club decorated in all its awful smoke grimed swirly seventies wallpaper beckoned them in.
"We'll all get our own drinks as we've got to be back and cover the others soon enough. Besides, I have to be careful with money being on my own." "You lead the way to the bar, Sylv and get served first as you deserve what's coming to you," Dominic proclaimed heartily while Selena smiled inwardly to herself.
Bodybag reached inside her purse by feel and pulled out a note. Unfortunately it was coloured bright red and had the doubtful inscription of '£500' on it in a style that hadn't fallen off the Bank of England printing press. She clutched it in her hand in full sight of everyone.
"What the flaming hell is this?" shouted Bodybag, red faced and shouting, drawing attention to the others in the club who were locked into their own conversations. "Enough to buy the Old Kent Road as well as a round for your friends." "Always said that you are the last of the big spenders, Sylvia. That should be enough for Tequila sunrise all round." The barman fell about laughing as Selena's wisecrack followed his own in quick succession.
"What's it to be for the number forty eight bus home, Sylv? A pink fifty pound note and keep the change?" Laughed Colin.
"What the hell is going on here?" Di yelled, her attention drawn to the uproar. "Is this the way you treat your mates? If that is, then God help Larkhall." "It's an April Fool's joke," Dominic explained in reasonable tones. "Don't worry, I've kept your money safe in my pocket." "You're flaming irresponsible, no better than when you first came to Larkhall. You were wet behind the ears and you're no better now." There was a brief ugly silence. Selena and Colin looked up to Dominic for his quiet understanding of what went around him as opposed to Sylvia's and Fenner's noisy outpourings. Both of them hesitated those few seconds as they saw Dominic's anger rise inside him until at last he found his voice.
"Irresponsible, yeah. You tell everyone how you let a woman called Carol Byatt miscarry instead of calling for the doctor when you should have done. What about when you were on reception, you mixed up the records between Barbara Hunt and a dangerous woman called Tessa Spall, so she came close to kidnapping the Governor with a hypodermic needle held to her throat. What's a bit of Monopoly money in comparison? If I were you, Sylv, I'd leave it out." Bodybag blushed with embarrassment at the memories but it was difficult to decide if it was real guilt or that her past actions had found her out. She had thought that those events were safely buried in the past. She took her drink of orange and sidled off with Di.
"This round's on me. What are you all having?" Dominic's cheery voice banished the bad atmosphere and his smile was contagious as was the memory of the best April fool they had seen for a long time. They collected their drinks and laughed and chatted away the lunchbreak, spirits very much raised.
The Julies, Denny and Lauren were laughing together after Dominic had duly reported back to them when the cell door suddenly opened to admit Karen and Gina. At once they straightened their faces, sat up straight and gave the room a quick twirl as a token effort. They looked at the expressions of the two women to gauge what might be coming their way. On the one hand, their mouths were pursed and Karen's eyebrow was raised but on the other, there was a suspicion of a twinkle in her eye.
"I suppose that you won't attempt to deny that those cookies had an extra cannabis spicing in them, and that you were involved with it. I mean it's not anyone else's style to pull off a stunt like that, is it?" "No, Miss." "Good," Karen's voice drawled with satisfaction that they had cut out the bullshit. "I am wondering just exactly what sort of line we ought to take over this and we were wondering if you could help us out." "You're asking us, Miss. you're normally telling us at adjudication and throwing the book at us," Julie Saunders asked with raised eyebrows. It's a pity she couldn't clear her head after having an attack of the munchies earlier on.
"On the one hand, no harm was done to us…" "……So you both had a good trip, Miss….." interjected Denny with a slight grin on her face. Leave it out, Denny, you'll get us banged up for sure, all the others thought.
"……..But on the other hand, someone will hear of your amusing prank, it's bound to happen and that person will take it that bit further and next time, we definitely won't be laughing." Karen paused and propped herself against the washstand and the faintest grin spread over her face as she saw the astonishment of the four prisoners as they tried to grapple with this enigmatic situation.
"You see our problem," Gina weighed in with her part of the double act and she was definitely grinning. "Of course we can see the funny side of it, we're not like one prison officer I could name but I'd hate to be out for a drink and some right bastard spiked it. Not much difference is there in principle except that that cannabis was a bloody sight safer." The four prisoners noticed the very obvious wink but their confusion was getting to the desperation stage. Why the bleeding hell couldn't they put them out of their misery.
"What about a cut in next week's spends just to say you've punished us just enough to make the point," Lauren suggested, the idea flashing into her head. Somehow this crazy situation needed resolving.
"What a brilliant idea," Karen and Gina said to each other with exaggerated praise. "That sorts everything out. We can go with this one." "Why didn't you tell us that in the first place," groaned Julie Saunders as she sank back on the bunk in utter relief.
"Why indeed?" Karen asked openly grinning. "And you had nothing to do with the other prank where Sylvia Hollamby tried to used Monopoly money to buy a drink at the social club?" "No Miss. We ain't never heard of that in our lives," Julie Saunders exclaimed, her heart in her mouth. For one frightening moment, she thought Miss Betts was dropping them in it at the last minute.
"Right, that's everything settled. We understand each other," Karen finished, her tones switching to precision from that maddenly teasing manner. "And there will be a cell spin tomorrow so there'd better not be anything left to find." "No miss," they chorused.
"Sweet dreams, everyone."
It all started the Thursday night before lockup when the Julies, Lauren and Denny were sat on the bunks in the Julies' cell and hatching plans.
"So we're agreed who are to be on the hit list," Summarised Lauren.
"Eh?" Julie Johnson queried. "We're not risking doing any more time than we're already doing." "You ain't got to worry, mate. We'll keep it light, no problems except for Bodybag, the evil old cow," Julie Saunders reassured her, muttering venomously about the only pain in the neck on G wing these days.
They discussed various options and finally settled on what was going to happen. They all grinned at the thought and were sure everything would go off like clockwork if they handled it right.
The Julies were up, bright and early, and got cracking on their kitchen duties straightaway. Dominic thanked their fortunes that G wing was lucky in having redbans who were hardworking and wouldn't abuse their position of trust as Shell Dockley used to do.
"Morning Mr. McAllister," They smiled brightly and respectfully at him.
Julie Saunders spotted what she was looking for at the back of the pantry, the large bag of plain flour and the other magic ingredient that she needed.
"Sausages it will have to be," Julie Johnson muttered to herself. "There ain't much in the pantry and they always go down well at breakfast. Everyone's off pancakes right now." "Will you be OK while I prepare the specials, Ju. I'll be a little while till I can give you a hand." "Yeah, no probs, Ju." A strong odour of frying fat and cooking sausages announced that the mass production of sausages was well in hand and wafted out from the servery into the canteen area. The Julies blinked their eyes as. Even for them, the cooking fumes were strong. "And now, Ju's special ingredient. This is a step up from Noreen Biggs cheese straws recipe. home made cookies." She popped them on a metal tray and into the oven. She kept a special lookout for them to make sure they didn't get burnt and, sure enough, when they were laid out to cool on a mesh tray.
In the meantime, those first out of the cells and the hungriest, were starting to form an orderly queue, Denny near the front.
"For you, Denny mate, a couple of extra sausages and your eggs, sunny side up as you like them." "Wicked," Grinned Denny. She was always ready to tuck into a hearty breakfast first thing in the morning. "And the other?" "Sorted," Grinned Julie Saunders.
At that moment, Karen and Gina took the opportunity to stroll down to the wing. On a day like this, all the women were friendly and good-natured without the periodic atmosphere between a few of them that could cut like a knife. Karen deliberately held back behind Gina as, after all, it was her wing at least temporarily. That way, the day to day queries from the women went to Gina and not her. She was glad to get a breath of fresh air from the solid grind of paperwork and could understand now why Grayling used to come onto the wing from time to time. Today, the air was not as fresh as it might be. With a bright smile, Julie Saunders came up to her from behind the servery, flourishing a plate with a handful of home made cookies.
"A special present to our favourite governors. Here's to Miss Betts and Miss Rossi, what deserve this little treat." "These look lovely," Karen smiled appreciatively. "I haven't had home made biscuits for years." "Don't mind if I do. A little of what you fancy does you good, eh." "That's exactly what I say to myself," Julie Johnson answered with a grin on her face.
They both bit into the cookies which positively melted in their mouths. They had a nice texture about them.
"Here, take another," She offered generously.
"Why, thank you, Julies," Karen replied warmly and Gina followed suit in taking another tempting morsel.
Lauren had taken her place in the queue and her sharp eyes noted that, while Karen delicately nibbled her cookie, Gina took several large bites into hers and devoured it with relish. "Morning, Miss Betts," She said, drawing Karen into a little polite and friendly conversation and, in true Atkins style, made suitable replies while taking in the Julies broad wink. So far, so good.
Karen and Gina eventually drifted off to what was now Gina's office. She was glad to get away from the flood of paperwork emanating from Area adding to the wearisome list of 'must be dones' which could get her down. She nibbled at the cookie as she walked and savoured the taste as she finished it off.
Meanwhile, the Julies smiled winningly at Dominic and drifted over to him with an unconvincing air of nonchalance.
"Mr. McAllister, Sir. We was wondering about a little scheme to brighten up the day, so to speak." "Go on Julies," Dominic answered with a half smile.
"It's kind of a totally harmless April fool thing that would cheer up the girls no end, but we was wondering if it might get us into trouble, like," Julie Saunders started the delicate negotiations.
"You're our favourite screw and we've known you for simply ages, ever since you first started here. We've never done nothing to harm you all these years," Joined in Julie Johnson, laying her hand on his arm and turning on the charm.
"Tell me the worst." "It's Mrs. Hollamby. We was thinking of changing the notes in her purse for monopoly money, only we didn't want to be accused of robbing her, that would be bang out of order. In any case, you might send us down the block," Julie Saunders protested stoutly and hedging her bets.
"The block." "But seeing as it's April fool's day, we was wondering if you would look after her money for us and we pop the kiddies money in her purse instead to spend at the bar. You'd keep an eye on us while we do the business. Please." "Please." To their wonder, Dominic put his hand over his mouth and leant back against the wall, his shoulders shaking. They thought he might have had a funny turn or was going to get funny with them. Men could get that way in their experience.
"It's a great idea, Julies," Dominic spoke at length in a voice half smothered with laughter and a big grin all over his face. "Tell you what, you two come up to the PO's room at 12 and we'll work it between us. I'll arrange afterwards for some of the prison officers to take her for a drink at the social club." "It's a shame we couldn't come and watch the fun but I don't suppose it could be done." "I'm sorry, Julies but you said it." "But you've got to tell us all the details afterwards, blow by blow. We know what men are like, they miss out on the details." "I promise, Julies," Dominic said hastily, bowing to the inevitable and nervous whether or not his idea of detail matched theirs.
Once in Gina's office, Karen and Gina felt the formal chairs unusually irksome and uncomfortable and longed to sprawl back in comfort. They talked lightly of trivial matters and soon finished off the second cookie. All of a sudden, Gina spoke out of nowhere.
"You do know what day it is today, Karen?" "Friday isn't it." "I mean what month and day of the month?" Gina pursued in answer to Karen's vague reply.
"April the first. Yes, I'm quite sure of that." "And what happens on that special day?" After a distinct pause, Karen's reply was a little sharper.
"Oh no, Gina. G Wing has its share of practical jokers. Goodness knows what some of them might be cooking up." "I think it's already happened, Karen. Why do you sound more relaxed than you normally do?" Gina was right, Karen thought a few distinct seconds later. She ought to go into full adrenaline mode, clicking straight into action, working out several lines of action but she chose not to. It didn't worry her for some reason.
"I don't know. Perhaps I'm in a good mood. Everyone has their ups and downs. Perhaps it's because it's a nice sunny spring day outside." "Or perhaps," countered Gina in a more forceful manner. "It's because we've just eaten Julie's special cannabis cookies, and not the chocolate chip cookies you buy at Tesco's. I've smoked the stuff years ago and it's the same bloody feeling." There was a pause of precisely ten seconds while they reflected deeply upon the situation.
"Sylvia!" Both of them chorussed with better timing than the two Julies.
"She's a natural target for a spectacular April fool stunt." "Should we worry, Karen?" "Well," Karen continued thoughtfully, "if it's the Julies, Denny and last but not least, the chief mastermind, Lauren Atkins at work, they know just how far they can go - I think." "Should we warn her?" "It may never happen," came Karen's very nonchalant reply. "I mean, we can't be everywhere and turn over G Wing on a mere hunch. What are we to ask the prison officers to look out for and to tell the prisoners? After all, they're all peaceful if those cookies are doing the rounds. It would be a shame to spoil the good mood." The sun shining through the window was bright and friendly and the world was at peace with itself. At length, Gina regretfully informed Karen that she ought to keep her eyes open on the wing.
"Have a nice day." "Don't worry, I will," Gina grinned at Karen's vague wave as she disappeared out of the door. Life right now was intensely peaceful as time passed. Presently, she could think of nothing else to do but phone George. Perhaps she could cast a light on the situation.
"George, I'm stoned." "Well, well, well. A bit early in the morning for me, darling. Personally, I'm an evening drinker," George drawled in her best royal tones at a Mad Hatter's Tea Party.
"Not drunk, I mean stoned. As in the non liquid narcotic type of stoned." George laughed heartily at Karen's slight discomfiture at having to be more explicit than she liked.
"Well, you Governing Governors certainly know how to live it up." Karen sighed with exasperation. How could she persuade anyone that she was a perfectly innocent victim of circumstance if her lover concluded that she was indulging in illicit pleasures?
"I assure you that this situation is not of my making. I was offered a hash cookie….." "……Sounds interesting. I haven't had one of those since I was a student…." "Without me knowing what on earth it was," protested Karen. Why couldn't George of all people understand? "You surely don't think I did it deliberately?" "I'm sorry, darling. If you want to be perfectly serious, is there anything in your present situation that you should be worrying about? I mean, do you want me to give you a lift home to be on the safe side?" "I'll be fine later." "Are you going to take disciplinary action against those concerned? I mean it is April Fool's day. Is there any real harm done?" George's cajoling tone of voice and her own secret amusement at the situation dissolved away her official sense of unease. It would be my luck, falling in love with a gorgeous high-powered barrister who is becoming a born again liberal with a ready appreciation for the mischievous? What could she say to her never mind the prisoners? She finally managed to get her reluctant brain to resolve that she would have a quiet word with the jokers concerned only after she was sure that no other practical jokes had come to light, which did overstep the mark. She wanted to be careful if and how to declare any amnesties.
"If nothing goes seriously wrong, George, perhaps I'll go gentle with them. After all, I'm only a brand new Governing Governor with a reputation to establish," Sighed Karen eventually.
"Yes, but what type of reputation?" came the very amused voice down the phone.
Karen stuck her tongue out at the mouthpiece of the phone even if it was a fruitless token gesture.
"Let's all go down to the club for a quick drink, Sylvia," Dominic spoke heartily.
Surprisingly Colin and Selena agreed to accompany them having been let into the secret. Paula and a few of the newer prison officers offered to cover for them with surprising readiness as they trooped off to the Social Club. Bodybag preened herself as she fancied herself leader of the crowd, forgetting that the others were not exactly known to be her friends. The club decorated in all its awful smoke grimed swirly seventies wallpaper beckoned them in.
"We'll all get our own drinks as we've got to be back and cover the others soon enough. Besides, I have to be careful with money being on my own." "You lead the way to the bar, Sylv and get served first as you deserve what's coming to you," Dominic proclaimed heartily while Selena smiled inwardly to herself.
Bodybag reached inside her purse by feel and pulled out a note. Unfortunately it was coloured bright red and had the doubtful inscription of '£500' on it in a style that hadn't fallen off the Bank of England printing press. She clutched it in her hand in full sight of everyone.
"What the flaming hell is this?" shouted Bodybag, red faced and shouting, drawing attention to the others in the club who were locked into their own conversations. "Enough to buy the Old Kent Road as well as a round for your friends." "Always said that you are the last of the big spenders, Sylvia. That should be enough for Tequila sunrise all round." The barman fell about laughing as Selena's wisecrack followed his own in quick succession.
"What's it to be for the number forty eight bus home, Sylv? A pink fifty pound note and keep the change?" Laughed Colin.
"What the hell is going on here?" Di yelled, her attention drawn to the uproar. "Is this the way you treat your mates? If that is, then God help Larkhall." "It's an April Fool's joke," Dominic explained in reasonable tones. "Don't worry, I've kept your money safe in my pocket." "You're flaming irresponsible, no better than when you first came to Larkhall. You were wet behind the ears and you're no better now." There was a brief ugly silence. Selena and Colin looked up to Dominic for his quiet understanding of what went around him as opposed to Sylvia's and Fenner's noisy outpourings. Both of them hesitated those few seconds as they saw Dominic's anger rise inside him until at last he found his voice.
"Irresponsible, yeah. You tell everyone how you let a woman called Carol Byatt miscarry instead of calling for the doctor when you should have done. What about when you were on reception, you mixed up the records between Barbara Hunt and a dangerous woman called Tessa Spall, so she came close to kidnapping the Governor with a hypodermic needle held to her throat. What's a bit of Monopoly money in comparison? If I were you, Sylv, I'd leave it out." Bodybag blushed with embarrassment at the memories but it was difficult to decide if it was real guilt or that her past actions had found her out. She had thought that those events were safely buried in the past. She took her drink of orange and sidled off with Di.
"This round's on me. What are you all having?" Dominic's cheery voice banished the bad atmosphere and his smile was contagious as was the memory of the best April fool they had seen for a long time. They collected their drinks and laughed and chatted away the lunchbreak, spirits very much raised.
The Julies, Denny and Lauren were laughing together after Dominic had duly reported back to them when the cell door suddenly opened to admit Karen and Gina. At once they straightened their faces, sat up straight and gave the room a quick twirl as a token effort. They looked at the expressions of the two women to gauge what might be coming their way. On the one hand, their mouths were pursed and Karen's eyebrow was raised but on the other, there was a suspicion of a twinkle in her eye.
"I suppose that you won't attempt to deny that those cookies had an extra cannabis spicing in them, and that you were involved with it. I mean it's not anyone else's style to pull off a stunt like that, is it?" "No, Miss." "Good," Karen's voice drawled with satisfaction that they had cut out the bullshit. "I am wondering just exactly what sort of line we ought to take over this and we were wondering if you could help us out." "You're asking us, Miss. you're normally telling us at adjudication and throwing the book at us," Julie Saunders asked with raised eyebrows. It's a pity she couldn't clear her head after having an attack of the munchies earlier on.
"On the one hand, no harm was done to us…" "……So you both had a good trip, Miss….." interjected Denny with a slight grin on her face. Leave it out, Denny, you'll get us banged up for sure, all the others thought.
"……..But on the other hand, someone will hear of your amusing prank, it's bound to happen and that person will take it that bit further and next time, we definitely won't be laughing." Karen paused and propped herself against the washstand and the faintest grin spread over her face as she saw the astonishment of the four prisoners as they tried to grapple with this enigmatic situation.
"You see our problem," Gina weighed in with her part of the double act and she was definitely grinning. "Of course we can see the funny side of it, we're not like one prison officer I could name but I'd hate to be out for a drink and some right bastard spiked it. Not much difference is there in principle except that that cannabis was a bloody sight safer." The four prisoners noticed the very obvious wink but their confusion was getting to the desperation stage. Why the bleeding hell couldn't they put them out of their misery.
"What about a cut in next week's spends just to say you've punished us just enough to make the point," Lauren suggested, the idea flashing into her head. Somehow this crazy situation needed resolving.
"What a brilliant idea," Karen and Gina said to each other with exaggerated praise. "That sorts everything out. We can go with this one." "Why didn't you tell us that in the first place," groaned Julie Saunders as she sank back on the bunk in utter relief.
"Why indeed?" Karen asked openly grinning. "And you had nothing to do with the other prank where Sylvia Hollamby tried to used Monopoly money to buy a drink at the social club?" "No Miss. We ain't never heard of that in our lives," Julie Saunders exclaimed, her heart in her mouth. For one frightening moment, she thought Miss Betts was dropping them in it at the last minute.
"Right, that's everything settled. We understand each other," Karen finished, her tones switching to precision from that maddenly teasing manner. "And there will be a cell spin tomorrow so there'd better not be anything left to find." "No miss," they chorused.
"Sweet dreams, everyone."