A/N : Ultra is a bad girl for not updating her fics for so long. She is very sorry and hopes you will all forgive her. She has also just realised that she's talking in the third person and everyone probably thinks she's insane now...hmm, anyway, big thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter of this fic - Amandamanda3, msberry, faith95, evilsmiley1, Mr Lennox I pressume, sheilamarie - I really hope I didn't put anyone off reading by taking so long to update. Here's the new chapter...
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 9

Spike was only moderately surprised when Willow gave him her address and told him it was her and Xander's apartment. He'd always thought there was something more than a close friendship between the two of them, or at least there could be if they just admitted they liked each other that way. Now here they were, four years since he'd last seen them and apparently as in love as anyone ever could be. Spike was happy for them, really he was, but their relationship only served to remind him what he'd thrown away with Buffy.

It was strange, Spike thought, but as he stood outside the door of his old best friends' apartment he felt quite nervous. He'd run out on Buffy and that was bad enough, but he'd also let down two good friends on the day of his non-wedding. He had to face them now and whilst he was pleased to be seeing them again he worried how they would treat him now, especially Xander. The two young men had almost been like brothers and Spike had missed him, and also Willow, immensely while he'd been away.

With a deep breath Spike knocked on the door and it was Xander who answered it.

"Hello, mate" the bleached blond attempted a smile, but his friend did not, even though he had missed him these past four years.

"Hi" Xander said sharply, "Guess you should come in"

"Hey, Red" Spike greeted Willow who replied with a slight smile before the three moved to sit down in the living room. The couple sharing the couch whilst Spike took an arm-chair opposite.

"Nice place" he said casually. He didn't care much for the decor but the awkward silence was really getting to him.

Xander thought he was trying to avoid the real subject they wanted to talk about and jumped straight in with both feet.

"Why'd you come back here, Will?" he said, almost nastily. The last thing he wanted to see was Buffy get hurt by this guy. William had been his best friend, but now he was Spike. Four years away changed a person, and Xander wasn't totally sure yet whether he liked William version two very much.

"I didn't come back here, not the way you mean" Spike shook his head "I had a gig here, that was all" he explained, "I'm supposed to be in LA tomorrow"

"You're leaving again?" Willow's eyes went wide as she gasped "Tomorrow?"

"I dunno" Spike shrugged, "Anya went off her bleedin' bird when I talked to her about last night. Came this close to jackin' my job in, told her to find some other pratt to be her 'star'" he rolled his eyes as he air-quoted, "but staying in Sunnydale, I dunno about that" he admitted.

Just half an hour ago he'd quite decided to stay and try to work things out with Buffy and his friends too, but since then he'd gone back and forth between staying and going for various reasons so many times he was making himself dizzy.

"So that's it, huh?" Xander snapped "You breeze into town, do the apologies thing and then breeze right out again?"

"What else do you suggest I do, Xand?" Spike sighed tiredly.

If someone else could tell him what to do instead of him having to make the decision it'd be so much easier.

"Well, that all depends" the brunette said more calmly, realising as he looked at Spike and watched his nervous movements that it was still William underneath all the leather and bleach "How do you feel about Buffy these days?" he asked him.

"What do you mean?" Spike checked, knowing precisely what his friend meant but stalling for time as he tried to put a decent answer into words.

"Do you still love her?" Willow translated into the simplest of terms so that he couldn't avoid answering, or so she thought.

"What kind of question is that?" Spike snapped back, and the red-head sighed.

"A valid one" she told him, exasperated by his apparent ignorance, "Spike, don't you understand why Buffy was so upset when she saw you last night? It's because she still has feelings for you"

"Er, in case you hadn't noticed, luv" Spike told her "Buffy's marrying some ponce by the name of Riley bleedin' Finn, in less than one week" he ended bitterly, looking away from his friends.

"Riley is not a ponce" Xander told him, a little surprised to hear any kind of derogatory term come from the mouth of his former good-guy best friend "He's a decent guy" he went on to explain "and we were happy to see him and Buffy get together after you left, but we always knew he was second best for the Buffster"

Spike looked a little surprised by that and he glanced at Willow who nodded her agreement with her boyfriends statement.

"Deep down I think she was always waiting for you to come back" she told him solemnly, and for once Spike seemed lost for words.

"So the question stands" Xander broke the short silence "Do you still love her?"

"I dunno what to tell you" he said quietly, knowing if he really confronted his remaining feelings for Buffy, he was going to have to admit just how much he still loved her. If he said it out loud it made it too true, too real. If she was marrying someone else surely it'd be best to try to forget what he felt for her?

"I loved that girl with my heart, my soul, my everything I had" he continued at length "but I couldn't do what she was asking" he explained "I wanted to be with her but the idea of being married before I was even nineteen...not a lot of things scared me but that did" he admitted "being tied down, expected to be responsible and all" he shook his head, looking down at his hands, "Maybe I did a stupid thing, maybe it was the right thing but the wrong way, I dunno, and believe me I've spent enough soddin' time trying to figure it" he sighed "I thought I could get over her, thought I bloody had, but one thing I'm sure of is that I'm still in love with Buffy Summers and I always will be, because the honest truth is, I don't know how to stop" he concluded, glancing up at his friends. Willow actually had tears in her eyes just from listening to the words he'd spoken.

"Then tell her" she choked out, knowing that anything other than total honesty would be unfair to all concerned.

"I did" Spike told her, with a smirk "Got a smack in the face for my trouble. Bint's got a hell of a right hook on her" he smiled, absently rubbing his chin where Buffy had struck him before. The smile fell from his face and he looked away from Willow and Xander when he continued "She hates me for leaving and I can't really blame her, doubt you two are my biggest fans either after what I did"

"I'm not saying I loved the way you did it" Xander sighed, claiming the other man's attention once again "but when I thought about it afterwards, I did kind of understand"

"Me too" Willow nodded her agreement and Spike smiled slightly.

"Missed you two as well y'know" he admitted "not just Buffy"

"We missed you too" the red-head was so close to tears as she stood and pulled her old friend up with her, hugging him tight.

When they parted, both looked at Xander who rose from his seat and shifted awkwardly.

"We don't have to hug do we?" he asked Spike who tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Manly hand-shake?" he suggested, holding out a hand to the friend he was so glad to have back in his life.

"Cool" Xander nodded, smiling as he took the offered hand and shook it firmly.

"So you'll stay?" Willow said quickly, looking hopeful "Talk to Buffy again?"

"I'll stay a while" Spike conceded, knowing it'd be too hard to walk out on these people again, most especially Buffy, "We'll see what happens though" he added, also knowing that if the worst happened and the woman he loved still went through with her wedding to that git Finn, there was no way he could stay to see it happened.

- - - - - - -

Buffy shifted uncomfortably on the couch next to her fiancé. After the incident in the kitchen and her running off to the bathroom like a moody teen, she'd apologised to Riley who had instantly forgiven her, saying he knew she was probably just worried about the wedding and probably also tired from not getting enough sleep last night. Buffy had just agreed with him, not willing to tell him the real reason that his hands on her body made her want to run away.

It was now a few hours later. Lunch had been prepared and consumed, and the couple were relaxing in front of the TV, at least Riley was relaxing. Buffy just couldn't find a way to be comfortable sharing space with him like this right now, and she hated herself for it. It wasn't Riley's fault that William, or should that be Spike, had turned up in town again last night. It wasn't his fault that she'd got so upset or that she and William had kissed. It wasn't his fault that one kiss last night had given her such a thrill that she'd suddenly realised what she felt for Riley would never be as strong as that she'd once felt for her ex.

Of course the big question that remained, twirling in Buffy's head til it made her feel nauseous, was this; did she still feel all those things for William that she once did? This is what she was trying to answer, whilst pretending to be watching something on TV with cowboys and shooting that Riley's eyes were glued to.

What Buffy really needed to do was talk to Willow but part of her thought it must be easier to just forget what had happened and get on with her life. Spike would probably leave town just as fast as he came back, he may even have left already, so there was little point in her thinking about him, but she couldn't stop.

Riley's arm shifted behind her, pulling her closer to him, his fingers playing with her hair where it rested on her shoulder. Buffy tried to shift away without being too obvious but he didn't seem to notice, and she had very little space to move into that wasn't closer to Riley.

"Er, I have to go out" she said suddenly, practically leaping up from the couch. Her fiancé's eyes finally left the TV screen and focused on her.

"Right now?" he frowned, wondering what could be so important suddenly.

"We need...stuff" Buffy said vaguely, "from the grocery store, I was just thinking how there's things we need and y'know I'm really not into these kind of movies" she rambled, "I'll just run out to the store, I won't be long"

"You want me to come with you?" Riley checked but Buffy shook her head violently.

"No, no, you watch your movie" she smiled, fetching her jacket and her purse, "I won't be long" she repeated as she leant over the couch and gave her fiancé a peck on the lips, before hurrying out the front door.

When she reached the other side she sighed with relief at the success of her escape. The fact was she wasn't really sure what they might need from the store, but she had to talk to Willow. She and Xander were the only people who would really understand what was happening in her head right now. They'd known William as long as she had and had been there from their first date to their not-a-wedding. Right now, Buffy needed her best friends help if she was ever going to put a certain person out of her mind and move on...

"Oh, sorry" Buffy apologised as she walked right into a man coming in the opposite direction down the street. She'd been so lost in thought she'd hadn't seen him.

"Well, luv" said an all too familiar voice, and she glanced up into bright blue eyes she knew very well "here's a coincidence" Spike smirked, "I was just on my way to see you too"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Here is my second apology, this one for the semi-cliffhanger. I am going to try to update more regularly now though so hopefully it will not be long before you get the next chapter of this. In th mean time I could really use some reviews to get me back into the writing flow, so please let me know what you think of this - thanks in advance!