Chapter 3

James found Sirius curled up in a tight ball on his bed. After Sirius had left, James had been overwhelmed with worry for his best friend that he couldn't concentrate on anything else. So, instead of sitting around doing nothing but torturing himself and Remus, James had decided to follow him.

"Siri," James called softly. He could hear sobs that were muffled by a pillow and the teenagers shoulders were heaving. Slowly, James walked towards Sirius's bed and sat down on the edge. Hesitantly he put his hand on his friend's back and rubbed it around in circles. The boy, however, immediately tensed and moved away slightly. James frowned and sighed. "What's wrong? I have never seen you this upset before, so don't tell me that you are fine."

"Really, nothing out of the ordinary is wrong," Sirius sniffled, glad that he wasn't technically lying. He rolled onto his back and James could see that his eyes were red and there were tears stains on his splotchy cheeks.

Sirius's answer, though, worried James a considerable amount. The problem was that things that weren't out of the ordinary for Sirius could sometimes be absolutely horrible. His parents were constantly beating him, verbally abusing him, and torturing him in every single way possible. Sirius did not know, however, that James knew about his home life. "Sirius, it's apparently not fine. I mean, the last time I saw you cry was when you got that Howler from your parents that attacked you in our first year."

"So," snapped Sirius defensively, "maybe I just feel like crying. Is that a crime all of a sudden?" James sighed in frustration and exasperation at that only so obvious lie. Why did it have to be so difficult to help his friend when he was hurting? Sirius was always willing to help out anyone who needed it, but he refused to accept any help from anyone who noticed that he was suffering. Instead, he effectively pushed them away.

"You do realize that I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me what happened over the summer that has obviously upset you a great deal, right?" persisted James. He was seriously hoping that Sirius would tell him without making him argue all night. However, if he knew Sirius at all, he would have to.

Sirius sighed. Eventually he knew that he would have to tell James, Remus, and most likely Peter the truth about what had happened. He couldn't lie to the person that he loved more than anything else. He also knew that he wasn't yet ready to reveal the horrible truth. He wasn't ready to see the pity radiating from his friends' eyes. "James, please let me tell you on my own time," Sirius finally said, a pleading tone in his voice. "I'll tell you when I'm ready for you to know."

James sighed again and nodded his head abruptly. Those eyes, those chocolate brown eyes could melt any heart when they were looking at you like that. Without another word, James got up and walked into the bathroom. After hearing the door slam, Sirius began to cry again.

He hated to be seen in the condition that he was in at that moment. He felt weak and knew that he looked weak to the person that he so desperately wanted as a lover. The thing was, Sirius was afraid that James was just bursting with pity, and that was something that he did not want or need. Unfortunately, almost no one understood that and always showered him with it.

Curling himself back up into a tight ball, Sirius muffled his body wracking sobs with his pillow. He knew that he was messed up beyond repair. It was his opinion that if you allowed yourself to be beaten, raped, and starved continuously, for an entire summer, than you were a little more than useless and pathetic.

After a while of sobbing and hateful thoughts, Sirius fell asleep. Moments after he had drifted off, James came into the room again, all ready for bed. Immediately, his gaze fell upon Sirius, who was fully clothed on his bed and shivering.

Shaking his head slightly, James moved forward to the bed. Carefully, so as not to awaken the sleeping boy, he removed the shoes and slid and tucked Sirius in under the blankets. After a few moments, his shivering stopped and he rolled over onto his side, occasionally mumbling incoherently.

James sat down, deeply troubled by his friend. He feared that the worst had occurred during the summer. However, as much as he would like to help his friend, he knew that pressing him was not going to work.

The door opened behind him and James looked up to see Remus standing in the doorway, watching both of them. He had a sad smile on his face and seemed to understand what James was thinking.

"There's not much we can do is there?" James said softly, carefully taking Sirius's hand in his own. It was warm and when James closed his hand around it, the fingers curled as if trying to hold his hand in return.

"I'm afraid not," replied Remus, sitting down on his own bed, his head now cocked to the side, as if trying to understand something. "Why haven't you told him you feel about him yet?"

Blushing slightly, James pulled his hand away and sighed. "How do you really think he would react if he was suddenly told, hey I'm madly in love with you and have been for two years. Yeah, that would go over well."

"No need to be so sarcastic, James," he muttered, watching him intently. It made James feel awkward and he turned his gaze back to Sirius. He was now muttering under his breath in his sleep. "James." Remus's voice made him look back up, no matter how reluctantly. "You need to get some sleep. You seem to be tearing yourself apart because of this. Whatever happened, there's really not much you could have done to prevent it."

Sighing again, James nodded and walked over to his bed. As he lay there staring at the roof he said softly to Remus, "Do you think it's even conceivably possible that he loves me?"

Remus chuckled softly. "Is it conceivably possible that your animagus trick will work? Was it conceivably possible for you to accomplish what few wizards can do? Think James, of all of the conceivably possible things we've done these past five years. One would think, after a while, that you would learn that everything is conceivably possible."

A.N. thank you all so much for reviewing. I really am updating as fast as I possibly can. Um, I was thinking about boosting the rating up to an 'R'. What do you think? I really need a second opinion with this. So, yeah thanks again for reviewing.