Chapter 6

James was surprised when Sirius showed up in class. He had expected that Madame Pomfery would want to keep him for more than one class. Apparently he was wrong. Sirius sat down next to James like nothing had happened, although he did look somewhat apprehensive.

James would have asked what was wrong, but Professor McGonagall was talking and had already yelled at him for disturbing the class and threatened him with a detention. Normally a detention would bother James in the slightest bit, but he just thought that getting one on the first day back was a very bad idea.

So instead of talking, James decided to write his hopefully-soon-to-be boyfriend a note.

How'd it go?-James

Fine, Madame Pomfery said that I would just be a little bit emotionally damaged, which I could have told her myself- Sirius

So nothing horribly serious?

Erm, not last time I checked. Of course, I don't really care at this point. Whatever happens happens.

Well, I'd rather good things happen to you.

Well so would I, James, but we don't exactly get to decide how our lives turn out, do we? I mean, if we could, I'd chose a different family, a different childhood, and a different summer.

Sorry, mate. Are you going to tell Remus or Peter?

Do I have to?

No, but you should.

Maybe later. Did you really mean what you said while we were walking to the Hospital Wing?

Yes, I did. Why? Do you doubt me?

Not at all.

I think you do.

Well, I was just wondering if maybe you suddenly started to care about me like that because you were feeling sorry for me.

No, I've actually loved you for a while now. That's mainly why I confessed that I was gay last year. I wasn't sure if you were or not, but I figured I'd have a better chance with you if you already knew.

Ah, I just thought you loved someone else.

No, right now the only person I can even dream of caring about like that is you.

How can you love someone so screwed up? I mean, I'm a mess.

No you are not. What happened is not your fault and if I have to give this lecture every single day I'm going to get really fed up with you.

You aren't serious are you?

No, you are. Ha ha ha.

Oh the cuteness. Like I haven't heard that pun before. But you weren't, were you?

No, I don't think I could ever tire of being with you.

Just then Professor McGonagall came up behind them and grabbed the note away. Quickly she skimmed it and then shoved into one of her pockets. "Please save your conversations for after class," she said and walked back to the front of the room.

Sirius and James shared a sheepish glance and then began to feign interest. Both of their minds were dwelling on something completely different from the class's material though.

"How am I going to raise a child? Sirius though sadly, staring at the front, but not seeing anything. "Come to think of it, how am I going to raise my rapist's child without thinking about the horrible things that happened to me?" He really hated the idea about terminating his own baby, even if it was one that was forced upon him.

The thing was that Sirius pictured the baby as an already living human being, which, technically, it was. And the way Sirius figured it, he would be murdering the child for something that he couldn't help, like the fact that Sirius was raped by one of his fathers. That, to Sirius, was to close to how his own life was, to close to the reason that he was hated by his own family. It wasn't his fault that he was different, and it wasn't the baby's fault that he happened to be conceived by someone who had raped Sirius repeatedly. Not to mention the fact that Sirius didn't like the idea of murdering anyone.

However, there was always that element of being able to provide enough love for the child. If every time Sirius saw the baby and felt resent towards it, what kind of life would that be? Sirius knew what kind of life that was because he lived it everyday during the holidays. Although he knew that he loved being alive, sometimes he wondered what it would be like if he were dead. Sirius sighed silently. Before he had this baby he had come to terms with what had happened to him first.

James, on the other hand, was wondering if Sirius would like to be his boyfriend. He had a vague idea that he would, but after everything that his friend had gone through, it did kind of seem like he was taking advantage of him. "Well I'm not," James thought angrily. He had known for a while now that he was in love with his best friend. It hadn't been a random, overnight discovery. However, there seemed to be something bothering his dark haired friend beyond his unpleasant summer vacation, and it was worrying James beyond what Sirius had told him.

He glanced at Sirius. He was staring at the wall blankly, not really comprehending his surroundings. Apparently he was deep in thought. About what? He had no idea what to do to help his friend. He couldn't even touch him without him flinching away. Indeed it would appear that he was scarred for life, no matter how much Sirius joked about it. Well, maybe not for life, but at least until Sirius was able to forget the horrors of it. Which would most likely be never, unfortunately.

James glanced at Sirius again. He was now actually trying to pay attention. He could tell by the way his eyes were now shifting and attempting to focus on the teacher rather than dozing off. Everything about the boy sitting next to him amazed him. How he could be so calm about something so terrible. How his strength and bravery had kept him alive all those years of torture. And his physical features were absolutely astounding. His chocolate brown eyes that could show such strong emotions, and his full lips that always seemed to be curving into a smile no matter what he was going through. And also his body, how slender he was and how his hips swayed when he walked. Everything about him was perfect, in James's eyes.

Sirius must have felt James's eyes watching him, because he turned around and raised his eyebrows. In return, James just smiled a smile that said, to Sirius, how much he loved him and that everything would be just fine. However, Sirius had a feeling of foreboding that everything would not be alright. He had a feeling of complete dread towards future events.

A.N. and there we go. I don't really know how far I should go with this story, but it's going to move really fast while Sirius is pregnant...kinda. So, thank you for reviewing.