Chapter 7

A few weeks passed and not much really changed. James and Sirius had started going out and could frequently be seen kissing in corners or hugging in the common room by the fire, despite Sirius's past experiences. Remus just watched the two as they seemed to fall more in love with each other whilePeter remained quite clueless to everything as he spent all of his time with his girlfriend.

That, however, was what everyone, including James and Remus, saw on the outside of Sirius's life. For some reason, Sirius still refused to let them in farther than the exterior, and as such, he was suffering for it. Not that either James or Remus knew it though. Sirius was very good at hiding his emotions.

Sirius still hadn't told James that he was pregnant, nor was he going to. Every morning he had morning sickness, so every morning he got up silently and vomited until he hurt so badly that he wished he could just die. He didn't though. He was now determined to live. To live with James, this baby, and his own self satisfaction. Of course, right then he just had to get past the birth and telling James part.

However, has his pregnancy wore on, his mood swings became increasingly random and more and more impulsive. One moment he would be perfectly happy and the next he would be running out the door because someone said a completely neutral statement that made him cry. Neither James nor Remus had any idea what was wrong with their friend, although Remus had vague suspicions.

James was really just content with the way everything was going. He had the most perfect boyfriend on the planet, good grades, and a family who couldn't wait for him and Sirius to visit during the vacation. He had absolutely no idea what his boyfriend was going through. And, to be honest, he didn't want to know if anything was wrong with him.

However, about three months after Sirius had discovered he was pregnant, he became a bit worried about how to cover that he was showing. Really, it looked like he would have to use a concealer charm, which he really didn't want to do in the first place. But what could he do? He was already starting to show a little bit, and he was getting strange looks from James because he was eating a lot. Well, more than usual. And just saying he was fat would not work because Sirius was so slender that he would have to eat ten times the amount that he was to reach a logical argument with that. Not to mention, his strange, random cravings were kind of strange.

So, around the fourth month, Sirius started using a charm that concealed his stomach. He hated it, but he understood that he had to until the baby was born. By that time he would have told James and everything would be perfect again. Unless James decided that he wanted to break up with Sirius because he had a child and would not be able to do anything that he wanted.

Which immediately filled Sirius with fear. What if James decided that he didn't want someone with a baby as a boyfriend? That would most likely kill Sirius. When he was with James, he felt such love and affection, and if he had to lose that love because he was raped and had gotten pregnant because of it, he would seriously consider abortion. Of course, he had already gone over that option and decided that it would be impossible for him to do that.

Then there was the conflict of when to tell James. He didn't want James to find out when he was walking around with a baby in his arms, but…he actually didn't find anything wrong with telling him right then. Like they said, there's not time like the present.

During the fifth month of his pregnancy, Sirius still had not told James and had been using a concealing charm. He was sitting on his bed, deciding that he would tell him today when James walked in.

"What's up?" asked James as he walked over to Sirius and sat down on the bed next to him. Wrapping his arms around Sirius, James noticed that he no longer flinched when he was touched by James.

"Nothing much," responded Sirius as he placed his hands almost protectively across his stomach. "Now or never," he though, somewhat grimly.

But before he could say anything, James started talking about how happy he was that Sirius was finally not so tense about being touched by James and how maybe someday they would be able to get married and do things that married couples do. Sirius couldn't tell him. He seemed so happy for it to just be the two of them. Why would he want a baby coming in and ruining their lives?

"That's great," Sirius said after James had finished expressing his thoughts, a hollow feeling in his chest. Suddenly, James looked at his watch and jumped up.

"I just remembered that I have Qudditch practice now. Hmm, I still don't get why you don't want to play this year, Siri. You are the best beater there is." And with that James rushed out of the room and out to the field, leaving Sirius staring after him.

He was tired of this. Tired of not being able to do the things that he wanted to do, tired of having to conceal things from the person he loved, tired of lying. Just then Remus came in and looked at his friend.

"What's wrong Sirius?" he asked. Recently, he had been noticing that his normally outgoing friend was becoming more and more reclusive. It was hard to see him like that, and Remus was tired of watching him hurt, so he decided to intervene.

"Nothing's wrong," Sirius said, turning away from Remus slightly. He couldn't tell Remus before he told James. Could he?

"Something's wrong, and I'm not going to leave until you tell me," he said stubbornly. He could see the internal battle that his friend was facing.

After a moment, Sirius sighed and looked at Remus closely. "Do you promise you won't tell anyone if I tell you? At least until I say so," he asked, looking nervous.

"Of course," agreed the werewolf, wondering what could be bothering Sirius so much.

"Well…um, I'm pregnant," blurted Sirius. Once he said it, he was amazed at how easily he had said it. Although he could feel tears starting to form.

"Well that's great!" exclaimed Remus, obviously assuming that it was James's child, not the rapist's. Of course, Sirius wasn't exactly showing because of the concealing charm.

"Not really," mumbled Sirius and grabbed his wand by the bedside table. After taking the charm off, his stomach, which was normally flat, was round and big. "You see, James and I have never had sex before."

Remus's eyes widened at the sight of a pregnant Sirius. That could mean only one thing. "This is your rapist's child, isn't it?"

Nodding slowly, Sirius rested his hands on his stomach and looked down. He wondered what Remus's opinion of that would be.

"Does James know?"

The question made Sirius freeze. Apparently Remus thought that he should tell James. "I'm afraid to tell him," Sirius answered honestly. He hated the thought of rejection. Then again, after being rejected his entire life, it was perfectly understandable.

"Why?" pressed Remus, trying to sort through Sirius's emotions.

"I…he might not want someone who was raped and then got pregnant because of it."

"James wouldn't do that. He would not just dump you and leave you in a horrible situation," reasoned Remus, trying to calm down his now sobbing friend. "How about we tell him sometime. I'll help you, if you want."

With tears in his eyes, Sirius looked up and gave a watery smile. "Thanks, Remus. You're such an awesome friend."

"I know, and look at what I go through to make you happy," he teased. Sirius just laughed.

A.N. how was that? I'm getting really tired of slow chapters so I think I'll put some action in...or at least some drama. shrugs I'm glad you're all enjoying this. Please review!