Chapter 8

Sirius was going to tell James that night, with Remus's encouragement, but it just happened to be the full moon. A full moon that Sirius would not be attending, to the urgings of Remus. He didn't want Sirius's health to be endangered because of the pregnancy.

So, instead of going with Remus, he decided to go for a walk around the castle. James was in the common room, he knew, because he had wanted to keep Sirius company, but Sirius just wanted to brood.

He was nearing the library when suddenly Snape appeared from around a corner. He looked at Sirius and laughed a cruel laugh.

"Well look at this, it's the bastard who was raped over the summer. Did you enjoy playing the bitch?" he sneered, clearly enjoying his time verbally abusing the pregnant boy.

"Shut up, Snape," he snarled in return. It was a little known fact that pregnant men were highly emotional and could act impulsively. It didn't help that it was Sirius, who acted impulsively whether or not he was pregnant.

"Why bother?" Snape hissed. "You know, I saw your friend being led out of the castle. I wonder where he is." He smiled slightly and continued, "You know, I will discover where he is someday."

Sirius was seeing red, couldn't think straight…things were quickly spiraling out of control. He wanted someone to hurt…pain…suffering…someone needed to understand…needed to hurt as he had…he wanted it to end...memories haunted him…rage consumed…lying on a bed…"You're mine now"…forgot who it was…it was Remus, the Marauders..."You're mine now"...had to stop…the pain…overwhelming emotions…raging anger…fury…had been disowned…"No son of mine"…pain…must feel pain…must hurt. Snape would know what it was like to hurt, to suffer, to cry, to fear. All these thoughts raced through Sirius's head without stop. All these thoughts pushed any rational thought out ofSirius's comprehension. He was too far gone…

"Why not make that day today," whispered Sirius, a sort of madness settling over him. "Just go to the Whomping Willow and prod the knob with a stick. The tree will freeze. Enter at the base. Follow the path, and then you'll find Remus."

Sirius then turned on his heel and walked away, his emotions finally calming down, letting him think clearly. Which made Sirius realize what he had just done. Without thinking twice, he ran off to find James, the only person who could help in a situation such as this.

"James," he gasped as he practically fell into the room. By then he was panicked. He knew without a doubt that Snape would try to find Remus. "You…you have to…have to help. Snape, I told him…going to tree…find Remus. Help James! Please help! I didn't mean…it was an accident…so angry…wanted him to…but not really…please go get him…I don't know what to do!" By the time he finished explaining in his jumbled sentences, James was running out the door without a spare thought for anything, except why would Sirius do such a thing.

After what seemed like forever, with Sirius sitting on the couch next to the fire brooding, hoping, crying, and occasionally getting up and pacing, James returned, a look of pure fury on his face.

"How dare you," he whispered, looking at Sirius coldly. "You almost killed someone. No, you did something worse than that. You almost made one of your best friends a murderer. I hope you're happy."

"No, James," Sirius cried, tears falling from his eyes. "I didn't mean to. I really…"

James walked away from him, shaking his head in utter disgust. Sirius knew that the night was going to be a long one, filled with tears and more mixed up emotions.

The next morning, Sirius awoke feeling like shit. He sat up and looked around him. The nights events came roaring back to him and he felt his heart skip a beat. James hated him, Remus wouldn't speak to him, and he hated himself. He stood up and put on the concealing charm. There was no way he could go on with school with a baby and no friends.

"If I just leave…" Sirius thought dully as he took a shower. He decided, however, to go talk to Remus first. Hopefully he would let Sirius explain.

So Sirius walked to the hospital wing slowly, with a sense of dread in his stomach. When he got there he pushed the door open and was met by two angry glares, one from James and one from Madame Pomfery.

Remus, however, looked at Sirius curiously and then gestured him to come forward. Sirius did so, a little bit nervous. James looked shocked that Remus wanted him there, but he didn't say anything, just watched.

"I'm so sorry, Remus,"Sirius whispered. "I don't know what came over me. Everything was just so…overwhelming. I couldn't think straight. Things just…blew out of proportion."

Understanding filled both Remus's and Madame Pomfery's eyes. They both knew that his mood swings were due to his pregnancy. James, however, just sat there, looking at Sirius in an unforgiving way.

"James," Remus said softly, looking at his friend. "May I please speak to Sirius alone?"

James nodded, and after shooting a particularly murderous look at Sirius, left.

"You need to tell him," Remus said, watching him leave. Sirius shook his head and sat down next to Remus, completely ignoring his previous statement.

"I'm sorry. There's no way I can possibly give you excuses. Nothing's going to change the fact that Snape knows. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't mean it, Siri," whispered Remus in a soothing voice. Quickly he had Sirius calmed down. "Go explain things to James, please."

Nodding, Sirius got up and walked out the door as he would have done almost anything for Remus at that point. All he had to do was find James, make him listen as he explained what had happened, and tell him that he was pregnant. Sirius sighed. He knew he had failed before he even started.

Unbelievably, it wasn't as hard to find James as Sirius had thought it would be. He was sitting in the courtyard, staring at the sky.

"Um…James," said Sirius, walking up timidly. James looked at him and frowned angrily as he stood up.

"How could you?" he snarled. "You betrayed him. And you betrayed me through betraying him. You are despicable. I now see how it is possible for you to be a Black. You're just like them. I hate you and wish you'd go die and rot in hell! You do not deserve to live."

And with that, he shoved Sirius hard and walked away. Sirius fell and immediately put his hand on his stomach. He had just lost the most important thing in his life. And it was his entire fault.

A.N. I think that was rather sad. Oh well. What do you think? Thank you for reviewing! Muchas Gracias.