Chapter 9

Angrily, James stormed back to the hospital wing, calming his swirling emotions.It was hard for him to believe, but he still loved the traitorous bastard. James sighed and entered the hospital wing. Madame Pomfery looked at him and then nodded. She was fervently hoping that everything was alright between James and Sirius, but judging bythe boy'ssad, lost look, she would not bet on it.

"I hope you told that bastard off," James said when he sat down next to Remus. Remus, under the impression that Sirius had told him, looked at him quizzically.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because he betrayed you." James had really thought that Remus would not forgive him so easily. "I never want to see him again."

"What did you say to him," whispered Remus, horror building in the pit of his stomach. He had a bad feeling that things had not gone the way he had hoped between his two friends.

"Only the appropriate things. I hate him, he's a bastard, he's just like the rest of his family…things like that," the dark haired boy replied, looking confused. Truly, he found no reason for him not to be angry at his former boyfriend and didn't know why Remus was so horrified about what had happened between them.

"What have you done?" asked Remus, completely frightened for Sirius. "Didn't Sirius explain what happened?"

"I didn't need him to explain."

"WHAT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO HIM? HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET?" roared Remus. "YOU GO APOLOGIZE AND LISTEN TO HIS SIDE RIGHT NOW!!!"

Completely shocked, James stumbled out of the room and decided that there was more to the incident than met the eye. So, determined, James went off to find Sirius.

Sirius sat on his bed in the dormitory. What was the point? James hated him. To him, there was nothing outside of James. And he hated him.

Sirius got up and paced around the room. What was the point? He had done something unforgivable, although Remus had already. He had betrayed Remus, the Marauders, and James. And it was entirely his fault.

Sirius sat down by the window. Why should he even bother? His life was basically over. The one good thing that he had going for him was gone forever. And he hated himself for driving that away.

Sirius walked to his trunk. Why bother living on anyways? He was hated by James and he hated himself. And what was the point, if you were hated by everyone?

Those were the thoughts vibrating through his mind as he pulled out a pocket knife from his trunk. Why should he continue living? No one would miss him, if they had any sense.

He brought the knife up to his wrist. For a moment, he hesitated. For his unborn child's sake. However, he felt that he was such a failure that the only thing he could do to really help the baby out was to just die. It really couldn't get any worse than that, and he'd rather the baby die than live with a traitor for a parent. Plus, Sirius just didn't want to have to go through everything without James. He just didn't have the will.

And so he sliced. Blood seeped through the wound that he had made on his arm. Soon, it came quicker as he put pressure to it. Sirius slashed his wrist again. Blood began pouring from his arm onto the floor. Soon he began to feel dizzy. To ease his aching head, he lay down and his thoughts began to whirl around again.

"You're mine now…you're mine now...I hate you…don't deserve to live…you're mine now...hate you…" The words that hurt most replayed over and over in his mind as he began fading in and out of consciousness. "You don't deserve to live…you're mine now…I hate you…" Sirius sighed as he heard footsteps on the stairs. Why couldn't they let him die in peace?

"I hate you...you're mine now…don't deserve to live…"

"I don't deserve to live," breathed Sirius as he completely lost consciousness. Before he did, he could see feet kneeling in front of him and could hear his name being called through sobs.

James watched as Sirius lay there, heard his last sentence as he lost conciousness. It was entirely his fault. How could he have been so thoughtless as to not even listen to what had happened between him and Snape?

And so there he was, leaning over his boyfriend, wrapping his robes around the bleeding wrists.

"HELP!" he screamed over and over again, praying that someone would hear him and come and help. After what seemed like an eternity, he could hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

"If this is some prank, Potter, I swear I'll hurt you," a voice came from outside of the door. In came Lily Evans. As she entered the dormitory, she stopped and gasped.

"Please go get Madame Pomfery, or someone, or anyone. In fact, help me take him to the hospital wing. Please Lily, please. I'll do anything," begged James, tears shining in his eyes.

Lily snapped to her senses quickly and came over to help James lift the lifeless boy. "That's not necessary, James. Come on, we have to hurry."

So the two of them carried Sirius down to the hospital wing. Every now and then, James would check that he was still breathing and that he had a pulse. Each time, James found that, while he was still breathing and he still had a pulse, it was growing fainter and weaker. This encouraged him to speed up and soon Lily was struggling with the speed that he had set.

The entire walk, the words that he had said to his best friend repeated through his head. "I hate you…you deserve to die…you're like the rest of your family."

It took entirely too long to get to the hospital wing in James's opinion, but when they got there, they made sure that Madame Pomfery took care of Sirius immediately. Lily turned to leave, but before she did, she muttered a quick, "I'm sorry for your friend. I do hope he gets mended up soon."

James turned his attention immediately back to Sirius. Remus was watching the entire scene with worry and slight anger in his eyes from his bed. Madame Pomfery sighed slightly and got bandages out and immediately wrapped his wrists.

It took a while, but after a while she was convinced that he would survive. She then picked up her wand and waved it at his stomach, taking off the concealing charm. James, who was sitting silently with Remus, looked at his boyfriend in shock. Pregnant?

"He's…and I… and he…mood swings," he said faintly, trying to organize his thoughts.

"That's why I told you to talk to him. I knew that he had most likely been provoked by Snape and therefore could not be held accountable for his actions. I had hoped that you wouldlisten to Sirius before making any serious judgments and saying harsh, impulsivethings."

"Will he be alright?" asked James as the nurse walked past him. She glanced at him and nodded shortly. As she entered her office, James walked over to Sirius's bedside.

He was pale and his breathing was shallow and harsh. James looked at his friend'sround stomach and sighed. Why hadn't Sirius told him? Gently, he placed his hand on the round bulge in his friend's stomach. A baby. It was amazing really. To think that Sirius would have to raise a child. With James's help of course. If Sirius wanted it now.

Madame Pomfery came bustling out of her office again and checked his pulse one last time, before nodding in satisfaction.

"Is the baby okay, too?" James dared to ask. She glanced at him and nodded.

"Both of them are going to be just fine," she said and turned around to go into her office again.

"I feel so horrible, Mooney. Look what I did to him. I didn't…I don't know what to do anymore. What if he doesn't forgive me?"

"He will," answered Remus calmly. He knew that Sirius was so deeply in love that it would take a lot more than a misunderstanding to stop that love.

"I hope so…"

A.N. erm...was that horrible? I've had no personal experience in cutting (or pregnancy for that matter, so if some facts are wrong about that too, please forgive me) so I have no idea what I was writing about. I really don't know how much blood loss it takes to pass out, so...yeah, that may not be accurate. Anyways, thanks for reviewing.