Chapter 14

Sirius woke up, feeling pain in his lower abdomen and incredibly sleepy. He looked around briefly and saw Madame Pomfery bustling around. Next to him was James, dozing in a chair and on the other side of the bed was a baby basket. Sirius looked at it in slight confusion. Why was there only one when he had twins?

Just then James woke up. He looked over at Sirius and then followed his gaze over to the baby bed. Sorrow seemed to fill his eyes and desperation. How could he possibly tell his lover what had happened to the little boy? However, it was inevitable, but he wouldn't tell him until Sirius asked. Which happened to be the first thing out of his mouth.

"Why is there only one baby bed? I had twins," stated Sirius, looking around the wing for a hidden bed.

James bit his lower lip and Sirius brought his attention back to his boyfriend. Suddenly he understood and didn't want to hear the response. Instead he stood up, wincing slightly from a little bit of pain, and walked over to the baby bed. Inside lay a little baby girl. She was sleeping peacefully and her tiny little hand was curled up next to her face. Sirius smiled sadly as he watched her, and James watched Sirius closely. Despite his outward composure, James could tell that Sirius was breaking into pieces internally.

Carefully, James got up and walked over to wrap his arm around Sirius's now slimmer body. "I'm so sorry, Siri," he whispered into his ear. Sirius jerked back slightly, but didn't remove himself from James's arms. He seemed to be fighting the impulse to run out of the hospital wing and cry in a corner where no one could see him.

Instead of running, though, Sirius just shook his head and leaned against James, feeling overwhelming feelings breaking over him, painfully. "There's nothing to be sorry about," he muttered and sat back down on the bed, feeling weakness fill his already sore, tired body.

After a few moments of silence, James picked up the little girl and sat down next to Sirius. "What are you going to call her?" he asked, looking carefully at him. Sirius looked up and then at the little girl's face. She looked so much like him, with the same nose, same hair, same full lips. Sirius smiled slightly and then thought about it for a minute.

"I think I like the name…"he muttered, pausing for effect, "Anastasia Audrey Black."

James looked at Sirius in surprise. "What's up with they a's?" he asked. Sirius just smiled and shrugged, carefully taking his daughter from James's arms. Ever so slightly, she stirred, and then went back to her peaceful sleep. Sirius had a feeling that that wouldn't last long.

"What does it matter?" retorted Sirius, carefully rocking Anastasia against his chest. "All I know is that it's a really pretty name." He rocked her back and forth, and a tune popped into his head and he began to softly hum it to her. In between breaks, he explained softly, "The name means 'resurrection' or 'exists' and Audrey means 'noble strength'."

James nodded slightly. He had no idea why Sirius knew all that stuff, but he now understood why he had decided to name his surviving child the strangest names he could think of. The names he choose basically had to do with living on, surviving, and being strong and courageous. He wanted his daughter to have a good name like that. "Good choices," James said, smiling and wrapping his arm around Sirius's shoulders.

They spent the rest of the day like that, cuddled up to each other, with Sirius occasionally talking to Madame Pomfery or taking a pain relieving potion. Madame Pomfery continually expressed her deepest regrets to losing the child, but she told him over and over that it was not her fault, and if she had saved the child, then Sirius might have died instead, as well as Anastasia.

James fretted over those types of comments to no end. The thought of losing Sirius was unbearable to him. As sad as it was to lose the baby boy, Sirius meant too much to him to just lose like that. Of course, Sirius did not need to know that right then, as he was still grieving over his lost son.

That night, Madame Pomfery came out to explain what he must do to feed, change, and basically watch over the baby.

"For food," she began, pulling something out of a bag that she had put together for him, "you will need to feed her whenever she cries, and every three hours, if she's been awake the entire time. Feed her this formula, milk thing through this bottle. It should be warm, but not hot. Changing the baby…well, I'll show you how to the first time and then if you need any help later, you can just ask. Um…the baby should always sleep on her stomach. Anastasia might squirm and cry a lot, and sometimes just singing to her, talking, rocking…whatever, will usually put her to sleep. Usually babies cry when they're hungry, need a change, or just want love and comfort. Any questions?"

"What do I do with her while I'm going to classes?" Sirius asked, looking at the sleeping bundle in his arms. She looked so cute.

"You will bring her down to me before you go to breakfast, you can come see her whenever you have time and you can come pick her up after dinner. If that will be to difficult a schedule to maintain, then you can bring her here on Monday and then pick her up after dinner on Friday. Most parents would not like doing that, but you do have an excellent excuse."

Sirius stared at her and then shook his head slightly. "I think I'd like to try dropping her off in the morning and then picking her up after dinner. If that gets overwhelming, can we revert to the other idea?"

Madame Pomfery smiled and then nodded. "Sure, I honestly don't mind."

Sirius gave a genuine smile, but quickly lost it. His baby was dead. Well, one of them was anyways. He couldn't believe it. He had been so careful, had done everything that Madame Pomfery had told him to, yet the baby still died. What had he done wrong?

Madame Pomfery noticed his grim expression and quietly excused herself to go check on some of her other patients. Before she was completely gone, Sirius called her back, "Madame Pomfery, why did he die?"

She stopped and looked back around at him. Full of sorrow, she replied, "He was underdeveloped. Twins don't always both come out alright, and you were a month early. I'm so sorry, Sirius." She walked away to tend to someone who had just walked in with warts sprouting all over his head.

"Jonathan," Sirius said suddenly. James turned and looked at Sirius as if he had gone mad.

"What?" he asked, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

"Jonathan Michael Black," he responded, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling.

"Why are you…"James began and then trailed off. It seemed cold to ask him that.

"Because, he's going to have a tombstone, right? I want a name to be there for my son, and now he has one."

James nodded slightly and held Sirius as he drifted off into a restless sleep.

A.N. school is miserable. I'm sick, yet school continues. How is that fair? Teachers don't have to go to school when they're sick! Where's the justice? Anyways, it's now "winter" break (politically flipping correct) and I should be able to write a lot. Except teachers still assigned work over the break. rolls eyes sucks for me.