A.N. I got an interesting review, and I want to repeat myself: If you do not like rape, abuse, slash, suicide attempt, or the pairing James/Sirius, don't read this. If you don't like any of the above, why the hell did you even read to this chapter? Not that I don't love readers and all that jazz, but, if you don't like this type of story, please don't read it and then review, because (for the most part) I warned you and don't really want to deal with complaints.

Chapter 15

Dream/Flashback

He sat in the farthest corner of his room. His breathy was fast, erratic. He felt as though his heart was going to burst forth from his chest, it was beating so hard. He heard grunting coming through the hallway and knew that it was most likely Jacob. Sirius moved his hand up to his mouth slowly and covered it, hoping that his tormenter would not hear his breathing. He looked around his room, trying to see if there was a way out, but he saw nothing of use. Darkness wrapped around his beat up body.

Randomly, the faint outline of Jacob appeared at his door. Sirius immediately cowered back and refrained from screaming out in frustration, humiliation, pain, and anger. Quietly, Sirius stood up with his back against the wall and watched as the man stumbled towards the bed. He heard a small crash and then Jacob cursing, "Damn that boy, always leaving his fucking shit on the fucking floor."

Now becoming even more frantic, he thought, 'I have to get out of here. Damn it, please don't let him find me.' Taking his hand away from his mouth, he felt his way to the door. When he felt the door handle, he smiled in joy and quietly slipped out. Before leaving, he quickly glanced back at the drunken, motionless figure on his bed.

Sirius ran down the stairs in elation and grabbed his jacket. As he was about to leave, a voice halted him from behind. "Stupid, stupid boy. You were always the one I despised."

Spinning around quickly, Sirius saw his father standing behind him. His father smiled a frightening smile, causing Sirius to squirm away, trying to avoid his gaze. Shutting his eyes, Sirius whispered to himself, "Please don't let him do anything to me, please don't let him do anything to me."

His father placed his hand on his shoulder and roughly dragged him up the stairs. "Jacob paid for you, damn it, and he will have you however he wants. Which means that you can't be running away." And with those words, he threw the boy into his bedroom where Jacob awaited him in a drunk stupor. Moonlight was shining through the window as Sirius looked desperately for a way out. He sunk his head in defeat, knowing that he would once again be tormented.

The man on the bed stirred and then woke up abruptly. He stood up and looked towards where Sirius was standing. He stood up and edged his way towards the frightened boy. When he got nearer, he slammed him against the wall and began to kiss him hard, bruising his lips.

Then he was thrown over onto the bed. Sirius hit his head on the backboard and became momentarily immobile. Jacob came over to him and roughly climbed on top of him. The next thing Sirius knew, his clothes were being pulled off. He struggled against the man and began crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks as Jacob randomly got up and stripped. Again he was jumped onto as the man tried to get off his clothing. Again Sirius struggled, but this time Jacob simply slapped him hard across the face. "Keep quiet, you little shit," he hissed angrily. "This is what you deserve for all the fucking things you've done."

Sirius spat in his face, but Jacob just laughed as he picked up the teenager's head and slammed it into the backboard. Getting slightly dizzy, Sirius attempted to straighten out his vision. Somewhere in the distance, he heard Jacob snarl, "You are a waste of air and space, and I promise to rectify that as soon as your services are over."

And with those words spoken, he rammed into Sirius, gripping his hips tightly to keep him from moving about. Sirius screamed and clutched at the covers in his agony. Harder and harder, then faster and faster. Jacob was brutal and showed no mercy towards the abused boy.

Sirius stopped screaming, and instead focused his attention towards a spot in the wall. It was no use. The pain, humiliation, anger, hatred…everything just built up, and with each painful thrust, Sirius wanted to lash out more and more. It was like this every night though, and nothing ever changed, no one ever did anything to assist him, including himself.

Just when he thought it would never end, Jacob pulled his body off of the boy. "I'll be back in a bit, you little shit. I didn't forget my promise. Not on your life. You just stay here," he said. Laughing, he added, "Not as if you could leave." And then he left. Sirius stayed on the bed, feeling pain engulf his exhausted body. If only he could leave, just flee away from everything. He couldn't though. He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't brave enough.

The door opened again and in walked Jacob. He looked at the boy and then walked back towards him, with his wand pointing towards him. "We're going to experiment now."

End Flashback/Dream

"Sirius, please wake up," James cried out to him. Sirius jolted awake at his touch and stared around him. It had seemed so vivid, as if it had been occurring again. He looked at James and then at his surroundings. He was still in the hospital wing. Next to him was the baby bed holding Anastasia.

He looked towards James again, tears filling his eyes. James got up and sat on the bed. At his touch, the boy flinched back ever so slightly, but James noticed. "What were you dreaming about now?"

Sirius looked up at James and shook his head slightly. "It was another…scenario, in which I was…"

James looked at his boyfriend in concern. He hated the fact that Sirius had to deal with all of his nightmares. What had he done to deserve the never ending haunting memories that plagued him? Sirius seemed to be fighting off breakdown mode.

"Sirius, it's okay to cry," James muttered, wrapping his arms around his trembling body. Sirius, in reply, shook his head and uttered a soft noise that sound a lot like "no."

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Sirius spoke. "It's not entirely my fault that I'm not good at showing emotions."

James looked at him in shock. This was not the type of conversation that Sirius Black would initiate. However, he seemed to want to get some things off of his mind, and it was a known fact, in James's opinion, that the best way to let go of something was to talk about it. "It was your parents' fault, right?'

Sirius nodded slowly. "I was about five when they noticed I wasn't going to turn out like them. I wasn't as cold as they were and I showed too many emotions." Sirius stopped for a moment as if trying to gather his thoughts. Then he continued, "My first beating, I cried. Who wouldn't? A little five year old is going to cry when the shit is beaten out of them. Anyways, that brought on more punishment, usually more painful. After a while I discovered that beatings weren't so bad if I didn't flinch, cry, fall, complain, or anything else that might mark me as emotional. As such, I don't show emotions easily. They frighten me. I'm afraid that they'll come after me and hurt me."

James had listened in silence, but his anger was growing towards the Black family. In his opinion, Sirius was possibly the bravest person he knew. If the Blacks had been his family, he would have been scared shitless. Although Sirius might have been terrified, he hid it very well, which also angered James. No one should be taught how to hide their emotions. It was his opinion that humans had emotions for a reason. That didn't mean you had to cry about every little trial in your life, but it would seem suitable that you cry if your parents hated you and hurt you in every way possible, short of killing you.

Sirius looked at James and felt his arms tighten around his body. He felt so loved, it was overwhelming. At that thought, Sirius burst into tears. Burying his face into James's shoulder, he let himself cry, no matter how much pain he was causing himself. His deep sobs wracked throughout his body, causing his breath to hitch, his head to ache, and his eyes to itch. But it was the least he deserved, right?

James simply sat there holding his lover tightly in his arms, glad that his friend was letting out his emotions.

A.N. I did not completely write this chapter. For the flashback I had some help from Bettie Weiss. Thanks to her for helping me. And I want to apologize for the note at the end of the last chapter. I do realize that teachers do have to work when they're ill (for the most part). I'm sorry, I'm a crummy person when I'm sick. Please review. Thank you so much!