Chapter 18
James stormed into the Gryffindor common room with Anastasia in his arms, feeling hurt, betrayed, and confused. Remus and Lily were sitting where Sirius had left them, but James didn't even notice them, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts.
What could have possessed him to say such hurtful things? It wasn't like Sirius to deliberately hurt a person, even though he did accidentally at times. But….Sirius had seemed so happy with James and his daughter. What could have possibly changed that?
Remus looked over at James and saw that he was deeply troubled by something. Glancing at Lily briefly before getting up and walking over to James and the baby. At first James didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence, but Remus softly touched him on the shoulder to gain his attention. James jumped and turned his gaze upon his friend, who had a confused, yet sympathetic, look on his face.
"What's wrong, James?" he asked softly. James shook his head and numbly sank into one of the chairs near the fireplace.
Shaking his head slightly, he murmured, "Sirius just…I don't know. Everything happened so fast. He started yelling and then I guess I yelled in response, and then he said some really mean things. And…I don't know."
Remus looked at James carefully and could see that he was in deep pain. Why would Sirius betray James like that? What had happened in their room? "Um," Remus began hesitantly. He didn't want things to be blown out of proportion. "Did something happen recently that would explain his behavior?"
James shrugged. "What does it matter? I don't ever want to see him again."
"Why do you have Anastasia," Lily asked, walking over and stopping by Remus who sat down in a chair next to James's.
James laughed bitterly. Lily took an involuntary step backwards. It was scary. James seemed on the verge of either bursting into tears or going mad. "He doesn't want her. He said she was worthless and that he was going to drown her."
Lily gasped and Remus looked more confused. "That's impossible," he said softly. He had seen the love and admiration in his Sirius's eyes when he looked at or talked about his daughter. There was just no way he could suddenly be calling her worthless and…talking about killing her? It was stupid, pure madness.
Again James laughed a sardonic, bitter laugh. Lily looked on the verge of tears for her two friends. She was amazed that something like that could happen to them. What had gotten into Sirius's head?
"I think you should try talking things out with him," Remus said softly. "There is a pretty good chance that all of this is just a big misunderstanding.
James shook his head and stood up. "I don't want to talk to him anymore. You can, but I refuse to." With those words said, James walked up to his old dormitory.
"That does not sound like Sirius. Considering we just saw him like 30 minutes ago and he was thrilled about his life, especially James and Anastasia," Lily said softly.
Remus nodded. "We should go talk to Sirius and see why he suddenly…blew up at James, I guess."
Lily smiled and they walked hand in hand out of the Gryffindor common room to go find their other dark haired friend.
Sirius lay on his bed, tears streaming down his face. Why had he done that? He knew why, but he couldn't get it out of his head that he had done the wrong thing. "At least James and Anastasia will be safe from my psycho parents," he thought grimly. He rolled over onto his back angrily.
He shouldn't have to worry about things like that. He shouldn't have to be terrified that his best friend would be hurt from his parents. He shouldn't have to worry about his newborn child's life. Hell, he shouldn't even have a baby at his age! Sirius sighed and tried to stop the tears streaming down his face. It was no use though. He had broken James's heart and with it had thrown away the most important thing in his life.
Right when he was going to go pack to leave, as he thought his life was so miserable he might as well leave, the door opened. In waltzed Remus and Lily. Remus looked at him with concern in his eyes while Lily looked somewhere between angry and confused.
They stared at each other in silence for a few moments and then Remus said, "What are you doing?"
Sirius was holding some things in his hands that he was packing. Instead he sighed, and collapsed back onto his bed, the tears starting to fall once again. "I'm packing to leave," he cried, trying to stop his tears again with just as much failure.
"Why?" Lily asked, looking surprised now as well. She had never seen Sirius cry and now she wished that she never had.
"Why should I stay?" he retorted and stood up again to begin packing. Remus, however, walked forward and intercepted him.
"What happened between you and James? What could possibly drive you to say such hurtful things to the person that I thought you loved?"
Sirius flinched slightly at his friend's words but didn't say anything, but moved around him instead and started throwing things into his trunk.
Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm forcefully, pulling him away from the things he was packing and dragged him over to his bed. As soon as she got Sirius to sit down, he stood up again, determined to ignore them and to continue his packing. Lily sighed in exasperation and set him back down, this time sitting on his lap to make certain that he wouldn't get up. Sirius struggled against her to get up, but in vain.
"Alright!" he exclaimed after a couple of minutes of struggling with her. Remus was watching the scene in amusement.
"Should I be worried about this?" Remus asked as Lily got up. She turned red and Sirius grinned evilly.
"No, I don't think so," replied Sirius. "I think I'm still as gay as I was yesterday." At those words, though, he sobered up rather quickly.
"What happened?" Remus asked softly, sitting down next to his friend. Sirius felt the tears swell up again, and he quickly wiped them away angrily.
"What happened was I got tired of him acting like a mother hen," he replied.
"What do you mean?" Lily asked sitting down on Sirius's other side.
However, Sirius burst into tears and Lily immediately began comforting him. Remus wasn't sure what to do. He seldom saw his friend so emotional and was uncertain as to how to act. So instead, he contented himself by looking around Sirius's room. Then he saw the letter from Sirius's parents. He picked it up and quickly read it. Suddenly everything made a lot more sense.
"Sirius," he asked softly, touching his friend gently on the shoulder. "Does your sudden outburst have anything to do with this letter?"
Sirius glanced at it quickly and then turned away. "Why would you think that?"
Lily took it from Remus and read over it as well. As she read it, Remus continued pressing Sirius, "I think you purposely hurt James so that he wouldn't have to deal with your family."
"Why would that bother me?" lied Sirius through his teeth.
"Because they threatened you," Lily joined in.
Sirius seemed at a loss for words. It was amazing how easily they had seen through him, although he didn't like it much. After a minute of pondering what to do, Sirius answered, "You won't tell James, will you?"
Remus looked at Sirius surprised. "You're willing to just let this be blown out of proportion? You're willing to just let your best friend leave you? You're willing to have your daughter brought up by someone other than yourself? You're-"
"I'M GIVING UP MY LIFE!" yelled Sirius. He stood up angrily. "James and Anastasia are my life, and I'm willing to give that up to protect them. Didn't you read the letter? My parents don't make idle threats, it's just not something they do!"
"I'm sure that the Potters' are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves," reasoned Lily, trying to calm him down. Sirius would have none of it though.
"They shouldn't have to though. Why should they have to be more careful of their day to day lives because of me? I don't want to stay with James and keep my daughter only to have something bad happen to them because of me."
Remus rolled his eyes and pulled Sirius back down next to him and Lily. "What do you really think you're doing to James right now? And what about your daughter? I'm sure she'd much rather be with you."
"Well, if she never knows me then there's no problem," responded Sirius, shaking his head. He didn't want to listen to his friends. There was nothing they could say that would make him change his mind about what he had done. Even though he knew that they were right. The voice in his head was telling him even more strongly that he was going about the entire situation the wrong way.
"Sirius," Lily said, turning his chin so that he was facing her. "You are tearing James to pieces. He is so badly hurt that he can't see straight."
Sirius looked at Lily as if she had just said the world was ending. "I…I hurt James that badly?"
Lily nodded and Sirius looked down at his lap. He had known that he had hurt James, but he had been hoping that it wasn't that bad. However, Lily's words made him see that he had only hurt James. Either way, his best friend would have been hurt, but…that Sirius had willingly caused his best friend that pain…Sirius wasn't sure what to do.
"Go talk to him," urged Remus. Lily nodded and watched him with sympathy shining through her eyes.
"I-I can't," he stammered in response. "I'll make things worse. He won't want to talk to me. I wouldn't want to talk to me if I were him."
Remus sighed. He stood up and pulled Sirius up roughly by his arms. "GO TALK TO HIM!" he yelled, finally losing his patience. "THIS IDEA WAS POSSIBLY ONE OF THE STUPIDEST IDEAS YOU'VE EVER HAD, EVEN IF IT WAS WITH GOOD INTENTIONS IN MIND! SO NOWGET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE ANDGOSET THINGS RIGHT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND! NOW!"
Sirius looked at Remus in surprise and a little bit of amusement and walked out of the room without a second thought. After Sirius had gone, Remus looked at Lily who was shocked.
Remus shrugged, "Well, it worked."
A.N. a quick reconciliation, I think. Please review. Thanks!