The Past...

"Still haven't gotten rid of that sinus infection I see?" Harry asked with a sympathetic laugh. Sirius had stumbled as though in a drunken stupor down the stairs just a few seconds before, sneezing his brains out. His hair was wet from having just come out of the shower, and it was dripping down his black, unfastened robes to leave thin streams of cold water down his arms and back. His black slacks and white button up shirt beneath were also wet. "Lord, no wonder you're sick."

"I thought I was the adult here," Sirius argued between two more sneezes. He collapsed into the chair at the head of the kitchen table. A few more sneezes and a groan later, he found himself being served a bowl of soup.

"You were until about a day ago."

"What happened then?" Sirius asked, still not certain why he was being fed by his godson.

"You got sick and refused to do anything about it."

Sirius groaned again. "So?"

"So? So you're going to suffer a role reversal until you get better, that's what."

Trying to laugh, Sirius spooned through some beef barley stew. Where the hell had Harry learned to cook so well? Part of him was grateful for the services his aunt and uncle had made Harry pay during his stay with them, because he had proved to have some excellent culinary skills that were highly appreciated during the days when Sirius was at a loss for what to put in the oven...or when both of them were getting sick of order out. Chinese was about the only thing either one of them could stomach these days, and even that was a questionable substance.

"Thank you," Sirius sighed in a quiet voice. He didn't enjoy being the one getting taken care of. It wasn't Harry's job to do what he was doing. Although the young man didn't object, Sirius still couldn't help but feel bad about it. His godson took a seat next to him, his own bowl sitting before him, as well as a sandwich. Barbequed chicken and cheese on wheat bread, it looked like.

"Eat." Harry started to nibble on his sandwich while Sirius ate his soup. Out of the corner of his eye, he'd make sure that Sirius actually was eating. Harry had learned quickly that his godfather would refuse food if he wasn't feeling well or was too emotionally distraught at the time, so it was his job to take care of Sirius just as much as it was Sirius' job to take care of him.

It was refreshing, in a sense. Harry had been afraid of being the center of attention while living with Sirius, but instead it had turned out (at least for now) as a joint operation. Sirius took care of Harry, and Harry took care of Sirius. It was a nice change of atmosphere for him and he really couldn't complain.

During his first week living with Sirius people were already starting to comment on how he had changed. The first Order meeting after Harry's 'moving in' became official, almost everyone had commented on how his personality had changed as well as his actions. He was still shy and quiet, but at the same time he appeared much more confident. Mrs. Weasley had even dared to state that he'd grown. Sirius had argued that he didn't know how Harry could have grown considering they'd been living off of junk food for the past week.

Of course, it wasn't just Harry that appeared to have made a change. When he had been carrying something for Mr. Weasley from the basement to the first floor study, he'd overheard a conversation between Bill and Charlie about Sirius.

"He's changed too. He's so much happier now," Charlie had said.

"Well, can you blame him? After being in Azkaban for thirteen years, then on the run for three, and almost losing Harry, he ought to be happy now."

"But you can see it, it's not just common-sense knowledge, you know? He looks healthier too."

There was a pause. "I know what you mean. It's like he's reverting back to his old self."

"Exactly!"

"And in the process, Harry's becoming the kid he should have been from the start.

Another pause, this one longer.

"Harry's had a tough life. I don't think he's going to completely change, but he's definitely going to be different from now on."

When the conversation turned to him, Harry left. He wasn't too interested in hearing about himself any more that day. Or ever, really. He'd be quite happy to live a normal life after this, although he knew it would never happen.

Still, for now, he could believe that he was normal. If only for a little while.

Normal? Harry thought as Sirius sneezed into his napkin once more. Maybe not normal, but better off than he had been in his life prior to now. Harry grimaced at the tear filled, strained grin of his godfather.

"Perhaps you should have Remus write to you about the meeting when you've finished?" Harry purposed.

There was a slight pause in which Sirius actually considered this young man's words. Despite Harry's youth, he was wise and had his godfather's best interests at heart. Although the Order was desperate, Sirius realized that he'd not be much help to them if he infected the others with his illness during the meeting.

That was all they needed: a viral outbreak.

Sirius cast a sideways glance at his godson. suddenly worried that he might get Harry sick before the school year started. Of course, it was late July, yet he couldn't help but be troubled over the matter. It was Sirius' way, especially when Harry was concerned in a matter. Or any matter. He was famously overprotective of his godson.

"Maybe I should," Sirius agreed after a few minutes.

"I can write Remus for you." Harry began to stand. Sirius stopped him.

"I'll do it."

Harry watched him leave. His right hand fingering his temple while the other clamped and loosened over his napkin. The one he had sneezed in. Did he know he was still carrying it? Sighing, Harry moved to clean up the "brunch" mess. Sirius hadn't been awake for his official breakfast, so Harry had settled for some apple butter and toast. Nothing fancy, and Harry hadn't been much of a breakfast person lately.

A few moments later Sirius erupted from the study in a violent storm of sneezes and coughs. Wincing, Harry met him in the hall and guided him to the couch.

"You're definitely not going to that meeting, I should think," Harry said in what was a disturbingly similar note to his mother. Sirius grinned, despite this revelation.

"I've already written Remus."

Harry raised his eyebrow, disbelieving. His hands were on his hips with an accusing glare aimed at his godfather. "Did you actually send the letter?"

Sirius laughed. "I'm getting there, mother."

Going red in embarrassment, Harry tossed a blanket toward the couch his godfather was occupying and walked into the study. Sure enough, there was a letter on his desk. Leaning forward, Harry moved to roll it up and give it to Hedwig (who was asleep on her perch a few feet away), but his attention was mysteriously diverted toward reading the letter instead of sending it. He found himself studying the statement a few times, growing more and more fearful each time he read it.

Remus,

I'm afraid I will not be able to attend the meeting, as my symptoms have far from improved. I do request, however, that you inform me to anything the Order knows about Voldemort and his movements after the meeting has adjourned.

If there is reason for me to take Harry out of the country for a time, I wish to be informed immediately. I'm not going to risk anything happening to him. Your information of the reported sighting of Lestrange and some of her companions a few miles west of here disturbed me greatly, as well as the coincidental nearness of other prominent Death Eaters lately. If anything else is known, please have it sent to me immediately.

I cannot impress upon you enough the dire importance of our precarious situation, though I'm sure you're well aware of this already.

Many thanks,

Sirius B.

Harry frowned. A surge of anger welled up in him as he realized that Sirius had been keeping this information from him, but Harry took heart that, unlike Dumbledore, Sirius merely didn't want to worry him. It wasn't a matter of him being capable of comprehending what he was told. Harry had never been that dense.

"You weren't supposed to know," said a weak voice from the doorway. Harry jumped, nearly out of his skin, and turned to find Sirius staring sorrowfully at him. "I'm sorry."

Trying to hide his anger and disappointment, Harry faked a grin. "Don't worry. I understand."

Sirius stepped forward, shaking his head. "I'm sure, but that doesn't make up for it. I broke our promise. I'm sorry."

That was true, he had. Harry's first full day with Sirius they had both promised to not have any secrets, so as to prevent any distance between them; just as Sirius had stated in the hospital room the day Harry had pulled out of his coma.

"You were just doing what you thought was best," Harry said, rolling up the letter and waking Hedwig with a gentle stroke beneath her beak. She hooted a 'good afternoon' to him before he gave her the letter to take to Remus. After nipping him goodbye, Hedwig soared out of the open window and into the summer air.

"I didn't want you to think --"

"I was endangering you?"

Sirius forced a laugh. "I'm a danger to myself, regardless." Unfortunately, Harry found no humor in his statement. Sighing, Sirius came up to Harry's side and pulled him into a one armed embrace. "I'm sorry. Truly, I am."

There was a moment of silence, interrupted only by Sirius' constant sneezes. Harry sighed. Regardless of everything, he couldn't stay mad.

"Come on, before you blow your head off your shoulders with another one of those brutal sneezes."

"I am sorry, Harry," he said once more before they reached the sitting room.

A smile came across Harry's face, this time a real one. "I know."

The Present...

The paperwork was insurmountable. Over and over again, Sirius found himself trying to distract his time with reports. Each one of them more depressing than the one before. People being hurt. People going missing. People turning up dead.

Dead. Dead.

Thoughts of Harry always snuck into his head. Where was he? Was he all right? Did he know his godfather was in desperate need to see him again? To pull him close and apologize for having failed him? To yell at him for worrying them all, though there was no reason for it. In Sirius' book, it had been his own fault. Yelling at Harry would accomplish nothing.

You're getting old, Padfoot, echoed a familiar voice in his head.

Not now, Sirius thought with his face buried in his hands. He didn't need to hear that voice now.

"Leave me alone." Sirius' muffled words fell on deaf ears. It wasn't an entity that spoke, just a memory revived somewhere in his head. "Leave me the hell alone. I don't need you to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

You're losing it.

"Don't you think I know that?"

You're going to have to keep going. You can't give up. You're not weak like that.

"Goes to show how much you know, Prongs," Sirius growled. "You weren't there. Thirteen years in Azkaban, three years on the run? I have you to thank for none of it!"

Now, now. Why do you hate me all of a sudden?

"It's not about you anymore. It's about Harry."

It's always been about Harry.

"I know. Are you saying my priorities are skewed?"

Not in the least.

"Then what do you want?"

To keep you going. I'm not going to let you just give up.

A smile came to Sirius' features. The first one in ages. "Since when have you ever let anyone you cared for give up?"

The voice laughed. Well, I don't intend on starting now.

"Sirius?"

The moment shattered as Remus brushed past the doorway to the kitchen. He was holding two cups of coffee, and a quizzical expression. "Sirius, who are you talking to?"

His smile died instantly, and his gray eyes dropped back to the papers before him.

"Myself."

Remus set one of the china cups before him on a matching saucer. Taking a seat at his friend's side, he eyed the man for a moment before taking refuge in his caffeine filled beverage.

"Didn't sound too much like a one sided conversation to me."

Sirius ignored Remus' statement and continued to sift idly through the paperwork. There was a bout of silence between then before, at last, Remus' cleared his throat.

"The Ministry reached Clare County the other day," he said, swirling his cup as though suddenly very interested in it's contents.

"In Ireland?" asked Sirius. "And?"

"The territory was empty when they reached it." He drained his cup, and let it fall with a clink to his saucer. Sirius bit his lip and turned his gaze to the wall opposite his friend. They'd been hopeful to find something out there in that hilly marshland. The ministry had been wise to recent gatherings out there for the past few months, and had had high hopes of finding Death Eaters lurking in those dark, uncertain grounds.

Sirius had had hopes that they'd find Harry, or someone who could lead them to him.

The fact that they had been wrong was only more offsetting. Everyone had been so certain that everything they were looking for was out there. Now they were back to square one.

"Damn it!" Sirius hissed, ripping himself from his seat. He began to pace the kitchen floor, his body shaking with tense nerves and lack of both proper sleep and food. "Now what?"

"We start over," said Remus, watching Sirius pace.

"That's not good enough!" Sirius practically shouted. "For the past month, nothing we've done has been good enough!"

"I'm aware of that, Sirius," Remus whispered, bowing his head sorrowfully. "But wherever Harry is, if he's alive, he's being guarded well. Don't think we haven't tried everything --"

"I know we've tried everything!" Sirius was running his fingers through his hair. There was a glint in his eyes that simply made him look mad. Insane mad. "But our best isn't good enough, Remus!"

He was beginning to work himself into a breakdown. His face was losing color fast and his steps were becoming clumsy. The room blurred before him, and before Sirius knew it he was slumped against the nearest wall, head in his hands and shoulders heaving with vicious sobs.

"I don't know what to do," he sobbed. Remus was at his side in an instant, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "I feel so lost."

Remus bit his lip, trying desperately to find words for his friend. How could he comfort Sirius in the wake of what was happening? Harry was gone, possibly dead, and they were both powerless against both their fears and the numerous possibilities that hung like daggers over their heads. Remus was barely capable of keeping his own hopes up, much less those of his closest friend.

"I know," Remus whispered, swallowing his nervous tears and struggling desperately against the trembling nerves in his hands. "I know you feel lost. Trust me, you're not alone."

Sirius' face was pressed into his legs, which were drawn up to his face; just like the other night in the study. He wasn't looking up. He had simply fallen into himself. His arms were wrapped around his legs as if in some last effort to hold what was left of his being together.

"I feel alone."

"I know," Remus said, trying to find something for Sirius to hold on to. He desperately needed his friend to keep a hold on his sanity. He'd be no use to Harry that way. If he came back. "I know you do. Alone. Helpless. Useless. We all feel that way. We all wake up and go to sleep wondering where Harry is and if today is the day we come one day closer to finding him. Every day we're slapped in the face by realizing we've only taken a step backwards. Their divisions are leading us around by the nose and we don't realize it until it's too late."

Looking up, Sirius peered into his friend's eyes. "Is that what happened in Clare County?"

Remus nodded.

Sirius' gray eyes drifted to the wall in front of him. He gazed past the table and chairs to the sliding glass window that overlooked the backyard of Grimmauld Place.

Harry and I used to sit out there every night and watch the stars, he thought as he lost himself in memories. It was always so much fun.

"Why can't they just leave him alone?" Remus didn't answer the question. He knew Sirius was just as aware of the answer as anyone else, but if it helped him to ask, Remus wouldn't object. "Why can't life be normal for us?"

The tears came back again, and Remus felt himself sink lower and lower into self-hatred and despair.

"We will find him, Sirius."

He looked up into Remus' eyes, and for the first time noticed a pain that wasn't his own. Sirius moved to speak, but Remus wouldn't have it.

"I don't give a damn about what I said before. We will find him, if it takes everything we've got."

Thousands of miles away, Harry awoke to find himself chained to a wall. The room was dark and cold, and he was quite certain that he could hear rats in the shadows around him. The drugs that he'd been put under for the past few day were wearing off. He now had no idea of where he was, or why.

Sirius wasn't with him, and that he knew. But where was he? Had they captured him too?

Harry looked up and around until he became very aware of a pair of eyes beyond the bars of his cell. A pang in his scar told him who it was immediately.

"Harry Potter, at long last..."

Swallowing hard, Harry prepared himself for a very long night.