Part One Hundred And Five
As George followed Karen up the stairs to her flat, she could feel the slightly protesting tenderness from where John had thrust into her so powerfully. God, that screw had been good, but she wished she could have felt better about it afterwards. "Darling, do I look like I feel?" She asked, when they'd reached the lounge and Karen had put some music on. "That depends how you do feel," Karen replied with a smirk. "To me, you look disheveled but gorgeous, but then I suppose I'm biased." "Please can I have a bath? I feel as though I've got John all over me." Karen laughed. "Yes, of course, as long as I can join you," She said, running a lazy finger down George's cheek. "Sounds exactly what the doctor ordered," George replied in a low, inviting drawl, leaning forward to kiss her. "Or should I say the nurse," She added, suddenly knowing that she needed to lose herself in whatever Karen might do for her tonight. She needed some thoroughly intoxicating lovemaking, with the added bonus of not one, single complication. She shouldn't have had sex with John like that, and she still didn't know how she felt about having kissed Jo this weekend, but with Karen she could forget all this. Just for a while, she could return to the Georgia Channing she'd been a few weeks ago.
Asking if she could put the clothes she'd been wearing in the washing machine, George began filling the bath with hot, scented water. As she scrutinized herself in the mirror, she could certainly see why her father hadn't been particularly impressed at her appearance. Her hair was tousled, her blouse not entirely tucked into her skirt, and her lipstick had all quite obviously been kissed off. When she was lying in the blissfully soothing water, Karen asked her if she wanted a glass of wine. "I'd prefer something soft," She replied. "I drank enough on Saturday to last me a lifetime." When Karen returned, she was carrying a glass of wine for herself and one of orange juice for George. Karen's bathtub was possibly her favourite part of this flat, it being just wide enough to comfortably accommodate her and George side by side. "How was the hangover?" She asked, taking a sip from her wine and putting the glass on the corner of the bath. "Not quite as bad as I probably deserved. God, when I get drunk, I really do go all out to do it thoroughly." "I'll assume the alcohol was to help the sleeping pills on their way." "Jo tell you that as well, did she?" George demanded, the guilt at what she'd nearly done, giving her voice the strident quality it had always possessed in the old days. "Yes, she did," Karen told her, not phased in the least by George's tone of voice. "Just tell me this, were you actually prepared for what might have happened to you?" George took a sip of the orange juice, now heartily wishing it was alcohol. "I don't understand." "What do you think would have happened to you, if you really had taken those pills on top of a large quantity of Martini?" "Well, as they were sleeping pills, I'm guessing I would have passed out at some point. End of feeling miserable and depressed, end of George Channing, end of story. Why?" Karen resisted the urge to shake some sense into her. "If you'd been lucky, that's what would have happened, but it's by no means a certainty. A combination of that type of drug and a lot of alcohol could have screwed up your liver, long before it killed you. Bleeding to death via your oesophagus, isn't a very pleasant way to die, believe me. I'm not going to give you the guilt trip, because I suspect Jo has already done that, and it's not as if you need any more. I'm also not going to demand that you never have thoughts like that again, because I know it's not that simple. You undoubtedly will feel like this again, but next time, just remember what I've said." George stayed quiet for a few minutes, just taking in all that Karen had told her. She really hadn't thought that anything so horrific might happen to her. She had assumed that she would drift into unconsciousness, never to wake up again. "I'm sorry," She said eventually. "I'm sorry that I frightened you like that." "I know you are," Karen said, gently kissing her. When they'd simply held each other close for a time, George asked, "Have you ever seen anyone die like that, when you were nursing, I mean?" "Yes, which is why I never want you to consider trying anything like that again." They gently soaped each other's bodies, hands seeking out pleasure points that they didn't appear to have visited in far too long. "I've missed this," George said between kisses, Karen's fingers delicately spanning her nipples. "It's only been less than a fortnight," Karen teased, loving anew the way George's nipples became so hard and erect under her touch. "I know, but it feels much longer." George always found the feeling of Karen's soft, silky skin incredible under her hands, and this time was no exception. Karen's body was now so familiar to her, that George wondered how she could ever have been nervous of touching it. But as Karen moved her hand down George's side, she found herself counting her ribs with the tip of a finger. "I do bear a certain resemblance to a xylophone, don't I," George observed dryly. "You will always be beautiful to me, no matter how you look," Karen told her, wanting George to know that she could see beyond her outer covering. George would have replied, but Karen managed to distract her by slipping a hand between her legs. George groaned luxuriously as Karen slid a long, tapered finger inside her, soon to be joined by a second. "God, I need you so much," George said, her breath quickening as Karen's hand took her to heights of sheer ecstasy. "I'm not going anywhere," Karen said fondly, gasping as she felt George's hand insinuate itself into replicating her own actions. They made love in that warm, scented water, hands creeping into soft, familiar places, mouths duelling in the pursuit of passion. George cried out as they simultaneously plunged over the abyss, and Karen held George to her, desperate never to let her go. "I couldn't bear it if I lost you," Karen told her, brief tears rising to her eyes. "Shh, I know," George said softly, remembering Jo's words of Saturday night. She'd said that Karen felt far more for her than she knew, but didn't want to put any further pressure on her. Well, perhaps she really did. She could see that what she'd considered doing had greatly upset Karen, and for that she was sincerely sorry. Karen was incredibly precious to her, and George would rather do anything than hurt her further. Where that left what may be happening with Jo, she couldn't yet begin to imagine.
When John arrived at Jo's house later that evening, he found himself wondering just what he might be in for. Something had clearly happened this weekend, something he didn't yet know about, something to make all her protective instincts rise up in defence of his treatment of George. Jo kissed him as usual, their greetings and partings almost always being the same, a familiarity he would never change. Pouring them both a glass of red wine, she joined him on the sofa, but he could feel the lecturing part of Jo working steadily away below the surface. When his curiosity couldn't hold out any more, he asked, "What happened this weekend?" "Before I tell you, let me ask you something," She said, reaching for a cigarette, even though she knew how it always irritated him not to have a similar, time buying prop. "When you took her into the woods this afternoon, did you notice anything different about her?" John thought about it, but couldn't immediately find the answer she was obviously waiting for. "Did George perhaps look thinner to you?" "Oh, no," He said in dawning horror. "Don't tell me she's been doing that again." "Yes, though it hasn't been allowed to get as bad as it did eighteen months ago, because both Karen and I knew what we were dealing with. Do you have any idea why she stopped eating again?" "No way," He said in rising anger. "You are not putting this one on me, Jo. What George chooses to do to herself is entirely her own decision. I don't like what she does, but I can no more stop her than you can. Addicts are a law unto themselves, Jo, you know that." "Oh, how self-righteous you are," Jo said quietly, and he could see in her eyes that he'd gone too far. "Let me remind you," She continued icily. "That George certainly isn't the only one with an addiction in this relationship. What about me? And what about your own little exotic craving? Don't even try to come all holier than thou about George, because you know it won't wash." "At least I can keep the lid on mine," He said stubbornly. "At least I don't revert to type at the slightest sign of crisis." "Oh, and how do I know that?" She countered back. "I wouldn't know if you'd done exactly that after your row with George last week." "Jo, you have my word on that, you always have had." "Yes, and wasn't that exactly what you said to me, just before you slept with Rachel Crawchek?" "That was different," He said quietly. "How different, John? But, that isn't exactly what we need to talk about right now," She added, not wanting to have this particular argument with him. "You need to know just how bad things got for her this weekend." "Jo, I don't like the sound of this," He said, getting a terrible feeling about what she might say. "When you argued with her last week, some of it was about Karen, wasn't it?" "How much did she tell you?" "Not a lot, which does give me cause for concern over what she didn't tell me. John, why does George being with Karen still get to you?" "Does there have to be a reason?" He asked belligerently, not wanting to discuss his intense feeling of insecurity with her. "For George to feel as bad as she did, yes, there most certainly does have to be a reason. She feels torn in two, John. One way by her feelings for Karen, and the other by your continuing jealousy. George did not ask to be attracted to women, just as you didn't. You need to understand that." "But why did she have to go and do something about it?" "Because she found an outlet for her need to express that part of who she is," Jo said reasonably. "Why she waited until Karen, I don't know. But she did find someone who could help her explore that part of her. Is that really so wrong?" "And is it so wrong for me not to want to lose her to someone else?" "No, of course it's not," Jo said gently. "But what you cannot do, is to expect something of her that you don't of me. John, two weeks ago, when I found the sight of Karen and George together erotic, you said it didn't bother you. You said that it was neither wrong nor bad for me to feel that way. Yet, when it comes to George, you seemed to have placed on her, the choice of either staying with Karen and hurting you, or of denying the part of her that finds women attractive." "Are you accusing me of having double standards?" He demanded angrily. "Yes, in this instance, I am. You can't deny it, John, no matter how much you shout and bluster at me. Where George and I are concerned, you do have double standards. In your expectations of us as your lovers, you have one rule for her and another for me. That isn't right, John, you know it isn't. George deserves an awful lot better than this." "I love you both. Where's the difference in that?" "So why," Jo asked, now beginning to lose her patience. "Can you accept my finding the thought of two women attractive, when you still can't live with the fact that George is actually sleeping with one?" "Because you'll never do it," He said without hesitating. "Yes, you might like the thought of two women, you might even fantasise about one in your spare time for all I know, but that's as far as you'll ever go." "Oh, and what makes you so sure?" She knew she was goading him, but she couldn't help it. So, thinking about it was as far as she would ever go was it? That was all he knew. "Jo, it's perfectly natural to have occasional, little fantasies like that, but apart from those odd, few wonderings, you're as straight as I am." "John, do you have any idea what George has been going through?" Jo said, returning to the attack because she wasn't about to actually lie to him and shatter all his illusions. "She has been trying to reconcile herself with either losing you, or Karen. She can't bear to lose either of you, yet just because of your continual refusal to accept the situation, George really was contemplating having to deny part of who she is. When I went to see her on Saturday night, she was well on her way to getting very drunk. I learnt more about your marriage that night than I really wanted to know. She couldn't bear to hurt you, John, but she knew she would end up resenting you if she were forced to give up her relationship with Karen. John, if I hadn't turned up when I did, she probably wouldn't be here now." She saw the shock register on his face, and knew that by telling him this, she had finally hit home.
"How serious was she?" He asked after a moment's silence. "Very," Jo told him quietly. "Luckily, she hadn't got round to taking the sleeping pills. She hid them when I rang the doorbell." "She never used to be like this, not after a row, not even one like last week." "George has changed, John, mostly for the better, but there is always a negative side to every coin. In bringing her out of that downward spiral after the Merriman/Atkins trial, we have both managed to persuade her to abandon the crass, angry, self-defensive armour she used to wear so well. You can't deny that it has made her a much nicer person, and that we have all become much closer because of it. But at the same time, she no longer has that armour to hide behind. George isn't as emotionally strong as she used to be, or as we both used to think she was. When she hurts someone she cares about, which even you will admit is very rare these days, it is likely to hurt her far more than it will anyone else. You need to be careful with her, John, we both do." "Is that why she was funny with me this afternoon?" Then, at Jo's raised eyebrow, he clarified. "She wanted what happened as much as I did. But afterwards, when we were walking back, she was very quiet. I thought we'd got everything sorted. We'd both apologised, and we'd made up, just like the old days. But it didn't seem to have worked." "John," Jo said in utter exasperation. "The argument you had with her last week, plus your extremely unresolved feelings about Karen, cannot be sorted out with a quick bonk in the bushes." John winced, hating to hear his Jo talk like this. "Let me guess," She continued. "When you climaxed, you told her you loved her, didn't you. That's what you always do with me if we've been arguing." "I might have done," He said evasively. "If you really expect her to believe you, John, you need to say it at any other time, and really, actually mean it. You know something else she said to me on Saturday? She said that you only love sleeping with her, and that part of you loves her for Charlie. She doesn't know just how much you do love her. You don't just need to tell her, you need to show her, and I don't mean by having sex with her." "What other way is there?" "That's for you to find out," She said maddeningly. "Everyone has their different ways. I would suggest talking to her as a start. You need to resolve whatever it was that caused last week's argument, before you do anything else." Seeing that she'd said quite enough, she put her arms round him, offering him the simple comfort she knew he needed. "I didn't mean to hurt her, Jo," He said into her hair. "I know you didn't. But you need to tell her that, not me." Gently kissing him, she added, "Oh, and she did tell me one other very interesting thing about you." "What?" He asked, very wary of the innocent smile on her face. "Oh, nothing of importance," She replied, playing with a strand of his hair. "Come on, I'm intrigued now," He pleaded. "You never told me you liked watching blue movies," She said, her mouth opening in a laugh as he began to look thoroughly embarrassed. "Once, I did that, once," He insisted. "Oh, I believe you," She said unconvincingly. "After all, you are talking to the uninitiated." "Nothing's going to be sacred between you two, is it," He said in resigned acceptance. "Nothing has been, not since this relationship began. You know everything about us, so it's only right that we know everything about you." As she began kissing him again, he spared a thought to the woman he'd seduced over a week ago. He would pray to god that they never found out about her.
As Karen and George lay in bed that night, cuddled in each other's arms and slowly drifting towards sleep, Karen reflected back on their evening. She had cooked them a very light meal, George having said that if she ate too much to soon, the results would be disastrous. George had been wearing one of Karen's dressing gowns, with her clothes bearing evidence of her afternoon's diversion, being first in the washing machine then the tumble dryer. She'd been wearing the black, silk one, the one that Karen only ever wore when she was feeling particularly sexy. With this providing delightfully easy access to George's body, they had ended up making love most of the evening, either on the sofa whilst listening to music, or later on in her bed. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other tonight, George's inability to become aroused the previous Tuesday, having given her a subconscious wish to make up for lost time. Karen listened to George's deep, regular breathing, her soft, silky curves entwined with Karen's. Her eyes were fully closed now, the long, blonde lashes caressing her cheeks. Pressing a tiny, feather-light kiss to the corner of George's mouth, Karen allowed herself to say those forbidden words. "I love you." They shouldn't be forbidden, she thought. They should never be condemned to be said almost in silence, but Karen wasn't about to make George's burden any heavier than it already was.