Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been writing as much, everyone. Been sort of down and out lately, and the events of this past weekend just shitted me out.

Anyway, while fighting a deep depression I've decided to attempt to update this story. Hope you all like it, and don't worry, this thing is far from over. Harry's return is just a...er, fortunate, coincidental circumstance? (evil cackle)

(sigh)

Whatever. On with the story then....I guess...

The Past

"You know they're moving," said Remus while sipping a small cup of tea. His tone had not changed throughout the duration of his stay, and frankly, it was pissing Sirius off.

"I know they're coming!" the man growled while trying to flip some eggs in a skillet. This was a job Harry was much more appropriately suited for. Unfortunately, he was enjoying his weekend on a trip out with the Weasleys. This left Sirius home alone to cook for himself.

Not a pleasurable situation.

Sirius growled again as he discovered that one side of his sunny-side-up breakfast had just been burned into a black horizon. He cursed and tossed the remnants of his breakfast into the rubbish, settling on the ever-so-ingenious "Pop-Tart" instead, a meal that Harry had introduced him too their first week together.

"What am I supposed to do? I've got every protection spell known to Albus Dumbledore and the two of us set on this place. Their are guards posted all over the block, and Harry's never out of a Ministry officials' sight."

"Or yours," Remus added with a grin.

Sirius breathed a hissing stream of breath through his lips. "Of course not. What the hell else can I do?"

Remus shrugged. "I was only supposed to relay the warning."

"Thanks, Captain Dandy," Sirius snapped. He had pushed his pop-tart aside and was now lying with his head in his arms on the kitchen table.

How pathetic I must look, Sirius thought with his eyes closed. About as helpless as I feel, I'm sure.

He heard Remus sigh through the thick fabric of his sleeves and the dense forest of black hair that sat atop his head.

"You're not helpless," Remus stated matter-of-factly, as if he had just read his friend's mind. "And, more importantly, you're not alone."

Sirius sighed again, lifting his head slightly to allow Remus to witness his grateful smile. "Thanks."

Remus nodded his head, grinning in response.

"So how have things been?" Remus asked.

"As far as what?"

"You and Harry. Have you two been getting along?"

Sirius glanced up at his friend with an expression that looked both quite mystified and surprised. "Why? Has he said something?"

"No, no, no!" Remus protested immediately, waving his hands in front of him for emphasis. "Just curious!"

Laughing, Sirius shook his head. "Oh. Well, I guess everything's been going well. We've yet to argue about something. It's usually just casual conversation and bantering whenever it's just the two of us."

Remus chuckled. "Sounds like James."

"You know," Sirius sighed wistfully, "sometimes, for a second when I'm not thinking clearly, I believe it really is him."

There was a sad smile on Remus' face that Sirius did not notice. It must be nice, getting your best friend back, he thought with some indignation. But he shrugged the thought away as quickly as it had come. He could never take care of Harry with his conditions, no matter how much he wanted to have a relationship with the boy.

Perhaps it was for the better. Wolves normally traveled in packs, but werewolves were intended to be alone forever.

That was just the way of it.

"You look lost in thought," Sirius commented after a while. His head was resting on his left palm, while the fingers of his right hand drummed the table lazily. His grey eyes were penetrating right through Remus' brown ones, questions lingering just beyond their imminent depths that Remus would never answer. "Something on your mind?"

"Something always is," Remus stated immediately. It wasn't forced enough for Sirius to wonder on whether or not the response was planned.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

With that, Sirius' head slipped back into the folds of his arms on the table. Remus just stared on.

The Present (One Week After Harry's Return)

"Damn eggs!"

For the last time, Sirius tossed the contents of his breakfast into the trash. Slamming the skillet down on the stove he whirled out of the kitchen in a maddening fury.

Harry and Remus (who had stayed the night) looked up from their chairs as he stormed past them and outside into the sunroom. Remus chuckled while Harry only shook his head.

"The real reason why he didn't eat while you were gone," Remus stated casually while flipping a page of the Daily Prophet, "is because he can't cook a damn thing."

It was quite a struggle for Harry to keep his orange juice from shooting out of his nose while he laughed.

"I can so cook," Sirius objected, slightly hurt, to Harry's reenactment of this conversation later that evening.

Remus had left, so the story was safe to share.

"I know," Harry laughed.

Sirius beamed.

A bout of silence followed in which nothing could be heard but the ticking clock and the roaring fire. It was nearing the end of August now. School would be starting again in a week and a half. Sirius was wondering on what he was going to do about Harry going back to school.

He had been working on preparing himself for this moment throughout all of June and most of July...

Until Harry had gone missing.

After that, the thought had never crossed his mind. And for a month it had gone on. The searching. The suffering. The torment. The thinning hope and merciless beatings of his guilt ridden mind...all of it.

Then Harry had come back, and now Sirius was going to be saying goodbye again.

It was almost unbearable.

"You're quiet," Harry said after a while.

Sirius looked up to find his godson peering at him, concern mirrored in those deep green eyes.

"Am I?"

Harry nodded.

"I'm sorry," Sirius sighed. "I'm just..."

"Thinking."

There was a pause.

"Yeah."

Another pause.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Sirius frowned. "What's a penny?"

Harry shrugged. "It's an American term. It means I'll give you money if you tell me what you're thinking, basically. Although..." Harry stopped, frowning. "According to Hermione, a penny is the smallest amount of American currency..."

Chuckling, Sirius shook his head. "Are you wondering then if it's more of an insult than a display of friendly concern?"

A confused grin came across Harry's features. "Well, that's a great way to put it," he stated sarcastically. "'You're not important enough for me to give any real money for, so I'll just give what I don't need and that will settle it.'"

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, sounds like an American saying all right."

A snort escaped from Harry, causing his godfather to laugh even harder.

Another bout of silence followed. This one was longer, causing each to shift in their own uneasiness numerous times.

At long last, Harry spoke.

"What are you so worried about?"

Sirius didn't answer, he simply lifted his gaze sadly to consider his godson. Harry sighed, understanding.

"I'm sorry," he responded at length.

"What?!" Sirius' gaze shot up in amazement. "What are you apologizing for?"

Harry stared flatly at his godfather, as though he had just asked a question to which the answer was only too obvious.

"What else?"

Sirius sighed and set his cup down. His gaze fell sternly to the floor, and he promised himself he would not lift his eyes till he was finished.

"That wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"You seem to find enough reason to do so-"

"Because it was my fault!" Sirius unintentionally snapped. The shocked expression on Harry's face told him he'd been unfair with his tone. He sighed and returned his gaze to the floor. "It was my fault."

"Like hell it was," Harry argued.

"Watch you're-"

"No! It wasn't your fault!" Harry's fist was clenched against the arm of his chair. Sirius looked up, surprised at his godson's own tone. "Sirius, I know you think that you're supposed to protect me...but you can't be there all the time."

"That's no excuse--"

"Yes, it is."

Sirius was about to say something, but something told him to hold his tongue. Harry was working up to something here, and he wanted to hear it before he said another word.

"You can't promise yourself all the time. It just can't be done. You're human! You can't be there all the time. You can't beat the world at it's own game because you're just one person. You can say you're going to be there, and you can try your best, but the thing is you just can't do it all the time. People slip up, Sirius."

Sirius did not bother to consider these words because he already knew too well that such things were often the case.

"I know that Harry. And you know that I know. My biggest mistake was letting Peter Pettigrew become your parents' Secret Keeper. And you see what that mistake cost me?"

Harry winced. Sirius' voice was very dark now, sending chills up the boy's spine.

"I know I can't be there all at once. I know I can't protect you all the time, but damn it, Harry! That still doesn't make up for the fact that I could have lost you!"

"But-"

"And I'd never forgive myself if that happened!"

"If you're not-"

"That won't make up for it!"

Neither one of them realized that they were both standing now. Four inches were all that separated them, and that distance was rapidly closing.

"But if you can't-"

"That's not the point!" Sirius hollered, and all at once he swept Harry into his arms and fully embraced the child. Harry stood rigid for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened and why.

For Sirius it wasn't a question as to how, or why. The fact that they were yelling at each other tore him apart, and his blame was still in the process of doing that even with Harry returned. They were both silent; Harry because his face was practically buried in his godfather's shoulder, and Sirius because he could not yet grasp the words that he needed to find.

"It doesn't have to make sense, Harry. The truth is, it doesn't. Not even to me. But...that still doesn't make up for anything." He took a pause to breathe and swallow his tears. "I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you, and that's just how it goes. All right?"

He felt Harry nod against his shoulder, and all at once his own arms tightened around Sirius' torso.

They shared that embrace for many moments.

Sorry, guess I can't have the humor without the angst. (apologetic grin)

Um, please review?