A/N: I hear some folks want a Bottom Feeder dictionary! I understand that if you go look for Private Murphy's Law not only will most questions be answered, but you'll have a lot of fun doing research too.
From: Gearhead:
To: Maggot
Subject: Spam from hell
Ninety-nine emails of dicks in my mail, ninety-nine emails of dicks . . . Jesus, Mary, Joseph and their little dog too do I got a loada crap in my email. And it ain't like I NEED alien Viagra! I'm startin' to think maybe the pervy plants ain't so bad. Dr. TNA is looking perkier than ever and the other chicks down here are mighty fine. Hell, even the LT ain't as ugly as usual. Hoo haa! I tell ya my purple pirate a' passion is about ready to set sail on the big ol' booty trail! And damn, Maggot, I nearly fell on my ass when we stopped being' twenny thousannn leeeegues beneaf the seaaa. Ooooh. Dr. Weasel just wandered by. Man, you shoulda seen his ass. He's bounc ing offa da walls like a cop car in Grand Theft Auto. Man nearly took a header off the stairs down here. And the LT, fuck it was funny, you know he's started wearin' his hair like HairBoy? Guy's his hero! LT just raced by buck nekkid with sticks in his hair singing shit about how he's a little teapot and pissin on the plants. Dr. Weasel, that frostback commie asshole, tried to get our plants but we circled the wagons and told his communist plant-snatching ass to get back to Ottawa where he belongs. Shoulda seen his face. Got his mouth all screwed up and his nose all sneery like he does and said he's from Tor-Ron-To, thank you verra much! Shit, I bout laughed my balls off. Cept I need those balls for the ladies. Speakin a which what the fuck am I doin' typing email to your lame pervert doll-shagging ass when I got me a piece a prime botanist butt cruisin' by singing about gettin' some wood in the park. Tell ya how much wood she gets and you'll be green as the damn plants. Heeeee
Gee
From: Melvin
To: Gearhead
Subject: Re: potatoes and other plants . . .
What the hell is in the water you're drinking down there? Becuase, I tell ya, you're sounding really psycho today. LT running around with sticks in his hair? Pissing on the plants? Ok, time for all little soldiers to be in bed. Like, the infirmary. Besides, think of all the nurses you can make happy, with your, what did you call it? Purple stick of passion? By the way, I dropped a tube today, you would have thought it was the crown jewel by the way His Nibs acted. Didn't care I cut my hand to shreds when it happened, or that the damn blue gue he was investigating burned like hell. Nope. He was screaming about fuck ups and incompetant soldiers. I can only assume he meant me. Oh, well. I figure, if I had any stripes they'd be gone by now anyway. Sorry, just a private! Don't know shit about shit. Anyway, if you do manage to get into someone's pants tonight, let me know. With rosy palm out of commission thanks to my butter fingers, I'm not even getting that to keep Mr. Winky happy. I need info! I want when, where, who, and how many! And if the LTs finally get their heads out of their assess and realize they're the only ones who can stand each other, maybe they'll get some too, and back off the rest of us. Pervo plants and plant pissing officers is about all I can take for tonight. Besides, its a bitch to type one handed, so forgive the typos. I'm gonna go crash. Whatever that shit was, it hurts like hell! Have fun!
Maggot
Most definitely to be continued! Gotta find out if those plants had to kick back and smoke a cigarette after all . . .