A/N: When last we saw our heroes, Maggot was oozing slime and Gearhead was not sympathetic. So what else is new? And all you guys who wrote, YESSS! LOVE the email! Rank-and-Filed and I, we are to feedback what cats are to tuna, so get out your can openers, errr, email.

To: Melvin
From: Gearoid
Subject: Slick and the dead

You are so full of shit, Maggot. This is just to get me to buy the beer isn't it? Cause Beckett says you're fine. That the slime is just your body ejecting that blue crap and he's got you in there cause you smell too bad to believe and his nurses got tireda cleaning up the puke.

Look, you get outta here, we'll drink a toast to Sumner. Any excuse to drink is a good excuse to drink. And he was a nasty hardass but he was our nasty hardass, know what I mean? I got the toast all picked an' all. "To Sumner. If he hadn't been a officer he migtha been okay. May he be in a happy place, making eternal jarheads miserable and having a ball.

Yeah. That's a good toast for an officer. You gotta deslime soon buddy cause it's thirsty as hell waiting for ya to get outta the fishbowl. 'sides, you're bad enough face to face, readin' your typin' right now's giving me a headache.

Speakin' a your typin', so what kinda diggits are falling off? Wait, don't tell me. I know. This is cause that nurse told you your dick was falling off after you made a pass at her and got that nasty ooze all over her butt like that? Mannn, I thought even you had better sense than coming on to some chick when you're dripping slime like some big ass slug! That is NOT the kinda slime the girls go for, Mags. I can teach ya if you like. But not till you stop looking all spotty gray and blue like a week old floater. Ewww! You look almost as bad as you smell! Tell you what, next time you need to make that Kavanaugh guy play with his own slimy glue goo.

Oh, you are so damn gross. Do NOT give me the finger! It's just too nasty to see when you've got stuff drippin' off it like that. Yes, that's right. Go back to typing . . .

Good thing they found that plastic cover for the keyboard. I mean, it's fine with me talking to you over the intercom like this, but your voice sounds really vile and seeing you spitting that stuff out is just too nasty for words. I ain't seen anything that bad since the last time I was on a three day tequila-drank-the-worm bender. WITH speed and LSD to boot! Bleeeeaaaggggh!

I know, I know, it's BEEN two days that you've been oozing in there like that, but Doc says you will be fine. I don't know how he could stand touching you to put the needle in like that but it's a good thing they can just swap those bags without touching you anymore. He really looked kinda green around the gills when he came out, pardon the expression.

The lieu gave me the week off to come and off you moral support. Yes, that WAS what he called it. He told me that a good Christian has a duty to his fellow man but I don't remember anywhere in the Bible that talked about oozing blue slime. Maybe I just skipped over that part. It mighta been in Job or Jedediah or Obediah or Hezekiah or something else like that. Beats me. I never could keep 'em straight.

You were asleep a while back but you shoulda seen it. All the geeks showed up. They had the Geek God down here even, that McKay guy? Jesus but he's annoying! If this were a survivor show they'd vote him off the island or the planet or to get eaten by a monster first. Maybe. It's sort of a toss up between him and that Kavanaugh guy. Actually, I think the Kavanaugh guy's worse. He's got that nasty-ass pony tail that looks like a rat died and that tail fell off it and he's not funny at all. McKay's an ass but he's funny. Then there was this squirrelly little guy from Russia or Prussia or someplace who kept on quizzing Doc. Beckett about how much juice you're putting out and volumes and stuff and why the goo is taking so long to ooze out. Man, you are just totally disgusting! My little nephew wasn't that gross when he had the barfing shits and was just . . . well. You get the idea.

Hey, I'm gonna let ya talk to the geeks here for a while. They want to know how that shit tastes and smells. And my babe, she's wiggling her hips and nips and fingertips and I plan to go get me some hot, bodacious bounty here! Sit back and think good thoughts. Or maybe you oughta hold the good thoughts til you're outta isolation and don't smell like a dead thing and you only got the slime God gave ya instead of that shit. Know what I mean?

G

From: Melvin
To: Gearoid
Subject: Stool pigeon

Ok, if these zoondweebies ask me one more time what this shit tastes like, I'm going to puke on em and let them experiance it first hand. Can you believe some of the dumbass questions they want to know? It's bad enough I have to smell myself, taste myself, and feel myself. I feel like a stepped on slug, and probably look like one, too. I'm trying to avoid any mirrors. But those dickhead scientist act like I'm the next find of the century or something! Yeah, its been four fucking days, and I'm still oozing out my ass. Litterally, for your information. And I ain't kidding you, Gee, this shit hurts! It feels like a demented version of icy hot. ALL OVER! I've heard of blue balls, but this is rediculous! One of those freaks (yes, I realize the irony, they are still freakier than me) just asked me for a stool sample. Like I've been able to keep anything down with the smell to be able to provide! If Doc hadn't put that IV in, I'd be starving here. Those nurses weren't the only ones unable to stand the smell without puking. And for your information, I wasn't making a pass at Nurse Hulk, I was trying to get a spot off her uniform. And if you beleive that, I'm not a smurfing novelty.

By the way, that babe of yours really does have a cute ass. She stopped by when you went to lunch, I think it was to see how your friend was doing so she could offer you "moral support." Sorry if you lost some nookie points. I didn't do anything but sit here and look pretty, I swear! What the -? I can't believe the nerve of that fucking asshole! That bastard! That damn sonofabitch! Fucking LT just told me that since it was my fucking fault this happened, he's writing me up! Giving me a fucking bad conduct counseling and telling me that I'm gonna be cleaning latrines for a month once I get out! As if it weren't bad enough being a blue covered phlegm ball, I have to deal with this shit as well? You know, I really don't feel so hot. The scientists can go dunk themselves in their own puke for all I care right now. I'm gonna knock myself out. Talk to you later. Oh, and Gee? Thanks for stickin around, even if it is just to get a laugh. I'm sure I'll look back on this and laugh right along with you one day. But for now? I'm gonna curl up and try not to aspirate on my own puke.

Maggot

TBC - After all, sooner or later these guys have to get some WORK done!