From: Gearoid
To:Melvin
Subject: Re: Snotman

Jeez, Maggot! Herkimer and Frost just asked me how my bud, Snotman is doing. Come to think of it, it's not a bad name . . .

If any freak asks you for a stool sample again you got a choice. Either point 'em towards the furniture or hold out your hand cause it's not like you ain't covered in shit already. Blue shit at that! Me, I sort of think you ought to tell the LT that this was your fault, hold your hand out and thank him for pointing out the error a your ways and making you a better man and then offer to go do the latrines right NOW since you're so familiar with the way they smell at the moment. On the up side, these Atlantis crappers really do clean themselves. I swear to god, I think MY LT would be willing to eat off them and you know what he's like. Prissy bastard actually DID a quarter bounce test on my bunk once. I never thought I'd see anyone pull that shit. Told him those new state quarters don't bounce so good but he didn't buy it.

I'm in love! My babe is just the sweetest thing. She told me how she thought I was brave and true and a true blue friend. So to speak. Those were her words, Mags, not mine. You know I wouldn't be caught dead saying stuff like that. And you know how you bitched about having "shave me" written in your back hair? On the up side, your hair all fell out so you get to start over new and clean as soon as the snot clears up. Beckett says it won't be long now, that the chemical decomposition or something like that's not as sludgy as it was. Cheer up, Mags! Before long you won't look like a blue banana slug and I'll bring you beer so you can get your body fluids back into whack! Doc says you'll need 'em and I got one of the geeks to help. That guy with the name that sounds like a slinky, he's really pretty nice. You know, the Czech one? He told me he wasn't no Russian but in a nice way. He's got himself a still going already and he told me he'd help me brew beer too! We snuck out last night and ripped off a batcha burnt toast from the commissary. He says burnt works better for some reason. I dunno what KIND of beer it'll be. Me, I was hoping for Pabst like my grandaddy used to drink but Slinky says I oughta expect Irishy kind of stuff, which is okay cause it's in my blood an all that.

I think that Nurse Hulk may have a thing going for ya. Wait until you don't ooze anymore and try it again. She was asking if you were as disgusting when you're not slimy and I told her you were a fine, dry, normal sorta guy. Crossed my fingers on that last part and I promise I didn't laugh! Oh, and I told her you were hung like a bull moose, so I sorta stacked the deck for ya. I figure the way you are now, none of the babes is gonna want to look closely enough to figure out if that's true or not.

Gee

From: Maggot
To: Gearhead
Subject: Re: Snotman

Hmmm, I can just picture it now: the Adventures of Snotman and Plant Boy. We could sell millions! Not. So what's going on in the world out there? Doc says I may be out of here in a day or two, since the oozing has pretty much stopped and I'm almost back to my normal color. At least the stench has gone away. I even managed to eat a sandwhich today without puking! I was so proud of myself. First solid food I've had in almost a week.

And, for your information, Nurse Hulk has a name: Nurse Anya. She helped me take a little stroll around the ICU this morning, since I'm about as strong as a kitten right now. I don't know what that shit was, but it really pulled a number on me. Doc says I'll be in therapy for a few weeks to get my muscle tone back, since I lost nearly 15 pounds. And, get this, he bitched out His Nibs when he found out about his hissy fit. I'm on light restricted duty for the next month! No cleaning latrines for me.

Anya said I have a nice smile, and wanted to know if I would go out for dinner with her when I was back to normal. I think I'm in love! Thanks for stacking the deck, man, I owe you one.By the way, when are you going to get the still going? After the week I've had, I could use a drink. Doc says I should avoid caffein and alchy for a while, since I've been so dehydrated. To hell with it, my lovely nurse said she would hook me up with an IV. Just keep away from those pervo plants, ok?

Maggot

A/N: good advice for us all, watch out for the pervo plants! But not the keyboards. You emailers, thank you! We LOVE the stuff, feedback junkies that we are.