Disclaimer: I own none of the characters (although I might have tweeked a few names….)
So... First attempts were frivolous little rants; third to four-hundred-thirty-first try is what you see before you. I lost count somewhere in there. Enjoy.
Bilbo sat at his little table, engrossed in "Martha Stuart Living" whilst he munched on his fifth seed-cake. He wearily clicked off the television and got to his furry little feet. A bit of tobacco in hand, he wandered outside in his bunny slippers. The Baggins, a bit of a recluse, sat in solemn thought, wondering what tomorrow's dinner might hold, and whether he should try out the Jenny Craig Diet, or the South Beach. Of course, he rejected both, telling himself that he was in perfect shape, when a tall old guy walked up to him, fluffy eyebrows a-twitter. Bilbo was entranced by the liveliness of the things, when he remembered his long-practiced manners.
"No solicitors, telemarketers, loiterers, salespersons, uninvited visitors, unexpected parties, VIPs, MVPs, CEOs, or ABCs." That said, he blew a smoke ring, although it looked much like a smoke-egg-thing. The senior citizen's eyebrows shot up on his forehead, nearly mingling with his tufts of grey hair.
"To think I should be ' No solicitors, telemarketers, loiters, salespersons, uninvited visitors, unexpected parties, VIPs, MVPs, CEOs, or ABCs'ed by a descendent of the old Took himself!" The fellow chuckled, brow bobbing along with his chortle.
Bilbo screwed up his eyes in concentration, but his little hobbit head was a bit too filled with important knowledge such as how to make doilies and good center pieces. The visitor sighed and smacked the short, fuzzy man with big, splintery stick. Bilbo yelped, then gasped.
"I remember now! You're the Great Gandolfski! I used to help backstage for those cheap little tricks at the shows, and when I accidentally threw your show rabbit into a stew, you gave me a couple of thumps with that!" He hopped to his feet. "Good to see you, old pal!" The wizard grumbled, remembering the incident. He still missed Mr. Flopsy Cuddly Puffums.
"Well, all in the past, my good lad. Now, I'm going to say a few ambiguous things, and you'll scratch your head for a while, then I'll be off." Gandolfski mumbled a bit, and the hobbit stared blankly into space for a moment. After a while of frozen stupidity on Bilbo's face, Gandolfski shrugged and hobbled away. At last, the trance was broken, and Mr. Baggins wiped a bit of drool off of his face. Setting his pipe down, he went back inside to study his maps and eat a few things. All the talk of rabbits had made him quite ravenous.
Yes, quite a lot of focus on bushy eyebrows. Short little page, but there are chapters to come.