Chapter 40

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Lily and Remus looked up from their dinner. Who could that be? People seldom knocked on their door. Lily shrugged and got up. Slowly, she pulled the door open. You couldn't be too cautious anymore. When the door was opened, Lily gasped in surprise. Sirius stood there, looking angry, betrayed, and sad.

"Come in, what's wrong?" she asked. Sirius stepped inside and smiled his thanks. Remus looked at his friend from where he was sitting and looked confused. Why wasn't he home with James?

"What's wrong, Siri?" he asked his dark haired friend as he sat down across from him. Lily bustled off to get something for him to eat and drink.

Sirius shook his head slightly and stared at his hands. "It's really stupid, now that I think about it," he muttered as he looked up. "I just got so mad. He had no right, and… he didn't even consider my feelings."

"What did James do now?" asked Lily as she set down the plate of food in front of him and sat down between him and Remus.

Sirius just shook his head slightly. "He read my journal. My private journal. The one that I've been recording my thoughts and feelings into since I was raped by my father and Jacob. And he read it. I would have shared those thoughts with him eventually, I just wasn't ready to just yet."

Lily nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry. You should go back home and talk about it with him. It was an honest screw up. He didn't mean to hurt you."

Sirius sighed and nodded. He knew that he should do that, but he didn't want to forgive his husband so quickly. Give him a few hours to sweat it over. "He really hurt me though."

Remus stood up and took his plate to the sink. "I'll go talk to him, if you'd like," offered Lily as she followed Remus. Sirius watched her and then drew his eyebrows together in thought.

"Would you?" he asked, uncertain as if he really wanted to get them so involved. They already were though. "I don't know what he'll say, or what it really matters."

Lily smiled in a secretive way that made her emerald green eyes shine like she had an idea forming in her intelligent mind. "I'll just make him see the wrongness of what he's done to you."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but nodded anyways. "Is it alright if I stay the night here?" he asked, not caring if it sounded rude.

Remus shrugged and Lily nodded. "Of course, but you're going to make things right between you and James as soon as I talk to him," she admonished and went out to set up the guest bedroom, leaving Remus and Sirius alone to talk.

"So how have things been going?" asked Sirius as Remus sat back down. He rolled his eyes and smiled.

"I hate weddings. Everything has to be just perfect, or else the end of the world might come. Not to mention the fact that I don't really care what color the napkins are or what flowers we use! How did you two manage to sort out your wedding?"

Sirius laughed and shrugged. "I actually have no idea. I think we agreed on almost everything because we are so similar. Not to mention we didn't really care about what color everything was so we just picked some random color and agreed on it."

Remus smiled slightly and shook his head. "Oh well. It's all my fault I guess, being straight and all."

"Well, at least you are marrying someone who can cook. I mean, James can cook, but…wow, Lily can do anything in the kitchen."

Remus laughed again and Lily entered the kitchen, smiling at the two. "Well, cooking is a lot like potions class. Considering you almost failed it and James just barely got a decent grade, it makes sense that you wouldn't be the most excellent cooks."

Sirius rolled his eyes and yawned. He hadn't been getting much sleep recently. "I think I'm gonna go to bed, unless either of you have any objections."

Lily smiled and nodded her head in the general direction of where he'd be sleeping. He smiled at the two and left to get some rest. Lily watched him leave and then pulled Remus to his feet. "Let's go out in the living room, where it's more comfortable," she said, pulling him into the other room and then down onto the couch. He wrapped his arms around his shoulder and she leaned against him.

"Poor Sirius," he muttered, playing with her red locks of hair. She nodded and started to hum a song under her breath. "It's all James's fault."

Lily laughed and then shook her head. "That's why I'm going to talk to him tomorrow."

"Alright," agreed Remus. "Until then, I suggest we go to bed."

Lily smiled, "Why do you always have the most brilliant ideas?"

sniffle

James was sitting on the couch, holding a sleeping Anastasia in his arms. The night before his mother had dropped her off and then left quickly, but not before he had told her what had happened. She had told him he had been an idiot and needed to apologize to Sirius as soon as he saw him again.

After she had gone, he had sat on the couch listlessly, holding his sleeping daughter. The next thing he knew was that it was morning and he had Anastasia had fallen asleep on the couch together. He groaned slightly as he felt his taut muscles and stretched. Ana stirred and woke up.

"Daddy," she murmured and gave him a hug. He hugged her back and then stood up, holding her in his arms.

"Do you want breakfast, sweetie?" he asked as he carried her to the kitchen. She nodded sleepily and he set her on the counter while he began to get the ingredients for breakfast out. In no time at all he had breakfast cooking and picked up his daughter again and took her out to the living room so she could either watch television or sleep. James wanted to focus on how to apologize to his husband.

Just then a knock on the door sounded. James got up to answer it, hoping that it was Sirius, but knowing that it wasn't. Opening the door, he saw Lily standing there, looking at him expectantly. James stepped aside to allow her to enter without saying anything.

"How could you?" was the first thing she said to him. James sighed in frustration. At least he knew where Sirius was now.

"Nice to see you too Lily," he replied sarcastically.

"Why would you read something that was so private? Do you not have any consideration for other's feelings?"

"Of course I do," James snapped, losing his patience with the young woman in front of him. "I made a mistake, I admit it. I didn't think about how it would hurt Sirius if I read it. I honestly wasn't completely sure what it was. Well, okay, I did, but that's not the point. I know I need to apologize for being an ass, and as soon as you think Sirius is ready to see me, please tell me because I'll come over instantly."

Lily smiled. He had done everything for her. "Alright, he's ready to see you. He's at Remus's and my house."

"I know. Come on, Ana, we're going to go find daddy," he said, gesturing for the young girl to come to him. She got up and hurried on her short legs over to him. He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll bet you miss daddy, don't you. He has more patience with you than I do."

Lily smiled at them and led him to her car. She didn't like traveling by floo powder and James thought that Ana might be just a little bit too young for it.

The car ride was short and quiet. Lily seemed to be frustrated with James and he didn't want to provoke the fiery red head. She had a temper that could cut like metal when she really wanted to. When they arrived at her house, James unbuckled Ana's seat belt and lifted her out of the car. Lily was waiting at the door for them.

"Sirius!" she called as they entered. After a moment, James could hear pounding feet racing down the stairs in the kitchen.

"I'll get you, you cheating buccaneer!" Sirius's voice yelled.

"How do you cheat at go fish?" responded Remus.

"…I don't know."

They came out into the living room and saw Lily, James, and Ana standing there staring at them as if they'd lost their minds.

"It's from Veggietales," explained Sirius, hesitantly, looking at James with careful, measuring eyes.

"I came to kidnap you," James told him, holding out his hand for Sirius to take. Hesitantly, he accepted it and then he pulled him out the door. Lily and Remus were going to watch over Ana until they could sort out their problems so they flooed home and settled down in the living room.

"I'm so sorry I read your journal. I shouldn't have. It was completely wrong, a lack of respect for your personal space. Please forgive me," begged James, looking at Sirius closely.

Sirius pretended to think about it for a moment, and then smiled. "Of course I forgive you, but you're sleeping on the couch tonight."

"What! Why?"

Sirius grinned and answered, "Because, you deserve it.

James smiled and wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders. "I know this might be the worse possible thing to ask right now, but you said in your journal that you were going to forget everything that has happened in your life. Why?"

Sirius looked at James, his eyebrows drawing together slightly, but not in anger. "I just will. There's no why about it. Every single member of my family has lost their memory before their death. I will too, eventually."

"Well, why will you only remember the bad things in your life?"

Sirius shrugged. "I probably won't. Right now, though, it seems like what happened was so terrible that I will remember it no matter what happens."

James looked worried. "I'd rather you not forget everything that has happened."

Grinning weakly, Sirius leaned his head on James's chest. "I would rather it not happen either, but it probably will. And when it does, then that's life. However, until then, I'm going to accept each day with open arms and treat it as a rare, valuable gift. Because life is. Life is precious. We only live once, so why are we taking it for granted? I don't intend to, and I'm almost glad that I will lose my memory. It teaches me, in a way, to look at what I have and realize what I'll lose if I'm not careful. It makes me realize that no matter what happens, whether we live through bankruptcy or national disaster, many things that are lost can be replaced. You and Ana, and the future Potter family member, can never be replaced once taken away. It's the irreplaceable things in life that are so important and valuable, and I'm going to cherish the irreplaceable things in my life."

A.N. in all honesty to myself, that chapter sucked! Oh well. I'm sorry. Thank you for reading it. Next chapter will be up soon. Please review.