DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, own Hikaru No Go. And I'm not witty enough to think of some cool remark about how much I don't own it.

Sorry about the mistake about the whole 'Meijin' thing. Terribly sorry, and I must admit I haven't read all that much of Hikaru No Go, a good bit, but I haven't even read to the part about Sai disappearing. (Or so I'm told.)

Also, I will refer to Akira as 'she' in her POV (She IS a girl,) but in other POVs I will refer to Akira as 'he' unless they know that Akira is a girl. You do understand that, right?

On with 'Nugatory'...

HikaruAkira, but NOT slash.

NUGATORY
Chapter 1 – Boy Clothes

Touya Akira's POV

Strips of sunlight streamed in through the window blinds in Akira's room. Her hair was slightly scruffy as she rose from her bed.

She sighed as she groggily padded towards her dresser, opening the drawer and pulling out several set of clothes.

Boy clothes, snapped a voice in her head.

"I am a boy," she voiced her thoughts aloud, feeling it was the only way she could better that voice.

You know you lie, it hissed.

And Akira did know she was a girl, but believing she was a boy was just so much easier. Everyday she would just try to fit in with other boys, though many times it proved futile. Try as hard as she might, she knew she couldn't be like them, she was too different. It also didn't help Akira's mind that girls were claiming to be in love with her.

Love.

It was something Akira didn't want to think about, for she knew she could never have it. What was she to do if she found herself falling for a boy? She very much couldn't outright tell him--she could imagine all the headlines that could strike up. And she couldn't tell him that she was actually a girl. First of all, what if he didn't believe her? Or, what if he rejected her and the secret got out? Akira shook her head; she didn't want to think of what her father would do to her if that happened.

What would her father do about marriage?

Perhaps he would have her marry some prestigious woman, have no honeymoon, then after a week or so declare the woman pregnant, wait a few months and say the baby was born when really it was a baby from some orphanage, then have the wife killed off in some accident? Akira didn't doubt that her father would do something of the sort. What better way to be sure to have a son, anyway?

Wouldn't want to have that mistake again would we? the voice barked.

Akira cringed. She would wish no one the burden of hers. Perhaps that was for the better.

Sometimes in a heat of rage Akira found herself mad at her mother. It was her fault she could have no other children, and everyone knew it so getting some child from an orphanage couldn't be done. But after a wave of fury, Akira would realize how wrong she was and how hard her mother was trying to help.

Akira snapped out of her daze and realized she needed to hurry and head of to school. She quickly dressed into her Kaio uniform and speed-walked downstairs.

"Hello, son," a voice broke the silence and Akira's whole body froze. Akira knew it was her father, for her mother called her nothing but Akira, or when she was feeling extremely emotional, child. But never son. Never.

"Hello, father," Akira spoke, the words feeling like ice to her lips. She tried her best to cover her features with an emotionless mask.

"A bit late today, son?" her father chirped with a false smile.

"Yes, father, so I best be going," Akira droned in monotone, then walked towards the door signaling the conversation was over. She picked up her bag and headed for the exit. Just as her hand was about to reach the handle on the sliding door, her father's voice again shattered the pleasant silence.

"Be sure to make friends with all the other little boys."

Akira didn't answer; she just bolted out the door. She didn't want to be like this! Weren't families supposed to love each other for who they were? Why did she have to get him as a father? Why? Why, why, WHY? She held back tears as she jogged towards Kaio, not wanting to be chauffeured there. After all, it was only a couple of blocks away. She needed to be alone for at least a moment.

Tears threatened to fall, and Akira slowed her pace to a walk, thinking.

It was one of those happy, sunshine days, and Akira couldn't help but seethe at that. What right did everyone have to be so happy? She wiped her eyes with her arm and continued onwards.

It wasn't until she arrived at Kaio, almost late, that she realized she forgot to strap herself in.

Just another thing to go wrong, the voice returned, much to Akira's dismay.

AN: Sorry, as of right now, I can't do review responses as I'm pushing for time, and I need to go ahead and get this out since it's been sitting for a few days. Thanks for all the reviews though, you guys are the GREATEST.

Also, if you happen to seriously not understand 'strapping in', I can tell you, but I'm confident enough that you people know. Oo

And 'The voice' isn't some supernatural thing incase someone gets that idea. It's all just in poor Akira's head.