And we're right back with Chapter 2. Again, enjoy.
And oh crap we forgot to include a disclaimer so all you lawyer people here it is: We (Emo the gen and bracken the fae) own absolute bob all. We don't even own the bar. That's Kimari's.
(And contrary to my usual style, these chapters are intentionally short because otherwise we would get too damn bored. Attention spans of gnats. (and spelling of too, according to Smellogen.)
Enjoy!
Chapter 2: Competition?
Kimari laughed as he surveyed his large gay bar kingdom of bondage and male on chipmunk action. But his happiness was not to be. The powers (AKA the Directors) decided to turn up at that moment, holding those massive sign posts advertising 'Rikku's Underage Al-Bhed Strip joint.' The caption read 'are you a paedophile? Do you like Girls in school uniform? Then come along and join the fun!' the small print read 'we accept no responsibility if fathers see their daughter dancing at our joint, it's your fault and your all sick perverts. We look forward to seeing you soon.' All of a sudden the so-called 'gays' flocked out of the room, after seeing the most gorgeous goddesses that were Emo and the Plant girl. (Or the goddess-like signs they were holding.)
"what the?" Kimari exclaimed, it has been said that the dust cloud did not settle for weeks afterwards. "Damn Rikku, she's ruining my business."
"I remember her! She used to tuck me in at night if you er know what I mean" Tidus Nudged and winked so much it was hard not to!
"no she didn't. that was me you dolt." Kimari exclaimed.
"oh! But Yuna had the same thingy as you" Tidus puzzled
"ewwww….chick with a dick" Kimari shuddered involuntarily. He looked sadly around his once grand palace. "So, you wanna go check out Rikku's strip joint?"
"Totally. Will there be any cabbages?"
"Err…"
The competition was a hamster shaped factory which had been closed down years ago. (Petsmart boo hiss) So, naturally, there were lots of large poles. (A/N, don't ask.) Tidus gazed up in wonder at the amazing sight that beheld him. GIRLS! All ripe for the taking.
"wow!" he breathed breathily under his breath
"I'll say check the cock on that guy!" kimari leered.
"hey guys" said a very camp Al-Bhed attendant in spandex. Kimari's eyes almost popped out of his head and he began to giggle girlishly. What a sight. Suddenly, a cry rang out. The karaoke had started. Lulu had taken to the stage. She was singing 'It's raining men' with a wishful and faraway look on her face. Tidus looked at the nearest podium, upon which there was a scantily clad teenager. Upon peering closer, (or should we say 'leering closer') it dawned on him.
"Rikku!" He shouted lovingly. A silver haired youth appeared in a bar tender's outfit, lipstick smothered across his collar and face. It looked suspiciously like the Director's favourite colour. "Not you, stupid rent-boy." He waved the male prostitute away, not anticipating what was in store.
"You can't tip more than me, I don't want to look bad in front of Ri-" Emo the gen was shouting, finally realising they had materialised and giving Tidus a good kick in the knackers before Bracken scolded him harshly for 'hurting their favourite boy's feelings.' She was currently stroking the purring child's head. They argued over Riku for a while before disappearing with him indefinitely. On the podium, the ruckus had caused Rikku to divert her attention from a group of leering granddads to Tidus' spot, where he lay, writhing on the ground. Intent on getting the crowd's attention back on to something other than an unemployed wriggler, she ran over to Lulu's stage, grabbed the mic and announced that they would now be having a 'find the rubber duck' competition. Her favourite past time was now recognised. Tidus decide enough was enough and ran out the doors (conveniently placed at the Hamsters rear end) before he was left with no way of ever reproducing. He there found Lulu crying over what seemed to be spilt milk. It was in fact her love life. There was nothing there, Tidus was hallucinating again.
"My attempts at getting rained on by men were not recognised" She whimpered "But I mustn't give up hope of getting laid! I will do anything and I MEAN anything!"
Haha! Chapter two finished!
Next time on loser F.M : Tidus enters the prawn business. Or so he thinks. Moohahaha.