Title: Ruminations of Love
Author: Secretkeeper
Pairings: Ecthelion/Maeglin, Aredhel/Eol and Idril/Tuor mentioned
Summary: An elf thinks on love as he knows it.
Love is fear. Maeglin knows this.
He knows of pain, of being told that that is not right, of being bound until one's task is done. Fear is that of pain for disobedience, of knowing that he is never good enough simply due to his blood.
His father shaped him with pain and with fear in equal parts. Maeglin knew that he was the cause of his parents' turmoil- had Eol not told him that in many ways, many times over?
And with each lash, Maeglin would promise to be better. He would silently swear to never be bound again, to cast off all chains both physical and emotional.
But his father loved him. Maeglin knows this.
Love is abandonment. Maeglin knows this.
He knows of what occurs when one attempts to reach out to his mother- she pushes him away, and curses his father for putting her in this position, entrapping her to a dark wilderness she cares nothing for. Aredhel named him Lomion solely to defy her husband, who she speaks to in Quenya. Eol rages, but never can stop her- she is more than capable of defending herself, and will storm off at times, leaving to deal Maeglin with his father alone. And when returns, she does not ask what transpired in her absence. The only hint of any marriage-bond between them is when they retreat to be alone, and are drawn to the same pleasures that brought them together years before.
She placed her arm in the javelin's path, not to save her son but to deny her husband what he sought. The poison that would later burn her blood seemed to be a stand-in for what his parent's bond had become in Maeglin's eyes.
But his mother loved him. Maeglin knows this.
Love is rejection. Maeglin knows this.
It is meeting your cousin for the first time, and being amazed that she embraces you and welcomes you to the city of Gondolin. Idril would speak to you for hours, and express polite interest (although she had none) in your work at the forge or in the mines. She never asked questions, but that was acceptable- she would have plenty of time to learn after you wed. Maeglin knew that being in love with someone was more powerful than what you felt for your parents. That was how he felt about Idril, and he knew she felt the same way, else why would she spend time with him, and give him polite kisses, or even praise his metalwork?
But then Tuor arrived, and soon she spent her time with him, kissing him with passion, talking to him about the sea, and genuinely seeming like she cared for him.
He confronted and begged her to give up her passion for Tuor, and she replied "I never cared for you in that way, Maeglin. I only love you as a cousin or a brother."
But Idril loves him. Maeglin knows this.
He is different than the others. Ecthelion laughs at anything he finds humorous, plays music for Maeglin when he cannot sleep, constantly embraces and touches him, and says "I love you" over and over again.
Ecthelion listens to stories from the mines, and is always curious about what Maeglin's latest project is. He will bring food when Maeglin spends so long working at the forge he forgets to emerge for a meal, and gives gifts for no reason other than finding them pleasing. Ecthelion never is angry if there are tears, and will leave a light on in his chambers if Maeglin is late in arriving.
Maeglin wonders what this is. But it cannot be love. Maeglin knows this.