On the Wednesday afternoon, Karen thought that it was about time she filled Grayling in on what had happened. When he'd seen her the previous Saturday, he'd accepted her assurance that she was dealing with the situation, and Karen knew that professionally, she certainly didn't need his help. But perhaps she needed some reassurance of her own, someone to tell her that she hadn't completely screwed up. Letting her secretary know that if anyone needed her, she would be at area, Karen left Larkhall and drove across London to the Millbank district of Westminster. Cursing the lack of parking space round here, she drove in and out of the afternoon's almost stationary traffic until she found somewhere to leave her car. It would have been quicker to get the tube, she reflected ruefully, walking up the steps into Cleland House. As she walked up the richly carpeted stairs, it struck her just how quiet this place was compared to Larkhall. She would get bored if she ever worked here, she knew that. She'd got used to the rattle of keys, the shout of voices from the exercise yards, and the endless clang of metal on metal, which had all become familiar noises of her trade.
When Neil heard the knock on his office door, he wasn't expecting to see Karen. "Can I come in?" She said, opening the door and putting her head in at his command to enter. "Karen, yes, of course," He said with a smile, thinking that her visit had broken the otherwise dull monotony of a Wednesday afternoon. The bruise was fading on her cheek, but he could see that she was still looking a little on edge, and he decided that she was probably here to talk about the incident with Daniella Blood. "Would you like some tea?" he asked, gesturing her to a comfortable chair near to his desk. Saying that she would, Karen reached for her cigarettes, only to remember the no smoking policy that was ruthlessly enforced in this building. "Remind me never to get a job here, won't you," She said, when he'd asked his secretary to bring them some tea. "The lack of nicotine would finish me off altogether." "That, as opposed to a serious assault from an inmate," He observed calmly. When he'd raised the merest enquiry about her face on Saturday, Neil had seen that Karen was extremely wound up and still quite shaken by the incident, though she would never had admitted it. It was for this reason alone that he hadn't pushed her as to the details of the event. "It wasn't really serious," She said, though knowing it had been. "I shouldn't have tried to separate a fight, that's all." "So, why did you?" He asked. "Because it didn't look like stopping any time soon, and because Sylvia was infuriating me by just standing back and watching, and yes, I have warned her that it will go on her file. It just felt instinctive to try and break it up." "Karen," Neil said slowly and deliberately. "You must take more care with your own safety. I do not expect a governing governor, to become involved in a brawl with an inmate. I am well aware that you know better, but I also know that you will always be a far more hands on governor, no matter how many policies and procedures may dictate otherwise. Under the majority of circumstances, I would have no problem with this, because you have an ability to care, combined with a thoroughly engrained sense of jail craft, that makes you one of the most effective people I've ever had the opportunity to work with. But very occasionally, you must realise when it is necessary to step back from the situation. G wing's officers should have dealt with Denny Blood, and they certainly shouldn't have required you to step in as you did. I hope, that when Nikki Wade takes over, this sort of intervention in a relatively simple, though obviously violent fight, will no longer be necessary." "Is this my lecture from the headmaster?" Karen asked dryly. "You came to see me," Neil pointed out smoothly. "Not the other way round." "I thought I'd be getting a visit from you, if I didn't do it first," Karen admitted sheepishly.
Neil contemplated her thoughtfully. There was something in her tone, something in her bearing, that was shouting stress at him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Are you all right?" He asked a little more gently. Something shifted in her face, belying her curt response. "Fine," She said, not quite meeting his eyes. The moment was broken slightly as his secretary brought in their tea. But when she'd gone, Neil resolved to get to the bottom of what was bothering her. "Why has Denny suddenly gone down hill?" He asked, wondering if this was the problem, though not inclined to think so. "I think it partly stems from her visit to see Shell Dockley a couple of weeks ago," Karen admitted, knowing that Neil had raised a few concerns about it at the time. "Ah," He said, finally beginning to understand. "And you think that this is your fault, for making that decision." "Well, isn't it?" She demanded, the awareness of her own failure evident in her voice. "Karen, you took a calculated risk," Neil said carefully. "That's what half of this job is all about, taking measured risks on a day to day basis. You have tried a number of different tactics with Denny Blood over the last couple of years, and until now, they've pretty much paid off. Yes, perhaps this particular one wasn't quite as successful..." "That's putting it mildly," Karen interrupted bitterly. "...But you can't get it right all the time," He finished kindly. "But that's my job," Karen insisted vehemently. "It's my job to get it right. These are people's lives in my hands, Neil, not some batch of cattle fodder that didn't quite achieve the intended results." "What are you saying?" He asked quietly. Karen got up and began walking round his office, not quite sure how to phrase her question. When she was standing in front of the window with her back to him, she said, "Do you really think I'm capable of doing this job?" He knew that she'd stood with her back to him, so that she didn't have to see his face if he didn't think so. "Yes," He said firmly. "Do you really think, that I would not only have suggested and supported your elevation to Governor three, but openly backed your most recent idea, if I'd for one moment thought that you weren't capable of making that type of decision?" "I just feel a bit, well, out of my depth," She said quietly, incredibly touched by the obvious faith he had in her. "And I think that's got far more to do with Denny having invaded your personal space, than why she's ended up back on drugs," Neil said equally quietly, not wanting to make her angry, but knowing that what he said was the truth. "Maybe," Karen conceded, still with her back to him, not wanting him to see the uncomfortable expression on her face, which he nevertheless knew was there. "I feel so stupid," She said exasperatedly. "I shouldn't let a minor thing like a fist from an inmate get to me like this." "Karen, listen to me," Neil said persuasively, coming over to her and laying a hand on her shoulder, immediately feeling the slight stiffening of all her defences. "You are extremely good at your job, and I have absolute faith in your judgment. You've reacted to Denny hitting you, in a way that you didn't expect, that's all. Now, go home, relax, and don't even think about work for the rest of today. You are incredibly stressed, and you need to take a break. I'm betting that you spent a good proportion of this weekend, including the bank holiday working, so I'm sure they'll do without you for the extra couple of hours that are left of today. This is not an option," He added firmly. "Is that the tone of voice you used on George?" Karen asked, a slight twinkle in her eye. Neil smiled. "She told you about that, did she," He said resignedly. "There isn't much she doesn't tell me," Karen said fondly. "Let's just say that you made quite an impression on her." "It served a purpose," Neil said modestly. "But you're avoiding the subject. If I thought it would do you any good whatsoever, I would send you on a time management course, because you need to start setting yourself a few boundaries. You give more of yourself to your job, than any other governor I've ever met, and whilst that is entirely commendable, it isn't going to do you any good in the long run. Larkhall won't go away if you spend an entire weekend away from it, as you are always no more than a phone call away. Very occasionally, you need to learn when to let go."