Sometimes I wish I was a grown-up.
I think that they have it easy. They know when someone's lying or telling the truth. They know if someone's good or bad. And when they don't like what's going on, they can change things. Like when someone working for Sonny does something bad, he can fire them.
Can I fire my parents?
"So Michael," Dr. O'Donnell asked me when he was examining me. "Who's your favourite superhero?"
I eyed him carefully, because he knew that I wasn't going to say anything, but still asked. I hadn't answered any of his questions. They weren't important. And maybe, if I didn't say anything, there wouldn't be any more bad stuff.
I could have told him not to do the check-up. I was fine. My dad didn't do anything to me bad. AJ. Not Sonny. AJ's my dad, isn't he?
Yeah, he is. But only because Sonny doesn't love me anymore.
It got even worse when Agent Marshall came in. I didn't know if I was supposed to trust her or not. She hadn't lied to me yet, right? I don't think she had, but I don't know what to believe anymore.
She played that tape for me. Was it a trick? Could Sonny have paid her to make that up? Had he had the tape himself? Or was it AJ? Was Sonny really a good guy? Does AJ really love me? And what about my mom and Morgan? Do they love me?
After Agent Marshall left, I was supposed to go to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. I felt like there were butterflies flapping around in my head, with so many different ideas that I couldn't close my eyes. I was so tired though. I lied down on the sofa and pulled a blanket over me. There was a picture on the wall in front of me. It was a picture of a sunflower. Or maybe a painting. Who cared about the difference though? No one was going to correct me on what I was thinking, were they?
Why couldn't Jason be my dad?
I wish I could remember being a baby. And that I could see what really happened. And maybe I wouldn't be so confused right now. Because I could really know who loves me. And who used to love me. Maybe if I could have said something then, I would be with someone I love now. Maybe I could have chosen to live with Jason. Because I think Jason loves me, even though he is friends with Sonny. He's my best friend. Why would someone not want to live with their best friend? I would even call him dad if he wanted me to. I would clean up after dinner. And I would go to bed without a fuss. I would be so good if Jason could just be my dad.
I remember in science class last year, they said that twins are made completely the same. AJ and Jason are twins. If they're made the same, wouldn't it kind of be like living with my dad? Maybe Jason could be my dad.
Can kids adopt their parents?
If I were a superhero, I don't care which one I would be. All I know is that I would want the power to read people's minds. Or maybe their hearts. I could see just how much love they had in their heart for me, and then I wouldn't need to wonder who really loves me. I could know.
How could I know anymore?
Aunt Courtney came to see me. She offered to bring me ginger snaps. Would you do that to someone you don't love? Offer to bring their favourite cookies? If Aunt Courtney were sick, I would bring her chocolate-chocolate cookies. And I love her.
I can't look at my mom. She looks so sad. And I know that she's sad because of me. But I don't know why. Is she sad because she lied to me and now I know the truth? Is she sad because she had the perfect plan to get rid of me and it didn't work? Is she sad because she really does love me?
How do I know anymore?
The butterflies were starting to slow down now. And as much as I tried to fight it, my eyes were starting to close. Maybe I could take a little nap, just for a little while. And just before I fell asleep, I couldn't stop thinking.
Does anyone love me anymore?