Nikki poured herself a large tumbler of ice-cold water, as her throat was dry with so much talking and from the adrenaline release. Her mind went blank. She did not know what to do next.
To answer her need, a polite knock on the door preceded Karen who smiled at her.
"I was wondering if you'd settled in, Nikki. I didn't want to disturb your first day and while you were busy."
"I've blasted my way through chatting to all the prison officers. Jesus, am I tired and thirsty."
"Sylvia and Di included?"
Nikki nodded wearily in response.
"You need a break. Want to come with me to the social club to unwind?"
"Lead me to it." Nikki's heartfelt answer was delivered in a husky tone, verging on a croak
The twists and turns in the corridors were new territory to Nikki and Karen eventually pushed open the brass-handled door. A waft of stale tobacco and stale beer greeted her. The wallpaper was garish 70's swirly kitsch, faded and discoloured over the years if that were possible.
"Jesus, the seventies revival. Is there Abba on the jukebox?"
"You find that it has a perverse attraction after a while. I personally loathed it when I first came here. It's the people here who count, same as any dump."
The large room was quiet with one or two solitary prison officers from other wings nursing their pints at discreet tables or propping up the bar. Nikki spotted a couple of vaguely familiar shapes queuing to buy drinks. They turned round and transformed themselves into Gina and Dominic.
"Mind if we join you?" Dominic enquired politely. While Karen took the lead and gestured to a nearly rectangular table, Nikki followed her, marvelling that junior officers were asking if they could join her.
"Well, Nikki, how's your first day been?"
"Gina and Dominic will tell you that I've been chatting to all the prison officers, one to one, even Sylvia and Di."
"That's dedication."
"Or masochism," replied Nikki to Dominic's compliment. "I could do with a large drink though. They were entirely predictable in their reactions and their dislike of me."
"Sounds like you did right. That was a couple of blinders you pulled off this morning, both for us and the prisoners."
Nikki smiled self deprecatingly at Gina's compliment and the obvious agreement from the others.
"I had to get past being thought of that I'd be on one side and not the other. Well, here's hoping that I cope with everything else this job has to throw at me."
"You're doing fine, Nikki."
She smiled at Dominic's warm friendly encouragement. She tended to seesaw between rushes of self-confidence, which carried her through demanding situations and moments of self-doubt when she was quiet and on her own.
"You're worrying as much as I did when I first became Governing Governor and just look at me now."
"Get her, Nikki, she's power mad," joked Gina in reply to the serene aplomb in Karen's voice.
Dominic spotted two shapes move through the subdued lighting in the club. They gave off bad vibrations and pointedly ignored them.
"More members of your fan club, Nikki," Dominic spoke satirically, jerking a thumb in their direction.
"I feel like handing in my notice. I could do it right now with no encouragement," Bodybag muttered mutinously.
"Better still, why don't you go sick first for as long as you can string it out. That doctor of yours will be only too pleased to give you certificates. That way, they have to pay you and hold your job open," laughed Di gleefully.
Sylvia thought longingly at the prospect of peace and quiet, a morning's leisurely cup of tea, and compared it with the pension she had accumulated over the years. She shook her head regretfully as hard reality kicked in.
"Can't let the side down that way, Di. The others need my experience. It would affect my pension too much to bow out now. I need every penny I can squeeze out of the prison service. That's what's been keeping me going."
"I'd do it, Sylv," Di muttered vindictively. Her heart was black with hatred and her hand shook slightly as she reached for her glass of orange. Bodybag let that pass. Her flat beckoned invitingly to her but, then again, it had done so for many years, every time she set off for work.
"First Stewart, now Wade, an ex-con set up to lord it over us. It gets better and better," Bodybag muttered, unconsciously stealing a line from her late mentor.
Colin, Paula and Selena entered the room and promptly made a beeline for the obvious group to attach themselves to. At moments like these, Karen was "off duty" and they knew her golden rule. However friendly and approachable she was, as certain formality crept back when she was back on the job.
"Can I get you a drink, Nikki?" Selena politely offered. She had warmed to this woman who had that air of arriving from strange lands outside the straight line ploughed furrow of life as a prison officer.
Nikki smiled and accepted an orange as her throat felt less ravaged. She sat back in the high backed pub chair with a couple of drinks lined up in front of her. The attitude of all the prison officers wasn't the obvious sucking up to the new boss from whom favouritism could be wheedled but their own collective unconscious wish to go out of their way to make her feel welcome. With her experience of knocking round the world, she could tell the difference. She chatted away to all of them with that experience from working in her club in holding down several conversations simultaneously. Karen sat back quietly and saw the real Nikki Wade in action.
"First time I've been in a bar and not had the responsibility. I've worked in so many dives in my time, ending up with the club."
"You're forgetting the pub we all went to near the Old Bailey," Karen gently reminded her.
"That was different. We were passing through."
Nikki heard her words and realised that the words came out wrong. That association of friends, new and old, going right across the spectrum could not be so easily dismissed.
"I meant to say that the place was temporary, not the friendships of those dear to me who are somewhere out there."
Nikki's past was very real to her as it flowed past in its entirety but nostalgically sliding away from her and any hurts and pains being gently healed. This was her present and future now.
"We can't let that woman walk all over us. We have to do something," Di whinged at Sylvia.
"Best keep your head down, Di. Our time may come some day."
She saw the gathering crowd growing round Nikki. It boded no good for them.
"Get those two who I am sure they will be moaning away at and guess who they're moaning at," Gina grinned.
"It's up to them. They have the choice of being outcasts or not. There was a time when I never had the choice. Now they know what it feels like," Nikki replied bitterly.
"You'll have to deal with them somehow," Karen gently reminded her. "They say that time is a healer...though whoever said those profound words didn't reckon on them."
Nikki laughed at that one.
"Jesus, isn't it late." Nikki glanced at her watch. She felt worn out after an interrupted sleep last night as she turned over in her mind nervously what she was going to do today.
"You're free to go anytime, Nikki.Just remember that."
So it's true, Nikki reflected on Karen's gentle words. She could walk out the prison gates anytime she wished. That was the one thing she would find hardest to get used to. Helen was waiting for her. It was time to go.