That weekend, there were many worried souls like Helen and Nikki even if they were on the edges of the emotional vortex in the centre of which Karen was being dragged down.
Helen felt as guilty as hell at the disastrous consequences of the role that she had been forced to play for months, as she had known both Karen and Ross. After a month at Larkhall, Nikki was fast becoming closer to Karen in her own right and she was consumed with worry as to whether or not to phone Karen over the weekend or to give her space. On the Sunday, she seemed lost in a world of her own.
"You're wondering whether or not to phone Karen, aren't you?"
Nikki nodded in answer, glad that someone close to her had broken in on her thoughts.
"Well, Nikki, you're wing governor and of all those you work with, only you know that Karen will be off work for who knows how long. You're at the least the equal of all the other wing governors if I remember them rightly, no matter how junior they may think of you in the pecking order…….."
Nikki smiled for the first time for days and latched onto Helen's brisk matter of fact approach. It offered more prospects than getting wrapped up in her emotions. The dark fog that clouded her thoughts started to lift.
"….Let's look at the situation logically. If you don't phone Karen and at the very least ask her what she wants you to do, work wise, then some well meaning person will blunder his or her way into a situation where you have all the advantages of knowing what's what. So you ensure that Karen's back is covered so that she can grieve in peace."
The intonation in Helen's last words softened and showed how sensitively she was feeling for Karen behind her business like façade.
To Nikki's great surprise and relief, it was Yvonne who answered the phone and, as Nikki talked, she periodically called out to Karen who stayed in the background.
"Karen says to you to phone Grayling as soon as you get to work and explain what's happened. She can't say how long she's likely to be off but I'd be surprised if she goes to work next week at all. Then you pass word to the other wing governors and take it from there."
Nikki nodded her head doubtfully, wondering what to do with an absent Governing Governor.
"Anything that comes up, just use your bloody common sense, Nikki. This one's from me." Yvonne's domineering tones squashed Nikki's self doubts into the ground and put her in her place. Fine, fine, she shrugged her shoulders in acceptance, one ex prisoner is telling another how to keep one of Her Majesty's Prisons ticking over. I might as well go with the flow.
"And Karen says to give you and Helen all her love," Yvonne added on a more tender note.
"Tell her to stay safe and Helen and I will be thinking of her every step of the way."
Nikki put the phone down with a thoughtful expression on her face and held it in her hand.
"It seems that I have been told what to do," She said, turning to Helen with a wry smile on her face. "That was Yvonne I was speaking to in case you hadn't guessed. Karen was in the background and she sends us her love."
"After all that I did……….." Helen said with feeling, feeling completely bowled over at Karen's understanding and paused awhile in thought. "Well, when she wants to talk, I guess she'll call us."
"I'd better get my suit ready for the morning."
The next day, Nikki was at work half an hour earlier than normal and, on an adrenaline high, virtually flew into her office. She grabbed the phone and dialled the main Area switchboard in a blinding hurry and drummed her fingers on the table as she was shunted around from pillar to post. One lazy buffoon after another assured her that Grayling did not work at that extension, and made vague and erroneous guesses as to what his extension was. Eventually, to her relief, his pleasant tones answered the call.
"Grayling. What can I do for you?"
"It's Nikki, Nikki Wade of Larkhall Prison….I've got some bad news about Karen….I got a call that her son committed suicide over the weekend and she's totally distraught about it…I'd be very surprised if she's going to come in this week, only guesswork you know but I have a prison on my hands with no governing governor…."
"Hold it, hold it, take it easy, Nikki." Grayling's smooth reassuring tones cut in on Nikki's stream of words in an attempt to reassure her and slow her down. "Take it from the top but a little slower."
Nikki flushed slightly with embarrassment but her thoughts shot past that as she tried to calm down, breathing in and out.
"Now then, first things first. Most important, has Karen got either friends or family or both to help her through the immediate crisis."
"The judge, John Deed and George as well. I don't know about her family."
"That's a huge relief." On the other end of the phone, Grayling concealed very cleverly an immediate feeling of alarm and fear for Karen's well being. He asked Nikki what ideas she had to deal with the situation at work and privately gave her full marks for initiative.
"I trust it won't happen but I thought it best to advise you that if you or anyone in authority receive any communications from any press hacks, you are to give my name and phone number as official spokesman and under no circumstances make any comment whatever. It's down to me to field any calls as Karen's superior. You do understand?" Grayling said gently.
"Jesus, I never thought of that," Nikki confessed to this curiously fatherly reassuring male figure, something utterly unique in her experience.
"I'll phone Karen myself and see how she is going on. Regarding work, if need be, I'll pop over and take a look at anything that's urgent. She will, of course, be entitled to special leave for the next few days and for the funeral and should not dream of coming back till she is good and ready. I know what she's like."
"Whew, thank you so much for talking me through this one."
" I would not expect a new wing governor, even of your calibre to suddenly become acting governing governor. Remember that and that I'm only a phone call away,"
Grayling replied almost tenderly to Nikki's huge and audible relief. "You take it from here and keep me posted."
Nikki had subconsciously thought from her club days that a group of individuals would knock up a game plan on how to run the prison in Karen's absence and get cracking. Her input of helpful suggestions were phrased in a deliberately low-key fashion and avoiding being pushy. Without Karen's control, what rose to the surface in one or two of the older more reactionary wing governors was there hitherto secret resentment of this young upstart of dubious origins who in their eyes was Karen's 'blue eyed girl' but in reality was more able than they were. This manifested itself in procrastination and a needless repetition of what Nikki had said five minutes earlier as apparently their original idea. It was all egos, Nikki concluded, when she felt the clock ticking of events outside the committee room. Eventually, she forced the issue.
"Look, no offence but I feel we ought to move on from here. It isn't impossible that, as we speak, the press could be queuing up outside while we're off the wing and pestering one or two of our inexperienced staff."
"I think that we can't let that scum come sniffing round our turf. Come on, let's give the troops their marching orders so that I can have a cup of tea in peace."
Nikki smiled sweetly at the older man and walked along with a couple of more amenable, friendlier colleagues and made her way rapidly back to the PO's room.
"Can I have your attention?" Nikki called out in sharper tones than was usual for her as she was conscious that some of the prison officers were fidgeting, as she was late.
"I have only one item for the meeting as anything else can be held over to the next time. I have to let you know the very sad news that Karen's son tragically committed suicide over the weekend…."
A gasp of wonder turning into shock could be heard round the room while Di composed her face suitably for the occasion.
"…..I'm sorry I'm late but I've been getting together with the other wing governors to break the news first to them and, as it's a safe bet that Karen will be off work for a week if not longer, how to deal with things in the meantime….."
Nikki paused for a second as the emphasis that she had to place on a human tragedy being portrayed as an administrative problem flooded her full of emotions at what she had known from Helen. She could not begin to describe what had happened even assuming that it was right to do so.
"I gave her a call over the weekend and I had to check it out that she has friends around who are helping her get through a very difficult time. Just how bad, I couldn't even begin to imagine how it feels. I don't want to say any more about it except that I'll be the first to tell you of any developments and keep you posted. I know that she'll be in my thoughts and I am sure that this is the same for all of you……"
Nikki paused as she lost track of her thoughts and couldn't work out what to say next.
"Poor Karen, I feel so sorry for her," Gina chimed in.
"We ought to have some sort of whip round for her for some flowers or something," Colin added kind-heartedly, in his cockney accent. Don't expect me to go choosing flowers thought Di sat at the very back of the room and glared with hatred while attention was off her while Bodybag was thoughtful.
"I'll take care of the flowers. I like that sort of thing if someone else could collect the money."
"That's a lovely idea, everyone. I'm sure that Karen will appreciate the gesture."
"If Karen is likely to be off for a bit, won't that put more work onto you?" Gina asked. She could tell that Nikki was under pressure despite the way that she tried to conceal it.
Nikki was incredibly moved by the spontaneous kindness and generosity of feeling for Karen .She was proud of them…well nearly all of them if she could trust her instinct from what a sidelong glance at Di told her. A few moments passed as it hit her suddenly how protective they all were of her which she hadn't known before.
"Neil Grayling has considered pitching in and sorting out anything that's beyond me and the other wing governors but thanks for thinking of me, Gina……….one last thing," she added while a last vestige of a working memory pulled the thought from out of oblivion. "Have any of you seen or heard of any press outside."
Everyone shook their head.
"Neil Grayling has strongly advised us that on no account should any of us engage in conversation to the press, not me not anyone. He absolutely insists that he deals with all press enquiries personally."
"That's a relief," Bodybag said with a relieved smile on her face and everyone nodded in agreement.
"Excuse me, Nikki, what do we tell the prisoners and when?"
"I'm glad you reminded me of that. I feel we ought to go out of our way to tell the prisoners rather than let any rumours start up. I am sure Karen would want us to give them the facts just as I've told it to you."
Nikki felt incredibly foolish that she had forgotten the prisoners of all people. That was really wrong of her. Gina glanced sympathetically at Nikki, who looked really tired and the strain was telling on her. She suspected that she had made light of the extent of her involvement over the weekend.
"Anything anyone wants to bring up….no…OK, same duties as before.
The prison officers started to file out of the room and Gina caught up with Nikki.
"If you want anything taken off your back this week, just say the word. You're as bad as Karen, always working too bloody hard. You're not the best in having the sense to let some other bugger take the weight." Gina scolded Nikki affectionately. "You just go back to your room and have a nice long hot cup of tea and let the rest of us sort everything out. Go on, beat it."
Only Gina could talk to Nikki that way. Her smile was one of pure affection. Gina was right. She really needed a rest.
"I might take you up on that one. I'm behind on my paperwork," Nikki retorted with a cheeky grin. The expression on Gina's face and the way she stuck out her tongue was reply enough.
Some distance behind Nikki, Di exchanged words with Bodybag, being the last two in the room.
"Now Madam knows what it's like to lose someone she loves. She wasn't all hearts and flowers when poor Jim Fenner was murdered by that evil Atkins woman."
Bodybag blinked. It shook her that Di had no sense of feeling of what it was like for a mother to lose her son. What if she had a phone call that her little Bobby Darin was found dead in the flat that he shared with his pal? She always thought he was safe but you never know these days about anything? It horrified her that Di seemed to be talking out of her own mouth.
"Madam is not exactly in my good books but losing a child like that. You don't ever get over a heartache like that and you can't say the words you just said."
"But Sylv….."
"I'm sorry, Di, but I can't agree with you. I don't want to argue with you but I'll put in money for the flowers and sign the card with the rest."
Sylvia turned and made her way out of the room, walking stiffly and uncomfortably. She made a mental note to phone her children, starting with Connie, this very night. Di glowered alone but before she left, a thought struck her about what Nikki had said.
"That's really terrible what's happened to Miss Betts. She must be feeling out of her mind. Worse than losing your fella."
The two Julies and Denny found a spare corner to gossip in after they had been taken on one side by Gina. Julie Johnson's naturally warm- hearted nature came immediately to the surface, her soft voice laden with sympathy.
"I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to my David but you never know these days. You just never know what people are thinking, specially those what put a happy smile on their faces."
They looked uneasily to their children who seemed suddenly more vulnerable and penned forever on the outside on the other side of the prison bars. They seemed ages away, now they came to think about it.
"Miss Rossi told us that Nikki heard about it over the weekend and she looked dead shaken up."
"Isn't that just like her to care," Julie S fondly replied, her mind going far back in time. "We ought to do something for her, like a card. It's only right."
"I'll do the picture if you tell me how you want it done. Just don't ask me to do the words as I ain't never done a card before."
"We'll write the words Denny but mind you don't make it look sort of too gloomy and weird. Miss Betts will want something to cheer her up, to look back on the happy times she had with him."
Denny looked doubtfully at the artistic direction laid upon her. She was used to letting her mind run free and paint what came out of it. She would be no bloody good writing some sort of naff Valentine card.
"No promises, man but I'll try. Miss Betts deserves the best."
The two women looked fondly at her. They would have to somehow scrounge some stiff cardboard and some paints from the art room and get thinking.