John was always a creature of moods and impulses, almost because of rather than in spite of the professional demands as reflected in the severe mathematical constraints on his thinking. From time to time, an impulse out of nowhere would direct him where he was going, often in a direction ted was her lead and realised her luck was in.
"Walkies, Mimi," John said in a low voice. This time, she would not dream of pretending to a foolish human being that she couldn't hear or understand. In no time at all, he was driving along the open road where some instinct beyond his awareness took him to the very same park, which was the prelude to the crossing of the paths.
John smiled to himself when that familiar prospect opened in front of him but that was no concern of his. Lightning never strikes twice, so he reasoned, as h human being that she couldn't hear or understand. In no time at all, he was driving along the open road where some instinct beyond his awareness took him to the very same park, which was the prelude to the crossing of the paths.
John smiled to himself when that familiar prospect opened in front of him but that was no concern of his. Lightning never strikes twice, so he reasoned, as he sat in the car deliberating for a little while and the park was very pleasant, conveying just that sense of space, of a flat green field in front of him gradually ascending to a hill at the top. Mimi kept very quiet, of course as she had that lingering suspicion that her owner was going to drive on elsewhere. Her owner was very attentive to her needs and was very good to her but he did have that annoying puppy-like tendency not to make up his mind, as if he perpetually chased his tail. To her point of view, there was plenty of space to roam free, whether her owner liked it or not, and a particular bouquet of smells which instantly decided the matter for her. Naturally she knew that, as a human being, he had a pitifully deficient sense of smell but she knew that she would have to accept that lacking in one area of his sensibilities. She would have to make allowances and understand him as best as she could.
She jumped out and frisked around when her door was opened and, after the second or third word of command, suffered the clip of her lead to be fastened to the back of her collar and she weaved her slightly erratic path out of the car park, pulling John by her lead and came onto the fresh green grass. Her luck was in today.
John felt a faint breath of wind on his collar and he trod his way along the grass and began to feel more human. The field seemed to stretch forever and both the pull on the lead and the sight of the wide-open spaces felt good to his senses. The day of the funeral was a harrowing experience. He felt deep sympathy, no there were words better and expressive than that, to express the depths of his feelings for Karen. It had confronted, judged him and found him wanting in how he had kept the secret from Karen for so long. He had to get out and blow a few cobwebs out of his mind.
Presently, Mimi got her wish and was let off the leash. Joyfully she bounded away and her erratic zigzag path took them further and further across the field. Fortunately, the amateur football season had finished and he did not need to stop Mimi from seeking out more human company to play with nor who did not exactly appreciate the finer aspects of dog behaviour. Nor did he have to tread over patches of bare earth, as he had to do in the past thanks to her. Both of them were happy and content to wander as they saw fit.
All good things had to come to an end and Mimi was eventually restored to her role of pack leader after she had worn off some of her energy. They had taken a diagonal path far into the park by then and had gradually come up the hill to where the general landscape changed. Well to the right and in the mid distance, the park keeper's green hut adjoined the football changing rooms. Immediately before them, they converged at right angles towards a path that ran across from left to right before them. Immediately behind that was a high privet hedge. Mimi promptly decided for John that a hedge was worth exploring and John tolerantly let her have her way.
As she padded along her path, Mimi immediately sensed the presence of another dog. She had met him before and her tail wagged in excitement as she quickened her pace.
John figured that Mimi wanted another short run. She seemed to have boundless energy, not surprising for a dog that was very quiet when he was busy working on his papers in the digs. He was curious to see that she was bounding round and round in circles round him and seemed to be edging him along the path to where the hedge seemed to come to an end. Very well, he might as well let her have her way. After all, it was a lazy Sunday morning.
Not so far away, Yvonne had taken Trigger for a walk and he plodded fairly slowly along the path. He was getting old in dog terms but still liked his walks. It was a mercy on her as well as, left to herself, she would stop in doors and think too bleeding much. It surprised her that, suddenly Trigger quickened his pace and started walking quicker than normal. She increased her walking speed and approached the end of the hedge. Yvonne suddenly swore that she could hear another dog barking the other side of the hedge. In John's quiet reverie he had the feeling that he could hear another dog barking the other side of the hedge. Suddenly, Mimi bounded away as he could see that she had rounded up Her master but every so often turned her head to check that the human was following. As Yvonne came to the end of the hedge, she could tell that Trigger had turned the corner sharp right and followed her.
To her great surprise, the Judge jumped into her sight only ten feet away. John suddenly blinked and was utterly surprised to see not just another person in that empty park, but Yvonne. John was taken aback but into Yvonne's mind jumped the memory of Jo telling her that he'd known about Ross, since the end of May. She could recall that feeling of total shock of that bombshell. She remembered Karen trying to explain it away but it went right over her head, that it was all very fine but didn't relate in any way to Atkins values, as they now were and always had been in that part of her life which hadn't changed.
"I have got a bone to pick with you, judge."
"Ah," Came his impassive reply. The source of guilt had preyed so much on his mind that it didn't take a great logical leap to make the deduction, however relaxed he left on a lazy Sunday.
"Perhaps I don't exactly get the legal niceties, but explain to me, Mr. Judge John Deed if you can, that you were told that Karen's son Ross was slowly dying, you kept schtum about, not so much a whisper to warn her of what you knew was going to hit her hard."
"Excuse me, Yvonne, but I was merely taking my dog for a walk. I reserve to Monday to Fridays in wrestling with the moral dilemmas of the world."
Inside, he was a maelstrom of cross cutting emotions. He was hot with anger at Yvonne's denunciation, his sense of guilt flamed up anew and that weary feeling pervaded that he didn't need all this. What came over was John brushing Yvonne off in a slightly superior, sardonic and dismissive manner.
"You don't get away with it that lightly, judge."
At that moment, hurt anger and shame battled their way to the surface.
"I haven't got away with anything at all. You ought to know that I've had the most unpleasant……no I'll say more, utterly upsetting…..duty in all my life to break the news of the tragedy to you and Jo Mills, to talk to Helen. What did she say but and I quote. 'Don't you feel any guilt, Judge? Don't you think that maybe this time, the law didn't know best? Because I can tell you that I sure as hell do…….'"
"You have a good memory, judge," Yvonne sneered.
"Don't you understand better than that, Yvonne? There are moments in your life that are burnt into your mind that you don't forget in a hurry. You talk as if I am utterly unfeeling, as if I sat on a secret for week after week, month after month, hoping against hope that somehow a situation which I had no control over whatsoever would right itself. I'll never forget the moment when I was first told of a matter which I was told in confidence, when I heard the tragedy and having to do my inadequate best to give what comfort that I could in a situation where I know from personal experience that there is none to give……"
Jesus, Yvonne thought to herself. The man is totally cut up, not knowing or caring that he was shouting at her in a middle of an empty park and not caring. She had never heard him talk like this. She noted what Helen had hurled at him and realized that all of them had thrown at him what she was going on to say.
"I'm sorry, John. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth. I do it too often for my own good."
John had to pause to calm down from that explosion of emotion. He had got really worked up and he wondered if he had made an ounce of sense. That stream of words came out in one splurge, totally different from blowing a fuse in court.
"It takes one to recognise another, Yvonne," John said with a wry smile. A surge of affection rose up in him for this woman who spoke her mind because she cared so much. It was a rare and precious quality these days. Besides, since when had he always been so careful with his choice of words?
"I owe you a proper explanation, Yvonne. You of all people."
John suddenly looked round as he calmed down and saw that Mimi and Trigger were pursuing their own dog conversation and had let the humans do their own thing as long as neither of their owners were threatened. All species had their forms of arguments.
After they put Mimi and Trigger back on the leash, he slipped his arm in Yvonne's in a companionable fashion.
"Let's walk back across the park, Yvonne. I'll try and explain matters to you as I saw them. I'll leave nothing out, whether or not it goes against me. I'm taking the chance that you'll still blame me and still think that I did wrong."
"I'll give you a fair hearing, John," Yvonne said softly. He deserved that of her at the least as he was putting himself on the line. At the back of her mind was the memory of what he'd done for her Lauren. In turn John was incredibly moved by Yvonne's generosity and her patent sincerity as she added, "That's what everyone in life deserves, a bit of justice when they need it."