Karen sighed in despair when she pored over the latest set of paperwork that her secretary had discreetly left in her in tray. She knew that she had been exaggerating when she had complained to Grayling that "being away for only one week, makes one's desk look like Mount Everest." The reality was that , deep down, the clear desk had unsettled her when she had got back and made her feel vaguely guilty and cheated. She had really wanted to be buried in work when she returned to give herself no time to brood. That never helped her, never would.
It was that sort of throwaway comment that she was tending to come out with these days. It disturbed her partly as she prided herself in being not only fair minded but precise as well, as befitting her training from once being nurse right up to the rarefied heights of Governing Governor. Another reason for that deep down unease with herself was that whoever was closest to her tended to be on the receiving end of such comments, if there was such a person who could be described that way . It all suggested that she felt that she hadn't got the grip on herself and her surroundings. She instinctively reached out for the obvious solution to work just that bit harder and longer each night. It was, after all, not unknown to her to work barbarously anti social hours as a nurse and somehow squeeze in her home life, such as it was. It was what she knew best and what she was most comfortable with.
Her respite had not lasted more than the first day and a bit as all points, north, south, east and west intuitively grasped that Karen was back and could be communicated by E mail or post. She certainly got what she wanted out of life anyway in very short order and she could feed that work oriented almost masochistic streak in her, which she needed to indulge in. For example, messages in their profusion emanated from Alison Warner and Karen had not got that breezy self confidence to, in effect, tell her to get stuffed as Grayling's actions had done. Much though she admired his nerve, she could not emulate it. In fact it gave her the perfect unconscious excuse to bury herself all the more securely in work. The other wing governors, even Nikki, saw less of her than they were used to. Right from early in the morning till late at night she slaved away. She was doing a brilliant job, so she reasoned to herself, in coping so well. She would somehow get her way through her present grief in the way she was most comfortable with.
As she neared what passed for her lunch break, Lauren Atkins's file came to the top of the pile and, for once, the latest report gave her a pleasurable duty to perform instead of a series of purely mechanical chores. It had escaped her attention but her sentence time had been calculated and it gave a date of discharge as Tuesday August 23rd 2005. That sounds pretty soon to her, Karen thought vaguely as she ran her hand through her hair and blinked her eyes. There was a wall calendar on the side of the wall to her left and she studied the numbers. Jesus, that's ten days away. It surprised her but should not have done, as the number of days was simple to calculate. Lauren's record had been spotless, astonishing to the likes of Sylvia, apart from the borderline case of the cannabis cookies. As a result, she got the standard remission and the figures followed logically on from there. She studies the slim file with satisfaction. Her mind went back to the trial and the dramatic finale when John's infinitely understanding mercy decreed the second stage of Lauren being leased back into the community. With a five year suspended sentence hanging over her, her freedom was not without strings. She reached for the phone to start in motion Lauren's future psychiatric care. It would have been nice to entrust her to Helen but she knew that this was not to be the case. She had to see Lauren in person to explain matters to her and ensure that her future would be charted and guide mapped even if her own wasn't. She knew that she could handle the interview just fine as she was talking about someone else, not herself…….
"Lauren, you're wanted in Miss Betts office."
"What's it about?" asked a distracted Lauren who was chatting to Kris. Denny was busy committing her soul to paper and paint at the arts class. This was something that she did not want to miss for love nor money as it enabled her to bask in the feeling of being worth something.
"You never know. Perhaps you've won the lottery," Kris retorted with something more to humour and less of her periodic moodiness.
"I wish," Grinned Gina. "Come on. Can't keep the boss waiting."
Lauren entered the office confidently enough and was reassured by Miss Betts' pleasant smile though she noticed the way that her blue eyes were not quite so prominent as normal. Her eyelids kept periodically drooping down.
"Lauren, I've been looking through your file and can you guess what significance August 23rd 2005 will have in your life?"
Mum's birthday, Lauren immediately decided before dismissing it out of hand. What on earth would she be doing reminding her of something that was etched in neon lights in her mental diary? There had to be another reason and she searched her memory for what on earth Miss Betts could be driving at and gave up. She was never into quizzes and had a low patience threshold.
"I give up. It's mum's birthday of course but that's nothing new."
"I have some good news for you personally. It's also your date of discharge so that you can be at home on Yvonne's birthday."
Lauren's heart did several back flips and a huge beaming smile spread right across her face. For one second, she was tempted to give the other woman a huge hug but remembered her position and her place. She sank back into the chair, drained of all energy.
"It can't be that soon?"
"It is. I've double checked the dates and they fit exactly."
"I'd better get on to mum and give her the good news. It will just make her day. There's Trigger as well who I've really missed."
Lauren started to chatter away as excitement welled up in front of her. This good news was phenomenal.
"I've had a better idea. Why don't we keep this back as a surprise present for her. I don't suppose her last birthday was up to much with you awaiting trial and ….."
"I know what you're thinking," Lauren said quietly.
"Still , I remember the previous year when Cassie lured us all on to play 'spin the bottle.' How could any of us forget?"
In answer to Karen's fond, nostalgic smile, it hit Lauren that the other woman was really called Karen. That was how she had first got to know her, after all. How times have changed. In her mind's eye, she could still see the image of that spinning bottle, that wheel of destiny, the sweetness of that champagne and the exquisite sight and feel of women kissing, her with Cassie and her mum with Karen as she was then. It was definitely a girl's night in and Karen was one of them. She could still hear the sound of Annie Lennox playing for them and regretted that she had not been emotionally ready for what was softly beguiling. If she had, life might have been different. Lauren opened her eyes from that bittersweet memory and she was still there in front of her, more careworn, more tired, dressed formally in her uniform and both of them were in her office and she was the prisoner. She looked at Karen or Miss Betts or whoever she should call her and the light of life that was there then in her eyes had been now blown out and she seemed more fragile now than she was then. It was only her will that enabled her to conduct the interview so capably.
"Still, we can't dwell on the past, however pleasurable it might have been," Added Miss Betts in her official tones. She cast a sideways glance wearily at the rest of her in tray, a look that Lauren spotted.
""All right, I'll keep it as a surprise," Lauren eventually decided after mulling the idea over before the words popped out of her mouth. "Are you all right? You look as if you could do with a rest. You should remember what I was like after Ritchie died except that I know you'll manage better than I did."
Lauren was suffused with intense feelings of sympathy and she hoped that her words had reached out to the other woman who was clearly suffering, however good a job she was doing in disguising it.
"What doesn't break us only makes us stronger, Lauren," came the stoical, slightly stiff reply with a brief smile to soften it and to thank her. Karen instantly rejected that disturbing comparison though in the nicest possible way as Lauren had meant well. "Don't worry, I'll cope."
Lauren was escorted back to the wing with a spring in her step as if she were walking on water as, the full impact of the news was only then just starting to hit home. Before then, she had not dared think of when she was due out but had subconsciously thought that she would wait till whoever came to her cell and told her to pack her belongings and mum would be waiting at the gate for her. That distant dream had sustained her throughout all the dark moments.
"You've had good news, Lauren. Tell sis all about it."
Denny had just come out of her arts class and just by the way Lauren walked, she could tell that she had good news.
Even in her ecstatic frame of mind, Lauren had enough presence of mind to realize that Denny might not exactly be overjoyed. It was always known that Lauren would be out before Denny was but she had to broach the matter delicately.
"I've been called to see Miss Betts. It's good news for me but I'm not sure how you'll take it."
"Go on."
A sinking feeling came over Denny. This was the sort of way that they told you news that wasn't just bad but really shit. It was that look of embarrassment, which was the dead giveaway.
"Shall we go back to our cell?"
Denny nodded and trudged off unenthusiastically.
"I've just been told that I'm getting out on August 23rd. It's stupid but I never realized it was so soon."
"That's brilliant news for you, Lauren," Denny interrupted, her lips smiling. That leaves me on my own….again.
"I feel kind of bad in telling you this one."
"Could have been worse. Could have been Bodybag rubbing my face in it. Course I'm dead pleased for you. You ought to have been given a bleeding medal for offing Fenner instead of being banged up."
"Not that way," Shuddered Lauren. She still couldn't get her head around exactly what was going on in her mind when she did that. "Mum and I will carry on visiting you in Larkhall, Denny. That will give Bodybag two visitors to make her sick of and really piss her off."
Denny laughed briefly at that idea.
"I'll help you get packed, Lauren. Promise."