Disclaimer: "Ducks. I hate ducks."

(An: Yay. Fearless! Because the world needs more Gaia/Ed funny-stupid fics. Set anywhere between book six and book eight, I guess.)

"Ninjas. Right."

"I'm serious, Ed. Ninjas rock. They have got to be the secret to life."

"Aren't you a ninja?"

"I know several forms of martial arts. Big difference."

"Right."

"Well, if ninjas aren't the secret to life, what is?"

"Doughnuts?"

"Nah. Doughnuts are a secret to existence."

"...Meaning?"

"Without them, human life would cease to exist. The world would stop turning or something. Again, big difference."

"Ohhhkay... Bagels?"

"Can't be. Bagels are just the perfect breakfast food."

"Coffee."

"Huh... Starbucks or just the normal coffeemaker coffee?"

"Just coffee. Caffeine."

"Guess that works."

"Can't you ever use more than one complete sentence in a row?"

"Can't you ever stay sitting straight in your chair for more than thirty seconds?"

"Good point, if off-topic."

"Yuck. So if you can't think of anything to say, you flick bagel crumbs at me?"

"I did do a comeback. I just wanted to see your face when I flicked something at- hey!"

"What? I'm just paying you back."

"Paying me back? I bought the bagels, here. You still owe me five bucks for your share."

"There's no way bagels cost that much."

"The special dozen with the cream cheese you like so much do... and anyway, I've been doing this almost every day for a week, remember?"

"I've got to tell George to start locking the door."

"I'll get a key from him, then."

"Like George would give you a key."

"He lets me in every day, doesn't he?"

"Only because you come bearing bagels."

"Even if I didn't, he still would. Either that, or I'd ring the bell so much that you'd come let me in just so you could strangle me."

"I wouldn't strangle you. I'd be more inventive than that."

"Like..."

"Like I'd hire ninjas to kick your skinny little quadraplegic ass."

"What is it with you and ninjas?"

"Ed. Ninjas. Kick. Ass."

"Yeah, yours."

"No way."

"You get attacked by ninjas all the time. I just know you do."

"Well, yeah, sometimes, but in case you haven't noticed, my ass is still in one piece. See? ...Ed, you have to breathe, you know."

"Ed's not here right now. Leave a message after the beep. Beeep... OW! What was that for?"

"You weren't listening to me. You were being just plain weird."

"Yes, well, inviting a guy to stare at your ass is... y'know. Weird. It's a free pass to be weird. And just 'cause I'm crippled doesn't mean I'm not... fully functional and all... OW! Twice in one freakin' day!"

"You were being weird again."

"You only result to physical violence because you can't think up a good comeback."

"As much as I'd like to point out just why you're wrong, we have to head to VHS now, unless we wanna end up in detention... again."

"See, now wasn't this fun? We now know the secret to life, and we got in some quality banter."

"I still say it's ninjas."

"Gaia..."

(There now. That was fun. Review!)