In Reality

by NonameJane

Disclaimer: I don't own RK but thoroughly wish I did. Maybe then, I wouldn't be so broke….Sigh

Ch4 Truth is…

" We need to talk."

Misao didn't stand up, but instead gripped her clothing tightly. She felt like avoiding him. But where would, no, could she hide? She nodded her head fiercely for a moment in an effort to decide.

Misao hadn't really responded after he told her the reason for his arrival at her door. And it concerned him. Avoidance and coldness were not traits expressed by Misao. " Misao? Is something the matter?" Wrong question. He shook his head. " Can I come in?"

She made up her mind. It was best to get this over with as soon as possible.

" Yes Aoshi-sama."

At her answer, Aoshi slid open the door, and his eyes locked onto her sitting figure clutching a hold of her uniform. It was daylight, but no sunshine reached through the closed windows. The dimly lit room hid much but could not hide the shadows, the hurt marring her features.

He took a seat across from her, unsure of what to say. She was avoiding any eye contact at all with him. Her eyes were closed. Aoshi looked at her for a moment and began speaking.

"Misao." She didn't even lift her head, " What?"

" Look at me Misao." She meet his eyes and they looked disconcerted. Yet in hers, there was much turmoil ensuing behind those eyes. She was at odds with herself.

" I know…you are troubled by the recent events…But you misunderstand."

She didn't respond.

" This effects not only you Misao, but the rest of us, as well." She interrupted, trembling somewhat, " Oh really, how so 'Aoshi-sama'?"

"But." He said impassively.

" But what?"

His eyes moved from hers to the floor and roamed across the floorboards.

" In this lifestyle, losses are experienced everyday, you must realize this by now. And Okina…was no exception. This is something myself, the others, have adapted to."

Her eyes flashed and searched for his. Misao was struck, the audacity of this man! How could he even dare to say that. Did he really not have any compassion, whatsoever!

She spoke up in an anger laced tone, " Is that all he is to you?"

" What do you mean Misao?"

" 'Just another loss!' How could you say that! Do you even.."

He meet her in the eyes and there seemed to be fury directed in them At her words. At her. Yet, she did not recoil. She stood her ground.

" Your exaggerating. You know as well as I that is not true."

A hard grimace formed on Misao's soft features, and, if at all possible, the grip on her clothing tightened.

" Then what is the truth Aoshi-sama! It's like you…everyone, except me has just forgotten about it!"

" Misao-," She continued cutting him off. " You all just don't get it. You just go on living a lie. Like it never happened, like he didn't even live at all! You really don't know what it's like!"

Aoshi was right, he knew this would be difficult. He sighed, " You do not know that."

" Really?" She said somewhat harshly to him. The fury still remained in her eyes. It did not, however, hinder his cool tone.

" Yes."

She let out an odd noise, a strange combination of a moan and a bitter laugh.

" To lose someone for a second time? Do you?"

He was awestruck. She was lashing out at him, something she never did. To intentionally hurt him. He didn't respond. He couldn't.

" I know that you know what I'm talking about Aoshi-sama."

There was a stirring in the hall and the sound of a shoji closing. He remained silent until the sound had vanished. He opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't come to him. Misao stared at him, angrily, waiting for a response.

" Misao…" His eyes closed slowly trying not to recall his own torment. The torment he had been debating over the last two years. The pain he could never erase.

He felt a shiver run down his arm. No, this was not about him. He wasn't the cause of this. This situation could be fixed. Misao could be helped.

" Times have changed Misao. There is no one to blame for this, it was nature. The way of the world."

Her face dropped to a solemn expression, " It's painful." She almost whimpered.

Seeing her face, his hands reached for hers, to loosen the grip on her clothing. She jumped at his touch.

" Life is pain Misao." He released his grip on her hands, moving them to her chin to make her look at him.

" It really can't be like this though, it shouldn't be something to have to get used to. Reality… I don't know what it is or what to do…"

She sighed moving her eyes to his, a pleading note in them.

He removed his hand from her chin and looked at her." Misao, when reality does strike it can be quite difficult to bear. Things happen and people do change. Or they are lost. Both are inevitable. But the results from that initial shock can either be amazing or catastrophic. It can strengthen a person or kill them from the inside. It is simply a matter of how one handles it. But it is not simple. Most things are not. Reality itself is non-existent but more of something we create for ourselves."

She looked at him wide eyed. What did he mean by that?

Aoshi continued on, his tone turned gentle. " So I ask you, what will you choose? Will you commit yourself to living in this self-induced hell? This agony?" He let out an exasperated sound. " That path is a very miserable one Misao."

She opened her mouth to say something but he held up a hand to stop her.

" You said it is us, myself , who has not understood this loss. This situation cannot be changed, no words can turn around time. But, this is another part of life, learning to cope." She wanted to say something but knew to allow him to finish.

" This is your other option. Move on, do not let this destroy you Misao. Take this advice from someone who chose the darkness. Who has experienced the shadows of the other path and lost everything by doing so."

Misao clenched her eyes tightly, he was trying to help her.

By dwelling on his own pain. Just for her.

" Do not make the same mistake I have made."

Shock overcame her, he was speaking from his heart. The one frozen over by his past. Something she had rarely, if ever, seen him do. She opened her mouth to speak but found no words. The weight of his words opened a sudden clarity. One lost beforehand. He was right, so very right, and no stubborn, pain-ridden response would ever be able to change that.

Her eyes opened, the bright blue once held in them returned shining on her dainty face. What he said had really hit home, but opened up another realization to her.

He was here. Her Aoshi-sama was here for her. Trying to comfort, calm her.

And would always be here to do so.

She smiled, and the room seemed to brighten at her unmistakable grin. It was brighter than the rays of sunlight now creeping into her room. The choice seemed so clear now. It was best to live on.

" It will get better," she murmured "but it will take time. I'm not ready to lose him completely just yet."

He sensed her persona change. No longer was her brightness subdued. It pleased him to see her smile again, at him.

Aoshi nodded, " This can be overcome. However, moving on doesn't necessarily mean it'll ever be forgotten. And rightfully so. This is something to keep with you, draw strength from it."

She looked at him for a moment, her eyes filling with tears, and then jumped to hug him. Aoshi stiffened, and she giggled. Icicle, huh? She let out another giggle into his chest. Never again will she take anything at face value, there was so much more underneath the surface. The exterior was deceiving.

Aoshi looked down at her with wide eyes. Unsure of what to do, he did what was natural. His arms lifted from his sides and embraced her.

AN: Whew, conversations ( least extensive ones) are a pain. But I hope it wasn't too obvious in my writing. I meant for this conversation to soothe more than Misao, by hearing his own words of comfort to her, I wanted Aoshi to realize himself that he needs to move on. Maybe, he should heed his words for once. Kinda like therapy ehh? A little fluffy too. Oh well. ANYWAY, I'm not sure whether to end it here or squeeze out another chapter. I'll more than likely do the second.