Can You Say…What the F did I do Last Night?

Hiya! I'm glad the "Friends thing is finally over, now were back to my original stuff. I hope you enjoy!

Harry had successfully gotten the drunk Hermione and Ron safely to the hotel. They were nearly passed out, drawn on with magic marker, and were married! Harry didn't have the faintest clue of how to break the news to them in the morning, but he knew it was going to be a riot! Chances were neither would remember a thing and Harry would have the pleasure of witnessing their shocked faces when he showed them their marriage license that he took from the temple.

Harry also knew that something pivotal had happened between them. Ron and Hermione had both acted strangely that morning and Harry wasn't let in on the reason why. Maybe they wouldn't be so upset about getting hitched, maybe they finally admitted to each other how they felt and hooked up! Fat chance, Harry thought. For now they can sleep; tomorrow, the fun begins!

The Witch Hazel Inn had a check out time of ten a.m. and Harry had to force and threaten his best mates out of slumber. When the trio was finally awake and packed, they were on the road by eleven a.m. They had one more night at a campground and the next day they'd be at Stonehenge. Harry could hardly wait!

Ron and Hermione had been fairly quiet all morning. Mostly due to a hang over on Hermione's part; she once again passed up the job of driving to Ron, who actually looked a bit peaky, himself. The ink was gone from both their faces now and neither seemed to remember the events of the night before. This was good news for Harry.

Harry had been contemplating all night on how to break the news to them. He'd thought about making subtle hints and jokes, maybe asking them questions to jog their memories, or perhaps a mix of everything. Harry had slipped the marriage license in between the pages of the road map, just incase someone were to accidentally stumble upon it.

"Did you too have a good night?" Harry asked, not able to stand the suspense any longer.

Hermione groaned in the back seat. "Ron is just lucky the bleeding ink came off my face!" She said in a miserable tone.

Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised you're not blaming me for your large consumption of alcohol too!" He said bitterly.

Harry grinned. They certainly hadn't forgotten they were mad at each other.

"Maybe you just shouldn't have tried to embarrass me!" She retorted.

"Maybe you should close the curtains before you dance around in your hotel room naked!" Ron yelled. He would NEVER forget what he saw that night, NEVER! The image of Hermione's glorious body would torment him forever and just remind him of how much he wanted her!

"What?" Harry asked with a confused yet amused tone.

Both Hermione and Ron stopped bickering when they realized Harry was with them. In fact, he was the one who had gotten them off on this tangent.

"Nothing!" Hermione said quickly and blushed.

Ron was about to agree with her when he realized this is when he could finally get Hermione to admit that she was embarrassed.

"If you don't embarrass Hermione, then why not tell Harry?" Ron asked with an innocent tone.

Hermione glared at him. He was still playing the game! Maybe Ron's got a point. We'll let Harry be the judge. Ron's actions had to be by far, more humiliating than hers.

"What? Tell him that you came to my hotel room thinking I wanted to shag you?" She asked casually.

It was Ron's turn to blush.

Harry frowned with confusion.

"Oye! Wait a minute! Someone explain!" Harry said, cutting in.

Hermione and Ron were both silent. One of them had to tell though. Hermione knew that if she was going to be the one to win this, she'd show that she was the one least embarrassed by telling the story.

"The night we arrived at the inn," She started. "I- I er- decided to relaxe…I was alone, refreshed…and I er- decided to put on some candles, music, and dance around naked," Hermione explained awkwardly.

"This wasn't just dancing Harry!" Ron said, jumping in. "This was bloody DIRTY dancing!"

Hermione's face heated up with embarrassment. She still couldn't believe Ron had witnessed that private act.

"You SAW her!" Harry asked in amazement. "Hermione! You didn't think to close the curtain?" Harry asked. He had expected more intelligence form Hermione.

"I know Mate! See, you had left and I thought that Hermione was doing that…dance for, well, er- for-"

"He thought I was giving him an invitation to come over and have some fun!" Hermione snapped. She was starting to feel like a simple slag.

"You didn't?" Harry asked Ron in astonishment. Ron had finally gone beyond not using his brain…he had used his penis.

"What was I supposed to think? I didn't know that girls fancy dancing around naked by themselves!" Ron said nervously.

Harry burst out laughing, he could think of only one thing that would make this funnier... The news of their betrothal.

"I think the best thing for you guys to do would be to just look back at the situation and laugh," Harry said. "Besides, it will make a great story for your children!"

Ron snapped his head around at Harry quickly and he felt Hermione's gaze shift toward him as well.

"What children?" Ron asked.

Harry smiled innocently. "Well, you're married now…children traditionally come next right?" He asked.

"Harry, are you on something?" Ron asked with concern.

"Nope."

"Harry," Hermione said quietly as if she were speaking to a child. "We are not married."

Harry offered her a comforting smile. Merlin, was she going to be off her rocker in about ten seconds.

"Hermione, Love, open up the map," Harry said kindly.

Hermione offered him a doubtful look before removing the road map from a small travel bag. She looked it over cautiously. All seemed well. She then unfolded it and spread it out across her lap.

It was then that she noticed a small sheet of paper lying face down. It had a yellowish, antique look about it and it was a bit thicker then normal parchment. She reached down and flipped it over. There was a golden boarder around beautiful, swirl text.

Hermione focused her vision to read it.

It read:

Bless this couple, their love, and their marriage for as long as they shall live in love together.

In perfect love and perfect trust,

Hermione J. Granger & Ronald B. Weasley

Official certificate of marriage. Approved by the English Ministry of Magic.

Hermione's jaw hung open; her head began to swirl and her vision blurred. At any moment she felt she might just pass out. This was a dream and when she wakes up everything will be fine.

Her hands trembled as she held the fine document and her mouth was dry.

"Hermione?" Harry asked quietly. She barley heard him.

"Oye! What's wrong!" Ron asked loudly, this time snapping her out of her hallucination. She didn't answer; she couldn't find her voice to do so.

Harry smiled and gently took the document from her.

"You know," Harry said. "Your mum will be so thrilled when she finds out."

"Finds out what?" Ron asked in frustration.

"Finds out you pair got married," Harry stated simply. Ron's head twirled in his direction. "Of course, she might be a bit upset that you didn't invite her to the ceremony…I mean, I was a little hurt that I wasn't, but I'm still happy for you."

Harry was still talking when Ron yanked the marriage license out of his hands. He kept one hand on the steering wheel and held the document with the other. He gazed down upon it with the same frightened expression as Hermione had.

"What is this?" Ron asked, needing to know that he wasn't imagining anything.

"What is this?" Harry repeated with a mocking tone. "It's your marriage license you daft wanker! Congratulations!" He said happily.

Ron's face had gone pale and he clung to the document.

"PULL OVER!" Hermione finally yelled from the back. "NOW!"

Ron quickly followed orders and pulled over to the side of the hilly road.

Hermione leaped out of the car, walked a few feet and leaned over; resting her hands on her knees. She felt dizzy and her heart was pounding. How could she have married Ron! This was way too much, She hadn't remembered anything from last night. What else had happened? What were her parents going to think? Were there divorces in the wizarding world?

Harry and Ron also sprang from the car and ran to Hermione's side. Harry was beginning to feel a bit guilty; maybe he shouldn't have been so cruel.

"Hermione, It's alright," Harry said comfortingly and rubbed her back gently. Ron's face was still pale and he looked quite frightened himself.

"Come on," Harry said. "Being married to Ron isn't that bad."

"Oh My God!" Hermione sighed loudly and collapsed to the ground. Ron quickly snapped out of it and he and Harry knelt beside her.

"Harry, get some water!" Ron said. He wasn't concerned about himself and Hermione right now or what she thought about him, even though it was quite obvious. He needed to take care of her now.

Harry hurried back with a bottle of water and handed it to Hermione. She took it in her shaky hand and took a big swig. Harry rubbed her back while Ron rubbed her leg. After a few moment's Hermione's breathing had returned to normal and she sighed deeply.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked again. Hermione nodded in response.

"It depends…am I still married?" She asked.

Harry looked at Ron and Ron looked at Harry. What were they supposed to say that wouldn't freak her out again?

"We'll get it all fixed up when we get home Hermione," Ron stated and Harry was impressed. "I'm sorry this happened. I swear I didn't know," Ron said.

Hermione smiled weakly at him. "I know," She said quietly.

She shifted and tried to stand up. Ron and Harry quickly took hold of her and helped her to her feet.

"How did it happen?" She asked Harry.

Harry swallowed. He was afraid to tell Hermione anything now.

"Well, I don't know all of what went on, but I assume that you to got pissed and decided to go out on the town… somewhere along the way you ended up at a handfasting temple. I was there with Luna and Neville and I saw you two stumble out," Harry explained.

Hermione groaned as she got back in the car. It was as if the universe were trying to make things awkward between her and Ron! She didn't fancy him anymore and look where that got her! Now she's married to him!

Ron somberly got back into the drivers seat and started up the car. Hermione was clearly disturbed by this. True, he wasn't thrilled, but at least he wasn't sickened by the thought of marrying Hermione. He'd love to have her in his arms until the end of his days, but he was trying to come to terms with that never happening. The universe however, just keeps making that harder with its torment.

Harry sat back in his seat and relaxed. While he had enjoyed the shock factor, he felt bad about upsetting his two best mates. When were they going to realize that the universe kept throwing hints their way that they were meant to be together!

Maybe if things went right during the remainder of the trip, they won't need to fix this whole marriage problem when they get back.

Well….Let me know what you think? Next chapter we'll have some more campfire fun and A LOT more Hermione/Ron action! Please review!