So, this is a pretty quick update, huh? Thanks for all the reviews, guys. I know I sound redundant, but it makes my day every time I see the notices in my mailbox. :)
I'm leaving for vacation at the crack of dawn tomorrow, so I won't be around to update for like a week (Not that you expected this again. lol. Frequent updates. Maybe I'm just getting better. lol)
Please tell me what you think of this chapter...like I said before, it's all starting to pick up speed and everything. (Does it even seem like the same fic to anyone else? It's sort of doing it's own thing now, it seems to me. lol.)
Anyways...
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Anything. Except the pink notebook I wrote this in. :)
"I'm so hungry."
Lord, here it was again. Monica turned her focus from the highway to Rachel's incessant pleas.
"Hungry? It's not even noon yet."
"Mon, I haven't eaten all morning," Rachel raised her eyebrows and for the first time Monica could see the intricate stress lines weaved through her forehead: spattered one-way roads blotted with the pain from staying up all night worrying about the dawn's impending sorrow.
Gray pavement warmed Monica's eyesight; it didn't seem to end and she felt at peace with this sacred, safe knowledge.
"I think we need to stop soon, anyway," Rachel mused. "If I see anymore highway I might just go insane." She reached into the pocket of her carefully faded jean jacket and pulled out a small hand held mirror. Minute enough to point out every inconceivable flaw, the mirror smiled back at a grimacing Rachel. "I swear to God, whoever freaking invented the mirror deserves to like, die."
Relieved to have lifted the topic of conversation from eating, Monica nodded. "No shit. I hate looking in the mirror." She paused and frowned, the small black hairs lining her eyebrows furrowing in tandem with her cherry red palette of mouth. "But Rach, you're gorgeous and you know it. I wouldn't mind looking in the mirror every day if I looked anything like you."
Rachel snorted. "Yeah, well, you don't know the half of it." Her blond honeysuckle hair quilted her face from Monica's view, a golden sheet of tumbling woven silk. "Besides, Mon, you've lost so much weight. Seriously, what is this new diet you're on?"
Monica's stomach lurched and tumbled over upon itself and the lack of food inside. Her palms began to sweat, beads of anguish and lies smoothed down the harsh dry skin that was her hand. God, she hated feeling like this, this same guilty reaction plagued her each time someone questioned her methods of weight loss.
'She can probably see right through you,' Monica groaned inside, but then proceeded as if nothing were wrong (a testament to the goings-on of her everyday life).
"Well, I'm just...doing things differently. I guess my baby fat is just finally disappearing."
"Wow," muttered Rachel. "That's really something." From the far-off daze sheeting her eyes, Monica could tell that Rachel's full attention was directed elsewhere.
With this, Monica began to feel dizzy. The gray pavement began to seamlessly melt into the horizon, making a blurred portrait of epic confusion. She lifted her hands from the wheel and breathed in deep. 'I think I'm going to pass out!' She looked over at Rachel and saw her chattering away but watching the other window. She tried to scream, but Rachel's next words made it all come apart.
"You know, maybe I should try that diet you're on sometime."
"No!" Monica shrieked, screeching the car across the four lane highway onto an exit, landing at a halt in a desolate McDonald's parking lot.
Horns blared, angry at the station wagon. Monica's slip-up had nearly thrown the entire freeway into utter chaos.
Having had her head flung forward, Rachel placed a hand against the nape of her neck. "Jesus, Mon! What the hell?"
Her knuckles were as white as chalk, and the sheen area encircling her eyes mirrored the solidity of her ashen skin.
"Mon?" Rachel breathed heavily, choking back tears. "My God, we almost died! Did you not see the cars barreling down the road? They were coming towards us! I think I saw my entire life flash before my eyes just now." She gulped and blew her nose on a crumbled napkin laying on the corner of the dashboard. "I mean, all of the sudden I was ten and we were playing dolls and Ross was in the corner and then I was fourteen and we were swimming only you didn't want to put on a suit so I had to hang out with Ross the whole time and this was so awkward because he kept staring at my bikini top and then I was at your house this morning and I was crying and God, Mon, I never got to tell you how come so now I'm going to tell you the real reason behind it-"
"Rachel!" Monica shook her friend's shoulders gently. "Calm down! Are you okay?"
Feebly, Rachel nodded. "I think so."
"Good. Wow. I'm so sorry."
"What happened, Mon? I mean, one second I'm talking to you about your diet and then you start screaming and going berserk."
"I think...I think I must've lost control of the car or something."
"That was insane," Rachel gulped. "The last thing I remember is you screaming 'no' when I mentioned I might want to try your amazing diet." She paused and looked intently into Monica's eyes. "That's not...that's not why you freaked out, was it?"
"No...that's ridiculous. Why would I...why would I...do that?" Monica stumbled across her words, unable to find quite the right ones.
"I don't know." In her heart, Rachel believed that Monica didn't want to utter secrecies regarding ways to look good. 'Is she really that upset because she's finally catching up to me weight-wise and doesn't want to make her struggle harder?' Rachel shook her head, it couldn't be. Monica just wasn't like that.
Watching Rachel contemplate her previous words, Monica's mind began to swirl with thoughts. 'Oh my God, she's figuring it out. She's going to think I'm crazy or tell my parents about what I do now.'
Rachel shrugged her shoulders and smiled at Monica. "Well, seeing as how we stumbled upon a McDonald's..."
"Yeah," Monica managed a smile. "Now would probably be a good time to get something to eat." 'I can't tell her how I eat. I can't tell Rachel what goes on. It might give her ideas and I can't bear to have this happen to her, too.'
Monica continued, "I could use a soda." Getting out of the car, Monica noticed a pay phone. "Hey, Rach?" She called out to Rachel who was already halfway inside the restaurant, demure mouth grinning at the scent of boiling hamburgers swimming in grease.
"What?"
"I'm going to call Chandler from a pay phone to let him know we're coming. Would you say that we're about an hour and a half away?"
Rachel narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the mention of Chandler instead of Ross, but answered nonetheless. "Eh, give or take."
Digging deep in her pocket, Monica fished out a quarter. Her mouth watered at the smell of simmering food. 'I'll eat in a little bit. I'll eat with Chandler.'
As she dialed the number to Chandler and Ross's dorm, Monica wondered what she, Ross, Rachel, and Chandler were going to do for an entire weekend.
'What a strange group: my brother, my best friend, the guy I practically love and me. What the hell are we all going to do?'
Monica supposed she and Rachel could actually look around campus and get familiar with college life, something everyone believed was their intention.
'That sounds boring. I hope Rach is willing to hang out with Ross for a night...though that sounds pretty unlike anything she'd want to do.'
The phone began to ring and on the third ring, someone picked up.
"Hello?" Asked an impersonating gruff voice.
Monica's jaw dropped; she hadn't considered the fact that her brother- Ross!- might be the one to pick up. After all, he did live there, too.
"Ross? It's Monica." She bit her lip. This was strange situation.
"Oh, hey, Mon." On the other line, Ross's face took on a bewildered look. His sister never called him; something must be wrong. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is fine." She took a deep breath, anticipatory of Ross's reaction to her next words. "So, uh, is Chandler there?"
Ross frowned, confused. "Yeah, he's right here. Why?"
"Can I talk to him?" Monica chewed anxiously on her nails as Rachel gave her a thumbs-up sign; she held a gigantic tray of fast food in her hands. 'Well, at least someone is happy.'
"Why do you want to do that?"
"Because I called to talk to him," groaned Monica, agitated.
"Do you even know Chandler?"
'Probably better than you do.' She thought. "Yes, I know Chandler. Why else would I want to talk to him, Ross?"
"How do you know him, though?"
"Ross!"
In the background, she could hear Chandler's voice: "Dude, just let me talk to her, all right?"
Monica breathed a sigh of relief; she loved her brother and all, but she couldn't shake the feeling that the weekend with him would be taxing.
"Monica?" Chandler picked up the other end of the phone.
"Hey!" She smiled. "What's up?"
Chandler shrugged and then realized she couldn't see him. "Oh, not that much. Just fighting intergalactic wars and winning back the empire. You?"
"What?"
"Ross watched 'Star Wars' for the umpteenth time today. If I hear anything else about light-sabers, 'the force', or Princess Leia in that gold bikini, I may have to join the dark side and fight against Ross."
Monica beamed. "Well, I guess we'll have to do something else than watch 'Star Wars' this weekend, huh?" There was nothing like shameless flirting.
"Unless you want to witness an incredible light-saber duel between Ross and I, then I'm going to say something else sounds great."
"Wait, Ross actually brought his toy light-saber collection to college? I thought Mom made him throw them away."
"Not unless he bought some new ones at 'Toys R Us', because we currently have a semi-shrine dedicated to the entire trilogy and I'm pretty sure there's light-sabers involved.
In the background, Monica heard Ross's protests: "You can't buy those at a toy store. For your information, I got them at an exclusive 'Star Wars' convention. They're originals!"
"Ross doesn't sound too happy about our conversation," she laughed.
Chandler snorted and Monica could hear rustling. "Yeah, well, I'm in the hallway now. He can't hear me anymore and the light-sabers aren't allowed to leave their cases so I'm pretty much safe."
"Then the duel is out of the question?"
"Hopefully."
Monica chuckled as she thought of something, "Twenty bucks bets he's got his ear pressed up against the door listening."
"Eh, I doubt it. Luke Skywalker wouldn't do such a thing. Plus, Julie is in there with him. I doubt he's wanting to look like much more of a dork in front of her...and besides, they're probably busy enough."
"God, that's gross. I can't think of my brother like that."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I can't either."
"It's weird though, that he has a girlfriend." Monica couldn't help but wonder why Ross could get a girlfriend and why she couldn't get a boyfriend.
"Yeah, but she likes rocks and 'Star Wars'. It's like a match made in intergalactic heaven."
"That's for sure!" Monica laughed and then remembered why she had called. "Well, listen, we sort of have a problem."
"Oh, are you not coming?"
She couldn't help but smile at how worried her sounded. "No...I'm still coming. But so is Rachel."
"She is?"
"Yeah, I got in the station wagon this morning, and she was hiding in the backseat. She had some...problems. And she needed to get away. So..."
"Well, hey, that's fine. Ross should be happy."
"What about Julie?" Neither Monica nor Chandler were oblivious to Ross's inappropriate crush on Rachel.
"She's actually leaving pretty soon here. She's going home to visit her family; her sister just had a baby, I think."
"Well, that's...interesting." Monica couldn't help but think that the weekend would be strange.
"Yeah, should be."
"My quarter is about to run out, so we should actually be there in like an hour or so."
"Cool."
"Real quick, does Ross know we're coming?"
"For what it's worth, he will in about an hour."
Monica snorted. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled."
"Eh, Rachel's presence should soften the blow."
"Hopefully. So I'll see you in a little bit."
"Okay."
"Drive safely," he smiled.
"I can try."
"Bye."
Monica hung up the phone feeling lighter than air. She skipped across the parking lot, singing a song all her own. "I think I'm falling in love, I think I'm being a fool, I think I'm head over heels for you." She grinned, happy that she was clever enough to make up a song on her own.
When she made it in McDonald's, her mood dampened.
"Mon, over here!" Rachel stood up and waved for her. "I got you some food!"
Pulling out the metal lined chair, Monica sat down. "Well, I'm not too hungry, but thanks. I'll just get something to drink."
"I can't believe you're not hungry, Mon!" Rachel sunk her perfectly pearly white teeth into her cholesterol dipped cheeseburger. "I'm starving!"
"Yeah. I can see that. But I'm fine...thanks for getting me the food, though."
When she was done chewing, Rachel looked up at Monica slyly. "So. Did you call 'Ross'?"
"Yeah," Monica said slowly, wondering why Rachel had said it like that, and said Ross instead of Chandler. Then it hit her: Rachel, who didn't know about Chandler and her -not that they were anything, Monica reminded herself- was beginning to figure things out.
"Monica, you're blushing!" Rachel shouted with glee. "What? What is it?"
She hesitated, "Nothing."
"Aw, come on!"
"Really, it's nothing."
"Are you really going to see Ross?" Rachel winked and delicately sipped her soda.
"Well..."
"I knew it!" Rachel squealed. "It's Chandler, isn't it?"
"Hey..." Monica meant to tell her that those who draw to conclusions are almost always wrong, but she could feel the red carpet smothering her face.
"You know you can't hide anything, you're as red as a tomato!" She clapped her hands together. "This isso great!"
"God, Rach, you'd think I won a Nobel Peace Prize by the way you're acting."
"Are you saying I can't be happy for my best friend?" Rachel smiled, but raised her eyebrows.
"I'm saying that Chandler doesn't know and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Oooh, is this why you've lost all that weight? I knew you could do it if you had the incentive!"
"Umm...okay. Thanks." Monica got up and picked up the car keys. She was starting to feel dizzy again ('Why the heck is this happening all of the sudden?') and needed to get moving. Once she saw Chandler, she was sure they'd get something to eat, and that would be her meal for the day. "Are you ready?"
Rachel rose, the chair legs riding across faded linoleum as it scraped slowly away at the surface. "You bet. God, I feel so much better after eating." They headed towards the car and Rachel continued rambling. "You act like I shouldn't be happy for you, Mon, but I am. I should've known, you know? I mean, I did. On another level. I know my best friend."
Monica smiled and eased onto the highway. "You probably know me better than I know myself."
Though when she considered her own words, Monica knew that there were parts of herself that she hid far beneath the surface, secrets that would kill her if they got out.
OOOOO
A little girl with hair softer than rose petals sits by the ocean's edge. As waves crash against the shore, she bathes in the moonlight's incandescent glow.
She finds a flower and picks it up. Her blue eyes open wide as she realizes that it is a rose.
What is a rose doing by the ocean, she wonders. What is a rose doing here?
She moves the sand around her, building a makeshift fort for her and her new friend, the rose. She knows when morning comes, it shall wilt in the burning sunlight, drying into shards of cracked feathers by daybreak.
Soon, daylight begins to burn and with it comes the rains, a paradoxical orchestra of pattering footsteps. The rain meets the sand and the rose wilts, melting into nothingness.
One petal remains and the little girls tears make it dry. She scoops up the remnants in the palm of her chubby hand and it is then that she knows:
All good things must come to an end.
Eh, that last part was a little confusing. I was going for the whole 'deeper meaning'...hope everyone understood. :)
Please leave me a review!
Just by the way, I'm really looking forward to writing some upcoming chapters for this fic. If it seems like I'm updating this one or paying more attention to it than my other ones, I'm sorry. I just can relate to this one more right now. Not because I have an eating disorder, but because I'm a teenager and I can relate to a lot of other things. :) This isn't just an eating disorder story...I hope. :)
Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day, weekend, spring break, or whatever! ;)
Mel
Also, it's not letting me do my regular page break thingy...grr...So just to let everyone know, that part about the little girl is NOT in the same scene as Monica and Rachel driving down the highway, okay? lol. Just in case it doesn't work, there were supposed to be "" in between it. :) Without the quotes, of course.
All right. lol. That should (hopefully) do it. :) The "OOOO" is now my page break. :)