Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER ONE

"Hermione! Hermione! I swear I just saw Harry this afternoon!" a hyperactive auror yelled out.

"Where was he?" an overeager muggleborn witch responded.

"I was watching the telly. It was a golf tournament in Maui. He was walking around carrying the sign that calls for 'Quiet Please'. When he walked past the camera he winked!"

The muggleborn shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Tonks. That's horrible. This is getting ridiculous. Last time he was refereeing a Wimbledon semifinal match. What else was there? He was an autopsied murder victim on some crime show? He had an infomercial selling magic tricks? And believe me, no matter how much you swear on what you saw: Harry was not in the movie The Princess Bride! Harry probably jinxed your telly, because none of these things make any sense at all."

"This is a brand new telly I bought! I thought I was going crazy when I saw a black line judge with a lightning bolt scar winking at the camera."

"Maybe he jinxed this one too. Wait." Hermione paused and held up her hand to stop Tonks. "He was black, Tonks?"

The auror looked sheepish. "Oh. Umm. He-he. Did I neglect to mention that last time?"

Hermione adopted a placating exasperated attitude. "And you thought he was Harry."

Tonks looked away and nodded.

"Do I need to mention the fallacy in your thinking there?"

"Oh shush Hermione. You know how frustrating it is. You've got a secrecy oath on you too. I've seen you get flustered and silent."

Hermione's face grimaced. "I think almost all of us have one. I swear if I ever find that cheeky little bugger I'm going to kill him dead. Then I'll find a way to bring him back just to kill him even deader. He's been playing us all. I think Professor Flamel knows more than he lets on too. I could see his eyes twinkling like sparklers he was having so much fun in his last official Order meeting."

"Good luck getting any answers out of him. Considering his age, and lack of a Sorcerer's Stone, he could have died and we'd never know."

"You were never in his classes Tonks. I cannot imagine anything finishing the man off."

"Well he did teach for two consecutive years breaking the DADA curse. Although Dumbledore told me his replacement has already turned in his resignation." Tonks said shaking her head. "Has anyone heard from Flamel since the war ended?"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "Not as far as I know. Albus would be the most likely one. And I think he enjoys our Harry hunting too much to actually help us."

Tonks looked a bit miffed. "Yeah I know. I wonder if he's contacted Remus too, as I would have thought Moony would be as eager to find him as we are."

"You know it's possible, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if perhaps they are under stricter oaths than us and are actually unable to help us track him down."

"Any luck on your online searches? Or as Ron calls it, the innie-net on the komptooter."

Hermione shook her head the reminder of her muggle clueless friend. "Yeah, I found another sighting that's pretty much guaranteed to have been him. But it was over a week old and most likely a dead-end."

"So what did the smarmy bastard do this time?"

"Apparently, at halftime at a muggle professional basketball game over in the states, Detroit I think it was. There was a quote 'lucky fan that got one chance at a half-court shot for million dollars.' Apparently, this 'Ron Weasley'" Hermione said the name with a disbelieving roll of her eyes, "made the shot to win the money. The crowd cheered like crazy. He grabbed a couple more basketballs, took two more and made both of those shots too, then had to be escorted from the court after he took his shirt off and was swinging it around with enthusiasm to a raucous crowd. I swear Harry must be having the time of his life."

"Yeah that sounds like him alright."

"If there was any question, I also found the next day an orphanage in Detroit received an anonymous donation of a million dollars. The US Government Tax officers are apparently no longer actively hunting 'Mr. Weasley' for tax evasion."

"Oh that would be fun if they caught him. Not that they could ever hold him, or catch him, but still. He's going to make a mistake and we're going to get him when he does. Cheekiness has a limit and he passed his about 9 months ago."

"I haven't looked at today's Quibbler. Shall we see where they're placing him this time?"

The Quibbler presents: This week in Harry Potter!
Harry Potter, the Roadie?
By: Luis Spurini Photo by: Abel Smurck
Harry Potter was spotted three times this week, at three separate concert events. The band, The Monkees, comprised of four Wizards who have been hugely successful in the muggle world have been on a reunion tour. A young man in a bandana can be seen in the background setting up equipment in the picture to the right. Several anonymous sources assure us that the Roadie in question is Harry Potter.

Tonks mused out loud. "That one seems a bit more likely than some of them lately. You know it's really infuriating not knowing how many of these 'spottings' are real. From what little we know, they all could be."

"You're not giving up on me, are you Tonks?" Hermione inquired.

Tonks shook her head. "Oh no. That would mean he wins. And this game ain't over yet. No way."

"I still can't believe we haven't caught him." Hermione explained in frustration.

"You don't think maybe we're obsessing a bit much here? I mean Ginny had the biggest crush in the world on him, and it's beginning to seem like it's just you and me still active in the hunt."

"Ron would be with us, but he's been real busy at work lately. He's officially an Assistant Coach too now and apparently doesn't have the time he used to."

"Yeah that's great for him. I'm just an auror, and well there are barely any criminals worth catching these days. It's Harry's fault I got nothing better to do than look for him."

"I heard Draco made a scene at a bar the other day. Maybe he's got some nefarious plans." Hermione suggested with a shrug.

Tonks shook her head with a smile. "Naw I got the story on that one. It sounded hilarious though. Something tells me if Draco were up to something Harry would have stopped him."

"Hilarious? What happened?"

Tonks got a wicked smile and recounted the alleged scene.

Draco walked into his favorite bar, the Dapper Dragon. There was a man at the bar, with his back towards him, apparently attracting a lot of attention. There were four young attractive witches surrounding him. A fifth one approached him, and Draco tried to subtly listen in. The man's back was still to Draco, and he couldn't tell what he was saying, but the witch was giggling an awful lot. Draco decided he should find out more about this guy.

He walked over to him and said clearly, "You know you make it harder on the rest of us, when you keep hoarding all the beautiful witches to yourself."

The man turned around to look at the intruding voice, and Draco's expressionless mask fell in a brief moment of surprise. The man looked just like him. He was even sneering like Draco practiced!

This evil twin spoke up. "The names Git. Poncy Git."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "How do you do Mr. Git. I am Draco Malfoy." Draco responded with an air of superiority.

The evil twin's eyes widened. "Malfoy! I know that name! You may be a handsome bloke, but you can't change the fact that you're nothing but a filthy pureblood."

Draco eyes widened in shock. He uttered a quite intelligent. "What?"

"You're going to die like all the rest of you muggle-hating scum! The Light Lord Potter will rise again and cleanse your purities!"

Draco began stammering in more confusion. "What…wait…" He furrowed his brow and tilted his head looking closer at his evil twin. He quietly whispered out in a question, "Scarhead?"

"You'll be one of the first to go, you pureblood!" Then the evil twin smiled, reached out and tweaked Draco's nose, and disappeared without a sound.

Hermione was cracking up. "Oh man I bet Draco was pissed at that. The Light Lord Potter." Hermione said shaking her head with a smile. "Honestly."

"Yeah, it was after that Draco made a bit of a scene. Accidental magic like an ickle child. The soundless apparition makes me wonder if that was Harry. Though I'm sure Draco's got himself more than a couple enemies."

"Well tomorrow is his birthday. Something tells me he's going to be seen or do something ridiculous tomorrow. How about lunch in Diagon Alley? Me and Ginny were planning on it, but we could all get together and work on some conspiracy theories."

"Sounds good. I've got to report to the Ministry in the morning, but will take the rest of the afternoon off. Why don't you two drop by my apartment when you're ready?"

"Will do Tonks. See ya tomorrow."

"Hey Tonky...you think maybe Harry's been right in front of us talking to us and we never knew?" Ginny asked.

The pink-haired auror frowned at the nickname. "It's possible but I kind of doubt it. I wouldn't put it past him to try but I think we're clever enough to spot his mannerisms even if he was in disguise." Tonks got a haughty smirk. "I mean I am an auror."

Ginny rolled her eyes at her cocky friend. She placated her a bit and said "Of course you are. But sometimes I think he's a lot cleverer than we're giving him credit for. Hey, where's your bathroom? You know I hate public toilets and I'm hungry and ready for lunch."

"Down the hall, second door on the right."

The doorbell rang and Tonks yelled out "That'd be Hermione."

Tonks opened the door "Hey Hermione" she said before she noticed standing next to her was Ginny Weasley. The auror had her wand out and pointed at the redhead in less than a second. "Who are you?"

She kept both eyes on the two girls at her door and was shifting her wand between the pair.

"Ease up Tonks. It's us. Remember, lunch today?" Hermione said trying to calm down her jumpy friend.

The cautious auror asked "What is as green as a fresh pickled toad?"

Hermione started snickering and Ginny just blushed and dropped her head in embarrassment at the reminder.

"It is you!" Tonks exclaimed before turning away from the two girls and ran to the bathroom door. She barged in, wand out and alert, took notice of the surroundings and yelled out "Oh you have got to be kidding me!"

Ginny and Hermione were a bit confused when they heard the exclamation from down the hallway at Tonks place. "I'm gonna kill that twerp! I can't believe he did that!"

Ginny smiled. "Harry get ya again?"

"Spelled my bathroom into Slytherin colors with a mirrored ceiling. Cheeky bugger. You just missed him by seconds. Unless someone else was impersonating Ginny here today." She said with a shake of her head. She was replaying their conversation over and feeling a bit humbled.

The three flooed to the Leaky Cauldron and walked down to the more upscale restaurant. They were seated outside on the patio so they could enjoy the beautiful day. And keep their eyes and ears open for potential mayhem.

Hermione had been watching Tonks while they walked and once they were comfortably seated asked, "Alright Tonks. What did Harry say to you? Because I've watched your expressions go from shame to anger to frustration and back again several times now."

Tonks frowned. "He called me 'Tonky'." Hermione and Ginny both burst out laughing out loud.

"It's not that funny."

Ginny, still smiling and snickering, said "Wait does that I mean I can get away with calling you Tonky? I figured you'd hex me immediately if I called you that."

"Well you'd be getting one for sure if you ever do that now."

Hermione composed herself and asked "So what else did he say to you?"

Tonks expression went back to shame and shook her head exasperatedly.

"Come on, you can tell us. I could promise not to laugh but it'd be a pretty hollow promise I'm guessing." Hermione pleaded with a smile.

Tonks eventually answered. "He asked me if I ever thought maybe we'd been in front of 'Harry' and just not known it."

Ginny was giggling. "Oh that was subtle. And what sort of amusing birthday present of an answer did you give him?"

Tonks just shook her head. "Doesn't matter. So shut it. Or I won't tell you what happened at the Ministry this morning."

Hermione pulled out a small muggle notebook and was writing something in it. Ginny asked the obvious "Umm Hermione, what are you doing?"

"Oh. I'm just adding this to the list."

Tonks and Ginny glanced at each other. "And what list is that?"

Hermione smiled up at them. "Things to ask Harry about when we finally get him. I have a feeling his conversation with Tonks will be a lot funnier when he tells it." Tonks just scowled and shook her head. Though she did think it was a good idea Hermione had. Heaven knows Tonks probably had a few hundred things she needed to hear about from Harry's point of view.

Tonks continued. "Anyways, about this morning, I have no idea how he pulled it off, but Harry managed to completely disrupt the Ministry. It was still a madhouse when I left. Fudge thought we were under attack, people were freaking out. I would have never thought it possible, if it hadn't of happened."

Ginny and Hermione were quite curious. "So what did happen?"

Tonks smiled and said "Somehow, for an hour, Harry managed to completely negate all the magic. I suppose it was some sort of nullification. Everyone was stuck on their floors, the floo, portkeys, even everyone's wands. We were all muggles trapped for an hour."

Ginny smiled. Hermione's eyes went wide. "That far a nullification field? Including on the people? That shouldn't be possible. And certainly to not tire him out at all so he could visit you a couple hours later."

Tonks snickered. "Well that wasn't all. It seems likely he was capable of magic. All the people in the atrium were knocked out. When the magic was turned back on, and they came to, they noticed some changes in the Fountain of Magical Brethren."

Ginny got a wicked smirk. "Oh no. What did he do?"

Tonks was snickering. "Well, the house elf is now the biggest part of it. He's about 8 feet tall or so. He's got red and blue tights on and a pair of mismatched socks. He was posing and looking upward, with a cape on. And the main wizard that used to be the focal point is on his hands and knees. The centaur is now holding the leash attached to the wizard's collar. The goblin was sitting in a saddle riding on the witch." Tonks was outright laughing now. "Personally, I like the new one. They were trying to figure out how to undo it or fix it still when I left."

Hermione just shook her head. "Yeah. That couldn't be anyone else."

Tonks added "I think Fudge was worried about a House Elf rebellion."

Ginny was still giggling. "Maybe all the members of spew are going to be blacklisted."

Hermione exclaimed indignantly "It's not spew! It's …" She just closed her eyes and shook her head. "I hate you all."

Their waiter brought out their meals and was flashing them a brilliant smile worthy of Gilderoy Lockhart. "Can I get you lovely ladies anything else? Coffee? Some dessert?" He looked over at Tonks and winked. "You look like you could use something sweet."

Ginny and Hermione were not prepared for Tonks to whip out her wand and quickly stun the man.

Tonks cringed. "Ahh crud."

Hermione yelped. "Tonks! What on earth are you doing?"

Ginny was equally curious. "Yeah, I mean he is a bit of a slimeball. And he's wearing way too much flair, but even I think that was a bit extreme."

Tonks shook her head. "Sorry. The way he winked at me, I thought he might have been Harry. But he's not. Just needs to lay off the winking at me."

Ginny seemed to be thinking it over. "How are you so sure he's not Harry now?"

"Harry wouldn't fall to a stunner like that."

"Then why cast it?"

"Well…at least it answers the question of whether he's Harry or a slimeball. Or I suppose I should say, a slimeball that isn't Harry."

It was at this point a couple of first year's parents were seen hurrying away towards the exit out of Diagon Alley. The father was carrying their daughter and had his hand covering her eyes. The mother was heard angrily exclaiming "Magic wands indeed!"

They noticed a bit of a commotion and a crowd gathering in front of Ollivander's. The three girls left money on the table for their food and quickly headed out. The slimeball was still stunned laying on the ground.

When the girls got to the crowd and saw in Ollivander's window, they realized what was going on. Ginny was just guffawing and Tonks was laughing her head off. Ollivander could be seen in the window trying to get through some wards that were apparently protecting his front display. The purple cushion on display no longer held the old familiar wand it always had. It appeared someone had swapped it out, and replaced it with a quite recognizable object. The impressive sized, flesh colored sexual aid was apparently not what parents of first years had in mind when they wanted to get their children their first wand. Ollivander seemed to be struggling to remove the offensive item. On closer examination, there was a toe tag of sorts tied around it. Hanging off was a small note that said "Property of Severus Snape." Harry's birthday was turning out far happier for some than others.

Author's Note: I wasn't planning on writing out much backstory, but I may eventually get around to it because explanation in author's notes is poor storytelling. To avoid confusion though, the general timeline is going to be something like this: Follows canon post-OotP. 6th year, Nicholas Flamel teaches DADA. Same with 7th year. A little over a year later, after Harry turned 19, he finished off the Dark Lord and a big chunk of Death Eaters. Now the story takes off roughly 9 months since he was last heard from and this chapter would have been his 20th birthday. I'm just trying to clarify this, as the one-year anniversary of his disappearance is coming up in future chapters. If you're really bored, all the Quibbler articles and photographers are going to be relatively simple name anagrams. And most often related (as in for each story, the photog and the author will relate to each other). Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.