Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TWO

Severus Snape was quite surprised when he received an owl delivering a wand box from Ollivander. He knew he hadn't been in there in years and his wand was working just fine. Upon opening his package the man's rage skyrocketed. It took an awful lot of effort not to yell out 'Potter' and curse that cheeky brat. He wouldn't admit to liking the boy. Never. But after all their private tutoring sessions he had respected him. In truth, Harry was already more proficient at the Dark Arts than Severus was. It made no sense to the Potions Master, as his disposition should have prevented him from being able to master so many aspects of them, but of course the little punk would be able to overcome all the previous rules about a wizard's skill or potential. But now, he was beginning to regret the deal he made the day after the Dark Lord's defeat.

He was sick and tired of playing the role of the 'evil' Slytherin head of house. And he wanted to retire from spying. It had seemed like too good an offer at the time. He should have known better. Harry offered to manipulate and essentially remove the Dark Mark in exchange for a friendly truce of sorts. Honestly, Severus had thought Harry wouldn't be able to do anything to the Dark Mark anyway, but given the lack of the Dark Lord, who should have been the only one able to do anything to it, Severus figured it wouldn't hurt. He knew if anyone would be able to, it would be the little insufferable brat whose scar connection offered the potential that no one else would have.

Cheeky brat had said "Here's the deal: If I can either remove the mark or manipulate it enough to seem that way, then all I ask is that you treat me good-naturedly and as a friend. That means I can prank you, and you can appreciate the pranks for what they are. And of course you can prank me right back even worse if you wish."

Severus responded with a smirk, "In fairness I must remind you, that I am the Slytherin in this equation." Considering the boy's smile and nod of the head, Severus was beginning to wonder who really was the Slytherin in that equation. Sure enough, the kid pulled out his little trophy, the Dark Lord's wand, mumbled some Latin involving 'Morsmordre' and Severus felt magic pulling at him down to his very core. The Mark burned and visually shifted into a much smaller shape before morphing into a phoenix and moving up his arm to his bicep. Severus would never admit it, but more than likely the cheeky brat knew that the Mark had a deeper connection on him and added to his hostile and dark disposition. Harry's manipulation in truth had made him a more jovial person. 'Curse that boy for seeing me smile!'

Had he still had the Dark Mark, he would not have appreciated this latest prank. Sadly now, even Severus was chuckling at the thought of children running scared of the shape and materials used in Ollivander's new modern wands. He had the perfect revenge already planned. He knew how to cut deep back into the heart of Harry Potter. Next school year, he would be sure to play up the legend, the hero, the greater than Merlin awe inspiring power and might, of Harry Potter. Knowing your opponent's weakness makes revenge so much easier. And if Severus had anything to say about it, Harry Potter would never be normal. 'Maybe I should talk to Creevey and get the Chocolate Frog Company to run an entire series of nothing but Harry Potter.'

It was Saturday. Hermione and Tonks were going to have lunch with Ginny and Luna. Luna actually had provided them with the most leads on finding Harry Potter, even though Luna seemed unconcerned about locating him. In truth, Luna was probably Harry's best friend that was not a member of the Order. She had been offered a place, but declined and instead used her family's publication to offer information and a more neutral point of view. The fact that the Quibbler wasn't exactly the most respected of papers never bothered her in the slightest. Actually nothing seemed to really bother her ever come to think of it.

Not only that, this Saturday was the day the Quibbler's weekly publication came out. Just before leaving to meet with Ginny and Luna, Tonks and Hermione decided to read up on the latest sightings in the Quibbler.

The Quibbler presents: This week in Harry Potter!
Harry Potter, the Sherpa?
By: Evan Silly Photo by: Peter Tojams
Billionaire tycoon Malcolm Watchawiggie completed his quest and goal to reach the summit of Mount Everest. He managed to make the ascent and then descent without any casualties. Two experienced climbers and one sherpa were the extent of his entire crew. The photo on the right is after they managed to make it safely back down the mountain. You can clearly see the lightning bolt scar on the head of the unnamed and overloaded sherpa. His identity was not confirmed, as apparently sherpa's get no respect, but the photograph should give the witches and wizards of Britain all the proof they need.

Tonks exclaimed "The Sherpa? Are they serious?"

Hermione responded with a condescending glare.

Tonks thought about it and agreed. "Okay nevermind. I would never believe this one, although the existence of the scar actually leads some credence to it."

Hermione responded, "Tonks, Harry has been lots of places without his scar, you know polyjuice can overcome it."

Tonks responded "Yeah but...but…" She was visibly struggling to get out the words she wanted to say. "Oh forget it. Stupid oath."

Hermione smirked at her. "Are you trying to tell me Harry's a metamorphmagus?"

Tonks gulped and responded, "Umph…umph…umph. Oww!"

Hermione started laughing. "Forget it. That was too funny anyway. Least now I know an easy way to keep you quiet." Tonks felt obliged to smack Hermione upside the head.

"And I suppose you cannot talk about his secret super bookworm powers." Tonks said before sticking her tongue out at the young woman.

"Let's get to lunch."

The pair arrived to find Luna and Ginny already deep in discussion. Ginny exclaimed "Oh my goodness! You really got one! And have it as a pet?"

Luna smiled a bit less dreamily than usual and nodded eagerly. Tonks and Hermione sat down. Hermione asked "Got one what?"

Luna looked over at Hermione and responded. "I received a package marked as a belated birthday present, which is odd, as my birthday is in two months so it would be better served as a premature present, rather than a present received ten months belatedly."

Hermione seemed to be getting a bit flustered at the complete lack of an answer she received. Tonks inquired, "So what did you get?"

Ginny was watching Hermione's expression while Luna smiled and said "I got a Crumple Horned Snorkack." Ginny was not disappointed to see Hermione's jaw drop and eyes widen.

"They're real?" a shocked Hermione asked.

Luna looked at Hermione and spoke to her like she was scolding a small child. "Of course they are real. Even if I hadn't received one of my own, they would still be real." She was shaking her head at her usually logical and knowledgeable bookworm friend. "Honestly Hermione. Tsk tsk."

Hermione was feeling a bit humbled and was beginning to wonder if she needed to change her opinion of her somewhat spacey friend.

"I'm just happy the Fairy Godmother remembered my 10 months belated birthday."

No, Hermione didn't feel the need to alter her opinion of Luna too much.

Tonks took advantage of the brief silence as the others looked curiously at Luna. "So Luna, Harry Potter, the Sherpa? Where the heck did you come up with that one?"

Luna smiled. "I just print what he sends me. If he says he was a sherpa, who am I to doubt him?"

Ginny asked the obvious, "'He'? Who is 'he' Luna?"

"Why Harry Potter of course."

Tonks and Hermione's eyes widened at this. "What! Harry sends you those articles?"

Luna looked at Hermione curiously. "Of course he does. Who else would write 'This week in Harry Potter'?" Luna had thought this the most obvious thing in the world.

"But today's was written by Evan Silly!"

Luna eyes popped out a bit. "I don't think I was supposed to tell you that. Oops."

Ginny looked at Luna. "What is with you Luna? You're usually so good at keeping secrets."

Luna blushed a bit. "Sorry, I'm a bit off today. The Snorkack food delivery guy came by this morning, and he was really cute so we had wild monkey sex."

Tonks started snickering. "There's a Snorkack food delivery service? What was the guy's name?"

"Harry."

All three of the other girls immediately snapped to attention at this. "Harry! Are you sure it was Harry? What was his last name?"

"Well he said his name was Harry, but I didn't ask his last name."

"I mean, was it Harry?"

"I think that's kind of a personal question, but if you must know I'll answer after we're done eating." Ginny and Hermione both made faces of disgust.

Tonks was just getting frustrated. "Harry Potter! Was it Harry Potter?"

Luna pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Dunno. Like I said I never asked his last name."

The three girls just fell into silence watching Luna enjoy her salad.

Ginny broke the silence getting back to what they were talking about before any mentions of wild monkey sex. "So Harry has been sending you articles every week?"

Luna nodded. "And pictures. The articles have the pseudonyms to use with them. A few times he's sent me personal notes as well."

"Can we see them? What'd he say?"

"Well, they're kind of personal. Don't say a lot, since I can't write him back, just occasionally tips on things to investigate. He told me to keep my eyes open for Fudge inciting a House Elf rebellion."

Hermione thought of something. "What about the Snorkack food delivery service? Where are they?"

Luna answered. "The information for them came with the Snorkack. I've got my receipt from this morning right here." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of parchment. "Oh."

Apparently the receipt was now blank. On the back it still had the company slogan: 'Where the customer always comes first.'

The other three girls half figured as much. Though there seemed to be a bit of jealousy in the air.

"So how are you going to get more Snorkack food?"

Luna said "I guess I will have to go to the store once this supply runs out."

"There's a store?"

"Of course there are stores. Even this restaurant we're at could be considered a store. Snorkack food is just lettuce."

Hermione closed her eyes and felt she needed to calm down.

The rest of the meal passed amicably enough, although it certainly seemed Luna was in the best mood of the four. They paid for the meals and went off their separate ways.

Tonks and Hermione were thinking about what the next thing to do was.

Hermione mentioned she had a muggle geek friend.

Tonks asked "So what can the geek do for you?"

"Oh, it should make finding out information online so much easier. He's scripted a program that will scour all news reports and published findings for certain things and alert me to any that hit certain flags and rate them accordingly to likelihood of it being Harry."

"Wow that should be helpful. What did you have to do to get this geek to help you?"

Hermione explained, "Oh Tonks, he's a geek. It doesn't matter if I'm attractive or not, just the fact that I'm a girl means he'll help me out with anything I ask. He may not know about magic, but there's nothing better than a geek friend."

"Don't you kinda feel like you're using him?" Tonks inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"A little, but it makes him happier than if I weren't using him." Hermione said with a shrug.

Tonks was beginning to think she could use a geek friend. Or maybe a Snorkack food delivery guy.

"I think he sent me a working prototype of the program last night. I didn't read the email though. Want to come over and see what it turns up?"

Tonks smiled. "Sure. I have a feeling we've missed a lot of the newsworthy things Harry's done."

The pair went back to Hermione's and fired up the program.

"Results 1-10 of 8,251,977. Good god Hermione!"

"I doubt they're all correct but we can see what the first few say. Alright, let's take a look at what the first one is. Oh this sounds good: News of the Weird."

Exorcism Ineffectual!
A catholic church was in an uproar when the building next to them was renovated, torn down, and a new openly homosexual biker bar opened up next to it. The Hairy Bear has tried their best to appease and placate their religious neighbors. They are always closed Sundays and keep their parking area clean, but apparently that isn't enough for St. Charles Church. Recently, the parishioners hired and brought in outside help since they were lacking any legal recourse. Father Snuffles Black came in to attempt to exorcise the demons at The Hairy Bear while it was open and catering to its customers. Apparently the exorcism was ineffectual, and there have been some concerns expressed questioning the sanctity of Father Black. Reports indicate that Father Black chanted many things in Latin within the establishment of The Hairy Bear. It is not clear exactly what happened, but apparently the karaoke machine was affected by the chanting and turned on inexplicably. The church officially discharged the exorcist when he was on stage singing "It's Raining Men" rather than exorcising any demons.

"Oh dear Harry." Hermione said while Tonks was just laughing her head off.

Tonks, in between laughs managed to get out, "Padfoot would be so proud!"

Hermione went back to the search and looked through a few more results. One immediately caught her eye: an Associated Press news brief from the states.

Who Paid the Pied Piper?
A scene disrupted traffic through lower Manhattan yesterday in New York City. An older Scottish woman, who was identified as Minerva McGonagall, came walking calmly out of a large sewer grate. She was playing a flute, and following behind her filling the streets was reportedly thousands of sewer rats. Traffic was at a standstill for twenty minutes before the 'rat parade' made it to a pier and apparently all jumped in. Surprisingly, Ms. McGonagall was not seen again, but the rats were apparently able to swim and were headed out towards the Atlantic. New York citizens are advised to keep their children on leashes if at all possible.

"Oh you have got to share that one with the Professor!" Tonks exclaimed.

"No way! She'll kill me! You share it with her." Hermione said.

"Hmm." Tonks was musing. "Maybe we should anonymously inform Snape of this, and let him."

"Oh that's just evil." Hermione smirked. "Alright that works."

They went back to the searches and found it hard to imagine there were this many things that sounded like they could all be arguably Harry. If you believed it, Harry went over Niagara Falls in a barrel, hang-glided off the Eiffel Tower, rode a rampaging bull through the streets of Pamplona, and perhaps swam naked with some sea lions in the San Francisco Bay.

Tonks was giggling. "I want to find him just to do something now!"

Hermione was smiling and shaking her head. "He missed out on a lot growing up, but goodness he is quickly making up for that."