Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER FOUR

The Quibbler presents: This week in Harry Potter!
Harry Potter, the Ecoterrorist Carnie?
By: Greg Prawngar Photo by: Sara Lee Awoggy
Tragedy has struck a small traveling circus in an apparent act of ecoterrorism. The traveling group thought they had just hired a new hit performer, The Amazing Boy Who Lives! An act in which he would set himself on fire and stand in front of a cannon as it went off. His debut performance while the troupe was in North Surrey was grandly received by the entire audience. But the next morning was broken with the realization that he was gone, and all of the circus troupe's animals had been either captured and stolen or freed. The Bearded Lady, who neither confirms nor denies reports of having a relationship with The Amazing Boy woke up and discovered she had been completely shorn. No more beard, or for that matter hair of any sort, including eyebrows. When she noticed her condition she started screaming. This woke up everyone else and they discovered their missing coworker and animals. His performance can be seen in the photo to the right. The Amazing Boy Who Lives is visible in the picture as the young man on the lower right. He can be identified as the only one in the picture on fire.

"Oh jeebus Tonks. This is one of the most ridiculous ones yet." Hermione complained after reading that day's Quibbler issue. It had been delivered while she was at the auction.

"You know, now that we know Harry writes these, it makes them less useful, but more entertaining and likely."

"You really think Harry joined the circus? You know just before giving away ten million galleons?" Hermione asked.

"Why not? You got anything better to go on?"

"Yeah! I got a ladybug that's going to lead me right to him."

"Oh yeah Hermione. I'm sure it will be simple and obvious if he's freely giving it to you and inviting you to try."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Don't jinx me or anything."

"Don't you need to work on lesson plans or something? This time last year you were freaking out and preparing like crazy. Worried you wouldn't be as good a professor as Binns had been." Tonks was shaking her head. "That was so funny."

Hermione scoffed. "I'll have you know I thought Professor Binns was extremely knowledgeable and a great scholar."

"And you've managed to completely gloss over the fact that he was too boring to actually instruct anything and a worse teacher than Snape." Tonks explained.

"Yeah there was that. But even still, I'm just teaching History. I'll use all the syllabi and materials from last year. It's not like 'History' changes or anything." Hermione rationalized to herself.

"What!" Tonks's eyes went wide.

"I'm just kidding Tonks." Hermione was snickering. "All throughout the year I was modifying and improving my lesson plans and syllabi. I've been ready for this school year since before the last one ended. Besides, Harry-hunting is a lot more fun."

"You know the Hermione I knew a couple of years ago would be appalled and shocked at your current attitude." Tonks said with a smirk.

"Yes and that Hermione would also leave the Harry-hunting to the untrained professionals like you. Are you trying to get rid of me?" Hermione responded with an equally playful smirk.

"Hmmph. I am quite well-trained thank you very much." The indignant auror responded.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You most certainly are. House-broken and with a shiny coat like that you've gotten be the most popular bitch on the block."

Tonks anger became palpable. "Don't make me tell Simon what an evil horrible person Aunt Hermy is."

"You wouldn't!" a horrified Hermione responded.

"Are you sure of that? Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?" Tonks imitated a deep raspy voice that sounded vaguely Scottish.

Hermione made a pained face. "Enough Tonks. That's the worst impression you've attempted yet."

"Yeah they are really bad, aren't they?"

A vigorously nodding Hermione said. "Good night Tonks."

"Night Aunt Hermy," she responded before disappearing out the floo.

"You know Draco, when Carl told me you were arguably a child molester I defended you. Even made a small gentlemen's bet with him. He assured me any random little boy with a pair of nuts could get you to buy him dinner. Even throw him a party." The greasy man was shaking his head. "Why? Why do you do things like this to me?" the whiny Potions Master inquired of his godson.

"Oh crikey Severus. You wouldn't believe the number of tasteless jokes I am now the butt of." An exasperated young Malfoy answered.

"I might believe it. I helped come up with some." Snape said with a roll of his eyes.

"Any good ones?" Malfoy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A few here and there. Quite a few people mentioning Ron Weasley and your obsession with him having two knuts to rub together."

Draco paled. "Oh Merlin. I was like 11! I didn't even think about what I was saying."

Severus smiled and said silkily, "Well at least at 11 you were too old for-"

"Is this really necessary?" Draco interrupted.

"Fine. Ruin my fun. Although the way the Daily Prophet reported it was rather curious."

"There was nothing incorrect in that article. I sponsored an auction and managed to raise over ten million galleons. I should be applauded for being the hero I am." A haughty young man responded.

"Right." Severus rolled his eyes.

"I would imagine Potter wanted to keep me happy and had his little publication print a truthful and fair article rather than make me the butt of any further jokes."

Severus smiled. "Yes I'm sure Potter is shaking in his boots at the thought of offending you."

Draco shrugged and adopted a playful smirk.

Severus continued. "Speaking of Potter, I'm dying to know what happened to your little tattoo. And how on earth you managed to stay out of Azkaban."

"The barmy old coot asked you to interrogate me for your meeting next week?"

Severus eyes betrayed him and a small momentary bit of surprise showed. "I'm curious how you would jump to that conclusion when it's been almost a year since there was a meeting."

"I heard from a friend that a certain spell was going to be lifted and to not be surprised when it happened. I can only assume it is being lifted because there are others being lifted. And besides, Dumbledore's leash on you has never been as slack as he liked to make it look."

Severus was quick to calm his rising ire. "And I'm sure you got your tattoo removed without any strings attached."

"I wouldn't think you would want to know these things Severus. But you know I will tell you, since I do owe you a great deal."

Severus found this acceptable and gave in to his curiosities. "Alright, how did you get your mark removed?"

Draco was relaxed and looked over at him, "The same way you got yours. Let me guess, you have a snake tattooed on your bicep now?"

Severus shook his head. "No a phoenix. I never even knew I had a choice."

Draco rolled up his sleeve. "I call him Tibbles." And he showed off the ice blue dragon tattoo that was moving around and flying in a circle around his arm.

"Ahh man yours moves too! I never knew I could get that!" Severus whined as painfully as he smirked.

"A phoenix because of the Order?" Draco assumed.

Severus just nodded with a frown still etched on his face. He could be so childish sometimes.

"That doesn't explain how you got him to do that for you." Severus pointed out.

Draco responded with a question, "Why did you turn traitor and join the Order?"

"I thought you were answering my questions here."

"We're having an open discourse between friends. It goes both ways."

"Fine. If you were anyone else I wouldn't answer this, but the truth is I have more of a conscience than I like. It was the right thing to do." Severus reluctantly explained.

"Oh, you Gryffindor, you! I was hoping there was something better than that." Draco teased.

"Watch it brat. Now answer my question because I'm pretty damn sure you never joined the Order, even if I could tell you weren't the most loyal of Death Eaters."

"No. I had no interest whatsoever in joining the Order. The Order had leaks and spies and a lot of idiots. I'm a Malfoy. I pick the winning side."

"The Order was the winning side."

Draco shook his head. "No it wasn't." Severus arched an eyebrow asking for further explanations.

"No, this so called war between dark and light was only going to have one winning side. And it wasn't necessarily the Order or the Death Eaters." He sighed heavily and mumbled quietly. "It was always Potter's."

"You sound reluctant to respect your new Master."

"Considering how much he would hate it, maybe we both should call him that." Draco suggested.

"He's yours, not mine." Severus replied.

Draco responded defiantly, "Really? I was under the impression he actually has two marked followers."

Severus hadn't thought about that. He certainly had never felt anything on his mark since it had been changed. "Can he spy on us or communicate with us through them?"

Draco snorted. "Of course he can. Cheeky brat saved my life a half dozen times that first month because he was able to use the mark."

Severus's eyes widened. "That's how all those other Death Eaters kept getting caught. They were going after you."

"I did kind of mislead the Dark Lord into fighting Potter."

"Why on earth would you go to Potter and not me?"

"I thought about it. But I didn't want Dumbledore or the Order to know. Potter told me it would be easier if I talked to you, but I have a habit of trying to do the opposite of his suggestions usually." Draco had a snarky smile now.

"You know, young Slytherin, you've been manipulated by a Gryffindor." Severus laughed. "Potter told me I shouldn't approach you because you were already set in your ways and it could easily blow my cover. Turns out you were set in your ways, only Potter knew which way though. I didn't believe him, but couldn't risk it. Not when you seemed to be acting amicably to him. I assumed under orders from the Dark Lord."

Draco frowned. "I was under orders from the Dark Lord. Could Potter have tricked the Dark Lord into that you think?"

Severus shook his head. "That's a question we'll never know. Instinct says impossible, but even I would yield that Potter knew the Dark Lord better than anyone else. You beginning to think he manipulated you into coming to him and asking to be his little spy?"

Draco paused considering and thinking. "God I hate thinking about Potter. If you ever talk to him and actually see behind the image he projects, that kid is so Slytherin it's scary. You know he had bugged the common room for 6th and 7th year?"

"How? I frequently sweep for all sorts of charms and devices throughout all of Slytherin."

"Well you won't find it so don't worry. And I know because he has me monitoring it now. Helps me keep up on some current events, as well as to ensure proper Slytherins continue to be coming out of Hogwarts. The whole Dark Lord and the terrorizing wreaks havoc with our P.R. and image."

"Now who's the goody goody?" An amused Severus asked.

Draco was getting a bit irate. "I'm doing it for my own benefit. And Slytherin's. Not because it's the right thing to do."

"Of course."

Draco just frowned at Severus.

"When was the last time you talked to Potter?"

Draco answered. "He'd only bark commands when Death Eaters were trying to kill me. Last time I talked to him in an actual conversation was the day before he disappeared. He said something you may dislike as much as I did actually."

Severus sighed. "And what was that?"

Draco smiled. "He told me, 'Everyone sees Snape as Dumbledore's little pet reform project. Why do I have a feeling you're going to be mine?' I told him that was about as likely as 'Snape smiling.'"

Severus started snickering.

"Oh god. Now you're acting like he did. Don't tell me you got all Hufflepuffish around him."

"Hey! That's below the belt. And given the existence of Tibbles on your arm there, I'm quite sure you were smiling and giggling too."

"Crap. That was just before he made Tibbles."

"So if you haven't talked to him, who told you about the spell being lifted?"

"A portrait I was gifted did. Terribly attractive fellow. Quite useful."

"Birthday gift? Without any indication who it was from?"

Draco nodded. "And yet no one has any doubts as to who it's from. So what did you receive for your birthday?"

Snape looked carefully at Draco. "I received an immense amount of potions supplies. Materials and ingredients that I thought were extinct. I believe it may have been the Dark Lord's private stores."

"No card?" Draco smugly asked.

"Actually there was small card with mine. It informed me, there was an unbreakable password protected vial with some substance I would want in it. And that I should just save it until someone gifts me the password. I couldn't open it, nor can I even identify the substance. It's some kind of black viscous liquid. And it is highly magical."

"I'm sure he added that in there just to bother you some more."

"It's worked. I cannot figure out what it could be. It's changed colors some occasionally."

Draco smiled. "I sure hope it's a joke and is just recording you saying things like "Gryffindors Rule" at it trying to guess the password."

Severus scowled. He had tried that password. "You said earlier you went with Potter because he was the winning side. What on earth made you think he was the winning side?"

Draco sighed. "You remember the last Quidditch match of 6th year? Us versus them?"

Snape shook his head. "It's kind of hard to forget that one. You could have been easily expelled."

"Yeah I know. I may have gone a bit too far. And it wasn't my most subtle moment. But that was absolutely crazy what Potter did. When his broom exploded, and he was leapfrogging from beater bats to Crabbe and Goyle's head until he latched one hand onto my broom. With his one hand pulling on it, he was able to exert more control over my broom than I was while I was sitting on it. When he dropped, I thought he had fallen, and was going to die. And I may not want to admit it, but I felt a bit guilty then. When he managed to land in a rolling crouch and had the snitch in his hand, I gave up. And I realized the most horrible awful ugly truth I had ever found." Draco raised his eyes and looked straight at Severus. "Harry Potter does not lose. It kills me to say that, but adopt that credo, and the rest of the world becomes your oyster. And all it really costs me is the occasional public humiliation, which I can sadly see the humor in."

"That evil little sneak!"

Draco raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"He's probably using our marks to make us have a rotten Gryffindor sense of humor!"

"Oh yeah? Does this have to do with your special wand going on display at Ollivanders?"

Severus shook his head. "Why am I not surprised you have heard about that?"

"Because I'm a Malfoy."

"So was your father." Severus shot back.

"He was too arrogant and greedy and had no sense of tact."

Severus looked intently at Draco.

"Notice I said "too". There's nothing wrong with a healthy amount of arrogance and greed. Daddy's biggest failing was the little fact that he was a homicidal psychopath."

Severus snorted. "Ah yes. The dividing line between the homicidal psychopaths and the category I like to call 'other'."

"And how often does Dumbledore change categories in your mind?"

"There are some people who it is never safe to categorize. You never know when they might want to try and get a little boy's knuts."

"Hmm, well I suppose there is that."

"Indeed."

Wednesday morning Tonks dropped by Hermione's place to show off a section of the day's morning muggle news.

"He was in a wide open public place for three days. He used his own name here in London. And no one ever spotted him? Are people even trying to locate him anymore?"

Hermione's brow furrowed. "Let me see that."

New National Scrabble Champion Crowned
Harry Potter, of Little Whinging, Surrey, toughed his way through qualifying, and then all his tournament matches before reaching the finals of the Scrabble Nationals. In a bold daring move, he finished off his last opponent, Wentworth Conrad, by using his last five letters, and hitting the Triple Letter Score with an "X" in his winning word "phoenix." A newbie to the Scrabble circuit, Mr. Potter was quickly a crowd favorite, who had a habit of making mocking words to insult and distract opponents. He was heard in a brief address to the crowd after receiving his championship belt as saying "I'd like to thank my Uncle Vernon, and his homosexual lover, Uncle Petunia. Thanks, in part to them, I got twice as much spelling and vocabulary work as any other student."

"He didn't even hide his scar, or his name! How did we miss this!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Same way we missed him every other time?" Tonks shrugged.

"Don't get too down on me yet Tonky." Hermione finished with a smirk.

Tonks whipped out her wand and pointed it at Hermione.

"Whoa! Whoa! I just said it to test you. Making sure you still got some fight left in you, old woman."

"Old woman my arse. I'll always have a teenage body. How's the hips, Miss Pleasantly Plump?"

Hermione's eyes started to tear up. "You…you think I'm fat?"

Tonks responded by smacking Hermione in the back of the head. "I'm not falling for that one. Some people need compliments and lots of reassurances. You can't grow up Ron and Harry's best friend and need that."

Hermione shook herself. "Goodness tell me about it. If you look up 'oblivious' in the dictionary it has Ron's floo address. And a sandwich for when I make him look it up again."

"Anything good in the geek's search last night? Since apparently Scrabble Nationals aren't important enough for it." Tonks inquired with a frown.

"Just one that I hadn't heard that sounded like something he'd do." Hermione said shaking her head.

Tonks liked the sound of this. "What's that?"

"A few weeks back, someone stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre. It's the most heavily guarded object on public display. And it disappeared overnight."

"As fun as it would be, Harry's not exactly the purely thieving type."

"The painting was discovered, complete with display, above a urinal in the men's bathroom. Never left the museum it seems."

"Oh, never mind then. Yeah, he's a cheeky one."

"I'm counting on some leads or ideas or something to come from tonight's Order meeting."

"Me too." Hermione agreed. "In the meantime, how about we mail multiple copies of the Scrabble article to the Dursley's?"

"Sounds good. I was planning on mailing it to their neighbors at least."