Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Sorry to burst your bubble but I think perhaps spanking him is more likely to fulfill one of his many extremely perverted fantasies than it is to scold him." Nicholas Flamel said with a chuckle.

"We never said we were trying to scold him." Ginny blurted out before she realized it what she had said and then blushed so hard she made herself dizzy. She went from looking like a cute embarrassed young witch into looking like a cute embarrassed pulsing blood blister. Oddly enough, Severus Snape was one of the first to crack and break out into loud laughter. This triggered similar loud laughter from Nicholas Flamel. Dumbledore was too polite to laugh at the young witch. Or more likely he simply wasn't listening and instead was smelling the colors in his head. The rest of the Order all stopped dead and quietly stared at a former Death Eater laughing for the first time in their presence. It sounded like a normal pleasant man's laugh. And that scared them more than anything else could.

Fred whimpered and clutched his arms protectively around his womb and the puppy inside it. Neville Longbottom was fighting an uphill battle desperately hoping to prevent wetting himself. Severus noticed the reaction he got, and in his head he was doing a happy dance of joy while a little part of young Sevvie was crying in a corner. He stopped laughing and yelled out. "Oh for Merlin's sake people, I can laugh. And you wouldn't know this, but I have had my Dark Mark removed and modified and it has had some negative side effects on my personality. I am now corrupted by the occasional feeling."

Nicholas and Albus were both snickering at the former spy.

"Unless I can get some new potion to correct this I am stuck having to suffer through the odd smile and somewhat rarer snicker. When it's really acting up I even sometimes nod and agree." Severus exhaled a loud exasperated sigh.

Severus saw this bit of sarcasm did not have the intended effect and they were all still staring at him in shock. When in doubt, blame the incorrigible rotten twit. "I really hate you Harry Potter." Severus said moments before jumping up out of his seat. Staring down at his left bicep with his eyes wide in shock, Severus began smacking himself in the arm. "Ohh good gravy. Stop that Potter!" He kept beating himself on the arm briefly contemplating where he was in life now and comparing his three masters. "Yield. Uncle. I give. For the love of Potions, Potter! Stop! St-…oh thank Merlin."

Apparently the sensation Severus was receiving on what only he knew was his phoenix tattoo, had finally stopped. He seemed to be calming down and briefly noticed Nicholas and Albus had genuinely concerned looks on their faces now. And the rest of the Order didn't appear to have even moved a muscle from their last stares of horror.

"Useless rotten brat." Severus finished with one more quick smack on his arm.

Nicholas snickered a little and said. "I think we all could go a while longer sharing stories of the alleged eccentricities of Mr. Potter, but unless anyone else has something useful to the searching I think I might be ready to call it a night. Don't let this old man's need for a solid eight hours keep you all from continuing your discussion though."

Albus smiled. "I agree with Nicholas. I was thinking perhaps we could designate a couple people as leads in the Harry-hunting."

A few people nodded and no one else spoke up.

Albus continued. "Very well then. Nicholas, would you be willing to help us locate Mr. Potter?"

Nicholas smiled and nodded. "I am in the unique position most likely to track down The-Boy-Who's-Cheeky, but it's also likely that I will not be able to aid you at all in the process. I was thinking Miss Granger- oh excuse me, Professor Granger. I forget we are colleagues now. Last time I was teaching you were a student, and I've only been a professor again for a couple hours now. Professor Granger, I was hoping you could collect and gather the evidence, as you know him as well as anyone. And I can assist you in perhaps some generic scrying techniques as well as contribute information that I am able to. Though I do not know how much help I would be working on the ladybug." Nicholas turned to the rest of the Order. "But then having the Professor sharing her findings with me, and I can figure out a way to throw a leash on him. I'm going to have to request that we not kill my research partner, even if he is blackmailing me. But a few spankings, noogies, and perhaps painful retaliatory pranks would definitely be in order."

There were a number of people chuckling and a few with hungry looks in their eyes. Though you had to wonder about Ginny's for sure.

Hermione agreed. "I think that would be excellent, Professor Flamel. I'm beginning to think we could have an open connection to him in Severus maybe."

Severus pleaded. "Please don't incite his wrath until we've got the thing caged." A snarl from the greasy man and a slap on his bicep followed.

The Weasley twins got evil gleams in their eyes but weren't about to risk anything with a puppy on the way.

Albus stood up. "Very well then. Consider this meeting adjourned. Severus, if you wouldn't mind I would like to speak with you in my office."

Conversations started up all over while many people got up and began filing out of the kitchen at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.

Nicholas called out. "Mr. Longbottom. A word please."

Neville smiled. "Sure. What's up, Professor?"

"How is your Moonflower Daisy?"

"Oh, it's great. I've split it, constructed an environment for it, gotten it germinated and blooming, and harvested some pollen, leaves, stem, and petals."

"Excellent. You truly are a skilled herbologist. Although some might consider the elemental control cheating. Tell me have you plans for the ingredients in any potions?"

Neville shook his head. "No. I don't think I know any potions that would need an ingredient that was only rumored to exist."

"Ahh. Tell me, have you ever heard of the Kiss of Ra?"

Neville frowned and shook his head.

"It is an ancient Egyptian potion. Its intent was to cure madness. Very difficult to make, and I know nothing of its ingredients or if it even worked."

Neville looked at the Professor very curiously.

"I wouldn't want to give you any false hope, but I believe Mr. Potter may have been doing more with his gifts than we initially imagined. I find it quite convenient that you receive some rare mythological ingredient, and at the same time Professor Granger, once she cleans and fixes her priceless artifact, receives a huge store of ancient information and Professor Snape receives an impressive collection of rare and valuable potion ingredients. I expect the cheeky one was setting you and Hermione up to try and overcome your own fears and then befriend Professor Snape. At the same time, offering you an unexplored alternative to perhaps regaining your parent's health."

Neville's eyes were wide at the implications.

Nicholas noticed he seemed to be slow in responding. "I could be completely off base here. But there is no denying he has been far more devious and forward thinking than we expected of him. I feel like we're all parents and our teenager is somewhere in between loving us, hating us, and rebelling for the sake of rebellion. I've been around a while and the boy perturbs me like no one else has."

Neville smiled. "I think he's just having a spot of fun, Professor. And I really think you're right about the gifts. I'm going to talk to Hermione about potions or information on Moonflower Daisies. If, we find anything useful to a potion, I'll ask for Professor Snape's help. But could you do me a favor, Professor?"

Nicholas looked intrigued. "What's that, Mr. Longbottom?"

"If Hermione can't escort me, could you come with me? He's really scary." Neville said nodding his head with wide eyes. "Although a bit more freakish lately."

Nicholas rolled his eyes. "He really is a different man without the taint of the Dark Mark. You need not forget his past grievances, to still appreciate and know the man he is now. He is not a man with an overabundance of friends. He had to spend twenty years lying to the people who thought he was their friend, and unable to cultivate any friendships or genuine relationships of his own. With the exception of Albus which is not unlike reaching into a box of cheerios and pulling out a fruit loop."

Neville smiled at his favorite DADA professor. "No offense sir, but you're a crunchberry in a box of count chocula yourself."

Nicholas's lips twitched. "Thank you. I think."

"You're welcome, Professor. I think." Neville said and walked over to talk to Hermione. A few brief words and she moved towards the wall to bang her head a bit.

Albus was sitting calmly behind his desk. He knew he needed some privacy for this conversation and had Severus meet with him in his Headmaster's office. "A couple of things I wished to discuss with you Severus. First, I was curious how your meeting with Mr. Malfoy went?"

"It was informative." Severus settled in and prepared his mind for a discussion with the Headmaster. "I believe we have no need for worries from Mr. Malfoy."

"That is good news. Can I ask how you came to that conclusion?" the Headmaster inquired.

"Understand you must keep this in the strictest of confidences. He was as faithful a Death Eater as I was. He just finds you a bit too barmy to trust. An argument I have trouble refuting."

"Oh shush child." Albus responded. "So Mr. Potter had his own personal spy in the Tom's Inner Circle?"

"It appears that way. Before he left he modified and removed the Dark Mark from Draco's arm as well. The arrogant little git has a cool moving dragon on his arm." Severus pouted.

"And Harry's trust in him is worth enough to you?"

"You're really pushing the 'barmy' these days aren't you?" Severus smiled while Albus frowned. "No, I would not assume Potter knows best. But Draco's actions seem more legitimate when you can recognize the caring and kindness hidden in his motives. Draco's even been helping keep an eye on the Slytherins."

Albus smiled at that.

Severus continued. "He claims it is solely for his own profit, and to improve the public image of Slytherins. I think he might even be successfully lying to himself about that. And of course, being a marked follower of the Light Lord Potter probably affects his disposition more than he would be willing to admit."

Albus shook his head. "The Light Lord Potter. Does that mean I get to be his right hand man?"

"You have been known to torture your servants with lemon drops."

Albus responded with a stare. "Has Mr. Malfoy been in contact with Harry?"

"Not since he disappeared. Though Mr. Potter apparently allowed Mr. Malfoy to act as bait and attract many of the remaining loyal Death Eaters. He apparated to Draco's location and saved his life a half dozen times by Mr. Malfoy's estimations."

"That makes sense. Do you know any of Mr. Malfoy's future plans?"

"I was wondering if you would be willing to accept him here now that you should feel safer in his motivation. I was hoping to offer him an apprenticeship and insuring he receives a Mastership in Potions. He would also represent another link to Mr. Potter."

"Not to mention probably take over half of your duties."

Severus face remained impassive. "He related one of his last discussions with Mr. Potter. Apparently Mr. Potter said that I am your pet reform project, and Mr. Potter is afraid that Draco is going to be seen as his."

"Why Severus I wouldn't think you'd be able to say something like that without a severe frown! Does my little Snapie want a biscuit? That's a good little Snapie."

Severus scowled. "Oh for Merlin's sake. I just want someone here who won't recoil in horror if I start to laugh."

Albus smiled and leaned back. "Severus, don't be afraid to use the 'F' word. Now try again."

Severus took a deep breath and tried exhale his rage. "I would like a friend here. One that doesn't torture me into using disgusting Gryffindor language."

"See that wasn't so bad! I think it is a wonderful idea. I'd be happy to set up Draco with his own quarters next yours, and if you prefer to split your duties we could make Draco an official Assistant Professor of Potions."

Severus was fighting some vile taste in his mouth. He bitterly spat out, "Thank you Headmaster."

"Such kindness and caring is music to my ears. You're welcome, Severus. Now I was also wondering about this mysterious black liquid. Did you perchance bring it with you?"

Severus took out the source of much of his recent frustration. That is to say he took out the vial of black liquid from his pocket. He did not kill the Headmaster. "I've not been able to open it, and now I'm even less inclined to try and blast the thing open. I'd be curious to hear any theories on it you may have." Severus said handing the vial to the Headmaster.

Albus was holidng it up to the light and examining it as well as he could through his mage senses. "This substance is highly magical and potent. But I do not think I've ever seen anything like it. I'd assume it is something naturally occurring but I haven't a clue."

Severus frowned. "I can only assume that the cheeky one is the only person who can get this material. Or else Professor Flamel's choice in research partners is sadly lacking. The brat was barely average in potions and never put any effort into it."

"Why Severus, that green with envy you're wearing clashes with your Slytherin green horribly." Albus said with a smile at the severe frown he was receiving. "And if you're calling Mr. Potter barely average, I assume he must have beaten out Miss Granger for the top score on Potions NEWTs the year before last."

"Draco beat her too!" he exclaimed indignantly.

"And apparently came in second to Mr. Potter." Albus's eyes were twinkling up a storm.

"Oh like you didn't use your influence to find out his NEWTs."

"You know me too well my friend. Although even you might appreciate the fact that he took the Divinations NEWT and managed to get every question wrong. A perfect zero, since he even spelled his name incorrectly: Hairy Potty."

Severus was fighting a chuckle. Trelawney was still recovering from Mr. Potter's seventh year. "Even you must admit both you and I would make better research partners."

"I spent several years on my own work with dragon's blood, and you may have other things to work on. Considering, you may be one of only three in the world with this substance you will most likely get to do something. And perhaps some powerful new potions requests are going to be coming your way. Surely, you recognize that there will be a Magical Tome of Alexandria at Hogwarts. I believe I overheard Nicholas mentioning the Kiss of Ra to Mr. Longbottom."

Severus eyes lit up forgetting the discovery of the ancient tome. And he was frustrated to feel jealousy for the second time in a matter of minutes. "So what do you think the black liquid is?"

Albus pensively frowned. "Given the fact that it appears he has access to things not of this earth, it could be anything. My first guess upon hearing of the project and Nicholas's involvement would have been some creature's blood or bodily fluid. But upon examining it, I cannot think of any beings that would contain so thick, dark, and potent a substance. I doubt we will be able to tell anything until we're informed, or perhaps you guess the password and we can take a closer look at it."

Severus shook his head. "I'm wondering if there really is a password or if he's just toying with me." Severus's eyes widened. "Cheeky brat probably made it a parseltongue password."

Albus just snickered at his Potions professor. "And the cheeky brat apparently has some control over your phoenix mark. Tell me, was he really sending you pain along it earlier?"

Severus sighed and shook his head. "Yes he apparently can be aware of surroundings to a degree…" Severus paused and began quickly thinking. "Unless he was at the meeting tonight."

Albus's eyes began twinkling even more. "I was also wondering if it would be safe to draw that conclusion."

They both sat back in thought occasionally meeting each other's eyes. Severus shook himself a bit and added, "Anyways, no he wasn't sending me pain. He was using the mark to send sharp bursts of extreme pleasure." Severus's voice ended a tinge of disgust.

Albus snorted as quietly as he could. "I do hope Lucy won't be jealous."

Severus narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Who's Lucy?"

Albus pondered whether to continue this line of discussion or not. He'd lived long enough he figured and plunged forward. "I was under the impression the property returned to you from Mr. Ollivander was named Lucy."

Severus gagged. "Oh lord and ewww. Lucy? And you thought that was mine? Oh I'm going to kill the rotten twerp!" Severus exclaimed and quickly slapped his arm with a "Yeowch!"

Albus looked mollified and was still snickering. "You might need to be careful on what things you think or speak aloud about the young Light Lord. I fear there are a number of people who believe Lucy was in fact your property."

"Oh I intend to get a little retaliation in during the school year. Perhaps you would care to assist when the time comes."

Albus nodded and smiled. "I would be delighted. Please keep me informed if you have any luck or theories on your liquid. You know how I dislike being uninformed."

"Of course Headmaster. Good evening. I will speak to Mr. Malfoy tomorrow."

"Good night Severus."

Vernon Dursley loved to mow his lawn on Saturday's. The late afternoon, as the sun starts setting is ideal. The midday sun can be too overpowering, and who wants to wake up early on a Saturday. He always had the little brat do the mowing when he was around, but once he started mowing himself, he never realized what a simple enjoyable pleasure it was. And for the thirteenth Saturday in a row, he walked out to the shed to get his mower. When he turned around, he noticed the entire lawn was perfect and must have been mowed within the last couple hours.

"Why on earth does this keep happening?" The angry rotund man exclaimed.

For some strange reason, he only now remembered that this exact situation happened last weekend. And the weekend before that. And the one before that too. And now the rest of his weekend had been ruined. Again. He was extremely angry. But he wouldn't let that interfere with his refreshing beverage and cool down time after a hard day's work in the yard. He walked back inside, handed the post to his gossipy wife, and grabbed himself a nice cool beer. He turned on the fan and sat down in front of the telly and turned on the news.

Petunia shrieked loud enough to wake the dead. "Vernon!" She screamed at the news clipping she just received.

"What is it honey bunny?"

The horse faced sister of Lily Evans began hyperventilating and handed the article to her husband. He harrumphed and began mumbling as he quickly scanned the article. "Potter… scrabble… Homo-what-tual lover Uncle Petunia!" was all he managed to say coherently before he fell into a series of random grumblings and barkings.

His gruff angry barks were interrupted by his wife shrieking again and pointing at the newcaster. Vernon turned his head and caught the tail end of his report.

"…the local policemen assured us. They initially had a team of ten men trying to push the beached whale back into the sea and were unable to budge it. The construction crane levered with solid steel pulleys was able to roll over the beast. They were all shocked to discover it was not in fact a beached whale, but Little Whinging resident, Dudley Dursley. The now identified 'man' apparently was severely intoxicated and had managed to strip naked and passed out on the public beach some time in the early morning."

The report cut to a wildlife ranger. "I could tell it wasn't no whale soon as we rolled him over. There ain't any species of whale with genitalia that small."

Cutting back to the newscaster, the report concluded. "Dudley Dursley is being held for public intoxication, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest. The construction company who loaned the crane will be seeking civil reparations to cover the costs of damages done to the crane. Back to you, Stan."

The lead anchorman continued and began a report on illegal amateur pornography for sale on the internet. Petunia and Vernon Dursley were in shock. They finally realized their ickle sweet Dudley was in jail and they needed to go bail him out. Petunia grabbed her purse and Vernon had to stop his relaxing, take in a deep breath, and buckle his belt on his pants again. They both ran out their front door to head to the police station and fell and splashed into the dirty stagnant water below.

Petunia screeched, "I told you to clean the moat water!"

Vernon doggie paddled in the shallow water towards a side he could hopefully climb back up. "When did we get a moat?"