Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin. The following fic is inspired by the works of MisBehavin & BabaraSheridan, The Meiji Journal & Mibu Dispatch Times.

If the Shinsengumi can churn out their own paper, why can't subversive elements like the Choushu do like?

This issue is released about the time after the first few episodes of the PMK anime.

Sakura-Shinguji: An update. More funny stabs at our poor boys. And welcome to Umeko's Kitchen.

Hikari: It's mainly PMK for Issue 1. I did mention Kenshin's boss, Katsura and Takasugi, the guywith TB whoreccomended Kenshin to Katsura. Okubu's from RK. He stopped the fight between Saitou & Kenshin in the Kamiya dojo. Takani is Megumi's family name. There'll be more references to RK and the OVA coming up.

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 2

CHILD-ABUSING SHINSENGUMI!

We bring to your attention a shocking case of child abuse by these so-called peacekeepers. The 10th patrol was seen gleefully trampling a child into the dirt outside the main entrance of their compound. The said child was bringing lunch for his brother who is a slave inside the compound.

The same child was later seen kneeling in the pouring rain outside the gate as a form of punishment. He remained thus for several hours before the vice-chief, accompanied by his woman, brought the child into the compound. No news has been heard since of the child and we fear for his safety at the hands of these bloodthirsty wolves.

Notice to members of the YMSA

Let me remind you that children are our nation's future. As such, members are not to bully, pick on or in any way abuse children. It reflects badly on our association. Disciplinary action will be taken.

Members are also reminded to abide by the rules of bushido and observe good personal hygiene.

On a separate note, we need volunteers to help with our community service at the Mibu Temple Orphanage. Must be good with kids. Bloodthirsty hitokiris will not be considered.

-- Okubo

Kyoto Survival Guide

by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff

In this issue, I will name some local hazards, in particular, the Miburou. This group is also known as the Shinsengumi. On patrol, they are easily identified by their blue haoris with the white triangle patterning on theedges of their sleeves. They also wear headbands and have a tendency to swagger in the middle of the street while everyone else watches from a safe distance.

Tip 1: Avoid contact if possible.

Tip 2: Avoid drawing their attention to you. Discretion is a must.

Tip 3: If you do happen to encounter them at night, on patrol, DO NOT hesitate to kill them.

Here ends the Kyoto survival guide for this issue as I have some disciplinary matters to attend to. Gomen.

Official Notice of Apology

I, Himura Kenni, sincerely apologize to Okubo-san for chopping down the 300-year-old cherry tree in his garden. I guess I got a bit carried away testing the new sword Katsura-san gave me. To show my deep-felt remorse for what happened, I will be participating in the Mibu Temple child care project in addition to my regular page duties. Gomen.

Warning Notice from YMSA

All members please do not chat up strange but downright sexy women, especially if they make the first move on you. The fair maiden you are trying to court may be a kunoichi or even a male cross-dresser in the employ of you-know-who.

If you try and chat up an ugly weirdo in a kimono, we can only feel sorry for you.

Advertisement:

Need travel rations at a reasonable price? Visit Masuya's Provision Shop. We give special discounts to YMSA members. Ask about our specials today!

Umeko's Kitchen

Hajime mashite (Nice to meet you), I'm Umeko, advice columnist. I am a widow of mature years running my own restaurant. Since people have been dropping in on my kitchen for advice, my dear brother decided that I will do better sharing my wisdom through this column. Welcome to the first Umeko's Kitchen.

If you have really urgent matters to consult me, my kitchen is always open. Use the back door if necessary. I am a busy woman, so let's look at what we have got.

Dear Umeko,

My husband's been ignoring me since he joined a civil group. I've tried everything from sexy kimonos to home cooked meals, but he still insists on attending those infernal late-night meetings. I know it's not Shimabara because he comes back dead tired with torn clothes and smelling of blood instead of perfume. I'm considering embarking on an affair to get his attention. Should I go with the tall, dark and mysterious pipe-smoking bad boy in the corner?

-- Frustrated Wife

Dear Frustrated,

Think of your husband's late-night meetings this way, he's working for a good cause. Start an affair? DON'T! It ain't worth the heartbreak. You can get his attention in other ways. Prepare a warm bath for him on his return, get in the bath with him and give him a refreshing massage. Attend to those bloodstains and rips in his clothes. He'll appreciate it.

-- Yours, Umeko

Umeko,

I am a regular at Umeya's. I think you have a great figure for a mature woman. I have a very personal problem with my "family jewels" whenever I see you. Can we meet up at that hole-in-the-wall sake shack tonight? Try to come in something sexy like that off-the-shoulder kimono. Maybe we can- you know…

-- I Wanna Know You

Dear You,

I am flattered by your attentions. I will try to meet you after work with my naginata. Failing that, I will refer your complaint to my younger brother's katana.

-- Umeko

For security reasons, I've decided to lock the back door at night. If you still feel the need to on call me at that hour, get the keys from the redhead page in my brother's employ.

NOTICE

DO NOT harass my sister. You have been warned. She is a respectable widow dedicated to her work with the WAJ (Women's Association of Japan) and her restaurant.--K.

Notice by WAJ

In light of the recent spate of widowhoods in our ranks, we will be having a grief management seminar. Widows, new or otherwise, are strongly encouraged to come down to Umeya's Chrysanthemum Room this weekend. This free seminar is not limited to the samurai class only. We are a non-political organization based on equality.

Donations will be collected for the Mibu Temple Orphanage. Give generously.

Notice by local security firm

The voted employee of the month, Ba Tou Sai, has been disqualified due to an unfortunate incident in the firm barracks. The new employee of the month is Shishio Makoto. We apologize for any inconvenience caused. The scheduled party in Shimabara will continue in honor of our new employee of the month.

Personal Ad:

You guys out there. No more lewd jokes about me bringing home a stray cat, or taste my blade. This time it wouldn't be mineuchi…

--Ba Tou Sai.

Personal Ad:

Does anyone know where I may purchase White Plum brand perfume? I lost my last bottle the other day in the rain. Contact me at the Futon & Breakfast. Ask for Tomoe.

P.S. Information about parasol cleaning services will also be appreciated.

Author's notes:

We know what happened to the poor kid in the headline news, right? For those familiar with the PMK anime, Umeko's advice appears a tad belated.

The naginata is long pole with a curved blade at the end, similar to a spear. It is commonly a samurai woman's weapon. Any samurai will have second thoughts when faced with a skilled woman with a naginata.

Mineuchi – a fighting style using with the blunt side of the sword to strike.

Probably that's how Kenshin got the idea for a reverse-edge sword.