Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin. The following fic is inspired by the works of MisBehavin & BabaraSheridan, The Meiji Journal & Mibu Dispatch Times.

However, it's not a companion fic in the strict sense as it follows the PMK manga later. San-nan's seppuku & Itou's defection will happen after the Ikeda-ya incident. Sorry, fans of KrazyKio & Saitou's crimson admirer.

If the Shinsengumi can churn out their own paper, why can't subversive elements like the Choushu do like?

SPOILERS WARNING for PMK anime, RK OVA and later PMK manga

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 3

OFFICIAL YMSA STATEMENT

We have been swamped by very disturbing rumors about what happened the other night. Hence, we would like to clarify what exactly happened.

It was NOT a failed assassination attempt by us on the Shinesengumi vice-chief. We are a community-oriented organization aiming to create a better future for all.

From our understanding, a samurai, we shall call him Yamada, learnt that his wife was being seduced by an unknown man.Yamada then gathered a band of samurai buddies to avenge his honor by beating up the wife-stealing bastard. Unfortunately, it turned out that the bastard was one Hijikata Toshizou; well-known for seducing decent samurai women and innocent pages.

A scuffle followed in whichYamada and his buddies were slaughtered by Hijikata and the Miburou who were shadowing the couple for kami-knows-why. Yamada's wife was mysteriously strangled in the skirmish.

We remind our supporters and their womenfolk that any association with Hijikata or any other Miburou can only end in grief.

-- Young Men's Samurai Association

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Members please take note that in the case of disagreements with other local groups, you are to refer them to our leadership. Our trained professionals will take it from there if need be.

NOTICE

The ronin who was found dead of a slit throat in the alley near Masuya's Provision Shop died of an unfortunate accident by his own sword and NOT as an example of disciplinary action for his deeds earlier in the day.

-- Spokesperson, YMSA

Kyoto Survival Guide

by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff

With the aid of our intelligence network, we have come up with descriptions of certain Shinsengumi members. Avoid them if possible, if not, you know what to do.

Chief Kondo Isami (Chief)

Looks deceptively like a kindly old man.

Hijikata Toshizou (Vice-Chief)

Known as the Shinsengumi Demon. Dark, tall & mysterious appearance. Highly bloodthirsty. Prone to running amok with a sword.

Yamanami Keisuke (Vice-Chief)

Mild-mannered gentleman known as the Buddha... (Ake! You're supposed to demonize him!) Weapon of choice, abacus. A regular in Shimabara. (Right? wink)

Okita Souji (1st Captain)

Youngest and handsomest master swordsman in Kyoto… enjoys candies and walking with his so-kawaii piglet. Good with young children and animals. Okita-sama! (Hotaru! Not you too! Gomen-nasai!) Highly dangerous but wimpy-looking. Often seen flouncing about town in a woman's yutaka hugging a pig while eating sweets and picking flowers. (SLAP!)

Here ends our Kyoto Survival Guide for this issue. My co-writer has taken time off to engage in an all-out cat-fight, er, discussion with her fellow kunoichi. I hope to continue this column in the next issue.

Umeko's Kitchen

Business is brisk at Umeya. We have just launched our spring specialty sweet selection. Do drop by and sample them. The letters in are:

Dear Umeko-san,

I did something stupid. I drew my katana on a lady who was simply covering me with a blanket out of concern for my health. Fortunately, she wasn't hurt. Sorry just doesn't cut it… how can I get her to forgive me? I don't know how I can ever apologize to her.

-- Shin

Dear Shin,

Yes, you should be more careful with your katana. Try buying her a little gift as an apology or treat her to dinner or a kabuki play. Most importantly, be sincere.

-- Yours, Umeko

Dear Umeko-san,

I have a policy of not turning away any patient in need but I am finding it increasingly difficult to live by my chosen life principles. Due to recent political developments, I've been receiving threats to my person and property. Help.

-- Good Doctor

Dear Doctor,

It is often hard to live by one's principles. Personally, I think your policy of treating all patients regardless of their political affiliation a noble aspiration. However, maybe you may want to work out an agreement with your patients. Be careful, we have a shortage of physicians here already.

-- Yours, Umeko

Personal Notice

Enough is enough! I'm sick of receiving death threats. Having rotten eggs and paint hurled at my clinic door is one thing, but not what happened the other day! A samurai resembling a respected member of your association, Yoshida, streaked through my yard hollering after a woman in white, in full view of my innocent Megumi-chan. For Buddha's sake, leave the children out of it!

DO NOT look for me. I've signed on as an official doctor to the Shinsengumi and moved my entire family to the Shinsengumi compound for safety reasons.

-- Yours, Dr Takani Ito

Opening for medical personnale, must be experienced in treatment of serious sword wounds.

Apply to Takasugi c/o this paper (cough!)

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Personal Ad

I appreciate the fact that everyone acknowledges my ability to remove stubborn stains from garments. STOP putting your laundry in with mine. I have other page duties besides doing your bloody laundry. Understand? (draws katana)

-- Himura Kenni

Notice to all hitokiris

Clean up after yourselves! We can understand your need to observe personal hygiene but at least empty the bloody water from the tub before leaving. And don't use the drinking / cooking water to wash up. Show a bit of consideration, will you?

-- Safe house management

Advertisement

Need a new naginata urgently. Broke mine dealing with a baka customer. Contact Umeko at Umeya.

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Need new shamisen. Got blood all over mine. (cough, cough...)
Contact Takasugi c/o New Kyoto Post.

Recruitment drive for YMSA (Choushu Branch)

Interested parties apply to Yoshida, at Ikeda-ya. Experienced samurai swordsmen preferred.

Author's notes:

We know who's the streaker, do we? Methinks the good doctor will be in for a nasty surprise... Glad Umeko's naginata's well-liked. It'll return to haunt future issues.