Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Thanks for the reviews. New Kyoto Post is treading on dangerous ground concerning Okita & Hijikata. The Battousai thing too. Katsura doesn't want Battousai's identity to be leaked out.

Sakura-Shinguji: Shishio is not a walking mummy yet. He got set on fire later on after Bakumatsu. Still, he has a real bad attitude even before they made a human torch of him. So forgive me if he doesn't reply, delays his replies or is downright rude.

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 7

SHINSENGUMI BESTED

The Shinsengumi has stepped up their recruitment drive recently and now we know why.

Last night, Kyoto's elite swordsmen have been bested by what survivors of the fifth Shinsengumi Patrol describe as a mere schoolboy. This mere schoolboy slashed through the Shinsengumi's ranks with such ease, the Shinsnegumi chiefs should seriously consider retirement, or better, seppuku. It was understood that the fifth patrol was pursuing some innocent samurai they hoped to frame for subversion when they chanced on the schoolboy.

The identity of the schoolboy swordsman remains a mystery. It's been understood that last night's incident was by no means the first. Neither will it be the last.

SPECIAL FEATURE!

Shinsengumi Demon's a Child Molester!

Exclusive Interview by K.S.

Our brave young reporter, KS, met our contact M (alias) in the sake shack after following a tip-off. A former student at Sheiken Dojo, M trained under Kondo Sr., the father of current Shinsengumi Chief Kondo Isami, the master of Sheiken Dojo. He remembers Hijikata-san from his days at the dojo where he terrorized the younger students. Here is the interview.

KS: You claim to have personally witnessed a case of child molestation by Hijikata. Will you tell our paper the details?

M: Well, one day, I was cleaning the walkway outside the training hall when I heard some strange noises coming from inside. I was surprised because all the other students should be out at the spring festival… Then I hear a boy's voice.

KS: Was it a younger student?

M: No, I recognized it as belonging to the Kondo's nine-year-old page. He was crying out something like "Hijikata-san… please… don't…" What was I supposed to think? Mind you, they were in the dojo's training hall.

KS: What happened next?

M: I tried the door but found it locked. Guess Hijikata senpai didn't want anyone walking in on them when he's doing you know… to the boy.

KS: I see.

M: Then Kondo senpai came and sent me off. He unlocked the door and shouted real angrily, "Toshizou! You know you're not supposed to!" A couple of days later, I heard that Hijikata gave the boy a sword. You know, an actual good-quality sword. Man, we consider ourselves lucky if he let us juniors get a lunch break.

KS: Why?

M: Personally, I think it's to stop the lad from ratting. Payment for 'services'… I believe Kondo Isami was an accomplice. Can I have more sake?

KS: Another jar of sake for the man! Thank you for your time, M-san.

Next week! Shinsengumi First Captain seen about the orphanage procuring children for those illegal brothels catering to perverts. Now we know where their funding comes from. Exclusive scoop! We interview the children… how does the nice niichan play with them…

URGENT!

All reporters kindly note that this is not some sleazy tabloid! Ikeda & team, I want you all in my office -- Okubo (pops vein)

YMSA Notice

All members are to remain in their respective quarters and await further instructions as of today. Disciplinary action will be taken against those who willfully disregard this instruction. -- Masuya

NOTICE:

Yoshida-san, sorry you're allergic to felines. We regret that we can do little to ease your perpetual sneezing fits due to our in-house rat-catchers. May we recommend a nice feline-free wood yard to you? – Ikeda-ya management.

Announcement:

The YMSA is saddened to announce the expulsion of Sagara S. due to the fact that he is not of samurai pedigree and thus failed to meet our membership requirements. However, it's been noted that Sagara is an exceptional youth with strong leadership skills.

We strongly encourage him to channel his talents and capabilities to an equality-based youth group catering to our non-samurai youth, something along military lines. Sagara, you may contact Sensei Takasugi for assistance.

-- YMSA spokesperson

Umeko's Kitchen/ Ask Shishio

I can't believe I allowed my stinking boss to talk me into this… Write to Ask Shishio, not Umeko's Kitchen!

Dear Umeko-san,

I became friends with this older guy, Sou, after we met at the orphanage where he was helping with the kids. He's like the big brother I never had. He became my regular sparring partner and fellow poetry critic. A few days back, he coughed really bad, I mean like Sensei Takasugi like bad. I rushed him to the nearest clinic. But he bolted with his pet piggy before the doctor came. I saw his patient card. He's Miburou! I have a MAJOR problem with Miburou. What should I do?

-- Shin

Shin

Ah, Aku Soku Zan. I suggest you Zan him before he Zans you.

-- Shishio

Dear Umeko,

I'm at a loss after my husband got killed in the course of his work. I can't go on!

-- Suicidal Wife

Suicidal,

So? Like we care…

-- Shishio (Oi! I need a proper assignment! Like someone to kill!)

Dear Shishio.

Are you a leper? I'll bet you are! I'll bet you just made up that whole getting-burned thing! You gave Umeko your nasty germs so that you could take over her job! Rest assured that this will not go unchecked! Are you going to infect everyone? How will I know if I've caught your leprosy? I feel feverish already!

--Hypochondriac

Dear Hypo-baka,

Arigato, for getting my name right. I am NOT a leper & I've no idea what you are talking about. We're in the midst of a TB epidemic. I wouldn't be surprised if Umeko caught TB from Takasugi at his shamisen class or that Umeya regular with the pig. Or maybe she caught some exotic germs from Weirdo Sakamoto. Don't worry. I'll arrange to free you from your health worries permanently.

-- Shishio (Grabs katana)

Notice

I, Takasugi Shinsaku, DO give genuine shamisen lessons on Friday nights at the Riverside Inn. Prospective students to my shamisen beginner's class are to bring actual musical instruments, not swords, spears and assorted weaponry. (cough, cough)

For those interested, my other classes are held in that empty field outside Kyoto West suburbs daily except Thursdays and Fridays.

Notice from the Sake Shack

We of the sake shack regret to say that we will be closed for repairs after a pack of wolves rampaged through here after their fifth captain lost 100 ryou. All matches will be cancelled. We stress once again that we are not running an illegal gambling den! 80 percent of local law-keepers are our regular bettors!

– Nagi, Shack Master

Potter Hiko Seijirou, your weekly sake payments are falling behind. Pay in ryous please. We've enough of your pots here.

Advertisement: Umeya Open!

Despite Umeko-san's absence, we are still open for business! Ask us about Umeya's Gion Festival specials. Book now as rooms are limited. Watch out for our summer cakes selection!

NOTICE: WAJ members are to note that the grief-management group will proceed with their meetings per normal at Umeya. The banner-sewing course will continue per se.

Author's notes:

Before I traumatize anyone, there's a perfectly logical explanation to that dojo incident besides alleged child molestation. Hijikata was giving Souji kendo lessons because Souji begged him to. Kondo's mad because Hijikata was not to give lessons to Souji without Kondo Sr.'s approval.

Souji's saying, "Hijikata-san, please don't say no... (to teaching me kendo)"

Guess who's Kenni's friend with the pig...

Drop me a review if you want more juicy dirt on the Shinsengumi or have some suggestions to add.