Disclaimer: I do not own PMK or RK.

Due to overwhelming requests for more dirt on the Shinsengumi, we bring to you the special edition copy! Took a bit of time to get the mix of sleaziness and humor right...

Dunno if the rating should be upped to R… Here goes…

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future

Special Edition

From the desk of the late Chief Editor Ikeda Yori in our other hideout in Kohagi Inn, we the surviving members of the editorial team bring together this special edition of New Kyoto Post in the memory of our slain brothers-in-arms. These articles were removed from the previous issues by our vice-editor.

Just don't tell the prude Katsura who ran away. He better have a proper excuse other than being with his turtledove and forgetting the time or eating some bad sashimi…

Shinsengumi Child Prostitution Racket

We have heard rumors of a certain Shinsengumi First Captain hanging about the local orphanage with the ulterior motive of procuring children for obscene purposes in Shimabara. Our intrepid young reporter KS is on the scene to interview the staff and charges of the orphanage…

"Shinsengumi? Kami! We don't allow such bloodthirsty persons on our premises!" Kuromoto Haruko, orphanage principal claims. "We only get volunteers like Sou and Kenni here to help with the kids." When questioned about Sou, she replies, "He's just a young man with a big heart. I don't think he's a swordsman… much less a Miburou…"

(In the background, Kenni and Sou demonstrate their sword skills in a sparring match with shinais.)

"Okita Souji? No, we don't have a volunteer by that name, Kitamura-san…"

So it's on to the children, since the teachers are obviously intimidated by the wolves.

KS: Kids, what games does the nice Sou-niichan play with you?

Boy 1: Tag, blind man's bluff, hide-and-seek…

Girl 1: He tells funny stories gives us candy…

KS: Does he touch you in any way?

Girl 1: He plays beanbags with us. Touch? We hold hands and sing songs… When Taro got a boo-boo, he made it better…And he changes diapers for the babies.

Boy 2: He took us out once… to see a puppet show. He found Yukiko a family.

KS: Where? Shimabara?

Girl 2: Where's that? Yukiko's got a nice papa mama. She lives outside now, but she visits us… Hi, Yukiko! (Waves to a girl about 12)

KS: Miss Yukiko, are you really adopted or working in Shimabara as a prostitute?

Yukiko: WHAT? (Slaps KS) My foster father's a respected sword merchant and my foster mother's of noble Miyagi blood! My foster family has nothing to do with Shimabara! (whacks him over the head with her parasol) Quit slandering my family!

Kenni: (Sweat-dropping as KS is chased past the sparring duo) Hey, Kitamura-san! If you want to spar with someone that bad…

KS: No thanks, not after you put me through the shoji the last time… (Flees with Yukiko in pursuit)

Sou: Kenni-san, you put someone through the shoji before too?

Is there a child prostitution racket by the Shinsengumi? I think the results are inconclusive… Investigations by our paper are still underway. We tried to persuade our reporter to sneak into those illegal brothels to enquire about their supply sources, but he fobbed us off with the excuse that he needed to give his master a stress relieving massage. (NO! There's NO way, you're making me go into that place!)

Witnesses report a redhead boy on the Shinsengumi premises, supposedly page to their vice chief, but this is highly questionable. Rumors have it Vice Chief Hijikata's into shota. We all know that Hijikata has a special relationship with a certain captain who was once a page at the Sheiken dojo. Maybe he has found a new person to take to his futon.

The page has been seen carried forcibly by captains of the Shinsengumi about the premises for what is believed to be obscene purposes. He reportedly sleeps in the closet and has to wash the vice-chief's sheets every morning after staining them from the night's activities with his master.

Is Okita Moonlighting in Shimabara?

We sent our other reporter, SM, into the infamous Boys' Teahouse of Shimabara after hearing rumors that Okita Souji, First Shinsnegumi captain, is moonlighting there as a male prostitute.

Our young reporter KS has flatly refused this assignment despite promises of a pay raise. (WHAT! Boys' Teahouse? Ikeda-san! What if those perverts make a pass at me, or worse! Stomps off.) The said Okita look-alike goes by the name Kichisaburo and is a favorite among his many patrons.

However, on SM's arrival there, he learnt that Kichi has been booked for the evening by one of his patrons. So he made use of his time to interview Kichi's satisfied customers.

"Kichi's a great dancer. He's got a face like a beautiful woman's. And his skin's so flawless. His body's sooo sexy… Man, it makes me horny just thinking of him… Hey! Got a boy I can use tonight since Kichi-chan's out?"

- Customer 1

"Kichi? Okita Souji? Now you mention it, I suppose it's possible. They do have an uncanny resemblance. SHIT! If his boyfriend in the Shinsengumi finds out I've been sleeping with him…"

- Customer 2 (flees)

"Kichi's a great swordsman and he's got a wicked sense of humor. Once, when we were at it in my palanquin in the street, we had the ill-luck of being interrupted by some patrol unit from Aizu. Kichi, or Okita as you call him, just grabbed my sword and killed them all. Then we went back to it… that was the best fun I had. Too bad he's always booked now."

- Customer 3

"He's great in the futon with those lips and his cute little ass. No, I don't care if he's Okita Souji. Hell, my father sponsors that stupid wolf pack. If he is… well, I may consider hiring him as my personal companion. Then he's mine alone…Muahahaha…"

- A young noble who stresses he is not related to the daimyo of Aizu

"Okita Souji? Why will he do that? Has Hijikata-san jilted him? By the way, I'm not here for the services. I'm looking for my kid brother… NO! He's not working here! He just went into Shimabara with a baka eighth patrol captain…"

- Anonymous guy (Runs off)

"What? You're saying I slept with Okita Souji of the Shinsengumi? That's rich, me taking the top swordsman of the Shinsengumi. Well, he's great on the futon… Hey, aren't you Shishio-san?"

– Guy who got slashed the next morning for telling the whole firm about SM's visit to the Boys' Teahouse

"We do not look into the background of our boys. They can work here so long as they make the customers happy and bring in the ryous."

- Boys' Teahouse Management when questioned on Kichi's background

So is Okita moonlighting in Shimabara? The answer appears to be yes. Kichi is a skilled swordsman, like Okita. From the physical description of Kichi's appearance, it matches Okita to a tee. The question's why Okita's cheating on his Toshi. Has the pair broken up? Maybe Okita's getting his back on Toshi for favoring the page, by sleeping around.

SM to Ikeda: I quit being your stinking reporter! You realize the other guys at the firm have been teasing me since this assignment.

As of this date, Shishio-san has gone into hiding. Our young reporter Kitamura Suzu is still missing after Ikeda-ya. We fear that he may have absconded with the newspaper's funds. Idiizuka-san suggests that we kill the little white-haired traitor on sight.

(Guys! Shouldn't we have an Ask Shishio? They sent some letters over…)

Ask Shishio

Dear Shishio-san-
Over the cough past few cough days, I seem to cough have developed cough a mysterious cough cough. Do you cough think that cough this is cough something I should cough be cough worried about? coughcough I'm afraid of cough doctors! Coughcough Is there any cough sort of cough alternative? ink splatter

-Hacking Up My Lungs

Eek! BURN it! PRONTO!

Advice from the team: See a doctor already! As if a TB epidemic ain't enough…

Author's notes:

This kind of speaks for itself. The Trio does carry poor Tetsu around a bit. And Tetsu does all the laundry anyway… Dunno if Kichi's working at the Boys' Teahouse but in this fic, I suppose he is. I suppose we can guess who that anonymous guy who is looking for his little brother is…

Apologies to Hijikata and Okita for the Choushu's major slander. Idiizuka's the guy from RK OVA who turned out to be the real traitor. Poor Suzu's been made a scapegoat here. Watch out for the revenge of the fangirls!