Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

How's the Choushu gonna worm out of the Ikeda-ya incident? Revenge of the fangirls!

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 10

Notice from the Interim Editor

Dear readers, we apologize for the delay in this issue of publication. The New Kyoto Post has undergone some major leadership changes over the past few weeks. Our former Chief Editor Ikeda Yori has regrettably passed on. We mourn the passing of Chief Editor Ikeda and several stalwarts of his staff.

In addition, our branch offices at Kohagi Inn were torched by a mob of angry females last week. Our printing press was thrown into the river. We apologize if we have unknowingly offended anyone to warrant this incident.

As of today, the New Kyoto Post will be brought to you out of Umeya. We regret to say that this paper may be irregular in its publication as we are severely short-handed. However, we will be extending our delivery to neighboring villages, although we have no guarantee you'll get the issues up-to-date. I will be taking over as Interim Editor until we can find someone suited for the job.

- Interim Editor Umeko, WAJ Kyoto Branch Chairwoman

Notice of Clarification:

Ikeda-ya was closed for major renovations and management changes due to problems arising from the overzealousness of our local peacekeepers in their attempts at pest control. We inns of the Ikeda line are in NO way related to any anti-government activities.

What happened on the said night is this. A customer complained of our poor rat control. The Shinsengumi answered the call by Nezumi (Rat) Soku Zan. Regrettably, their ill-conceived attempts at pest extermination caused fatal injuries to several of our guests and staff.

As such, we invite visitors to Kyoto to continue visiting our sister inns in Satsuma and the Greater Kyoto area. We will be upgrading our in-house security and vermin control. Inconvenience deeply regretted.

To the perverted old millionaire of Black Cat Mansion, may we please have our black cats back? The white cats with bells suck at rat-catching. Contact us via Umeya.

- Ikeda line inns management

K.K SECURITY OFFICIAL NOTICE

We stress that we are not a pack of anti-shogunate hitokiris as certain factions will have you believe. All employees are advised to going into hiding, I mean, take a vacation in the countryside until we have sorted out certain management issues. Take a break in an isolated village growing vegetables, or selling snake oil. Refrain from any rash moves.

News: Roadside Brawl, 14 Dead

A brawl ended in numerous fatalities on the road out of Kyoto when a group of ruffians tried to harass a young woman described in their words as a 'pretty bed-warmer who needs a man's attentions'. The remark ticked off the lady's kid brother, described by survivors as a redhead shrimp. The boy proceeded to defend his sister's honor with his katana.

By the time the local police got to the scene, both siblings have fled, leaving behind 14 dead and 5 badly wounded. Fatalities are expected to increase.

WAJ Notice: Window on the World

We of the WAJ are pleased to announce to that we will be having a talk courtesy of guest speaker Sakamoto Ryouma titled "Window on the World" this Friday afternoon at Umeya. Married members are reminded to inform their spouses as we don't want any embarrassing situations arising from gross misunderstandings. Singles with overly-concerned relatives may want to do like.

Umeko's Kitchen:

I was enjoying the restfulness of a small country inn when I received some back copies of this publication sent via my brother's page. What I read was enough to make me choke on my green tea. I'm shocked by the trash that my replacement has been giving out! I'm taking back Umeko's Kitchen.

After being escorted back to Kyoto by a very charming friend, I found some letters that thankfully, my replacement has overlooked in his haste to leave, in addition to some new letters. I hope I am still able to assist you. Continue writing to me for decent advice.

Dear Umeko,

I'm at a loss! I got this friend, the first real friend I got since coming to Kyoto. I kinda like him although he's a bit of a moron and loudmouth at times. When we were at Shimabara, he made me laugh like I've never laughed in a very long time… Then my master wants me to kill him! What should I do? I dunno if I can kill anyone, I've never killed before! Help!

- Page

Dear Page,

Oh my, I think there are deeper issues to work out between you and your master. I suggest you ask your master, politely of course, to come down to Umeya. I'll see if I can counsel you both.

- Yours, Umeko

Dear Umeko,

Two nights ago, I glaced out my window to see the cutest little swordsman you'd ever see! Red-hair, young, kinda short, but that's okay, because as soon as I saw him, I thought he was absolutely adorable! Like a doll! I wanted to kidnap him and dress him up! squeals So kawaii! But before I could kidn-I mean approach him -he started following this group of men and disappeared into the shadows! What am I supposed to do? I want to find him, and dress him up in this custom kimono I made, but I have no idea where to start! Not to mention I'm afraid to go out into the street by myself. I heard that two nights ago a group of men (shogunate officals and bodyguards no less!) got killed not far from my home by that mysterious hitokiri everyone is talking about...Hitokiri Boathouse or something like that. Please help!

Wants a Life-Size Dress-Up Doll

Dear Doll-san

I think this excerpt from another letter will answer your query:

I'm being stalked by a weirdo intend on dressing me up in a kimono! It's starting to interfere with my work. Hitokiris don't wear fancy kimonos! I prefer facing, unarmed, Demon Hijikata of the Shinsengumi any day. Help! I think I'll be Zanning the culprit if he or she doesn't stop this foolishness soon!

In short, channel your dress-up skills somewhere else if you do not want to be Zanned.

- Yours, Umeko

Dear Umeko-san,

I'm a young man employed in a private security firm. I work days AND nights! I carry out all my assignments successfully, even the very messy ones! Then my boss told me to take time off. He packed me and my companion off to a village in the mountains. I fear I'm being retrenched! Am I being paranoid?

- Shin

Dear Shin,

You seem to be suffering from stress and work-fatigue. I assure you that your boss' sole intention was for you to get some well-deserved rest. Kick back and enjoy the tranquility of the countryside. Does your companion happen to be a beautiful lady? (nudge, wink)

- Yours, Umeko

Employment Opportunities

New Kyoto Post wants reporters, writers, editing assistants and delivery assistants. Women also welcome to apply.

Apply to Umeko at Umeya.

APOLOGY NOTICE:

To the kinsman/ friend of the unnamed woman whose funeral was sponsored by the Shinsengumi,

We take back all that we have said about her being the Shinsengumi's in-house whore. We acknowledge that she was simply a kitchen cook the men respected for her wisdom. Can you please stop using us for kunai practice whenever we go out at night?

– Idle gossips at the Sake Shack

Personal Ad: Notice

Contrary to rumors, we at the other place didn't run away. We simply took ill en masse after partaking of some sashimi gone bad. My apologies if anyone called while we're having our insides purged at Kitsu-dono's place. (shudder…) Very curious to know what incurred the wrath of the gang of females who set Kohagi Inn ablaze last week.

– K. (Must be Ikeda-san's kami-damned articles…)

Missing Person:

Boy aged 15-17 years old. White-haired. Tanned Complexion. Answers to the name of Kitamura Suzu. Last seen walking away in a daze from the site of a massacre by Miburou with a suspicious bundle via Ikeda-ya's back gate.

Kitamura! That better not be our missing fund kitty…

Contact New Kyoto Post c/o Umeya

Author's notes:

Katsura Kogoro survived the Ikeda-ya massacre because he was delayed at the other hideout. However, he got stuck with the nickname "Runaway Kogoro" after that. His counterpart Yoshida was not so lucky. As to why he was delayed, I dun think it was bad sashimi. It's real wrenching the part in the anime where poor Suzu's trying to get help and no one came.

BTW, Katsura in this ficcie's the RK version. The PMK version's kawaii, aw, puppy... but I doubt he'll get Battousai's respect.